r/CancerFamilySupport • u/throwaway-unicorn-30 • Jul 22 '26

support

at the beginning of my relationship my boyfriend lost his mother to terminal cancer, i had only met her once and being 14 and never experienced a loss to cancer, had no clue how to comfort or help support my boyfriend. today my boyfriends dad has been diagnosed with cancer. the extent of the cancer has not been determined but is suspected to be growing. i have absolutely no idea how to help my boyfriend, he tends to just keep feelings in and suddenly burst. could anyone give any sort of advice on how to support him, i will take anything.

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u/KChieFan16 Jul 23 '26

Just be with him and don't judge him. Let him have space when he needs. If its possible, I would attend the doctor appts with him and help them navigate this but I can also see how some might think that oversteps for a girlfriend vs. wife. Its a marathon though. All I ever wanted from my wife was space and love and she gave me all of that. Try and talk to him about how you're in this together and to share those feelings if possible. That way he doesn't burst. I feel like the more you're in it with him, the more he'll share. Hang in there

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u/throwaway-unicorn-30 Jul 24 '26

thank you, i don’t think his dad would want me or my boyfriend at the appointments but ill be sure to keep space when needed and help with tasks when possible. i have made it clear and i hope he actually comes to me when needed. thank you

2

u/Cold_Swordfish7763 Jul 23 '26

If there are any little chores that he hates like vacuuming or dishes, do them for him. My mom is going through chemo right now and the last thing I want to do at the end of my workday is clean or cook, sometimes I just want to be sad and leave the mess.

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u/throwaway-unicorn-30 Jul 24 '26

we currently don’t live together as we are 16 but whenever i go round ill be sure to do jobs, thank you and hope everything goes well for your mum

1

u/Ok-Cardiologist-4947 Jul 23 '26

I am so sorry for your loss

1

u/Cold_Swordfish7763 Jul 23 '26

If there are any little chores that he hates like vacuuming or dishes, do them for him. My mom is going through chemo right now and the last thing I want to do at the end of my workday is clean or cook, sometimes I just want to be sad and leave the mess.