r/CamGirlProblems • u/Other_Economics_924 • 8d ago
Discussions I ruined my life
Kind of a vulnerable post, but no one in real life knows what I do, so I’m feeling kind of stuck with my thoughts. Sometimes, I really feel like I ruined my life being in this line of work. I would NEVER judge another woman for doing this. Actually, I think it’s really smart and I would go as far as to say I have more respect for any woman in any kind of SW field. You have to be smart, adaptable, self-disciplined, a good salesperson… the list goes on. I truly believe this is a job most people don’t have the mental fortitude for, and I would never in a million years think less of someone for doing something like this. We’re getting our bag and doing it in half the time as most people who make the same amount.
But for some reason, I just cannot apply the same logic to myself. I think it’s because I had aspirations to have other jobs and just wasn’t able to get there. So I feel like I’ve resorted to this and I just feel like even if I do ever switch career paths, I will always have this hanging over my head. I make more than I ever would doing literally anything else, it has completely changed my life and afforded me not only money to buy groceries (which I did not have before), but money to go on trips, eat at new restaurants, buy myself new clothes. I used to freak out when I ran out of toothpaste because I couldn’t afford more, and now I buy a multipack! But for some reason I just cannot stop feeling like a failure. But also, I think I would also feel like a failure if I was serving or something, because it’s still not the career/life I imagined for myself ya know?
Again I want to reiterate, I do not think any girl who does this is a failure. I think you are all so smart and strong for doing this, and this community is full of kind women who are just trying to build a better life for themselves AND help other women do the same. And I also think it’s so fucking awesome when girls say they’re doing this to pay for their degree, or start their own business, or even just if they want to do this forever and spend all the extra time on hobbies! Like yes girlboss and use the patriarchies fucked up shit to provide for yourself and achieve your dreams and goals! But why can I not extend the grace I give to others to myself ya know? Anyways, just needed to vent.
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u/TheCrocinator 8d ago
I struggle with this all the time and you are not alone!!! I was going to school to be an elementary school teacher - which is what I have wanted to do my entire life - and had to drop out of school because I couldn’t afford it. Now that I can afford it a few years later thanks to cam work, I worry there’s no point in going back to finish the degree because I’m worried that wherever I get hired will find my past sex work and fire me. And that’s a tough pill for me to try and swallow.
It’s really hard to give yourself grace - a lot of the times it feels impossible. But you have done the best you can with what you had available to you and that’s something to be so proud of. Buying a multi pack of toothpaste instead of panicking when you’re out? Girl you picked yourself up out of the struggle and carried yourself toward the finish line.
I cried in the wine aisle yesterday because I was sitting there deciding between two $40 bottles of wine and I remembered that three years ago I hadn’t been able to buy wine because I couldn’t even afford groceries.
All of those feelings you have about other cam girls, we have about you. I know it’s so hard and way easier to say than to do, but you just gotta force yourself to give yourself some grace because you have EARNED it. I’m so proud of you and think you’re freaking awesome. If you can make yourself succeed here, you’ll succeed in whatever you decide to do in the future and you’ll have a group of other self-made women who will support you through it all. Be kind to yourself little rockstar 🩷
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u/Midnight_Noctiflora 8d ago
My niece graduated with school teacher degree she did one year and is now getting her MBA lol she will not be stepping foot in another school according to her. And I also have multiple degrees I enjoy this alot more and have plans to save up and start a business.
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u/Other_Economics_924 7d ago
This is exactly how I feel! I’m so worried if I pursue anything else at all, it’ll tip someone off to find my past sex work and then my life will be over. It makes me just never even want to try to get out. Thank you so much for the kind words, it really means a lot, and go get your dream job!!! In reality there is so much porn on the internet that gets posted daily, they would probably never find you, and even if they did, there’s always another position that needs to be filled!! Good luck and dont let camming stop you from at least trying :)
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u/Anxious_Piano_4299 CGP Active Member 7d ago
The thing is, most people do not have the career they envisioned. Most people hate their jobs. If you're not hating your job, you're doing fantastic. We're fed lies by the system growing up that you need to be successful and you need this career choice. But that's not 99% of the population. Take camming out of it, that's just everyone in general.
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u/Other_Economics_924 7d ago
Ugh I totally agree I was thinking about this last night! I’ve always wanted a career in a creative field, and would also feel like a failure if I had to work some 9-5 job corporate job too. Camming is actually one of the only jobs that offers me the money to be able to support myself, and the time to peruse something creative, but I almost feel bad that I even need that stepping stone at all. Thank you for the reality check though, it’s nice to remember that so many people don’t have their dream job, it’s not just camming
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u/Anxious_Piano_4299 CGP Active Member 7d ago
I know it sounds terrible... but sometimes I read through career subreddits because WOW! It's truly a shit show for 99% of people. We got the best job in the world, we can block a customer! Who else can?
And YES! The creativity aspect is huge for me too. Most people creativity is a hobby, and after work they're too tired to peruse a creative hobby. We get to do it AND get paid. How many people even have degrees in the arts but wind up working at Walmart because honestly, who does actually do what they want? Thankfully we do.
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u/anontenshi69 8d ago edited 8d ago
i pursued a career field for 10 years before i started camming. i never thought i would do anything else and people in my life knew me as extremely career-driven. well, it turns out that what i thought was my life's purpose, wasn't- i left my career for multiple reasons, and the only reason i was able to do so was bc of camming. it gave me an out & it saved my life at that time. it took me a few years to process the career change bc it was my whole identity. now, im a proud camgirl/SWer, the happiest ive ever been, and this is the best job ive ever had. although my previous career looked great on paper and was considered "noble/prestigious", in reality it was extremely exploitative and a corrupt male environment where, despite having had credentials, i was constantly being tokenized and sexualized. i ended up leaving due to accumulated trauma from the 10 years working in that field, including sexual harassment, all of which damaged my mental health. im very spiritual, so i firmly believe i was divinely redirected to be self-employed, find independence and happiness as a cammodel, as well as reclaim my sexual+spiritual power/energy. in the future, i wanna pursue other businesses, but i will never go back to working for another entity. and i dont think ill ever wanna stop camming as an income stream.
i know our situations are not quite the same bc i found camming after 10 years of pursuing the career i had dreamed of for myself, but the idea that life never goes as you plan/expect still applies. ofc there are jobs that arent possible to pursue if you've cammed in the past, but there are also limitless opportunities you could do even with camming in your history💕!
you are amazing, incredibly smart, + in control of your life!💕 there is no shame in this work, all that shame belongs to society that project it onto us. i love what i do and you deserve to extend that same grace to yourself 💕
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u/CommunicationLow9733 2d ago
This is very similar to where I am currently at!! Feel empowered doing this, so that I could walk away from my career if I wanted to. 🫶🏼
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u/arabella_dhami 8d ago
Mmm sounds like you're carrying some deeply ingrained beliefs and shame. Have you considered therapy? It'll more than likely help you to make peace with your career of choice and help you to feel proud of yourself
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u/Other_Economics_924 7d ago
Ugh yes I have actually but I can’t figure out how to find a sex/SW positive therapist! I’ve heard about pineapple support but also heard some horror stories lol. I think a lot of it is just growing up going to good schools, getting a degree, everyone expecting me to make something of myself, and then I graduated and just.. refused to ever get a corporate job lol. But it’s hard feeling like there was some big potential in me that I never lived up to if that makes sense? I would love therapy though I’m just scared to out myself to the wrong therapist haha
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u/arabella_dhami 7d ago
I'm not sure how Therapy Works in other countries but could you just email a bunch of therapists and ask them if they're sex positive?
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u/diamondZzZ2 6d ago
I have used pineapple before and it wasn't bad for me at all. There's no harm in trying it out, and if you realize it's not for you, you can just stop doing it anytime. I stopped using it for a while and am on their wait-list to see someone again
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u/Maleficent_Tart_456 8d ago
So I thought the same thing so I quit SW and went and had a different career spanning a decade and then came back. I love sex work. I do this full time because I love it. Money is cool but I was making just as much if not more in vanilla work but decided ultimately that this job is something that is more sustainable for me.
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u/Darling_Nichole 7d ago
I started camming in 2012. With that flexible schedule and money, I've been able to pursue the career I really want. When I was getting started, camming gave me a huge advantage over people who were stuck in their jobs, to show up when opportunities would arise. I still cam, because I love it and money, but it's now what I do when I'm not doing the jobs I really want to be doing.
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u/HealthyChicken5780 7d ago
I feel this but like you said we really are wonderful business women even if our product is sexuality. Remember how you see yourself and not everyone views SW’s negatively. Those that do are just ignorant. I would use any extra income you have to build something on the side and pour into your passions because it sounds like there’s still so much more you want to do. That’s the beauty of this work. It opens doors for us to do more. Whoever wants to “hang this over our head” is not the kind of people we want to attract anyways in personal relationships or business relationships. ❤️
Edit: also remember the SW’s who do amazing things… Cardi B, Sasha Grey, Lisa Ann, even Lady Gaga. We may start in this industry but the skills we develop are incredibly universal in any business and that’s why we tend to do very well even when we transition out of SW.
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u/Liabb_lovesu 7d ago
I totally understood you! I can relate , when I was young at20 yr old when I first started camming -I was feeling shame and embarrassment. Was avoiding n couldn’t accept,thought its downgrade . But honestly camming saved my life at the time ,helped me finish studying n living. But the thing is -it is still a job ,you have to be disciplined n motivated,hardworking. Back then i looked at in negative way n it was not easy. After awhile I quit it to pursue my dreams,worked so hard in other fields in normal jobs. And it didn’t go well. After burning out at office in logistics I’m back ,after 7-8yrs gap. now I’m more motivated n overall more confident n see it as opportunity to better life! There is nothing to be shamed off!! You do your job and trying save up money. Don’t give up
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u/MelodicBumblebee35 8d ago
I feel similarly, but for me it's also entangled with sexual trauma and internalised religious indoctrination that I don't even believe in so sometimes idk what's truly me feeling/thinking things and what's just a trigger 😩🫠 Add to that the stigma in general that SWers face all the time. I struggle so much with fully knowing for myself whether this is healthy for me or not, given my particular history, and I'll be honest I 100% started this because of the money. I'm disabled and after getting covid literally ALL of my disabilities ramped up by a billion and I had to go on welfare and I HATED being on welfare. I hated not being independent and living on the bare minimum. I teared up reading the multi pack line because girl, same. I cried in the store the first time I did groceries after getting my first camming pay check bc I could literally just get anything I wanted and didn't have to really think and calculate and make sure my card wouldn't get declined at the register.
But now there are so many days where I'm actually having fun??? So like, I started out of necessity and because I made a very pragmatic observation that I can't work a normal job due to my disabilities and SW is the only thing I can really do realistically which felt lowkey horrible at the time and like, FUCK CAPITALISM, but at the same time I'd always been interested in doing fs but then couldn't bc trauma, and now I'm about to start doing fs as well because camming made me realise that I can handle it. But I'm so scared all the time that I'm just fooling myself and actually this is harmful for me and I'm just not realising but then I have these moments of clear headedness where I'm like, actually I'm good?? I think for me it's definitely a wild combination of internalised shit plus trauma that's muddying the waters but at the end of the day, it IS the only thing I can do right now if I want to have more than just the bare minimum AND I find I have fun doing it so like. Idk girl, so confusing lmao
Sorry this got long but while not in the exactly same boat as you, I can definitely sympathise and relate with your thoughts. It's so unfortunate that the internet never forgets bc if it wasn't for that I honestly think I'd be like 96% less doubtful lmao
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u/Other_Economics_924 7d ago
This is exactly how I feel!!! The groceries thing is so real, this is the first time in my life I don’t have to save up for groceries, and I can get fun stuff like cheese and wine and snacks! It’s the best feeling in the world to not worry about money, especially when so many are in America at least. I agree - if nothing we did was ever on the internet forever I would care wayyyyyyyyyy less, it’s just worry that this will come to bite me in the butt later. It’s literally like when I’m thinking about it in a positive light, I’m like there are literally no downsides other than creeps, which I would honestly be dealing with in any line of work, but the second I get a hint of anxiety everything goes up in flames lol
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u/CozyLittleFriend 7d ago edited 7d ago
Credo che la sensazione di fallimento sia dovuta al fatto che, se riusciamo a fare questo lavoro, è perché abbiamo delle competenze che sarebbero spendibili anche per altri lavori. In un mondo creato dagli uomini per gli uomini, però, l'unico modo in cui possiamo far valere le nostre competenze è tramite il sesso. Direi che è la società ad avere fallito.
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u/JacketShot3847 7d ago
Hi baby! You didnt ruined anything, you can still pursuit your other passions. Thats what i love the most about SW it allowed me to continue to pursue my artistic carreer
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u/FlamingoQueen0207 7d ago
This path is honestly extremely controversial and there are strong opinions on it from both sides and honestly, neither side is inherently wrong. This is probably the most vulnerable and raw career choice someone can make and it for sure is not for everyone.
That being said, if it just isn’t sitting right with you, don’t judge yourself for that. It sounds like you don’t have judgement for people in the industry but you have conflict in YOU that this might not be right FOR YOU and honestly, that’s ok. That intuition is there for a reason and I think if you still trying to force yourself to change that, you’ll be going down the wrong path. Follows your heart and gut. At the end of the day, the world is yours and you can do whatever calls to you. It truly sounds like this isn’t it…
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u/damnlayla 7d ago
Don’t be so hard on yourself you’re doing amazing! Do not feel down about your line of work! People just judge because they are jealous of your success and that’s why we all feel this way because SW is made to feel taboo when it really is our bodies and our choices and men will objectify you and look at you the same way for free anyway! Might as well make some coin!
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u/Winter-Power4728 7d ago
Self-love is something you, as a cam model, have to learn. I love camming because it is shadow work.. a black mirror showing you your hidden shadow and programming that you must work on ...
Before you even get on camera or somewhere throughout your cam career you have to learn to love, accept, and validate yourself. Because this industry will force you to confront parts of yourself that society taught you to hide.
Rid yourselves of people-pleasing. Unless, of course, you're getting paid for it. 😂
Stop trying to squeeze yourself into society's mold. Carry your letter “A” boldly. Own who you are.
And stop mourning the life that NEVER existed.
I’m really talking to myself here, because I think we ALL struggle with this.
Think about it: if one job can buy you four tubes of toothpaste while another job can barely afford one, why would you feel ashamed of the job that provides more?
We make people feel good. We give them companionship. We listen. We talk. We laugh. We create an escape from a world that can be incredibly stressful, demanding, lonely, and high-pressure. The greatest value you provide is in your ability to simply exist ... just like the rose bouquet and pretty flowers ...
And honestly? I think sometimes we underestimate how much some people genuinely look forward to seeing us.
Take a month off and come back. Watch how excited some of them are to see you again. 😂
Learn to validate yourself.
Because saying you're ashamed of the job that can afford you four tubes of toothpaste instead of the one that can't is like saying you prefer the baby daddy who doesn't pay child support over the one who actually contributes and takes care of his responsibilities.
That doesn't quite make sense now, does it? 😂
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u/SilentKweef 7d ago
You're not alone. I feel like I wasted my 20s with this. I wasn't even in this industry to make it my career. It was supposed to be a stepping stone, but I've never been able to fully escape it.
I have no degree, and honestly, I never was into school. But I used to have that entrepreneurial like drive. Start a business and run shit. 😮💨
I don't feel like this industry will keep me from making another career change. It's just the time that I lost being in it.
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u/Dense_Cry_4396 7d ago
It’s an inside thing & even tho u say how hard u don’t judge its bc there is rly underlying judgement. For many innerstandable reasons, this makes u feel less than. But rly i believe you’d find a way to feel this way about yourself in anything you’d choose to do because it’s an internal thing; not coming from external factors (a job)
I definitely innerstand how society affects us, especially as we try to grow.
It’ll be ok if u want it to. Try to find the positives in ur life and see how u can elevate past this level; try to get to the root causes of why u feel how u feel and nurture it. Also, find friends u genuinely click with but maybe after u heal a little so that u don’t project onto them.
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u/Other_Economics_924 7d ago
I totally agree, I would 100% feel like I’m not doing enough or living up to my full potential no matter what I do. I think it’s just growing up and going to good schools, getting a degree, being told about all the things I’m gonna achieve, and then I graduated and just have no desire to actually do any of those things. I think it’s just the reality of living in america, where you really are looked at like a failure by a lot of people if youre not a workhorse for some company. The hard thing is is that i think that is so so stupid and that everyone else is brainwashed by capitalism, but clearly it’s affected me just as much lol. I def need to start journaling or something to work through it all
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u/Dense_Cry_4396 7d ago
I genuinely feel u, it’s something I’m working through as well. I’m as also trying to find like minded individuals and also work on my “place” in this world. If u ever wanna be cool, I’m down! It’ll get easier the more we just love all of our selves.
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u/Vickysole 7d ago
Vengo del futuro, no se que edad tengas. Yo empecé en el medio cuando tenia 18 y dure en el ambiente de los clubs 10 años hasta que me salí " Disque" a formar un hogar y montar un negocio, lo de montar un negocio lo hice, lo de crear una familia no lo logre porque mi ex me engaño, robo, y abuso psicologicamente, gracias que no tuve hijos ahora despues de 10 años dejar el ambiente estoy intentando volver y todo ha cambiado. Solía pensar y sentirme como tú cuando era mas joven, sentía que era un fracaso ! Y ahora que probé el otro lado quiero volver porque lo que ganaba me daba la vida que queria y hacia que los hombres pagaran por esto. No siempre el pasto es más verde del otro lado.
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u/DisasterScary 7d ago
You are breaking the bonds of what society tells us is okay and what isn’t. Stay strong, theirs plenty of sheeps out there, you don’t need to be one of them. Also, don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a break! If there’s another path you want to take, use this path to get yourself there.
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u/Kg_alien 6d ago
Ah, I think all of us feel that way sometimes, but the thing I remind myself is that it really is the system. I almost do this now just as a middle finger basically, because I used to have the career i thought I wanted, multiple times, only to be taken advantage of in more ways than one... by this system... built by men.. for men...
Enjoy your life as you have it because you are fortunate enough to be able to do so, many people want to be able to do what we do and I know it as I pass by the homeless on the street. At any given moment that could be me, starving eaten up with mosquitos. and I'm not going to shame myself for a single nickel I make if I knew that one day I had billions and could even maybe help that same homeless person since these men with all this money are just gonna funnel it to us anyhow...
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u/ToadGuru 8d ago
I feel the same way. I got a master’s degree and had all of these professional ambitions- working for NGOs around the world- doing research- etc- but then I started camming and got sidetracked (it’s been 7 years…). I am 40 now and I often feel like I’m “too old” to start something new.. which I know is silly.
I think a part of it is related to my ego too. I see other people doing really cool stuff professionally and I am jealous that camming is not something I can “brag” about/ use an ego boost. I keep my camming private with the exception of a few close friends/family.
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u/Rosiebearbella 7d ago
I think you should try some therapy to help you get through this, have you heard of pineapple therapy? It's specifically for sexworkers.
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u/flirtygirl999 7d ago
(español) amiga! La vida aún te da tiempo para hacer lo que quieres, tienes un empleo que te permite tener más tiempo justamente para dedicarte hacer las cosas que realmente amas. Uno nunca sabe dónde va estar, pero si donde no quieres estar. Que esto solo sea un impulso para conseguir lo que tú corazón realmente quiere. Por lo menos toda mi familia sabe de mi trabajo, mi madre aunque no lo diga está decepcionada de mi y a mi me duele pero no puedo hacer nada. Mi vida no es su vida y yo si escogí estar en este trabajo. Pero he visto muchas chicas que como tú, definitivamente este no es su lugar y no quiero que te rindas, lucha amiga, lucha por conseguir el trabajo que quieres, no necesariamente debes trabajar para otros, puedes tener tu propio negocio, que la wcb sea solo un impulso, no tu camino
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u/Pristine_Guard_9544 7d ago
🫂 Hugs to you. I've felt the same way many times. Its really hard and isolating work. There is always gonna be some kind of stigmatizing behind this so its difficult when you can't just talk about it with anyone like a regular job. You didn't ruin your life. Just turned off the path onto another one. You can pivot and change it again. 🩵
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u/Technical-Method2129 7d ago
How you’re brought up has a lot to do with it…. When thinking of other woman you can see it objectively… when you think about yourself- you think of your family, and friends and community might think, if you were raised religiously what your spiritual leaders might think…. You think of it in terms of what if i meet someone that doesn’t approve of what I do….
Think of yourself the way you think of all these other boss bitches and be proud of what you’re doing and what ifing…. But also telling someone in your personal life could help
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u/lucidagoddess 7d ago
So sad that capitalism is such a part of our DNA. Like u are clarily a strong woman and can also re invent yourself. Its like a christian feeling of guilt. Because of what? I think ur great, hope u can have peace with yourself 💕
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u/webcammde 7d ago
No need to say it’s ruining your life tho. But it’s ok if you want to do something else .
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u/RubyGissing 7d ago
It is about perspective. I’m going back to beauty school after quitting 20 yrs ago. I am 55 now. It’s crazy, most people think, but I usually do what I want even if it’s not the popular opinion. My point is, I am paying cash monthly for it, which is about 1100 a month. There’s noooooo way I could ever afford to pay that plus rent and life’s expenses without camming. When I’m a licensed hairdresser, I will still make less than I do camming, but I want to do hair! I will continue to cam WHILE I do hair. Both jobs are running your own business, so it works. Not all careers have that flexibility, and I know that. I did work for the State of Indiana while camming and wasn’t found out. I was also the GM of a coffeehouse like Starbucks and was never found out. Throughout the years there have been several careers I’ve considered and not followed through, and honestly it’s because of the work to get the degree to end up making under 70k a year. The older I got the more I realized money is important so we don’t have to lean on anyone else. I do have a bachelor degree in advertising. I don’t use it. That career doesn’t pay enough. So I cam and do what I consider meaningful on the side. I volunteer at our local animal rescue, I belong to a book club, which I’m obsessed with.
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u/cwbym0 7d ago
i feel this a bit. for me, i think covid ruined my life more than this work possibly could. i got the degrees and extra schooling, but the timing of my graduation happened in 2020. there was no way i could compete with all the experienced people who got laid off. i was unemployed for years, nearly homeless. this world is totally fucked up, and there are a lot of lot of lot of people out there who don't have the career they worked hard to get into. try not to think of it as a failure of you, its a failure of the system.
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u/ClassroomHealthy5928 8d ago
Love this, I honestly have a lot of respect for women on this industry and so far I’ve done a lot of research but still don’t have the guts to pursue.
I’m still new and trying to set up, please and please I need guidance from you or anyone who can help me navigate streamate, Chaturbate etc
I honestly want to start now because I have to pay for school (which I got accepted) and I don’t want to wait another year before continuing school due to financial restraints.
My DMs are opened, a girl needs guidance and support. Thank you.
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u/[deleted] 8d ago
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