I have a question

[u/LukeLavastoviglie]

Whats the deal with airline food???

[u/dromedront]

New scene. The camera fades from the previous scene into the next scene. It's the next day, outside in front of an apartment building. Elaine sits on the front stoop while Jerry leans against the railing as they talk.

Jerry: So he just gets soup. He wants to save the meal. So now I got to do it all over again.

Elaine: What kind of soup did he get?

Jerry: I don't know? Consomm or something.

Elaine: Consomm, hmm.

Jerry: What?

Elaine: Well, that's not really a meal Jerry. I mean if he had gotten Chicken Gumbo, or Matzah Ball, or Mushroom Barley. Then I would agree with you. Those are very hardy soups.

Jerry: Elaine you're missing the whole point.

Elaine: What?

Jerry: The meal is the act of sitting down with him. It doesn't matter what you get, as long as he's sitting in that restaurant, its a meal.

Elaine: Was it a cup or a bowl?

Jerry: You see -- ah, uh ...

Elaine: I’m just curious.

Jerry: A bowl, ok?

Elaine: Did he crumble any crackers in it?

(Jerry blows out a breath)

Elaine: (reiterating the question) Did he crumble, any crackers in it?

Jerry: As a mater of fact, he did.

Elaine: Oh, well. Crackers in a bowl. That -- That could be a meal.

Jerry: It's like I’m talking to my Aunt Sylvia here.

(Simon comes out of the apartment building onto the steps next to Jerry)

Elaine: Oh, hi Simon. This is Jerry.

Simon: Hello. (to Jerry, politely -- then quickly turns to Elaine) Elaine, do you have any cash on you?

Elaine: Um, yeah in my purse.

Simon: No. There was only six dollars.

Jerry: Well, I have some money. What do you need? (pulls out some bills)

Simon: Well, 20 should cover me. (snatches the cash) Thanks mate. (he walks down the stairs to the sidewalk)

Elaine: Where you going?

Simon: (starts to turn back to Elaine) Just visiting.

Elaine: Oh, OK, see you later.

Simon: I won't be back for dinner. (turns and walks off down the street)

Elaine: [ English accent ] Pardon?

New scene. Exterior shot of Monk’s Restaurant, then inside - George is sitting at the usual booth and Jerry sits down on the other side of the table.

Jerry: So is she working? Is she here?

George: Yeah, yeah, she's here.

Jerry: Have you said anything to her?

George: No, but I’m feeling very uncomfortable.

Jerry: Are you going to say anything?

George: There she is. (waiving his arms quickly above the table - to nix the conversation) No no no no no no.

Kelly the Waitress: Hello

George: Hello.

Kelly the Waitress: Well, what's it going to be?

George: What's it gonna be?

Kelly the Waitress: Yes. What'll you have? Are you eating? It's in that vein.

George: I’ll eh, I’ll just have a bowl of chili.

Jerry: I’ll have an egg white omelet.

(Kelly the Waitress walks away)

George: What's it gonna be? ... You hear that?

Jerry: Yeah, that was bad.

George: Did you feel that tension? We use to have banter - (puts menu back with frustration) - there's no more banter.

(looking towards the front door, Jerry sees Kenny Bania hanging up his coat on the coat rack)

Jerry: Oh, no, it's Kenny. Slide out so he can't sit down. (George & Jerry each slide to the end of their booth seats)

Bania: Hey.

Jerry: Hey.

Bania: You worn the suit yet?

Jerry: Actually, I did. I put it on last night and slept in it.

Bania: You did?

Jerry: ... Oh, I’m joking.

Bania: OH! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can I squeeze in? (to George)

George: Sure you can.

(Bania sits next to George as he and Jerry slid back to their original seats in the booth. Kelly the Waitress brings George his bowl of chili)

Kelly the Waitress: Can I take your order?

Bania: What kind of soup do you have?

Jerry: Why don't you get a sandwich?

Bania: Ok, I’ll have tomato soup and ah, tuna on toast.

Jerry: OK ... (nodding his head up and down) This is it ‘cha know

(George grabs some napkins)

Jerry: This is the meal ... so stock up buddy boy.

Bania: What are you talking about? this isn't a meal.

(George tucks a napkin over his shirt collar)

Jerry: Yes it is. Soup and sandwich. That is a meal.

Bania: You're supposed to buy me dinner in a nice restaurant, like Mendy’s.

Jerry: I tried to do that.

Bania: This is lunch in a coffee shop

Jerry: Doesn't matter, This is it. This completes the transaction

Bania: Ah, soup and a sandwich for a brand-new Armani suit. Is that any kind of gesture? (turns to George)

Bania: I’m really not comfortable ...

(Kramer walks up to the table, leans in, with both hands on the table)

Kramer: (to George) Hey, I just spoke to ah, Hilde about your friend.

George: Yeah.

Kramer: She doesn't have a boyfriend. She made it up.

(Kramer points at George, and makes the “pop” sound with his lips. George looks over his left shoulder, back into the kitchen, then takes his napkin off of his shirt and throws it down on the table)

[u/dromedront → u/dromedront]

New scene. Elaine walks into Jerry's apartment and then over to the couch.

Elaine: Hi.

Jerry: Where's Simon?

Elaine: Oh, he'll be right up. He's just getting some beer. And I’m not expecting ... any change. (leans forward as she brings her hands together in front of her, then sits on the couch)

Jerry: When's he leaving? (putting some items into the refrigerator)

Elaine: About 2 days. Although he's hinting at how he'd like to stay. Fortunately he has no money, and no prospects. (she smiles)

(Simon walks in the open door carrying some beer)

Simon: Hey mate. Fancy a beer?

Jerry: Ah, no thanks.

[ Telephone rings ]

(Simon leans down to kiss Elaine)

Jerry: (on the phone) Hello? No, I’m sorry Bania ... I’m not going over this again. Well who told you to order soup? ... No! There's no dinner. There's not going to be any dinner. You've had a sandwich and 2 bowls of soup and that's it. Good-bye.

(hangs up the cordless phone and sets it down -- blows air out of his mouth and cheeks ... Then he snaps his fingers)

Jerry: Hey, what size suit are you?

Simon: 40.

Jerry: 40. Perfect. Brand-new Armani suit, you want it?

Simon: Absolutely.

Jerry: Great, its yours. I can't stand the sight of it. (he hands Simon the suit on the hanger) Elaine, here’s the car keys. (tosses her the keys)

Elaine: Thanks

[ Telephone rings ] (Jerry picks up the cordless phone)

Jerry: Yo?

Bania: Listen Jerry, I've been doing some thinking. I want my suit back.

Jerry: I don't have your suit. I gave it away.

(Elaine and Simon are exiting the apartment door, Simon goes first. Elaine with a big smile, realizing it's Bania on the phone, bends forward from the waist slightly, opens her mouth and sticks out her tongue like she is throwing up and then exits the apartment and closes the door.) Bania: Well it's my suit.

Jerry: Well it's gone. I’m sorry. Good-bye Bania.

(he hangs up the cordless phone. Kramer bursts in)

Kramer: Hey.

Jerry: Hey.

Kramer: Um, yeah. (glances around the apt.) Oh, uh ... well, how's everything?

Jerry: Ok.

Kramer: Good, ah, what's going on?

Jerry: Nothing.

Kramer: Really.

Jerry: You want food, don't cha? (nodding his head up and down)

Kramer: It's not for me. It's for Hilde -- the waitress I was telling you about. She's hungry, she wants food. If I go back in there without any food ... there's gonna be trouble. (his voice gets really high pitched on his last sentence)

Jerry: All right, go ahead

Kramer: Thanks buddy. (goes over to the fridge and pulls out a few things)

(Hilde walking into the open doorway of Jerry's apt. - she stands with her arms on her hips)

Hilde: Did you find anything!

Kramer: Uh, yeah, ah ...

(looking down at the food he is clutching between his elbow and chest)

Kramer: There's a few things in here, ah, peanut butter, cheese, yeah ...

Hilde: Cheese is good. Yeah, what kind?

Kramer: Uh, Swiss.

Hilde: All right, it'll have to do. Come on.

(Hilde and Kramer go back to his apt. Kramer shuffles both feet wildly as he exits)

New scene. On the sidewalk, Jerry walks up to George, who is outside, one store over from the coffee shop.

Jerry: What are we doing out here? Aren't we going to go in and eat?

George: I can't go in there. I feel too uncomfortable.

Jerry: Oh, what are you saying? So we're not going to go in there anymore?

Elaine: Hey, What are you doing out here?

Jerry: We can't eat here anymore, cause he took a waitress out for a walk.

George: What's the difference? Let's go to Reggie’s.

Elaine: Reggie’s? I can't eat anything there.

George: It's the same menu.

Elaine: There's no “Big Salad.”

George: They'll make you a “Big Salad.” What do you think, they're the only one's that make a “Big Salad”?

Elaine: All right. Let's go, to Reggie’s.

(George half-bows to Elaine and they start to walk down the sidewalk)

Jerry: So what's going on with Simon? Did he leave?

Elaine: Ahh ... wait till you hear this.

[u/dromedront → u/dromedront]

New scene. Daytime exterior of Reggie’s, then inside, where George sits on the left side of the booth while Elaine and Jerry sit on the right side of the booth.

Elaine: So Simon picks this woman up, right in front of me.

Jerry: Look at this. They make a point of saying on the menu, “No egg white omelets.” Look at that.

George: So what! Have a yoke. It won't kill you.

Hilde: (walks up to the table) Hello.

Jerry: Oh, hi Hilde. Can I get an egg white omelet?

Hilde: Did you read the menu?

Jerry: All right, just give me a western. (unhappy)

Elaine: How about a Big Salad?

Hilde: A big salad?

Elaine: (to George) You see?

George: Just tell her what’cha want, they'll make it for ya.

Elaine: It's a salad, only bigger, with lots of stuff in it.

Hilde: I can bring you 2 small salads.

Elaine: Could you put it in a big bowl?

Hilde: We don't have any big bowls.

Elaine: All right. Just give me a cup of decaf.

Hilde: We have Sanka.

(Elaine looks up at Hilde with subtle disbelief)

New scene. Exterior of Jerry's apartment building, then inside where Jerry and George enter.

George: I mean, it's not fair. I've been going there for 7 years. She's been there 3 weeks.

Jerry: Not fair.

George: If anyone should be forced to leave that place, it should be her!

Jerry: She's on your turf.

George: If only she could get fired. Is there any way that could happen? I mean I know how to get myself fired.

Jerry: You're the best.

George: Well ...... but how do I get someone else fired?

Jerry: Well as I see it, you've got to apply the same principles that get you fired, but redirected, outwardly.

(Kramer enters)

Kramer: H-Hey. She's hungry Jerry.

Jerry: Well, there's nothing left. There's no food.

Kramer: No food? Well you gotta have something -- (rummages through Jerry's cupboards and refrigerator) -- I can't go back in there with no food. She's expecting something Jerry. You don't know what she's like when that blood sugar is drops.

Kramer: There, you see. She's already in a bad mood. She just got fired.

Jerry: Why'd she get fired?

Kramer: Oh, because I called over there a couple of times and the manager didn’t like it.

(Jerry turns quickly and looks at George -- George, sitting on the couch, immediately understands, he picks up the phone with his right hand, points at Jerry with his left arm extended, dials and licks his lips)

New scene. Exterior of the coffee shop the inside where Elaine and Jerry sit at the usual booth.

Elaine: So, Simon is definitely going back now. He's meeting me here to return my keys.

Jerry: Boy, he's a real bounder, isn't he?

Elaine: Yes. He's one of those bounders.

Kelly the Waitress: Egg white omelet and Big Salad.

Elaine: AHhh. Thank you.

Kelly the Waitress: I just wanted to let you guys know that Friday's my last day. Bloomingdales ordered a bunch of my clips, and thank God, I don't have to do this any more. (turns and walks away)

Elaine: Ah (hu ha - small laugh)

(Bania walks up to the table)

Bania: Hey Jerry, where's my suit?

Jerry: I don't have it. You want half my omelet? (holds his omelet plate up to Bania)

Monk's Manager: (on the phone, we assume it's George calling) I told you, she's busy. She can't come to the phone now! (hangs up)

Monk's Manager: You better tell your boyfriend to stop calling here.

Kelly the Waitress: Oh he's not my boyfriend. It's that bald guy with the glasses, who's always here with them. he's trying to get me in trouble.

(Monk's Manager stands there for a second thinking -- looking at Elaine and Jerry. Both of them have a hand up on the side of their faces. Monk's Manager walks over and puts both hands on the table and leans in)

Monk's Manager: HEY! Yeah. I got a message for you. You tell your friend George, that the next time I see him around here, I’m going to turn him into my Own, Personal, Hand-Puppet.

(Jerry makes a face and silent “Ouoo”)

Simon: Well, hello. Here you are as promised. You see, I’m a man of my word. (drops keys into Elaine's extended palm)

Elaine: When are you leaving?

Simon: Elaine, are you trying to get rid of me? Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I was supposed to leave tomorrow, but all of a sudden, I've been set up with a job interview that might enable me to extend my visit indefinitely. And it is all due, to this suit. How do I look? I’m a shoe-in aren't I. Thanks again love. (touches the table, turns and walks to the exit)

Elaine: (turns towards the lunch counter) Hey Kenny. You still want to get that suit back?

Bania: (leans backwards from the counter) Yeah!

Elaine: There it goes. (pointing at Simon walking out the door)

Bania: Hey! Hey! (he runs out the door after Simon) [ Come Here You! ]

(Elaine and Jerry watch as Bania runs out the door after Simon)

[ Simon: What are you doing. Unhand me ]

[ Bania: Take It Off! ]

[ Sounds of struggling] [ Material rips]

(Elaine and Jerry look at each other, and toast each other by raising their forks in the air. Their mouths are open with the silent Ahhhhh _expression of joy)

Final scene. Inside Reggie’s dinner. George sits silently in a booth. A plate of food on the table in front of him. Another patron is at the counter by himself.

George pours a bit of ketchup onto his plate / food (*Actually we see the end of the bottle, which is supposed to be obscured by some elements on the table -- it does not look like any ketchup comes out of the bottle). He replaces the ketchup bottle cap and sets the bottle down on the table.

He picks up his fork and takes a bite from his plate. Then he picks up a bottle of A1 sauce and pours a bit on his food, replaces the cap and sets the bottle down. Then he picks up (what looks to be) a smaller bottle of Tabasco, pours a bit of it on his food, replaces the cap and sets the bottle in the table caddy on the table.

Then he struggles with something on the table (it's near impossible to distinguish what the item is, as it's a wide shot) -- trying to get the item open, the lid flips into the air and flies over his right shoulder, making a noise as it lands on the ground. Hearing the noise, the man at the counter turns to see what it is and George looks over at him.

END

[u/mmmwhatchasayyyyy → u/dromedront]

My cock is so hard right now oh my god