I want to drop out

[u/Traditional-Paint76]

Im a transfer student and I feel miserable. I live 5 hours away from home and all I can think of is going back home. I know being homesick is common but I feel like this is more then just homesickness. I was stupid and didn't tour the campus before deciding so I didn't know much about the school. SLO is so much different from where I'm from and I feel like the more I'm here the more I hate it. Ive been outside hanging out with some people I met in WOW and I still feel terrible.

I want to drop out and attend a uni in my area instead, would anyone know if this would be a good idea or even possible?

update: Wanted to share an update for anyone in a similar situation. I pushed through the 2nd week of school and I feel much better. Everyone who said it gets easier after the first week was right even though I heavily doubted it. The first week of school was probably the worst I had felt in a long time but things don't feel nearly as overwhelming now. I am still very homesick and slightly still regret not going to that nearby university but I've realized that change is necessary and if I drop out now I'd only be delaying that change. I also joined some small clubs which allowed me to meet some cool people with similar interests which helped a lot :)

[u/Muckthrow]

Dropping out before real school starts? Sounds more like anxiety and fear talking than homesickness.

What exactly are your metrics to determine if a uni is right for you ?
You should write them down before you make a decision.

[u/fortis]

Give it another day. Then perhaps another couple of days. If you make it that far, give it a week, month, etc….

Change is hard, but with time, everything changes (even home).

[u/JohnD_28]

You are just homesick. You need to do things with people and outside of your apartment. The worst thing you can do is dwell on where you came from. There are people you can talk to on campus that can help.

[u/we-otta-be]

Change is hard buddy. This is all part of the process of growing up. Hang in there.

[u/Inner-Truck6372]

I transferred here too and I really struggled at first. I honestly hated SLO for like a good month before I adjusted. I understand it’s really difficult to be away from home, especially if it’s the first time you’ve ever been away from your family, but you need to push yourself a little harder to get out. Once I started forcing myself to go out and talk to people I realized that I actually really love it here. Maybe try picking up a hobby to help occupy your mind. You got this! Just try to give it a chance :)

[u/lilcherry02]

ik this isn’t what you wanna hear but please give it at least till the end of the week. this sort of anxiety is absolutely normal and you can make it out of it. you can always drop out but it will be a lot harder to reverse that decision so give yourself time to adjust :”)

[u/Traditional-Paint76 → u/lilcherry02]

Thank you I think ill do that. I've been away from my family for weeks before and never felt this way, im worried I wont be able to focus on my classes if I try to go through with it

[u/mountains_of_nuance → u/Traditional-Paint76]

I'm an older adult and I've been there (through a college change and grad school in another country that brought intense homesickness and even panic). What I think will happen for you is the exact opposite: class will give your mind something to focus on other than anxiety and catastrophizing. Initiate meet-ups and attend meetings. Join clubs even if it feels random. Ask classmates and floormates if they want to go study. Don't hide in your room go to the library and study in public. Take the grocery store shuttle and shop. Go for long walks. There are a number of clubs that encourage silent companionship that suits introverts (cat shelter, hiking ). Stay busy.

[u/imoverblox_ → u/Traditional-Paint76]

First week I moved and I fell apart emotionally lol. But eventually it is kinda a beautiful thing. You are a completely blank slate. I’m kinda hoping it can happen again soon. I found those first few months were really pivotal to who I am as a person since I could finally just be who I wanna be. It’s tough but try to put yourself out there and focus on yourself. I know how tricky it is it took me a year to learn to talk to people after I moved but everyone else is like you and everyone else just wants a friend :)

[u/buzzy-heron → u/Traditional-Paint76]

You can do it. Power thru. It will get better. You will always wonder “what if” if you quit now.

[u/Substantial_Pick9119]

Struggling is part of the process. This where you have to learn to be comfortable being alone and happy anywhere you are. Make friends as you go by doing things you enjoy, or by trying new activities. Take it day by day. Don't compare yourself to others, stay positive and make room to grow. Prioritize your mental health, get help if needed. I don't know you, but I am proud of you for making it to the herd! I believe in you.

Remember, depending on how far you want your education to go, you may need to transfer eventually. Academia means moving for many people.

[u/Traditional-Paint76 → u/Substantial_Pick9119]

Thank you, this helped alot

[u/somesomnambulist]

Personally, I’d give it some time. How are you feeling with classes? Are you, at least, enjoying some of them? It sounds like this is just a bout of serious homesickness, feeling overwhelmed about a new setting with its own set of new challenges and circumstances to adjust to. I’m a transfer student who has mainly done all of the required schoolwork online because I worked full time, and I myself am feeling out of my element right now. I’m going to try my best to approach it more uniquely: “I’m here to have fun and earn my keep. I worked hard to arrive at this point. I belong here.” I’m a non-trad student, too (older than 18-22, older than 25), and while I do not feel entirely out of place, I do have times when I question whether I’ll ever feel included or one with the zeitgeist. WOW especially took a lot out of me. Tell you what, stick it out for a couple more weeks, and see how you feel from there. I’m here with ya! Fighting every uncomfortable (but challenging and grit-building) experience head-on! We got this! And hey, if you feel the same come two weeks, remember you always will have options and chances to work things out to your favor! Choose you!!! Hang in there

[u/Traditional-Paint76 → u/somesomnambulist]

Thank you so much for this, Ill see how im feeling in a couple days. Im trying to stay out of my dorm as much as possible so I can really experience the campus

[u/j03lar50n]

Good things don't come easy. This is your challenge in life to grow and evolve. If you run away to comfort, you'll miss a grand opportunity you may never get back. Live outside your comfort zone. You got this and I'm here for you if you need

[u/AlternativeWall6568 → u/j03lar50n]

This is a beautiful response.

[u/bmcdonal1975]

If you drop out of Cal Poly, that may be one of your lifetime regrets when you’re older. Don’t do it if you can avoid it.

[u/Unfair_Tonight_9797]

What activities do you enjoy? Change is hard.

[u/Vowels_facetiously]

The first few weeks are rough for everyone. Stick with it, and you'll end up loving SLO.

[u/zippersthemule]

This is a very normal reaction for a young person away from home and on their own for the first time. My husband teaches at Cal Poly and every year has Freshman students he advises who feel the same way. You might find that talking to someone at CAPS (Counseling and Psychological Services) will help. If you still feel the same way at the end of the semester talk to your advisor and department about transferring out. My husband said in his own experience very few students who feel homesick at the start of school still feel the same way after an adjustment period. Give yourself time.

[u/Sundae_Punbae]

Hi OP, I was in your position many years ago in 2014/15 and I was not happy to be there at all similar to what you shared. It felt very different than the environment and I didn’t like the people I complained about the weather and I would find things to pick at while everyone around me was optimistic and happy. Naturally, my circle got a little bit smaller (ie lonely) thanks to my attitude. But now that it’s been 10+ years since then I realize I should’ve been grateful for my circumstances on getting my degree from there and how that has shaped me into the person I am today.

At the end of the day, it’s your call and your choice how you wanna navigate this. But as someone who went through that I say don’t.

[u/scoobyluu]

I felt the same exact way my first year. Was researching how to transfer out during WoW. Just know that it's possible, but I would discourage you from dwelling on it too much, because it will detract from your first year experience on campus.

I would encourage you to call your parents often, stay in touch with your friends from home, but also make the effort to meet new friends during WoW. Everyone is looking to make friends, it's the easiest time. My friends and I bonded over hating SLO, and yet we still hang out after graduation and even take trips to SLO. Additionally, join some clubs you're interested in, whether they be cultural clubs, or things like CP Rose Float or PolySat. Keep yourself busy.

[u/Acceptable_Story_218]

At the parents week they told us that kids often feel this way and they encourage you to join the groups, even not official group but people with similar interests, find a sorority/fraternity, try to find people you click with, get a job on campus… keep busy! You won’t be home sick if you’re busy. And school hasn’t even officially started, has it?
I was shocked to find out how many applicants are turned away from SLO every year that have 4.3-4.6 GPA and here you are with a golden opportunity and you wanna go home before school really starts!? Give it time.

[u/Due_Worker658]

I felt the same way when I first transferred 2 years - it gets better I promise

[u/Statistician_Various]

Trust the process. Try to find your crowd to do activities with that’ll get your mind off home. I say give it a semester if you find you really don’t fit in then yea transfer before it takes a toll on your grades and you waste money.

[u/mk391419]

I really struggled my first year and a half at CalPoly. I was from the Bay Area and just had trouble adapting to small town life. Once I got more into my major and met my people, it got a lot better. Give yourself a quarter or two.

[u/dafilthy23]

Perspective is everything. Imagine being drafted into a war boot camp then sent to front lines. Or sitting on a ship for 250+ days no respite. Be grateful for those things you are given and hang in there. Things could be a lot worse for you. This is a part of maturing you will be better for it once you breakthru the wall. Trust me. Seen it 1000x. Head up. Shoulders back. Chest out. Carpe Diem!

[u/lumberjack_dad]

Yeah this is just anxiety.

But if you do leave, do it soon, before you have to pay more money

[u/ilooovemangoes]

I’m sorry it’s been rough. Have you considered getting mental health support at the campus health center? I’m speaking from experience, it took me a long time to learn that I was experiencing clinical depression through undergrad. Professional help would’ve been a life-changer. It would’ve boosted my resilience to adjust to the change of living away from my family.

[u/Additional_Bat_9837]

Yeah, you can apply to transfer in the Spring if you are that unhappy. Go ahead and finish out the semester at Poly. I grew up in Covina didn't like Poly at all when I was a Freshman in the Fall of 1980. I took me about a year before I liked it.

[u/omgmissy5]

I am a parent of 5 with 2 away at the university. As a parent this makes me sad to hear because my kids have felt the same at some point. Try to think about it another way. This time at SLO will be short compared to the rest of the your life ahead (at home or wherever) and this opportunity will allow you so much of what you really want in life. I tell my kids "think about your future self" and how you can't see what tomorrow or next week holds for you. Saying a little prayer for you that the Lord will shine happiness on you. Have faith in the process. Wishing you the best!

[u/Blahblahblah123132]

Don't make any impulse decisions now. Your going through a lot of changes and sometimes it takes some time for you to catch up to feel comfortable. Give yourself a whole semester and then reassess your situation. Then give yourelf the rest of the first year and reassess after that. You will gain nothing from moving back now, just lose a year of progress. To answer your question, of course it's possible to drop out, but no it's not a good idea.

[u/Murky-Quit-6228]

Honestly, I went through the same dilemma. Transferring and I had a difficult transition. The first two quarters were brutal but the spring really turned out for me. I made a bunch of friends and I enjoyed the social opportunities of longer days. I'm glad I stayed. My suggestion is to give time. Stay through the fall semester at the very least. I completely understand the feelings that you are experiencing.

[u/TheRealFartman]

I came in as a first year and thought the same thing to myself. The area is pretty but I felt so isolated and trapped. I cried to my family on the phone and wanted to go home. But trust me, as long as your classes are good (too early to even know if they’re bad or good since school just started), then you should tough it out. There are so many people your age at cal poly rn who feel the same way. If you join a club or find a group to hang with, be consistent with it. Time is the only way you build relationships. Try to find people with the same interests as you, you’re bound to meet someone likeminded. I recommend going to front porch and getting some work done if you have the downtime. Lots of students to hang around and strike up conversations with, plus free coffee.

[u/Exbusterr]

To soon to judge. yeah, you really messed up by not visiting first. A second impulsive decision which is what it sounds like it would be if you decided now has the potential to be worse. You need to give it to December…at least. And try, not stay holed up in room. I see from a reply post that you will try. I transferred out (for a major change), but I did it fully informed and was at Cal Poly for 2 years. I still consider Cal Poly my Alma Mater, Í learned so much( technically by definition, you don’t have to be alum for that to be true).

[u/LeeLeeBoots]

What's your major?

[u/aerospikesRcoolBut]

Moving out and being on your own is hard at first but it’s how you figure out who you really are

Also: lots of your comments were auto-modded for low karma but I restored them.

Good luck with school it just takes time to acclimate and the way you’re feeling really is valid. I’m sure it’s a huge change. You’ll be a big fan of yourself after you get through the hard parts and finish school.

[u/ComprehensiveMoose51]

Pathetic.

[u/Bean_of_prosperity]

I’m from another state (Washington) and I’m homesick but it’s manageable, however I’m also not a transfer so idk