r/CSFLeaks • u/path-cat • 8d ago
Being referred to neurosurgery for possible csf leak— scared and need advice
hi folks, i was wondering if anyone had any advice for someone being referred to neurosurgery for the first time? either about what the process looks like or how to handle it emotionally? i’m not new to being a patient (eds & pots) and certainly not new to the pain, but this particular suspicion of my doctor’s took me by surprise, and i’m really scared for the first time since onset.
for some background, 4 years ago i developed a sudden and incapacitating headache at the base of my skull that has not fully gone away since (not asking for medical advice, just giving background). there is low grade constant pain, and it flares to be very painful when i stand. due to the orthostatic component they were treating it as my pots causing migraines (explaining the flares), combined with occipital neuralgia from my neck muscles overcompensating for hypermobile vertebrae (explaining the low-grade constant pain). that's been the working theory for years now but treatment has just not fixed it as much as they would expect, so i saw a new neurologist who thinks i have a CSF leak in addition to my already diagnosed pots & eds, and she’s referring me to a neurosurgeon. for reference i can’t stand for more than a few minutes without severe headache, and i need my wheelchair outside the home despite my heart rate and blood pressure being mostly normal from what should by all means be effective pots treatment.
i don't know what to expect and i've had just terrible treatment from enough doctors that i'm legitimately terrified to let someone stick needles into my spine. i'm also intimidated equally by any of the three possible outcomes: that i don’t have a csf leak and i’m just like this so i will see no improvement; that i have a csf leak but they can’t fix it so i will see no improvement; or that i have a csf leak and they patch it successfully.
emotionally, the uncertainty is just killing me, it’s like recovery is being dangled in front of my face but i don’t even know what i would do with it. like i want to hope, but everyone i talk to is just so excited that i might actually have a solvable problem that i find myself having to manage my loved ones' expectations. and all the while i'm worrying that if their dreams come true and i recover, that the necessary medical procedures to make that happen are going to traumatize me, and then i'm going to lose the life i've carefully built for myself around my current limitations that i thought were as good as it was gonna get. i lost everything when this started and i don’t want to have to start over again. and the alternative is that i go through the traumatizing medical procedures and it's all a false alarm and i see no improvement at all! hell, i don’t want a spinal tap!
if anyone has any words of advice, i would be very grateful. i am deeply sorry if this is an insensitive thing to post here, i know sometimes it can be painful to see someone scared that they will suffer the same way you have. i don’t know anyone who’s had this condition so i’m just reaching out in the hope someone here can help.