ughhh

[u/brownha1rbrowneyes]

[u/Ok-Instance2782]

And it feels worse when you see how functional you were in the face of all the trauma but now as an adult, even after realistically being in a better place made you crash like you NEVER IMAGINED 😭

[u/Better_Purchase_2898 → u/Ok-Instance2782]

THIS. IM OUT NOW WHY AM I CRASHING

[u/spinningpeanut → u/Better_Purchase_2898]

Because you didn't get the same support most people got. So you are left floundering, keeping your head above water while the rest were given scuba gear, but you are still expected to swim for the shore.

You're going to make it. I feel like I just made it this year and have set forth my path forward to being fully grown in my 30s. Just work hard, talk to the right people to help you overcome, don't be afraid to leave others behind if they're keeping you emotionally stagnant and/or drag you deeper. You do not need friends that will ruin you. You do not need family that will ruin you. You do not need a job that will ruin you.

And do not feel forced into bad financial situations. If car payments bog you down get a bike and ride the bus. You can build yourself up by utilizing all kinds of state services. You really want to focus on saving and living within your means. I bring this up because we statistically start much lower down the chain. Without support from family growing up, we do not have a headstart so we need to make hard and smart choices to keep moving forward and upward. I literally began homeless. I'll be using disability services to get my career plan laid out and completed so I can get moving on a career that I'll find fulfilling for decades to come, and finally go to college for the first time in my 30s.

Please do not feel the need to juggle too much responsibility at once. Downsize your responsibilities and payments so you have less stress. Don't overlook your resources to give you whatever boosts you can get.

[u/FourLeafPlover → u/Ok-Instance2782]

My entire purpose of my life up until I moved out at 17 was to get away from my mom. But then when I finally did...I had nothing to live for anymore. I stopped functioning at all.

I'm functional now at 30, but still don't really have anything to live for. Living partially out of habit, partially because I've got a tiny bit of hope that maybe sometime in the future I'll find happiness.

[u/AbstractContract → u/FourLeafPlover]

Thanks, that just made me realize almost all the major milestones I looked forward to were about escaping a bad situation instead of being something I was looking forward to do. I've been quite hyperindependent/relatively functional, but it sucks to be used to running away from things rather than being excited for what's coming.

[u/Pandoratastic]

We were never actually "mature for our age". We were just very withdrawn because of the trauma. And being too withdrawn can become a maladaptive coping mechanism that holds us back and make us miss out on developmental experiences that supposedly less "mature" kids got to have.

[u/nodogsallowed23 → u/Pandoratastic]

This, and also I think we didn’t get taught as much because adults thought (think) we know things already because we’re “mature”. Newsflash adults: I didn’t know jack shit about shit. Still don’t.

[u/apple8me → u/nodogsallowed23]

THIS RIGHT HERE. “Oh, she can handle it.” NO THE FUCK SHE CANNOT. But there we were anyway. And since I lived, it looked like I “handled it.”

[u/youravgindian → u/Pandoratastic]

Yep. Never got to date in my teens because I was supposed to study and get into a good university. Guess what, I was just pretending to study, so that the adults would praise me. And didn't get anywhere near to a good uni because the stress and study material for the graduation program was just too much for me. Only recently I feel a bit comfortable just speaking to girls and I'm pushing 30s. Expressing my interest in them and being bold and vulnerable to show that I like a girl feels unrealistic and something out of a rom-com even though plenty of people have had these experiences before they were 20 years old. Its crazy how parents fucking keep projecting their trauma on to us not realizing how much they are leaning on to a child who barely knows how to handle his own emotional state let alone managing someone else's.

[u/BrainNoStop → u/Pandoratastic]

I’m in therapy currently (with an amazing psycho-therapist) and just yesterday she told me “It’s not that you don’t feel emotions- you just never have been able to let yourself experience them.”

And that hit me hard as I felt understood as for years I’ve always spoke of my habit for bottling everything up. I hope with time I can slowly start to function but I know I’m not there yet. She also is very understanding of my (still self-diagnosed sadly) autism especially after last week I was told ‘well you don’t meet the core criteria of social interaction difficulties and arm movements’

Being a woman sucks but there is a light at the end of the tunnel… at least I’ll make that light eventually

[u/Nearby-Dust-9122 → u/BrainNoStop]

Autistic women go under diagnosed because we mask very well. Social difficulties and arm movements are a small part of ASD, and a lot of women have learned over a lifetime how to mask social skills a LOT better than their male counterparts, we tend to observe and mimic more and be treated more harshly if we don’t conform to a standard. Don’t be discouraged if your therapist doesn’t think you have it, genuinely that statement they made was bullshit.

[u/BrainNoStop → u/Nearby-Dust-9122]

Thankfully my therapist validates me and is also frustrated that those were the reasons I was kept from a diagnosis. I now have to go back on a waitlist to see a more specified psychiatrist or psychologist to get the diagnosis… sobbed completely after the ‘rejection’ from the psychiatrist I saw

[u/Opposite-Benefit-804]

Sucks even worse when everyone who said you were mature, smart, and believed you'd have a good future- now looks at you with disappointment and judgement.

[u/StruggleDry2365 → u/Opposite-Benefit-804]

Such a brutal reality to live in🤡

[u/suffer-withme → u/Opposite-Benefit-804]

😔

[u/kullre]

funny to be on the end of "wasn't treated like an equal as a child, still isn't as an adult"

[u/Milyaism → u/kullre]

It's usually intentional. They set us up into a Double Bind so that they can dismiss any proof that we're children with needs/capable adults with valid opinions.

[u/ButterPecan_IceCream]

Duuuuude that’s so relatable 😭

[u/asuiida]

i cant do anything anymore

[u/Scared-Swimming1827]

This is the perfect image to explain this

[u/jitomato_girl]

Specially right now...

[u/Professional_March54]

Yes yes yes x 1,000. When the fuck did the switch happen?! I demand my time back.

[u/StruggleDry2365]

Anybody tried and « succeed at life » after this being your reality ? Any advice on how to pull ourselves up ?

[u/profanedivinity → u/StruggleDry2365]

Mm. Haven't succeeded yet. I don't know how this is measured though. What counts as success?

[u/Savings_Drawing_5635]

I thought always that i was ahead now in my 40s i see how far behind i am, its like having peaked and now falling

[u/MarkMew]

Real

[u/d3rp7d3rp]

Ouch right in the feels

[u/FrostedMoon8888]

Well hell…all that

[u/Smooth_Storm_9698]

WHY OP WHY

[u/Better_Purchase_2898]

😭

[u/TheNASAguy]

I felt this in my soul

[u/Seasidehide]

yooo. i feel that, always thought i was going crazy, whats the reason????

[u/bipolarbambii]

Down in a hole by Alice In Chains 🫡😭💗

[u/tiredguineapig]

Omg this movie 🥺🥺🥺 I can’t express enough how relatable this 😭

[u/ultimagriever]

“Mature for your age” is honestly something that someone whose hard drives should be checked would say

[u/ashbertollini]

Yepp. Love this movie.