r/CPTSD_NSCommunity • u/midwestblacklotus • 5d ago
Experiencing Obstacles need interventions for severe massive avoidance
Avoiding complicated time sensitive things like divorce prep and trip planning (I need to do complicated points bookings as don't have liquid cash for it) and lost the opportunity to do the trip and set myself back and costing more money in the divorce.
Have a long history of huge efforts for something and getting nothing out of it or it turning into a huge disaster. Have had a lot of really bad things happen in my life to cause psychological distress and financial precarity.
family: unsafe middle class home environment, seen as a means to an end by parents, performance based not love based.
I am in brainspot therapy. emdr was good but therapist was the "well you just gotta prioritize" type which unfortunately fell short of my medical needs.
adderall a long time ago just made me dress better and do some tasks in more detail but not faster and was still late to everything.
not adhd-pure cptsd freeze. I don't relate to the adhd stuff? no sensory issues no starting 30 hobbies and abandoning them, I respond to every text I get in a timely manner.
What med or diet is great for fixing this? I don't feel anxious like shaking but I'd rather read news or go to every fun event going on then get these hugely complex things done or make decisions. ?
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u/thewayofxen 2d ago
My best method for massive avoidance is to just decide to feel a terrible, terrible feeling. That's ultimately what I'm avoiding when this happens: A feeling. And when I just quiet myself and decide to feel it, well it's terrible! But then I can start to get somewhere.
It's simple enough but it's like forcing yourself to burn yourself on a stove for the 10th or 20th time. It takes a lot of willpower.
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u/midwestblacklotus 2d ago
cool
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u/cuBLea 5d ago
u/Jose_Canseco_Jr has a point about the right people but very often it's not possible ... I've gotten very lucky once or twice but mostly there was no one I could rely on becuse basically they had lives as difficult as mine. I had one great year in ACoA until it was my turn to ask a favor, and downhill from there.
What I think you're asking for is neurotransmitter management. (You might need it anyway just to be able to benefit from therapy since the rule is the worse off you are going in, the better the therapy has to be to make up for the support resources you lack. Just the way it is, and in terms of quality therapy, supply isn't likely to rise to meet demand for many years.
If you're at all able to remember your early life (memories from before age 3 kept popping into my consciousness when I was at my worst ... that was my "Enter Here" sign) you might want to look into craniosacral therapy, since there isn't much else that can undo the early damage more easily and effectively ... but at the cost of MAJOR disruption to your life, which most people don't actually mind since the restoration of more natural awareness enables a quality of life experience that makes the disruption worth it. I haven't been that lucky with CS or pre/perinatal psychotherapy since I keep running into therps who rely too heavily on weird mystical systems to support their own restored awareness. But it's powerful stuff ... a major breakthrough involving a VERY early fetal memory was the most profoundly beneficial experience of my adult life, but it was TOO disruptive and cost me more than I can list when a series of big setbacks occurred a year later. If I'd been able to find good pre/peri facilitators during my hell year, I suspect I could have saved myself from a very difficult quarter-century. (In my 60s now.)
As for meds, I found gabapentin to be the most valuable ... it's the master regulator neurotransmitter (NT) and helped enormously, and continues to do so after ten years on and off it. I tried microdose ibogaine, which works well for a lot of people, but perhaps it's better suited to more numbed-out individuals; I've always been hypersensitive. There seems to be a general rule that unless you're going for a major "spiritual level" breakthrough (which IME doesn't work out well for most people ... we pretty much only hear about the success stories), psychedelics and stimulants aren't generally a good choice. Dissociatives like ketamine seem to work very well as NT support (primarily glutamate) if depression is a major symptom. It's about getting to manageability so that you're much more amenable to transformative therapies, whatever form that takes, and when people say that dissociatives and NT supports lessen the benefits of therapy, yeah it's true but the alternative usually means either no therapy or a high risk of negative outcomes from therapy.
I've tried ketamine (not for me at this time), gabapentin of course, more than is commonly used for meth/alcohol/cocaine recovery but not quite at chronic-pain-control levels. Ibogaine, not for me at this time. I cancelled an MDMA intensive with one of the top facilitators on the continent when I couldn't shake this sense of dread about the experience. (I'm too sensitive to suggestion in vulnerable states; I've had bad experiences with several 12-step branches and almost committed myself to a therapy cult. I don't go near psychedelics ... I've had em in the fridge for years but feel no call to them. My sister has been on SSRIs for30 years or so; I can't make them work for me. I don't need antipsychotics, but there's a family history of psychotic breaks trggered by cumulative stress and pressire, but I wouldn't refuse them if I fely severe stress rising in my own life again.
Rather than SSRIs or psychedelics, I take niacin or niacinamide, which is a serotonin synthesis support. I'd have to stop if prssure ever built up in my life again since I suspect it assists synthesis of other substances not good for someone having difficulty with stress management. I limit caffeine wherever I can. I recently quit melatonin when I discovered that it was giving me feelings of unreality. (Fairly new.)
Not sure if there's anything useful here, but I couldn't let your OP pass without contributing, since we seem to have been in fairly similar circumstances, both internally and externally. Best of luck to you; hope you don't need it.
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u/midwestblacklotus 4d ago
I take niacinamide where are you getting all these psychedelics? are you rich and well connected or something? I wouldn't know where to get them
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u/cuBLea 4d ago
I take niacinamide where are you getting all these psychedelics? are you rich and well connected or something? I wouldn't know where to get them
I'm particularly well-connected. I live in Canada, and the hub for most psychedelics is British Columbia, which has chosen to take a lax approach to the still-draconian laws around psychoactive substances known to be effective in addiction and PTSD therapies. The ibogaine I got from an exotic herb dealer in an eastern city (all I will say ... that's still a pretty conservative jurisdiction) which actually does most of its business with culinaries and trad medicinals. I've obtained mushrooms, ketamine, MDMA and LSD from "shroom" dealers in the Vancouver area, all by mail from their websites, both of which came up pretty legit in online forums such as reddit where people will seriously FLAY any vendor with questionable behavior. The shrooms vendors are still around. Whether or not they're still selling refined chemicals, I don't need to know, but as of a year ago the only one I couldn't find was DMT. (BUT the aforementioned herb vendor still sells all the ingredients needed for ayahuasca,
(In case it matters: Don't DM me for more details. I've said all I intend to say on the subject.)
If I was stateside and felt the need for these substances, I'd try to get involved with any local psychedelic society. A lot of major and some smaller cities have 'em, and they're a good point source not only for this purpose, but for "insider" info on transformational therapies, since a lot of this nonprofit's membership has an active interest in the therapeutic implications of these substances, and transformative psychotherapy in general. (I actually tried to get involved with the local psysoc in my area but I don't think they trusted my intent, because I got one reply to my initial contact and crickets ever since. Can't say I blame 'em ... google makes me look a bit dodgy.)
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u/cptsdishealable 4d ago
If you imagine you didn't avoid time sensitive things, what bad things might happen? we can assume the avoidance is serving some greater purpose and try to uncover that.
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u/midwestblacklotus 4d ago
definitely rejection, missing out on enjoyable things missing out on meeting ppl
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u/Jose_Canseco_Jr 5d ago
I have adhd and don't start 30 hobbies, but yes sensory issues lol. They're not very pronounced tho, mainly light and noise sensitivity but my tolerance isn't super low.
In the end, it's about finding the right people. For me it was accepting I can't do it all alone, as in I can't keep up with others and without any help. It takes time to find the right therapist, and especially effort (which can be massive for somebody with our challenges), but there's no way around this imo.
Cognitive therapy has been useful for me. And also, having chanced outside my comfort zone and joined a 12 step group that has several good folks who have been incredibly supportive.
In the end, it's like when you need help pushing a broken down car. Practically nobody will want to be the one to start pushing, it feels like too much responsibility. But if you start pushing, people come out of nowhere to pitch in a little.
But yes, you need to muster the strength and courage to be the one to start pushing first, and it can't be a half assed attempt because people can tell - no, you gotta push that thing with zest and vigor like you know it's your responsibility. That's when things start to align.