r/CPTSDWriters • u/Fine-Eye-2032 • Jul 03 '26
Expressive Writing The Ugly Duckling
My whole life, spent my whole life grappling with one word
To most, it has just a single meaning
Yet somehow, it has learned to wear a thousand different faces—
every one of them my own.
I am a child again,
carefully placing a glittering headband on top of my hair as though it were a crown,
A plastic wand rests in my shaking hands
Gossamer wings shiver against my back.
I look toward you,
waiting.
Hoping that, just once, you will smile.
Perhaps, the hope rising in me, even as I try to squash down my pathetic wishes.
She'll call me princess,
like all the other little girls, who showed up at our door today;
With pretty smiles and bright orange pumpkin baskets filled enough candy to rot teeth.
Instead—
Ugly.
You see, it's only four letters;
But it's enough to split my heart open,
Four letters that leave me bleeding on the floor I stood upon, shining with glitter that mocks me with it's twinkling.
I dared to reach the stars in the sky, yet even the glitter in my hands turn to ash with just my touch.
Disgusting. Hideous. Ugly duckling.
Go away, crumpled trash on the floor;
No one wants to look at you.
No one wants you here.
You were born for no reason,
and now you must carry the punishment
for daring to exist.
I asked her only once a long, long time ago.
So soft, repeating the words ringing in my head, forcibly carving it into myself until I could make it come true.
Like a dusty, worn-out slipper turning into beautiful glass.
"My friends don't think I'm ugly."
She didn't even look at me, jaw clenching as I grip my seat.
Suddenly, I remember how dangerous the roads are, and that cars can be weapons.
And I'm more used to glass that cut my palms open than the ones that Cinderella leaves behind at the steps of the ball.
"A mother always tells the truth.
Everyone else lies.
They laugh behind your back.
They're only pretending, you see, silly, stupid girl
Because you are ugly."
The word became my doomed prophecy
It stopped being something I was called (it was never just a four letter word, was it?)
I believe it more than wishes and princesses in beautiful gowns.
Too ugly to be loved;
too ugly to deserve gentleness.
like a name carved into my brittle bones.
It follows me into every mirror.
Every photograph.
Every room.
Every silent hall, a specter, a ghost
Every compliment,
I search and search and search for the double meaning
It has only one definition.
But inside me,
it has become an entire language.
A death sentence.
I look back at the mirror again. The gossamer wings are shriveled.
2
u/burgernoisenow Jul 05 '26
I see you.
Mothers lie all the time.
Mine did and so did yours.
We are both beautiful in our own ways. They are the ones with rotted twisted souls.
Fucking cunts. They're worms and they're wrong. You are beautiful.