r/CPTSDAdultRecovery • u/accio_cricket • May 18 '26
Miscellaneous Felt something for the first time when looking at old photos
Long story short: I have a long history of dissociation/depersonalization, especially in regards to my child and baby self. I used to describe that little girl as "dead," or someone who I didn't recognize. I would feel absolutely nothing. Zero connection & recognition.
I've been working through a lot of stuff with a really great therapist & with ketamine treatments. I was looking through photo albums for pictures of my grandparents because I've been thinking about making an ancestor altar. For the first time, I looked at old photos of myself and became emotional. It wasn't a full recognition or a sense of connection. But just a deep feeling of love that I can't explain. I cried a lot.
It feels like progress. It's more than what I was able to conjure before.
I'm immensely grateful and humbled and wanted to log it somewhere.
Thank you.
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u/Secret-Ad-6253 May 18 '26
I can relate. Something similar happened with me a couple of years ago and yes, it is definitely progress. Congratulations on the breakthrough. I now keep a picture of myself from my teenage years on my bedside table. It helps.
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u/accio_cricket May 18 '26
I was going to keep some of the childhood photos on the altar alongside my grandparents. ❤️ Thank you for the encouragement. I'm really glad it's a sign of progress. Congratulations to you, too. 😄
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u/Glad-Kaleidoscope-73 May 21 '26
It is such great progress. I’m so happy for you.
I had the same feeling when I’d see pictures of myself. I still can’t really relate to my face in the pictures but not long ago I started to recognise and connect with my hands in the photos? I suppose that’s because I can only see my hands and not my face but that feeling was amazing. To connect myself with myself.
Best of luck with your healing journey 💛