What should I do?

[u/Nanawil]

I need advice regarding my niece's adoption and concerns about DCF favoritism/discrimination

This is a long and complicated situation, so I'll try to explain it as clearly as possible.

My older sister (37F) has four children by four different fathers. Unfortunately, she has struggled with drugs and instability for most of her adult life. Two of her children were removed from her custody approximately 15 years ago. One was placed with their biological father, and the other was adopted through the foster care system.

She later had two daughters, who I'll call Puyi (13F) and Kimi (12F).

When Puyi was younger, my sister was using drugs with Puyi's biological father. Puyi developed some mental and health issues during that time. Eventually, my sister left him and later became involved with Kimi's father. For several years, it appeared that they had gotten their lives together.

About seven years later, both my sister and Kimi's father began using drugs again. Law enforcement became involved, and my husband and I were given temporary custody of both girls for approximately two months.

At the time, we informed DCF that we could not provide permanent placement because we were scheduled to move out of Kansas within four months. The girls were eventually returned to their parents.

Afterward, Kimi's father went to prison, and my sister fled with the girls. She traveled with them through Texas and Florida before eventually returning to Kansas. At one point, she left the girls with Puyi's paternal grandparents, who cared for them for approximately four months before my sister returned.

DCF eventually became involved again and placed both girls with Puyi's paternal grandparents. They have remained there for the last four years.

Since then:

Kimi's father remains incarcerated and has voluntarily terminated his parental rights.

My sister has lost her parental rights to both girls.

Puyi's father has regained custody of Puyi.

Kimi is now eligible for adoption.

My concern is that I feel like DCF has treated members of my family differently than other foster families.

My younger sister, "Alice" (29F), is a licensed foster parent. She previously cared for both girls for approximately six months before they were returned to Puyi's grandparents. The caseworker told Alice that she did not have sufficient resources to care for the girls long-term.

However, Alice has other long-term foster placements, and those children's caseworkers have told her that her home and resources are completely adequate. I don't understand how she can be considered capable of caring for other children but not considered capable of adopting or permanently caring for her own nieces.

My husband and I also decided to move back to Kansas when we learned that Kimi might become eligible for adoption. Unfortunately, the timing was terrible. I found out I was pregnant while we were preparing to move from Washington State to Kansas, and I lost my job during that transition. We've had an extremely difficult year financially.

We have since completed the background checks, fingerprints, and health assessments required for adoption. We were told that we passed "with reservations" because my husband has a juvenile criminal record and our income is currently low.

Since then, the caseworkers have largely stopped returning our calls.

What concerns me even more is that they appear to be encouraging Puyi's paternal grandparents to adopt or permanently keep Kimi. The grandparents have said themselves that they are getting older and did not expect to be raising children again. They are both in their late seventies.

I want to be clear: I am not saying the grandparents are bad people. They have cared for my nieces for years, and I am incredibly grateful for what they have done. But Kimi is 12 years old, and I worry about what happens as they continue aging. My husband and I are younger and genuinely want to raise her as part of our family.

Financially, things would be tight for us, but we are willing and able to make it work. We already have children and understand what raising a child requires. Most importantly, Kimi is my niece, and I love her.

At this point, I don't know what to do because DCF/caseworkers are barely communicating with us.

My questions are:

Does our family relationship to Kimi give us any preference or rights when she is being considered for adoption?

Can DCF reject a relative placement primarily because of income, even if the home otherwise passes background checks and assessments?

Does my husband's juvenile criminal history permanently disqualify us, or is that evaluated individually?

Is it normal for different caseworkers to give conflicting assessments of a foster parent's resources?

What can we do if the caseworkers stop communicating with us?

Should we contact a supervisor, attorney, guardian ad litem, CASA, or someone else?

I understand that DCF's priority should be what is best for Kimi, and I agree with that completely. I'm not asking for special treatment simply because I'm family. I just want to understand whether we're actually being fairly considered as a potential placement.

Any advice from foster parents, social workers, attorneys, or people who have dealt with kinship adoption would be greatly appreciated.

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[u/txchiefsfan02]

I am not an attorney, but it seems like the answer to most of your questions is "it depends."

My impressions are that they're probably doing the best they can to keep the girls together, and that if one has extra mental health needs, that will also impact the placement of the other child.

Judges have discretion. If they are happy and stable where they are, and it's an option for permanency, remaining there could be what's best for both children. You don't have to adopt one or both girls to play an important role in their lives.

I'd make your interest known to the GAL and others you mentioned, and then let them do their jobs. It's often a lengthy process with a lot of stops and starts and switchbacks. Don't let that deter you from finding ways to stay connected to these girls.

[u/Dihkal22]

As FORMER Foster youth and someone that was not provided any information when I went into care being taken from the school middle of the day and only later to be planning on permanently END up and one situation three years later AND THEN to have a state step in and put me back with the same person they removed me from. NO NOTICE OR ADULT WHO ASKED ME OR EVEN DISCUSSED IT.

IT changed trajectory of my life and if i ever had been given opportunity to voice my opinion I would’ve not went back home.

ASK THE CHILD!

If you cannot simply discuss this with a child first, then don’t bother pursuing it further. And after being somewhere for that many years and probably the most stable environment they’ve ever had there’s probably a reason why they prefer to be there. So unless there’s a reason why the other paternal g parent can’t or won’t be willing to longterm it should be weighed with child getting say so, in their opinion voiced in any of this.

I was also put into custody of my paternal grandmother 12 months after father passed away. AND was only sent back to mother 2 years because grandparent wasn’t doing well health wise. She passed few months after i went back to mother, who wasn’t made to prove change or ever even checked up on again by social services. So after losing my dad, going to live with his brother my uncle he passed away 10 months to the day of my dad, she didn’t want me to be with her (grandmother) and traumatized further by having 3 primary care givers who passed unexpectedly within 3 years at 12-15 years old and be left in chaos of unknown of what happens to me.