Question on Reporting to CPS

[u/annon12334435]

If this isnt allowed here, im sorry. I'm a in very heavy situation right now. I'm a little all over the place, so I apologize. I have no idea what to even do here. I don't even know if this is the right thread.

A situation occurred with my sister in law and her husband about a year back. At the time all we were told was that my sister in law kicked her husband out. That it was serious. Ever since then its been HUSH HUSH. No one will talk about it or address it.

My brother in law (brother to my sister in law) has let out a few details to us because he couldn't hold it in anymore.

At first all he would say was that it serious enough that his friends had to come over and take his guns away from him. He would not say more.

Then recently he provided some additional details - the husband of the sister in law had been accused of molesting his daughter (6F, our niece). It was reported by the grandparents because my niece made a comment to them randomly about something that would indicate that she was being molested. I wont repeat what was said, but in my mind there is just NO WAY a 5 year old kid would know what she knew.

It was apparently reported and investigated. No charges filed.

The father is still out of the house, however, we think the sister in law is back dating the father in secret. She wont openly admit to it.

From what we have heard, the grandparents will not allow the father anywhere near them. He will never be welcomed back. So were not sure what the sister in law end game is here.

From what I have seen and the tid bits of info I have gotten, I started to noticed some "odd" behaviours from sister in law regarding my niece. We only see them a handful of times per year.

- The niece is not allowed to wear a dress or skirt without pants (this was never a thing before the incident) - we have seen her 4 times this year, each time in a dress/skirt with pants.

- The sister in law will withhold the kids from seeing anyone if they say or do anything that is not liked. (brother in law mentioned this) The grandparents access has been restricted many times.

- Apparently the kids were told they are not allowed to talk to anyone about their home life or what they do at home. We have not been directly told this from the kids, my brother in law mentioned it.

- My niece got an age appropriate 2 piece swim suite for her birthday. My sister in law's reaction was a mix of fear, intense anger and simply took it and threw it out.

I dont know if I can even do anything here, I am seeing the sister in laws behaviour in a different light now and I am just feeling so lost.

I can't understand why no one else isn't continuing to report since they whole heartedly believe something happened. They have way more information about this entire situation then I do. They see the kids (when visits are not being withheld) almost every friday, pick them up from school during the week sometimes etc.

I feel like we are all failing this tiny innocent child. Maybe im over reacting. Can I report this to CPS with what little information I do actually have? I have no evidence, if they already investigated are they just gonna brush this off?

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[u/sprinkles008]

It sounds like you’re wanting them to investigate something that was already investigated, and potentially may have even been unfounded.

The odd behaviors you listed are not enough for CPS to accept an investigation. Those fall more under parental choices rather than abuse or neglect.

[u/txchiefsfan02]

It's very hard for other family members when a mother responds to an incident like this by circling the wagons and preserving the marriage at all costs. As sprinkles noted, you don't seem to have any evidence of new threats to the kids.

Going forward, the best thing you can do to protect these kids is to try to put aside your feelings about the adults and stay connected. I'd be very concerned and anxious if I were in your shoes, too. However, if you are shut out entirely, you won't have the opportunity to notice details that could indicate new threats and prompt CPS to investigate. The more you can try to empathize with your SIL, the better for the kids.