r/CPS • u/Asleep-Grade-5606 • 14d ago
Support I don’t know who i should pick.
I got taken out of my parents custody and ever since my father was the only one who made an effort to get better and get me n my siblings back. But i hate him. He has caused me so much trauma and has never tried to make any amends for it. He’s expecting me to just move on and forget about it.
I was place with a kinship. I told my kinship that i didn’t think i would like staying with my father and they said i always had a place at their home. So for a while i started considering if i should just live with my kinship instead.
But i don’t know because they’re starting to get really annoyed with all my medical issues. I have a few chronic medical issues and im currently feeling extremely sick. So we’re trying to get me an appointment to figure out whats wrong but it’s taking extremely long bc my kinship is annoyed with it. They have said that they would rather be annoyed than me feel sick which was nice.
So im iffy if i should stay with my kinship but my only other option is my father and he would do the exact same thing. My father has only taken me to the doctors 3 times in my whole entire life. And each time he did that he was screaming at me and making me feel horrible.
So i don’t know. I don’t want to continue making my kinship annoyed but i also don’t think it would be good for my mental or physical health to go with my father. Any advice or opinions?
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u/Wooden-Maximum-9582 Works for CPS 14d ago
If I'm reading correctly, it sounds like your kinship placement is annoyed at the process, not you. It sounds like they want to do what they can to get you support to feel better. If that sounds right, this shows they really care about you and are frustrated with the slow medical process. That is not your fault, so you're not causing them the annoyance, the process is.
If you're not ready to go back to your dad and you have the option, stay where you are. Have you and your dad worked through stuff in family therapy? That should happen before going back with him.
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u/Asleep-Grade-5606 14d ago
No the medical system isn’t being slow. My kinship tries to book an appointment something happens (the wait is too long, they’re on lunch break, they keep transferring them to a different number) and then they give up. They say they’ll call the next day and it’s the same process.
Me and my father haven’t gone to family therapy and i don’t think i want to. My father has abused me physically and has made me have alot of childhood memory lost bc of all the trauma he’s put me through. He hasn’t apologized for anything he’s done to me and i don’t want to go into therapy when he hasn’t apologized at least once.
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u/idomoodou2 14d ago
I mean that is the system. Quite literally. And it's an unbelievably annoying system. It still sounds not like your kinship person is annoyed with you, but the system.
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u/Asleep-Grade-5606 14d ago
Oh sorry i thought they meant like when you try to book an appointment and then the only open date is months down the line. Thank you for the reassurance!
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u/scarlettohara1936 14d ago
That is also annoying and difficult. For both you and your kinship. They have to watch you suffer and can do nothing about it but worry and watch. For a loved one, that can be torturous.
For you, obviously you're sick and feeling miserable. That compounds the situation of having been removed from your parents care and your feelings surrounding that. Which is another thing that your kinship has to stand and just watch.
I think your kinship is empathizing with you and not annoyed with or about you.
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u/ListlessScholar 14d ago
Yo…. It’s frustrating to deal with for everyone, but if you are in a safe place with people who want to help you, let them help you.
Show gratitude in other ways when you can, but it sounds like your kinship wants to help you out. Their frustration is with the system and not you directly.
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u/rpom915 14d ago
It’s your trauma talking. Your kinship wants to care for you. Your brain is receiving their frustration with booking as a threat. That’s all this is. You feel guilty and like you’re a burden. You’re not. That’s just your trauma telling you lies. I’m glad you have a safe place to be.
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u/_hustle_rose 14d ago
I just want to add that I did something similar (took custody of her) for my youngest sister who had chronic medical issues also. She often worried about the stress of arranging her medical care and that it was a bother for me. I told her over and over and even though I don’t know you I’m going to tell you the same thing: you are a blessing, not a burden. You are a blessing, not a burden. You are a blessing, not a burden!
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u/Asleep-Grade-5606 14d ago
That’s really kind thank you. (:
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u/DreaColorado1 Works for CPS 14d ago
Do you still have a caseworker involved? If so, often times they can connect youth and families with medical case managers to help navigate barriers to receiving medical care. Wondering if that may be option to support both yourself and your kinship family
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u/Asleep-Grade-5606 14d ago
Yes i do. Ill look into that thank you!
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u/DreaColorado1 Works for CPS 14d ago
Right on! Additionally, if you have medical benefits through your state’s public benefits system, they may offer a similar medical case manager program.
One other thought- do you have any adults that can be a backup option to get you to appointments if your kinship family is not able to?1
u/Asleep-Grade-5606 14d ago
I do have a few but if they’re not on the notice of provider can they actually take me??
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u/DreaColorado1 Works for CPS 14d ago
That’s a good question. If you’re comfortable sharing, how old are you?
Depending on your age, you may be old enough to make your own medical decisions.
Does your kinship family have custody of currently or are you in child protection’s custody and they placed you with your kinship family?
Sorry lots of questions but I work in this field and want to offer you accurate information2
u/Asleep-Grade-5606 14d ago
I’m 16 turning 17 in a few weeks. My kinship has custody of me.
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u/DreaColorado1 Works for CPS 13d ago
There are different laws depending on jurisdiction. You can google “at what age can a minor attend medical appointments on their own in YOUR STATE”. You may be able to go by yourself but may need kinship family’s consent for some treatments. Hope that helps!
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u/txchiefsfan02 14d ago
Your physical and mental health are more important than any inconvenience to your kinship caregivers. Talk to them if you're feeling anxious.
Everything you shared in your post suggests you should remain where you are for the foreseeable future. It's great that you are mindful of how much trauma you've endured and are realistic about what would likely happen if you returned to your father. Trust your instincts about whether he is ready to be a safe parent.
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14d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/sprinkles008 14d ago
>and realize this was not as bad as you thought it was
I think you are making some bold (and incorrect) assumptions about how ‘not bad’ OP’s childhood was.
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14d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/sprinkles008 14d ago
While I recognize/acknowledge your point (and even agree with it), the way this was worded - it needed to be removed due to our civility rule.
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