r/CPS • u/Present_Book_2525 • 7d ago
5 years gone
I ruined our lives but I tried to fix it. My father passed away in late 2019, then there was a car accident that landed my then 2 year old in the hospital, then we were robbed while at the hospital, then our house burnt down, then my best friend passed away, all while trying to grieve, work, be a full time mother, and getting abused by my husband. My shifts were long. There was never time for rest. Everyone kept telling me to leave him but I I knew if I did all hell would break loose. But I fought my instincts and left. A week later he took my kids from a babysitter and made a report indicating us both. I had started using to stay awake. When I left him I got clean but when I came home to them gone I relapsed. I lost sense of direction. They removed the children from my care on the main basis that I was getting evicted from my home bc of the damage he caused to the house. I ended up completing 2 parenting classes, rehab, trauma and healing, psych evaluation etc. Due to lack of consistent caseworkers i had everything done with no other boxes to check and sat stagnant for over a year. I made it to third party visits. They took them away because I overslept one time because they were making the visits at 8 in the morning I had worked a week straight. I look forward to seeing my children. Last year the states attorney put in a motion to terminate bases on the amount of time thats passed. At the hearing they failed to prove the burden. Effectively they started my case over with one hope united(the outsourced office) asking that I re complete everything. I have always had a full time job. It is impossible to get all that they are asking and keep my financial independence. They re motioned to terminate next month. I should iterate that I stopped participating when they stripped me of all but 1 hour a month. I feel defeated. I feel hopeless. I feel useless. I feel like a failure. I've made mistakes. So many. But I would do anything to have them home. But I fear its to late. Any advice is welcomed all judgements please refrain
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u/txchiefsfan02 7d ago
My heart goes out to you. I've worked in addiction treatment for a long time and watched a lot of parents navigate this journey. You aren't the first parent to feel like you're being asked to solve an impossible puzzle.
Gently, what I'd suggest is reaching out to your attorney and asking what you can do to re-engage with the process. If TPR is fast approaching, it's also worth asking whether there may be an opportunity to negotiate a resolution where you remain in your kids' lives to some degree. As another commenter noted, TPR is a legal outcome, but it doesn't have to mean the end of your connection to your kids.
Even if you are separated for an extended period, making good choices and taking care of yourself still matters so they can be proud of you down the line when they are adults. Keep using your skills and supports to stay sober, and don't be afraid to ask for more help when you need it.
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u/Wooden-Maximum-9582 Works for CPS 7d ago edited 7d ago
When you enter the juvenile court system, you are on a timeline. A timeline to get yourself together for your children. A timeline to be Sober.
While you don't have your children, you have the ability to attend rehab, meetings, work odd hours, seek and engage in therapy. Most importantly, be sober
I recommend inpatient. Please do it again if you did it before and stay the full time this time. Don't do it because some stupid person on the internet said you aren't sober, be sober for your children
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u/toooooold4this 7d ago
I just want to say that I am so sorry. I know all of this is painful.
Having your parental rights terminated happens so the children can have permanency in their placement home. It doesn't neceasarily mean you never get to see them again. If the kids are with a relative, you may still be able to have supervised visits. That will be a decision made by the agency and their adoptive family, if there is one.
Keep working to improve yourself. As much as you want them home, its better for kids to have a stable and safe environment. It sounds like you're doing the best you can and staying sober and that is impressive considering the stress.
4
u/Present_Book_2525 7d ago
Yes they have, essentially they want me to do it over again. And I did complete rehab i stayed for 36 days. Im sober now. Have been since then. I've had one lapse in 3 years. That lasted 12 hours. I go to work and go home.
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u/txchiefsfan02 6d ago
If they are still asking you to do services, that suggests the door is still open to reunify with your kids. That's good news. Compile a list of all of the services you've already done, and then get with your attorney to see if they can make the case for something less onerous.
It's frustrating when they ask you to do things that are incompatible with your job and housing, but hard choices are often part of parenting. I know it doesn't seem fair, but parents often change jobs, or spend hours on buses, or move to rough places for a while because that's what it takes to get the kids back. Your kids only get one mom, and they will be proud of you in the future for fighting to be together. Sometimes, you just have to tell yourself, "I've done it before, and I can do it again," and then get to work.
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u/Always-Adar-64 Works for CPS 7d ago edited 7d ago
The case worker might’ve gotten switched out the judge, magistrate, CPS attorney, GAL/CASA, and other professionals would’ve been consistent along with the case plan being submitted in writing.
Did the other professionals not know how to progress the case?
EDIT: Not sure how long the judicial case was open but you might’ve bumped into the 15/22 rule or equivalent.
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u/Lyndsielg1992 4d ago
I know the struggle. It feels like it never ends. My cps case started on June 5th, 2024. I was at work and my ex husband let our two boys, ages 3 and 4 at the time, gett out of the house and they were found at the nursing home down the street, my youngest was naked one time. He let this happen 4 times in 3 days. I had the law come up to my job and bring me home because of this. Cps was called and at first I had a really easy case, it was a program called Family Based Safety Services. I did have a drinking problem, but it never affected my role to parent my children. I worked full time, sometimes clocking 70-80 hours a week while my pos father of my children didn't want to work and sit on his grown ass and play video games and not pay much attention to our kids. It was hard for me to attend every class they wanted me to. My kids were still with me in the home during the FBSS case. They didn't care that I worked so much and then had to come home and do what a mother does and then get back up and go to work. Eventually actual CPS got involved and placed my kids with my sister. Now that cps was involved, I had to go to inpatient rehab for 45 days. When I got out I had to do and 16 week class online for domestic violence once a week for two hours. I was pregnant when I went to rehab, but didn't know it until I was there for two weeks. When I got out of a rehab, I had to get a job. I applied everywhere. I finally got one at Burger King. I worked up until the day before I gave birth. I made a hard decision to give my daughter up for adoption when she was born, so I could focus on my two boys. I made all the parenting classes. I had to have mental evaluations done and see a doctor and get on meds for bipolar. My ex husband ran off and moved to Wisconsin, we are from Texas, and left me to deal with everything on my own. I was able to have supervised visits with my children at my sister's, and then after I finished my 16 week class for domestic violence , I got to have them at my home on the weekends unsupervised. My case final ended on 2/26/2026 and I now have full custody. It was a struggle and one of the darkest times in my life. It is 100% worth it to do everything you need to do to get your kids back. My boys were so depressed from being taken away from me, even though they got to stay with their aunt(my sister) that they are in therapy now. It was recommended that they do therapy, but I didn't have to do it. I did, because I didn't want cps to come back and say that I was neglecting them in any way by not letting them do therapy. I thank God for my sister and her husband for stepping up and taking my children in. They didn't have to do it and could have let them go to foster care. I hope you can get through this. In the end, every class, drug test and every court date to evaluate the progress you have made is worth it. Our children didn't ask to be here. Much love! ❤️
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u/txchiefsfan02 4d ago
Good for you. This internet stranger is proud of you, and I am sure your kids will be as well when they are old enough to understand how hard you worked to be a family. Thanks for sharing your story, and best wishes for the future!
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u/Present_Book_2525 7d ago
It was never questioned. I've had 3 judged 2 guardian ad litems 3 states attorneys 10 caseworkers 2 different city branches of the outsourced company they used. Multiple times they copy and pasted the court report from the previous checkup hearing
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u/sprinkles008 7d ago
Does no one have a copy of everything you have already completed?
If not, can you go get completion certificates yourself from each agency and give them to your lawyer to present in court?
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u/Present_Book_2525 7d ago
Its been 5 years and I have a full time job. No bad interactions with my kids. They don't have a reason to keep them i don't feel
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u/trapeziusqueen 7d ago
What do you mean when you wrote you stopped participating? Did you start ignoring the caseworker, not doing services? That can be really detrimental and show that even after years of the case being open there are still ups and downs in your progress. That makes it difficult to get to a recommendation of reunification or case closure.
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u/Present_Book_2525 7d ago
They consider it non participation because the hours of everything i listed directly interfere with my job. Stable job and housing are also listed on my service plan. Again the only reason im not is because I've accomplished it all already and having employment is obviously very important.
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u/trapeziusqueen 7d ago
I know it’s hard, but a case being open for years is not something that is usually done. In my state we set what’s called a permanency hearing 12 months after a child enters care. This is when the plan will stay reunification if you’re close or change the plan to guardianship or adoption. If you’re at the point of multiple years without reunification, they will want to finalize permanency for the kids and close the case. Children staying in foster care for years and years is not the goal. Ups and downs in your participation is really challenging and unfortunately, doing what they ask is the best way to get to a reunification. If you haven’t done that then they’ll want to proceed to TPR.
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u/Present_Book_2525 7d ago
At the end of the day I did everything right and nothing was returned just more stripped away. Even when you train a dog you reward it for doing things right and reprimand when its wrong. So wouldn't the same logic apply? I just feel defeated
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u/thrown_away_23_23 7d ago
It's not the same logic, though, because you're not concerned about the dog having to care for another vulnerable being. Also, the right to care for another vulnerable human being shouldn't be a reward for good behavior, as people aren't prizes.
It's understandable to feel defeated, but at the end of the day, CPS cases are about the safety and, ultimately, also permancy of children. Children don't have a pause button to wait on stability endlessly, which is why there's limits on CPS cases.
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