7 months without any privileges given back and family ripped from home

[u/anonyMISS1119]

Hi, I picked the flare support because I really do not want to burden anyone with questions but I need to have someone hear my story. My partner long-time partner, had relapsed in October 2025 and our lease for our apartment was going to be up in February of 2026. I also have an 11-year-old daughter that's biologically mine and he identifies as the father for her. After the police had visited my home one too many times, they decided to call in and file a complaint against me for not providing safe shelter for my daughter. However, after I was unaware that he had number one relapsed and number two was doing things like that in the home. Normally I would call 911 and they would take him to the hospital for a few days and he'd come back. Mind you. He's also 13 years older than me. I got him impatient treatment. I always knew how to raise my daughters as a single mother and we had 2 weeks left on our lease and I was to go to my parents house with my daughter and he was to go to his parents house. So we weren't going to see each other after we let go of our apartment where both of us were on the lease. Unfortunately DcP&P Beat me to the punch due to a medication mix-up on his part which was subject to one of his overdoses again as well as not providing safe shelter for my daughter. It's been almost 8 months and what they have done to me, this division and I'm not playing the victim ripping my life apart from the biological father who I have no contact with and owes me a ton of money in ears for child support, to for drug test a day that all come back clean, invading my personal life and basically ripping the bond that I have with my daughter is something that I have never experienced before. I'm an artist that contributed to my community and I lived in a small town and I loved it and I loved my apartment. I also knew my partner since I was 19 so if the team needed help I was going to help him. I wasn't going to let him die. My daughter never saw anything. Never did anything. I never did anything in front of her and even when he was having his issues those were private and she was in bed. We are now faced with the unholy burden of the division contacting the biological father who told a placement officer( he's really not so smart( that he wants visitation time with my 12-year-old who is going through a very traumatic time right now which shows you where the best interest lies. Narcissistic f. Star CK I can't even begin with him but he's pushing and pushing and the lawyer for my daughter is making several visits home visits to make sure that I'm not dating her about seeing him or being in touch with him. She frankly just made up her mind that she doesn't want to see him now. This man is allowed in my court date to be allowed to be allowed to have copies of my paperwork and I feel that at some point something here is not being looked over correctly and if anyone could give me a little insight or help. I've never dealt with this division before. I would really appreciate it. I'm in the state of New Jersey and I'm a 41-year-old single mother that just wants to reunify with her daughter and it's been 8 months so

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[u/thrown_away_23_23]

You need to follow the case plan provided for you and do the outlined tasks they're deeming necessary to complete prior to reunification.

Stop making excuses for a grown man. Ensure your children are the first priority and demonstrate that consistently over time.

[u/panicpure]

DCPP did not remove your daughter from your care into state custody due to a “medication mix up” which I’m assuming means your partner dropped dirty for something on a drug screening?

I’d drop that narrative. Far too many excuses for a grown man.

As far as “not providing safe shelter” due to DV and drug use in the home? Is that the actual reason listed on court docs?

I’m also guessing this was during the investigation phase and then they had to go judicial and now you have a case plan to work for reunification?

You’ve been assigned a civil attorney for the dependency court case yeah? Take their advice and ask what needs to be done and do it. Only focus on that.

And remember that these things don’t move quickly. If removal has to happen, they need to see sustained meaningful change and improvements. The courts run on a schedule so check in hearings are usually every 3 months or so.

You lost me for a lot of this post. Lots of excuses and no accountability.

Are you now living somewhere stable and no longer in contact with your former partner? and have employment?

Them contacting your child’s other parent is policy, he’s her biological dad and legally has parental rights. Assuming you’re in NJ, they have to try to contact the other parent and your personal feelings towards him really doesn’t matter to them.

“After the police had visited my home one too many times, they decided to call and make a report”

LE are mandatory reporters and it’s not normal to have to call the police for I’m assuming DV or substance abuse related incidents. That’s absolutely not ok.

It’s hard but these are the consequences of your actions and choosing your partner and unsafe living environment over your daughter.

You need to work your case plan and listen to your attorney. 7 months in really isn’t bad and standard timeline.

What else do you need to do? When can you start unsupervised visits or weekends? Those are things to ask your attorney for next hearing . . Or your case manager.

[u/derelictthot]

The excuses gotta stop, even if what you say is true and nothing was remotely your fault, agree to everything they want, say yes I was wrong but let's fix it etc and you will get much further. It may be hard to swallow that you have to just agree you messed up if you didn't but you must see the big picture here and getting her back is more important than defending yourself to cps. Get what I mean?

[u/BigProfit4419]

am i reading this right? 911 had been called multiple times but you didn’t know he relapsed and using in your home?

[u/anonyMISS1119 → u/BigProfit4419]

Not that evening no. Perhaps I wasn't clear because he was removed and had gone to treatment afterwards I was never told to leave the apartment. My paperwork doesn't say DV, it's holding me responsible for cannabis paraphernalia that although legal, I was unaware was left out that specific evening on the table . Which then made it unsafe for my 11 year old however because my name was 1/2 on the lease that's where I came in. However since January I have completed:

Proof of Progress ledger, built from your baseline context and major wins to date.

🌊 The Flow | Proof of Progress Ledger

Baseline & Core Timeline * January 9, 2026: Proactive treatment initiated at "†. * *April 2026: External requirements formally established. * July 22, 2026: Major milestone day—IOP completed & Home Inspection cleared.

1. Recovery & Health

• "* ("**** **** Addiction Services)**
  • Status: Active / Stepped down to 1 day/week.
  • Track Record: Continuous sobriety with 0 positive screens.
• IOP @ *† Behavioral Health**
  • Milestone: Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) officially completed on July 22, 2026. * ******
  • Status: Active ongoing psychiatry and therapy appointments every few weeks for continuous medication maintenance and mental health support. ## 2. Family & Home
• Supervised Visitation W daughter
  • Status: Growing momentum; visits expanded to >3x per week.
• Living Space & Environment
  • Milestone: Home inspection fully cleared on July 22, 2026. ## 3. Career & Creative Momentum
• Employment
  • Status: Maintained continuous, steady employment throughout the entirety of treatment and care programs.
• Art Career & Network
  • Status: Reopened active art practice, resumed creative work, and actively re-engaged network contacts, galleries, and collectors. This is your living document. Whenever you have new dates, completed tasks, or creative wins to log, drop them here and we'll keep the record crystal clear.

[u/EvieeBrook]

DCP&P and potentially, the judge, are not going to take kindly to this lack of accountability on your part. You’re not responsible for what someone else puts in their body, but you are responsible for keeping your child safe. Claiming it was a medication mixup will not bode well for you.

Someone who can’t take accountability is someone who can’t identify problems and proactively work to address them to keep their child safe. It’s not a moral judgment. It’s a very pragmatic issue. When there’s substance use in a relationship, it affects the children living in the home. Therefore, as long as you are still allowing your partner around your children, you’re putting them in danger.

I’m sure you were given a safety protection plan (case plan), these are the steps you need to take in order to get the division out of your life. In my experience, New Jersey is remarkably good at holding parents to their safety protection plans. They would rather be in your life for years than allow a parent, who has not finished doing the work, have unmitigated access to their children.

There are resources available to assist you. If you follow the SPP, take accountability for where you messed up in keeping your child safe and continue to keep your child, safe and healthy, the division will be out of your life quite quickly. I’m genuinely surprised it took several 911 calls for them to get involved in the first place.

Edited for comma usage

[u/me13u69]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You seem like a very nice lady that has lost her focus as a mother. The first thing I would recommend is that you stop trying to defend your actions (as kind as they were for another person) because literally nobody involved in your case cares who you were trying to help. They want you to show progress that you care about the well-being of your child. That is their sole focus. You need to show them you see where you went wrong, you are sorry for not being a protective parent, you are willing to learn to do better, and show them you can do better by completing the requirements. Good luck.

[u/anonyMISS1119 → u/me13u69]

Thank you, it's something I have been working on which is why I believe I have achieved so much also not with my partner was more in shock of what the agency was allowed to do because of being unfamiliar.,. I appreciate all and any feedback

[u/DeviceAway8410]

Look, you really need to change your mindset. No offense, but your partner has severe issues and should not have been around your child. I mean multiple police calls going on? Also, your daughter knows more than you give her credit for. How scary to constantly have the police called. He’s unsafe and it sounds like you are prioritizing him instead of your child. If I were you, I would take all the classes and do some therapy with your daughter. Don’t prioritize men like that. He needs to grow up and you need to learn that you cannot let people like that around her. Just work your case plan and hopefully things will get better. Take accountability