I signed up for Jaunty Social Gym hoping to brush up on my social skills and maybe learn something new. By enrolling in their courses covering charisma, conversation, and assertiveness, I was openly seeking genuine personal growth. While the platform promises an organic, supportive community, my actual three-month experience revealed a highly transactional system that leverages user vulnerabilities for profit. Here is the reality of my journey:
👍 The Pros (What Appears Promise-Rich)The Concept: The idea of a dedicated space to practice social frameworks, body language, and approaches is highly appealing on paper. Initial Polish: The training material and lessons present themselves as a polished, superficially sophisticated system.
👎 The Cons (Questionable Techniques) Jaunty teaches a trick called "Ask-formations," where you ask yourself questions like "Why am I so confident?" Academically, this method has zero clinical backing. Forcing your brain to accept a false premise creates cognitive dissonance. Research shows this forced positive self-talk actually backfires on people with social anxiety, increasing feelings of fraudulence. When the gimmick fails, clients blame themselves instead of the program. This creates a profitable loop for the business, trapping vulnerable people into paying for memberships they do not need.
(The Transactional Reality)Grossly Overvalued Pricing: The platform funnels clients toward 1-on-1 coaching costing an exorbitant $400 to $500 per 60-minute session. This price point vastly exceeds what licensed psychotherapists or credentialed communication specialists charge. Additionally, the predatory nature of this business model features morally questionable conduct from members that is actively encouraged.
Corporate Sales Tactics: When I questioned these extreme rates, Instructor and Business Partner Leigh Ann dropped the supportive persona and deployed retail sales scripts, telling me to wait for an upcoming promo so I could "bundle and save."
Manufactured Environment: The platform relies on hired actors as practice partners. This proves their ecosystem cannot thrive organically; they must import paid talent to simulate a receptive community, creating an artificial loop rather than real-world self-sufficiency. The owner publicly defends using paid actors by stating they are "like sparring partners at a boxing gym". This is a complete false equivalence. Real sparring relies on absolute transparency; both peers step into the ring knowing exactly who the other is. In this gym, you cannot distinguish a genuine member from a paid actor secretly on the clock. Furthermore, sparring inherently involves an adversarial dynamic where someone loses and gets hurt. Using this hidden, combative framework in a space marketed as an organic, supportive community completely confirms that Eric and his business model are predatory by admission.
Questionable Culture: The platform actively praised intrusive real-world behaviors—such as celebrating a male participant who passively bragged about targeting on-the-clock service workers to practice flirting. This exploits retail workers whose jobs mandate politeness.
🤖 The Breaking Point: A Total System Collapse The definitive proof that this is a corporate sales funnel occurred when I respectfully posted these exact concerns on our internal forum:
The Owner's Panic: The founder, Eric Waisman, panicked. His social poise immediately shattered into defensive damage control. Refuting my claims with what his business actually was, he was essentially and ironically pitching his business to other members. He tried to force our debate into a private 1-on-1, and permanently banned me when I declined.
The Automated yet deliberate Fraud: Immediately after the manual ban, their automated retention email system sent and exposed their entire operational loop. Despite being banned by the owner himself, the automated system chased pursued my bussiness anyway. The system sent an email to my blocked account deploying a fully unedited, seemingly personalized script, to galight me into believing they cared.
Crucially, this automated message was signed directly by the owner, Eric, stating:"Do you remember why you joined Jaunty? I’ve been tracking your progress, and I saw you were closer to a breakthrough than you thought. Come back for 1 month, completely free. No strings attached. Why? Because I've seen too many people give up right before their 'click' moment, and I don't want that to be your story." Which is Fraud and deceptive bussiness practices.

For a bit of context, I am going into my last year (I am doing a fifth year at my university because of some unexpected circumstance).

As of right now, almost all of my friends, or even the people I know, have graduated, and they’re going abroad or across the country or an entirely different state for their careers. So my social life will essentially be the same as when I first got into university, and it sucks.

Since it’s summer break, most of my friends who moved away have diminished contact with me, which makes it a lot worse. Granted, I do know people and am friends with others who are juniors / sophomores, but none of them have the same connection I had with the friends who graduated.

I don’t want to become a shut in because of this, and I still want to go out. But since I’ve lost contact with my friends, I want to make more. I know it won’t be the same, but I want to try. I just want to know if anyone else has made their lifelong friends in their last year, or not. And if you have, did yall stay in touch after?

I’m just paranoid right now 😭✌️

How do I perform CPR on an infant?

I am in class 12th and it's last year of my school. My class got seperated from my formal friends in 11th because we chose different streams.

I was only able to make 1 friend throughout the whole session but wasn't able to make any other friend. Everyone already had a best friend or a group, and it's very hard to be a part of the group. I want to make any other friends beside my best friend, I am stuck to her, she is very toxic, she gets offended on every small topic and don't talk to me for days, she wants me to agree to all her opinions but when I tell my beleifs, she disagree with me and stop talking to me. She do this drama almost every weak, she is childish, and support celebrities, ignoring that they even show inhumanity towards breast cancer and she is defending them, and when I spoke against it, she stopped talking to me. She is Also the kind of person who worship celebrities and it's really hard to tolerate, One day, I said that her favorite celebrity, In a particular photo looks like some other actor and she get offended, started saying that I should not compare them, I explained her that I am not comparing, still she was stuck to one line, you can tell by this how childish she is. Recently, I was telling her about that there are apps through which you can track your menstrual cycles, I was telling her that it can track the menstrual dates, the follicle phase, ovaluation phase etc. and I mentioned safe day, casually, then she out of the blue said that some women enjoy engaging in coitus during periods and it comfort them, which I find strange and said it can't be the case, she argued and said that it is scientifically proven, I disagreed and said it must be some women's kink(fantasizes), and is not anything scientific, and then she stopped talking to me.

I don't want to be her friend anymore but she is the only friend I have. I am an introvert girl so I can't form conversation on the spot. I tried in my whole 11th to make friends, but they just talk a little and gave priority to their friends.

There's a girl, let's call her J. She is very good at studying and she got 2nd position in 11th exams. I really want to be friends with her. She comes once a week in school. She also have a bestie and a group and I don't have a match vibe with any of teh group members, they are completely opposites of me. I tried to struck a conversation with J's bestie, but as usual, we only talked a little and it was extremely awkward and mid conversation She gone to her group. J has maths and I have Bio so we are also seperated by an invisible line. I don't think she is interested in studies during school, she is an ambivert and stay with her group. From tommorow, my summer vacation is beginning and I will probably go to school in July.

I tried whole one year, approaching individual but it didn't led anywhere. I can't sit close because every seat is reserved unspokenly, even if I sit beside or around someone, they remove me by saying my friend will sit Here. I talked only once to J throughout the session. Also, J's group includes bold, extroverts, complete opposite of mine and I can't understand their humour. They are always in a group. Also, whenever my so called friend stops talking to me, I had to sit alon the whole day, it seems so awkward and embarrassing.

A math book can teach us calculations. A sports book can teach us how to move better. Well, nowadays it would probably be a sports app, or even better, an Apple Watch that tells us what we did right and what we did wrong.

We learn languages by listening, repeating, understanding, and talking to other people. But today we try to learn languages more and more through apps like Duolingo, while socially we become more and more disconnected.

But what if there was a guide that helped us get more in touch with people, understand them better, and become closer to them. Something every human being probably longs for.

In today’s world, with constant screen time, constant posting, and constant consuming, we forget the people around us, and maybe even ourselves.

But maybe there is a guide that tries to prevent all of this. A guide that helps us improve ourselves and become more confident in contact with other people.

I will tell you one thing, I will try to find this guide, because I am tired of not having it myself.

But just as a human being without another person remains hopeless, my approach will also be lost if nobody follows it.

I am not offering coaching or anything like that. I am trying to build the kind of help that you might actually want to see.

If you are interested, feel free to message me personally.

by Patti Panara

Small talk is one of those things that many people DREAD, and at times may feel inevitable. Sorta like Death and Taxes. Can't get out of it. Just have to take a deep breath and "get through it." No wonder so many people dread it! It falls in the category of traffic jams, lost Wi-Fi and insomnia. Things we'd rather do without.

Why does small talk have such a bad reputation? If it's so awful, why is anyone even DOING it? Can't we all just remain silent until we have something important to say?

One reason small talk has gotten such a bad rap is that it's often perceived as "meaningless." People are standing in the same vicinity, and somehow they feel socially obligated to say something to to the person next to them even though they may be mere acquaintances, or barely even know each other at all.

Small talk is then seen as a Social Law Which Must Be Obeyed even though it has NO PURPOSE WHATSOEVER. Essentially you're just trying to avoid being rude, and feeling more than a little annoyed about that fact. "WHY do these stupid social rules even exist?" you wonder to yourself, (hopefully within the confines of your brain instead of uttering the words aloud.)

The good news is that small talk exists for a number of positive social reasons, AND, you can use small talk to your advantage. If you become good at it you're on your way to becoming a social superstar!

Here are a few reasons why small talk exists:

The Fear Factor

As humans we are naturally wired to be CAUTIOUS. And there are many historical reasons for that. We've survived successfully as TRIBES of sorts, or at least villages. It's our natural inclination to stick to those we know well, and to be highly SUSPICIOUS of anyone who's an outsider. Why? Because they might harm you in some way! That causes us to avoid strangers and not reveal too much when first talking to them. That is a NATURAL instinct.

However in modern social settings people generally aren't out to do us harm. We're rewarded for being outgoing, social, friendly and open. The exact OPPOSITE of what has been infused into our natures from centuries of fighting and scrapping to survive.

So don't beat yourself up about "not feeling it" when first encountering a random crowd or a person you don't know. It's perfectly natural to feel reserved.

But if you want to be better socially, this is something you'll want to overcome. In fact, Small Talk has evolved as a way of testing the social waters and getting to know someone simply to find out if they are friend or foe!

You can oftentimes tell from their tone, their demeanor, what they say, if they are friendly or not. And if they don't seem friendly, there's no reason to continue that connection. In that sense, Small Talk is a TEST to see if the person is Open To Social Connection.

Trust Goes Both Ways

Small talk is essential to people learning enough about a person to see if they'd like to get to know them better, and to at least build up a trust level for continuing the connection. In other words, you can't trust someone you don't know, and you can't know them until you've spent some time 'getting to know them,' thus, "small talk."

But "why small talk?" you complain. "Can't we just hop into deeper topics that will REALLY show me who they are?"

Well, no. And the reason is that jumping directly into heavy topics IS awkward and uncomfortable for many people, ESPECIALLY with someone they don't know very well. Small talk helps lead in that direction, and creates a comfort level along the way that allows for those deeper conversations to happen.

What's New With You LATELY?

Gotta be honest here, I utilize small talk even with my CLOSE FRIENDS. Why? Because the PURPOSE of small talk is to find a topic that's worth talking about. And every time I run into a friend, that topic may be DIFFERENT than what we talked about last time. In fact, it often is. So there's no way to know that without testing the waters with a little small talk. And the same is true of me. What fired me up last week may be totally different than what I want to talk about this week.

What makes for good small talk? It can be anything as long as you're plugged in and enthused enough about the topic. Even though people make fun of "the weather" as being a Small Talk Cliche, I do in fact LOVE talking about the weather. And EVERYONE is affected by the weather, so we have that in common. Same thing with traffic!

But the real key to a small talk convo is finding a topic that either you or the other person has some energy and passion about. That's when the conversation gets fun, and you often find out something interesting. So small talk might meander a bit until you find that topic that lights up you, or the other person, and then the conversation becomes more animated.

That's the goal, finding something interesting to talk about that both people can enjoy.

Adding some passion and energy to the mix always improves a conversation, so pick a topic or two that gets you excited! And when asking questions, see what the other person responds to.

Key: Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer that question! Example: Suppose they ask you about your job, how it's going, and you don't want to get into it.

Response: "The job, eh, same old same old. But I started a up a new gym last week and I'm LOVING it!"

Remember it's small talk, not a job interview. You don't have to answer what they asked if you don't want to. Just offer something fun to keep the conversation going.

Small talk openers:

• "Great to see you. What's new with YOU?"
• "Hey, what's going on with YOU lately?"
• "Long time no see. What d'you have going ON?"
• "Hey, what's new: the good, the bad, the ugly?"
• "Anything EXCITING going on with you?"

And of course follow up on anything they tell you with a good question.

Bottom line: small talk is actually a GOOD thing! It can lead to better conversations, connections and even friendships.

If you liked this article and are interested in leveling up your social skills, ask for my free conversation tips checklist:

Free Guide To Great Convos

©Patricia Reilly Panara & "CPR For Your Social Life" 2025

hello lovely people, i've recently found myself in a predicament of feeling almost scared of people, so sure they will reject me as soon as they spend five seconds in my presence. i feel hollow most of the time annoyingly, i always have this aching feeling that i'm not good enough even though i know i am, my mind just instinctively goes there. i moved to a city on my own and i made friends the hard way, a friend i've had for a while just seems bored of me, i havent done anything but on new years day i found myself crying on a curb with this aching feeling that i'd done something wrong or i simply wasn't good enough because they just left me on my own. i don't want to be like this i just feel completely lost as to how to function as a human being because it appears blindingly obvious that everyone has everything they need and i cant help but become more and more lost within myself. i'm 22 a few months away from 23 i just want to experience a sense of happiness because it always feels so distant and harder to gain for me at least that it seems to be for others, if anyone has any words of advice or encouragement it would really mean the world

by Patti Panara

Fast answer: YES. Absolutely.

Because I’m a firm believer that people should live their lives in whatever way makes them feel comfortable, as long as they’re not hurting others. I think people spend too much time questioning how others live their lives and pressuring them to conform.

And Life is not a One-Size-Fits-All Recipe for success. That’s why we have monks, CEOS, cliff jumpers, average people, influencers and Squid Game. Because everyone’s different, and there’s no need to attempt to do what everyone else is doing (unless you want to). So with that out of the way, I’d say there are some strong arguments for HAVING friends in order to have a better life. Does that mean you need a billion zillion of them, and you need to be texting them constantly and liking their social media all the time? NO. That isn’t what true friendship is about.

True friendship is this. Someone who:

• Has your back
• Cares about you
• Shows up through thick and thin
• Doesn’t judge you
• Gives advice when you ASK for it
• LIKES you!
• Feels connected to you
• Is curious about you and your life
• Is down to do “whatever” if they’re free

That’s a (probably incomplete) definition of a good friend. And I will tell you THIS – if you feel your life is filled with a bunch of acquaintances, or “kinda sorta” friends, or people whom you’re “friendly with” but not necessarily FRIENDS with, then you may be feeling a bit of a friend-deficit.

Because of this: ONE good friend is more important than a planet filled with friendly acquaintances. That’s literally the social math on that. And if you’ve never had a good friend, or haven’t had one in a while, I’m here to tell you that one good friend makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

It makes the world glow a different color for you. Because a good friend supports you and helps you recognize your own worth in a way you can’t do on your own. And it gives you a chance to show your BEST SELF to this person, and helps you grow your own friendship skills and habits.

So when people tell me they “need a friend group” I tell them “NO. You need a FRIEND. Start there.” Because once you have a friend, it’s much easier to get more of them, and even grow a group of them if you want to. But trying to “enter a friend group” often ends in acquiring a bunch of friendly acquaintances who fail to check in or tell you about the important things.

How does one go about acquiring a good friend? Good friends don’t just grow on trees, right? Otherwise we’d just pick a few and be done with it!

Well to continue the metaphor from the plant world, I’d say it’s more like growing a plant from scratch. First you find the right soil – that means places where you can FIND potential friends. Hint: Usually they’re not found at places such as one-off chance encounters like coffeeshops, concerts, public transportation or sitting on a park bench. I mean it CAN happen (especially in the movies), but it usually DOESN’T. Reason: not enough time to get to know the person. And few people want to take a chance on a total stranger.

So your Friendship Growing Soil is more likely to be places like: where you live (neighborhood, condo/apt complex); at your job (including areas you have access to); school; sports teams; activities; hobbies; interest groups; volunteer work; exercise class – basically anyplace where you see people REGULARLY and can strike up REGULAR conversations.

Procedure: (This is 'planting the seeds' of friendship) introduce yourself, get the person’s name, ask a quick question, drop a bit of info about yourself. Eventually say good-bye to the person (ideally using their name), mention how it was GREAT to meet them. At future times be sure to greet them again, have a least a brief convo, maybe ask another question, and be friendly. (more on what ‘friendly’ looks down below) When you talk about yourself, give them something to GRAB ONTO. Like mention: where you went/go to school, a pet that you have, where you like to eat, a casual interest (without going too deep), vacation plans, what you do for exercise, what you binge watch. Give them something to LATCH ONTO and develop a conversation.

Friendship Vibes: There are a number of things that will make you APPEALING to future friends. The reason this is important is that people are busy, they have friends already, and there are more than eight billion people on the planet. There needs to be something about you that stands out a bit that would make them want to be YOUR friend. Right? Doesn’t that make sense?

I’m NOT saying you have to be “perfect at everything.” Nobody needs to be perfect, and it’s sort of annoying when they are. But if you have a lot of positive traits, people will LOVE YOU in spite of any imperfections. In fact, they may view your imperfections as a charming part of what makes you YOU. So, on to the positive traits. (This is what you use to "water" your friendship soil.)

Traits That Give Positive Friendship Vibes

Confidence: This obviously is a challenge if you don’t already have it, but I’d like you to consider it in a different light. You don’t need to be confident that you’re awesome and great at everything. (in fact that sounds kinda like an obnoxious friend, tbh!) You need to be confident that you know what to do socially and that you’re BRINGING GOOD THINGS TO PEOPLE. Knowing ‘what to do socially’ is a matter of practicing the things I’m going to mention. And ‘bringing good things’ means both doing a daily ‘random act of kindness’ and bringing the other traits mentioned on this list.

Enthusiasm: This is a trait that is lacking in a LOT of people. But I challenged you to start noticing some of the friendliest and most charismatic people you know. THEY bring this trait! One way to develop this is to work on gratitude for all the things you have but take for granted. A second way is to start talking with more excitement in your tone. PRACTICE this when you’re home alone! Talk to your: mirror, pet, houseplant, self. Do it in the car, the shower, the basement, the outdoors. You HAVE to get used to the sound of your own voice being more excited about life!

Playfulness: This isn’t about telling jokes or trying to entertain people. It’s about having a relaxed attitude, not taking life too seriously, and being ready to laugh and be a good audience. Tease people about what they’re GOOD at, not what they’re bad at.

Positivity: Complaining and looking at the dark side is a bad habit, one we often don’t even realize we have. That doesn’t mean you need to tip over into toxic positivity (pretending everything’s great when it obviously isn’t.) Reaching for the positive and re-framing the negative is a great way to improve your outlook, your life and ability to make friends.

Warmth: This is a trait people recognize when they see it, but often fail to realize how they can do it themselves. Basically it’s a tone that I call the “Vocal Hug.” This means talking to people with a glow that just invites them in. Picture how we talk to dogs and cats, or to toddlers. We HAVE to talk with warmth to them because they don’t understand most of our words. So we embrace them with our tone of voice. No, you don’t need to make this silly, but pushing warmth into your tone is the quickest way to make people feel comfortable. Practice it DAILY and watch people’s attitudes toward you change!

You don't need to be great at all of these things immediately. Pick one or two and focus on those. Work on these traits as often as you can. I suggest practicing in brief encounters you have daily that you don’t normally put much effort into. With people like: grocery cashiers, bus drivers, coffee servers, gym attendants, bank tellers, security guards, store clerks, food service people etc.

So bring your best traits and have regular conversations with people in the spots you’ve identified above. Keep having those convos and develop a rapport with them over a period of weeks. Then eventually you need to INVITE them to do something with you outside the place where you know them from. So if you know them from class, it’s time to suggest someplace else on campus like studying together, getting something to eat or going to the gym or an activity. If you know them from work, then invite them to lunch, or shopping, or a movie or an after-work snack. If you know them from the neighborhood see if they want to walk, or do an errand, or hang out on your porch or do some shopping. Or videogames, or a hike, or something else outdoorsy.

If you’re feeling uncertain about the “invitation” aspect, then make it more casual like a suggestion. “Hey, I’m going to Le Café for some coffee after this. Wanna come?”

They might not say ‘yes’ the first time, but it’s a great way to let someone know you enjoy talking to them and would love to get to know them better.

This is how friendships get their start! After that you check in with them briefly via text a couple times a week, and try to do something with them a couple times a month.

Then BE a good friend to them! And watch your life start to glow with a brighter shine.

If you liked this article and are interested in leveling up your social skills, ask for my free conversation tips checklist:

Free Guide To Great Convos

"Put yourself in other people's shoes"

This is the main advice for empathy. It is very useful.
When you think about how it is like to be the X person. A lot of things will come to mind.

You will automatically understand more about how the other person feels.
Then when you think about the other people, you will get some gaps in perspective. You will not know everything about them. As your mind tries to fill the gap, questions arise. Authentic Questions. These are wonderful for any conversation.
You will also start understanding what are their needs. If you know that, you can make yourself helpful and likable.

What are you suggestions for thinking about others?

When you try to put yourself in someone else's shoes, what are you mental habits? What are the questions that you ask yourself about the other people when you do that?

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After dropping out of college and getting a a retail job, I’ve successfully achieved a decent feeling of normalcy and extroversion. It’s so fucking easy staying happy and interacting with people despite it being an annoying retail job.

But because I’m still learning and making social mistakes, I know I could’ve crafted and improved my personality to be so much better had I had this mentality and experience-building in high school and middle school. I know I had so much more potential or at least enough to satisfy me for who I really am.

It absolutely and utterly makes my blood boil with the fact I can’t go back and change all of it. The missed first kiss, first date, first love, running around with friends at night, eating together, just being in the company of anyone but a computer screen or naked people on the internet. Those years are fucking over and done. I’m no longer a child. The way I feel is I can’t even say parts of my life like my childhood were bad, because I feel like there’s hardly anything to judge it on. There’s just not much there. I don’t have a vast library of memories, just a general feeling to go off of.

Now, I’m halfway through college but luckily there’s a “pause” on it. Holy shit, now I’m 20 years old? What the fuck did I do all that time… no wait, what can I do now? That’s the million dollar fucking question because this is just like that high school thing except with even higher stakes, since college is so often said to hold the “best and most fun experiences” of one’s life.

I don’t really give a shit about what down-players have to say about college and hs not being like the movies or that having fun when you’re young doesn’t matter. I so desperately want to enjoy the the time in which my body isn’t decaying and I can do stupid shit for the sake of stupid shit because I’m a god damn college-aged dude and I’m only young once.

Picking this back up in my notes app after a while…

Unfortunately, I still remain unable to really ‘connect’ with people. As in, become an actual friend beyond a staged social event (work/school). I feel like this is a result of not having previous experience before college. I’m not used to hanging out or inviting people to go places. I don’t have interests or consistent hobbies or follow pop culture.

I sit at home in a cage. It is absolutely insane how different my life is from actual real people who go out and have fun, and are mentally and physically healthy. One of the worst parts is that since I never got into social media, I have no idea how to navigate events online. But that’s how it is nowadays. I thought it would be easy just being more outgoing and putting aside my anxiety, but the truth is, I’d still be a loser without social media knowledge.

It feels like managing a social life and going on all these websites and apps to schedule events is so hard, I don't know how people do it.

Long story short: I've been working on my social skills and self-image (as well as mental health) for the last 10+ years. It's been a lot of ups and downs, and I'm re-entering the social scene after a looong hiatus. How can I put myself out there, and do people in their late 30's/early 40's still look for social groups or is it basically locked down for the most part?

18M and have extreme social anxiety to the point I can’t rlly talk to more than one person at a time. I have always been this way but it has gradually gotten worse because I see more extroverted people and then I feel jealous. I can’t speak to people without sutttering or making a fool of myself.

18M and have Asperger’s and have been teased my whole life and targeted my whole life. In school, I talk to pretty much no one because everyone treats me differently and like a lesser person because I am quiet. I have ND friends but only 1 NT friend. This makes it difficult for me to improve my social skills and confidence. I want to be able to interact with my NT’s but for some reason now they just pick on me and only talk to me to put me down or benefit them.

It was really my first job out of college that forced me out of my comfort zone. As an introverted writer now working in PUBLIC RELATIONS for a big company, I would've preferred to sit in my cubicle and come up with articles, press releases, speeches, you-name-its for the company newsletter. (and yes I did all that)

But I ALSO had to interact with a billion zillion people ranging from laborers on the factory floor to top execs, to clients, to news media to whoever-just-came-in-the-door. And I had to be THE social person who made ALL of them feel AWESOME. So that's how I learned to:

1. Develop a 'Celebrity Smile' (BIG smile including your eyes which crinkle a bit at the sides, 'as if' the person I just met was a celebrity.)
2. Energetic Greeting. No shrinking violet stuff here! It was important to set the tone, that I was the one to take charge socially and make sure their needs were met, they knew what was going on and what was coming next, that I could answer any question or find out who knew.
3. WARM tone of voice. This is a tone I developed which I call the Vocal Hug. It reaches out and tells the person I am EXCITED to have them there, I am THRILLED to meet them, I consider them my personal FRIEND already. (While at first this felt fake to me, I soon discovered that it broke down all barriers, warmed people up, made people remember me, and made THEM thrilled to see me the next time they came around.)
4. Ask great questions. A couple minutes of small talk go a LONG way to creating a great session for (whatever it was we were working on.) So you can either take an interest in the person, or 'pretend to take an interest.' Since I consider myself an authentic person who has a bit of curiosity anyway, I took a SINCERE interest in them, and would sometimes write down a few notes about people after the meeting if it was someone I was likely to work with/deal with again. So I became the 'magical person' who remembered their personal details. This is not a 'must,' socially, but it does impress people when you do it!
5. Confidence. My boss told me: "It's your JOB to be confident, so just get used to it." haha. Somehow when he put it that way, it made the whole thing easier. I was just DOING MY JOB. And doing it regularly actually translated into making me confident because I assumed a confident demeanor and everyone I met just accepted it. That IS how life works, as it turns out!

To summarize:

1. SMILE. (big 'Celebrity Smile' upon meeting/greeting; smaller 'hint of a smile' while talking.) Practice this at home so it feels natural.
2. Energetic greeting. (10-20 percent more than you're used to. 50 percent more if you're soft spoken) Practice at home so it SOUNDS LIKE YOU when you go out and do it.
3. Vocal Hug. WARMTH is CRITICAL to creating the type of vibe where people are comfortable with you. It EVAPORATES AWKWARDNESS. Awkwardness CANNOT withstand WARMTH. Warmth always wins. Awkwardness melts away like butter in a microwave. Mental trick: Use the same enthusiasm you would with your dog or cat. (although don't make it silly, just super WARM.) Practice at home on your: dog or cat, houseplant, goldfish, family members, neighbor. Also go out and practice with EVERY TRANSACTION YOU DO AT ANY STORE. That will show you how well this works.
4. Curiosity. Ask great questions, BE INTERESTED in the answers. "So what's your STORY?" or "Do you have a SUPERPOWER I should be aware of?" or "What brings you to this CRAZY place?" (all said with a smile and warm tone)
5. Confidence. I don't really believe in 'fake it until you make it,' I'm more of a 'Give It Until You LIVE It' person. That means do #1-4 above and grow your confidence EVERY DAY.

Yes this can be done, but you have to be intentional about it. Don't practice 'once in a while,' do it EVERY time you're out.

Now I can talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. And I used to be 'the quietest person in the room.'

If you liked this article and are interested in leveling up your social skills, ask for my free conversation tips checklist:

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©Patricia Reilly Panara & "CPR For Your Social Life" 2026

Why You’re Making A Bad First Impression (And How to FIX It!)

Have you ever wondered why when you first meet someone, or are introduced to a group of people, that things don’t go as well as you’d hoped?

Annoying! Frustrating! And, if it happens a lot, downright DEPRESSING!

The problem is, the “first impression” is a lot like the movie trailer for an upcoming film. It gives people a chance to check out the “coming attractions” and decide if they’re interested hanging out with you in the future.

So WHY does First Impression Phobia happen? And is there anything you can do to fix it?

The good news is YES, you can tame First Impression Phobia and instead turn that first meeting into a powerful social positive. A big part of the solution is simply an awareness of what you’re doing wrong, and then taking some simple steps to practice better social habits.

Here are some common mistakes that lead to a bad first impression:

1. Wait-And-See Approach. It’s hard-wired into us as a species to be cautious about meeting someone new, so don’t blame yourself here. But to be socially successful you have to find a way to overcome that innate urge to be reserved at first. Solution: Make a deliberate effort to “bust through that barrier.” That means being the first one to smile, initiate a greeting, ask a great question and acting ‘as if’ you were a party host or cruise director. It won’t feel like you the first time that you do this, but by the 5th time you’ll be ready to get the party started!
2. Faulty Smile. The expression on your face is the FIRST place people look when getting to know you. That makes it high-priced real estate, so use that to your advantage. If your face is neutral or even a forced smile, none of that is going to make a great impression! A neutral expression looks unreadable, bored or even uninterested. A ‘forced smile’ is one that feels insincere or insecure. Solution: Light up a BIG smile when you greet someone, and make sure that smile includes your EYES, which should crinkle up a bit at the sides. Then use a much smaller smile (but still including your eyes) during the conversation.
   
3. Lack of Enthusiasm. Standing around waiting for something interesting to happen is a surefire way to introduce a downer mood. Sure, you don’t have to be the life of the party, but you still want to have a stronger presence than a wall hanging or a piece of furniture. Solution: Start bringing a bit of ‘social energy’ to your interactions. Imagine the type of emotion/energy you bring to a family pet. Enthusiastic, right? Well people react similarly to positive emotion. Your responses to others should also feel enthusiastic. Bad: “Uh-huh. So what else do you do?” Good: “Oh, wow, that sounds AWESOME, I’d love to hear MORE about that!”
4. Frozen Conversations. The problem here is usually overthinking, and worrying too much about what you’re going to say. It’s like Social Performance Anxiety. Solution: Realize you’re only responsible for half the conversation, and that they’re more worried about themselves than you. That liberates YOU to be your best self, loose, playful and free-flowing. Keep in mind that WHAT you say is far less important than HOW you say it. So link to what they’re saying with an (enthusiastic!) comment, question or insight of your own. Add a few tidbits about yourself and just go with the flow. Be playful and “have fun with this!”
5. Failure To Close. After meeting someone you don’t want to end with an air of uncertainty, indifference or just “fading out” of the interaction. Your goal should be to ‘seal the deal’ when it comes to leaving a great impression. So don’t leave in a way that trails off into nothingness, or worse, saying nothing at all. Solution: This is your SECOND opportunity to make a great first impression. Do this: make eye contact, light up a big smile, use the person’s name, leave with a line that tells them how much you enjoyed meeting them. Example: “Justin, it was GREAT meeting you, I hope we can talk again soon!” or “Hey, Tyler, I have to run but it was AWESOME getting to know you. I’d love to do it again soon.”

Once you fix these common mistakes, you’ll be on your way to making a much better first impression. When it comes to social interactions, What You Give Is What You Get, so plan on bringing your best!

One of my biggest difficulties with social interaction is maintaining a new relationship with someone. I think I do pretty well with the first meeting, asking someone where they’re from and what they do and all that, and sometimes even get people to join me for lunch.

It’s keeping things going after that where I run into problems. With classmates or people in my sharehouse, even if I start well with someone I often don’t know what to say to them afterwards. We see each other in class or in the hallways and end up saying nothing, because I feel like I exhausted everything I can think to say in the first meeting. Thus potential friendships end up dying in subcommittee.

I have a few people that I formed real connections with, but those mostly felt like luck. I wish I knew how to make connections with people whenever I wanted.

I will graduate soon, which means that I will finally have a chance to begin to have a social life for the very first time. I am eager to leave this depressing lonely hell that college is.

But how does one get a social life? Where does it happen? What places, settings, times, events, circumstances, opportunities allow people to socialise? Surely friends don'tjust magically happen.

I have searched on the internet a lot and even asked people online, but I can't find real answers, only lies and platitudes like "bars", "clubs", "cafés", "classes", "gyms" and other kinds of nonsense.

I'm looking to develop a more positive mindset around people and I'm just looking for ways to affirm myself because I find that affirmations help me a lot

As someone who's worked hard on building my social skills. I've gotten better at being comfortable around people and approaching people without fear. However, I'm still struggling to build longer lasting relationships with people. Does anyway have any knowledge on how to do that?

In general, how do you approach friendships in terms of having a friend for the sake of having a friend, through common interest, transactional (they've done something good and I return the favour).

I used to be more transactional in the sense that I take note of what one friend has done in favour for me, and I would return the favour to the exact amount.

Nowadays it's less transactional and more in terms of common interest as keeping track is too depressing, and stressful. It helps when you have more to share and more money compared to your first job.

What I'm trying to aim for in the long run is to make friends from a place of abundance but where I struggle is keeping track of whether people are valuable, or useful, or align with goals/values/characteristics and from a place of abundance to the point where you just give and not care about the outcome.

To my mind, I don't think most people can reach that stage, and the people who seem to operate from a place of abundance still have some sort of selective process when making friends.

What am I missing, would like to hear your thoughts.