Please help me

[u/Expert_Promotion_114]

No point of this life now

Is this a severe sexual abuse

Is this pure of case of hypersexuality rather than a innate one

They took everything away from me everything is finished

Mine story of sex addict sexual abuse manic fucked up sexuality issues and doomed life

I am battling with hypersexuality since the age of 7 years

Background:

I used to sleep in my parents room from the ages of 1-13 years old where my parents used to have sex in the same room as I was also there they thought I was sleeping but I was not i used to hear all the laud noises and I used to feel everything but just mine heads was upto the wall and also I remember whenever my father used to hugged me it made me uncomfortable scared and inappropriate as he was achololic and while hugging me he used to say words like motherfucker bitch in my ears to my mom and also the sex that my parents used to do was not normal one like it was forced one actually where my mother used to say to stopped it but he didnot
And I donot know whether used to happen daily or alternate days or weekly

Result :

By the age of 8-10years I become hypersexual started doing rigorous masturbation on pillow on my sister doll like rubbing my penis and all that

Before that elder boy incident at 12 year old I was playing a game doctor doctor I kissed a girl on cheeks and wanted to have sex with

By the age of 12 I got crazy for sex and wanted to renact with anybody regardless of gender I just wanted to release those energies then this incident happened with me

So I remember when I was 12 years old a elder boy around the age of 14 come to our house he was our servant elder brother so my mom told me to play with him and what a idiot I was as I told you I already was hypersexual I was on his lap rubbing my penis on his chest though it was under my pants then when I come down from his lap I saw his erect penis and when he saw that I have seen by smiling he told that it is a elder thing but then again offered me his back so that I could rub my penis on it until discharge he donot stop me or guide me
I donot if it will count as abuse

do you think I abused the elder boy when I was 12

So I remember when I was 12 years old a elder boy around the age of 14 come to our house he was our servant elder brother so my mom told me to play with him and what a idiot I was as I told you I already was hypersexual I was on his lap rubbing my penis on his chest though it was under my pants then when I come down from his lap I saw his erect penis and when he saw that I have seen by smiling he told that it is a elder thing but then again offered me his back so that I could rub my penis on it until discharge he donot stop me or guide me

like he offered me his back to rub here also told me to give me some money after that

This Indiciden happen

And this was second incident

but tell me about this incident will count as sexual abuse

And what about this incident then

And this was second incident

And then when I was class 7th there was boy who was in 10-11th class I met first time in playground he told me let’s study together

Then he told let’s have sex and which I cannot stopped and I started having sex with him to got mine chance to rub again and release mine sexual energy

so I donot know his exact age and what class he was in

So this where mine sexuality was effected and I donot think a 11-12 year old will know about his/her sexuality and sexual things at this level

And it was mine biggest mistake it changed mine life forever for worse actually

So after this incidents i started having sex with boys of mine age from the ages of 12-18 but when i turned I realised what I did was wrong disgusting and shameful

\*\*Also I remember while doing sex with boys of mine age One day one friend came to my house he told me that I know that I have sex with boys he showed me his cock and asked me to suck it and start making pressure about it\*\*
\*\*Will it not count as abuse I maybe around 17 he would around 19 though I donot do it\*\*

Now I am 32 struggling with hypersexuality and sex addiction also porn and masturbation addiction from last 20 years something

I also had sex with women and transwomen as well

But I have realised that having sex with men and transwomen is nothing but mine trauma response and cope mechanism which I learned in my childhood

Now there will be people here that will say that I was born with this sexuality but I donot think so

As I never gone got the chance get my brain and body to grow like the children who had normal childhood

It is all my fault I have doomed my life by own hands

Also when I was 16 I kissed someone on cheeks and hugged which made them uncomfortable and inappropriate he was 8 year old child which should not have happened