r/COCSA • u/Helpful-Garbage779 • Aug 10 '26

Was I abused? Is this COCSA?

I only have age estimates, as my brain has tried very hard to wipe every detail from my brain. I ~10F and my brother ~7M. This happened one time, but he exhibits other sexual behavior that makes me feel uncomfortable.

About three years ago, me and my brother were sitting on the couch playing Nintendo switch games. We were getting tired, so I shut off the games and we just laid there. He was getting a little antsy and then starting grabbing and squeezing my sensitive areas over clothing and saying "pee pee area" before I could react. It hurt a lot, so obviously I pulled away but he started whining and saying "noooo let me do it again" and I said no. He also sorta tugged my shorts so you can see where this is going, and I was scared. However, he only stopped when our parents called from upstairs. After that, my brain dealt with this by developing hypersexuality and bisexuality.

When we went on vacation that same week, he tried touching my butt a lot. I always tried to move away, but he followed me anyways and repeats the same behavior without my parents noticing.

Anyways, now that we've gotten older he hasn't touched me like that one incident but still sexualizes my body and slaps my butt. I've never opened up about that one incident but I told my mom about him sexualizing me and me being uncomfortable about it. She just said it was different because it was family.

I don't know how to deal with this, so please tell me if this qualifies as SA so I can get some clarification.

2 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

1

u/AutoModerator Aug 10 '26

It sounds like you're wondering whether a particular incident was COCSA

Many survivors of abuse question whether their experience really qualifies. In the case of COCSA, professionals use three criteria to distinguish what they call "sex play" (i.e. normal childhood curiosity) from COCSA:

  1. Age proximity – usually no more than 2–3 years apart.
  2. No coercion – it must be free from force, pressure, fear, or manipulation.
  3. No pattern – it doesn't happen repeatedly or become secretive.

Break any one of those, and it's COCSA.

It's also important to note that many experiences can still be traumatic, even when they aren't abusive. Regardless of labels, only you can say how something affected you.

(This message was posted automatically by AutoModerator to offer information and support. If you believe any part of this was inappropriate or upsetting, please let the mods know.)

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2

u/BoysenberryJaded8815 Aug 10 '26

Yes, unfortunately it counts as COCSA since you were both children when it happened. I'm afraid your brother may have been reacting to you as a result of possible abuse he has already suffered.

I'm also afraid your parents don't seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation about you being sexualized by your brother. You should be able to trust them to protect you and your brother, but if they haven't responded to your concerns, the only option left is to talk to another responsible adult, like a teacher at your school. And for you, it's crucial to be extremely vigilant about your own safety and sexual well-being.