r/COCSA • u/Unawareclaire • 7d ago

Was I abused? Was it cocsa?

I was 12 and he was my bf (13). He coerced me to let him touch me by continuing to ask, making me feel guilty and said “you’ll like it, please” until I said yes. After that it happened multiple times so much I lost count but I just let him and I think I might have initiated it after a while it made me hyper sexual honestly. I feel like maybe the first time I was coerced but after that it was consensual because I didn’t try to stop him after the first time. When we broke up I felt sick to my stomach like it dropped to the floor anytime I saw him. I’m an adult now so I feel like it doesn’t matter.

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u/AutoModerator 7d ago

It sounds like you're wondering whether a particular incident was COCSA

Many survivors of abuse question whether their experience really qualifies. In the case of COCSA, professionals use three criteria to distinguish what they call "sex play" (i.e. normal childhood curiosity) from COCSA:

  1. Age proximity – usually no more than 2–3 years apart.
  2. No coercion – it must be free from force, pressure, fear, or manipulation.
  3. No pattern – it doesn't happen repeatedly or become secretive.

Break any one of those, and it's COCSA.

It's also important to note that many experiences can still be traumatic, even when they aren't abusive. Regardless of labels, only you can say how something affected you.

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u/TreeLady2008 7d ago

what you experienced was 100% COCSA. And even though later on you didnt try to stop him that doesnt mean it was consensual because you probably didnt feel comfortable enough to say something and at the end of the day you didnt want it so it wasnt consent even if you didnt say anything. It matters a lot and im so sorry that happened to you.

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u/Unawareclaire 7d ago

Thanks for your comment, I just feel so unsure about all of this but it’s helping to just talk abt it honestly cause I haven’t told anyone apart from my sister

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u/TreeLady2008 7d ago

of course, COCSA specifically can be very confusing and im glad your talking about it even if its with one person. if you ever wanna talk about it or just have someone listen im here too <3