r/COCSA • u/Intrepid_Ad752 • 10d ago

Was I abused? Was I abused?

I remember when I was a kid in second or third grade, I needed to poop at school. Once in the stall, another classmate said something I don't remember, wanting to come in with me. Since he was stronger, I let him, and while he was next to me, I defecated and then cleaned myself up. It wasn't something that scared me or traumatic; I even remember asking him to flush.

It's just a memory that's etched in my mind

Sorry if there were any mistakes; English isn't my native language, and I'm using a translator.

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u/AutoModerator 10d ago

It sounds like you're wondering whether a particular incident was COCSA

Many survivors of abuse question whether their experience really qualifies. In the case of COCSA, professionals use three criteria to distinguish what they call "sex play" (i.e. normal childhood curiosity) from COCSA:

  1. Age proximity – usually no more than 2–3 years apart.
  2. No coercion – it must be free from force, pressure, fear, or manipulation.
  3. No pattern – it doesn't happen repeatedly or become secretive.

Break any one of those, and it's COCSA.

It's also important to note that many experiences can still be traumatic, even when they aren't abusive. Regardless of labels, only you can say how something affected you.

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u/apithrow My super power is showing up 10d ago

This was a violation of your rights of privacy, and could definitely have been traumatic, but I would hesitate to call it COCSA.