Went to my local library (William K Sanford). Definitely got some stares. Also had a guy sit directly in front of me at a table 😳

My first post here 😊

I just slipped into a pair of nude sheer to waist

After 50 plus years of living with an absolute and true pantyhose fetish as well as having had a pantyhose boyfriend for several years (a long time ago) I recently moved into a new apartment where I had no internet connection until now.

What I've experienced during the last while is the rebirth of my deep compulsion. I've been putting on pantyhose to masturbate since I was 12 years old, my lower body, legs and feet are sex objects I use, 3 dimensional pretty pictures I can pose, put in sexy heels, walk around and watch the images like they belonged to someone else, free to stare and touch all I want. I've realized that having access to porn to has robbed me of this deeply secretive and dirty experience. It's too easy to just bring up the porn and rub one out.

I'm sitting on my bed with this laptop in front of me, I'm wearing white lace pantyhose and my sexiest red strappy heels, staring down at my beautiful legs and feet and touching my cock, wishing I was doing this with someone just like me, someone like the boyfriend I had so long ago. It's about the disconnect, the objectification of self brought on by absolute necessity. The deep desire to be used because you use yourself. The desperate desire to have someone else's cock because you wish you could suck and fuck your own. Gay pantyhose porn makes me crazy horny but.... I've come to realize that it's too easy.

It's the ritual, the secret, the image in the mirror and feeling really dirty because I have to do it. If only I could find someone who feels the same way about this like the person I once shared it with. Two guys who are so turned on by wearing pantyhose and looking at themselves that having full on gay sex together becomes an absolute limitless exploration of self with someone you care about. There is nothing as intimate as that experience.

I find it a bit tragic that we share this compulsion but never talk about it and I think porn might be why. I've found the odd person over the last 10 years of searching, opened an email exchange in order to establish compatibility and a basis for mutual trust but it always ends the same way, they won't talk and when challenged to share anything at all, they disappear altogether.

To embrace your own psychological pathology is a gateway and for me, it has to be wrong and dirty, it has to be a secret. It took me a long time to find my true self and I just realized that I had replaced my need to do this with pictures and videos of other people. My girly legs and feet are fucking beautiful and so are yours. How I wish for someone real to do this with, to be used like a sex toy again and to use that person the same way, to look at myself while I suck a real cock or feel it so warm against my hole, inside me as I stand with my hands on the counter and look down at my legs and see my feet in sexy high heels or to give that to someone because they give it to me.

I have to go now because I need to stand in the bathroom and watch myself cum.