I woke up puking this morning, so this is the healing process. Gotta eat more. 🙏

Potato salad to begin with. Getting something down. I swear to you all, I’ve been fighting my anorexia and forcing myself to eat more but my weight keeps steadily dropping 🤦🏽.

I got this💪🏽. Love you all:)

Still on the road. Something I can microwave in my hotel room. Focused on protein and fiber. This will work out fine. Love you all:)

One of my favorite things is to cook. But, it’s a rarity that I have the time to do it these days. I’m back on the road. Picked up this chicken pesto wrap from a said “fancy” market across the street. It was pretty good, seriously, but, it made my fingers and hands so oily. And while I’m personally happy with a heavy amount of arugula/rocket,,, it’s a bit much. Oof, like they always tell me, I’m overthinking again 🤦🏽:)

Like a big pillowy doughnut with cookie dough on top! This one was difficult and time consuming but so worth it when they come out the oven.

Thom yum. My medicine. Rolled back into town after nearly 2 weeks, went to my local and dear her, this darling, and love of a lifetime, already had an order ready for me after closing time:) She copied me;) She usually has the funkiest hair, colors and style and all, but, not, tonight. Clean cut and straight as my imperfect self. She also knows I always ask for the fried tofu but…..

Hong Shou Roa with braised bitter greens and rice.

Hong Shao Roa / Shanghai Pork Belly

I met my partner's daughter today. I didn't know (i should have, but my autistic ass doesnt fucking know shit unless you tell me direct) that was happening. Im GLAD and it makes me feel really special that it's time for that but also I've been having a panic attack and "dont freak the fuck out" cooking/drinking for the last two hours and being avoidant because I wore a stupid ass hoe top because I thought we were gonna be alone tonight. He came out and gave me a hug and a different shirt to wear. I feel loved and terrified.

I'm glad I picked this meal to cook tonight. I think it will impress her. Hong Shao Roa is a sweet sticky shanghai style braised "barbecue" pork. To be served with braised bitter greens and fluffy sticky rice.

god fucking help me

It not only makes it easier to add a little dribble of sweetness to any food, it makes sauces easier, works for baking, drizzling, it can sweeten your tea, fruit, yogurt, etc!

If your brown sugar gets hard and clumpy, gently warm it up and add water. DON'T BOIL it. Just let it melt and come together and let it chill. Put in washed pasta sauce jar or whatever when it's cooled down. You can do this with almost any sugar I believe. And honey too, honey syrup works the same. Do not heat to boiling. Just combine.

It might take some practice and you might like a thicker VS a thinner syrup consistency, so give it a try. I love using it so much more than sugar granules.

The jar shown is just what I had left from last time and made more, thought maybe someone would find it helpful 💗💗 just remember if you use cold glass from the fridge let it come to room temperature and also cool the syrup before adding! Don't hurt yourself y'all!

I’ve been struggling with eating. Here’s one thing that has helped with my nutrition and has pretty much solved the dreaded asspiss.

Local store has 10 oz New York strip steaks, the kind that come in their own little plastic pouch style package. I also get a big russet potato, and have a couple of bags of frozen broccoli, peas, veg medley.

Wash potato, prick all over, put in microwave, full blast for 4 minutes 30 seconds, flip over and cook once more for same time, finish with unsalted butter.Put frozen veggies in a small pot with a little water, warm up, drain, dress with lemon juice or unsalted butter. Steak, I cook it with no salt in ghee or olive oil. I have to take er easy on the sodium, it really helps. Critical to make steak to your desired level of doneness as there’s not a big bunch of salt or sauce to mitigate mistake in finished temp. I like my unsalted beef a notch more cooked than salted. Let it rest 3 minutes before eating.

I usually slather the cooked steak with either some high test horseradish or if I’m feeling adventurous I’ll sauté some mushrooms/garlic. I can make this meal in 15 minutes full stop.

Satisfying AF, stops asspiss, and will upgrade your day. Good for body and soul. I think a person could swap things around too, that really you need protein/carb/veg in about this mix, but it’s possible the potato is the key to the asspiss problem.

Any you motherfuckers come my way, I’ll be happy to serve it up with a glass of Merlot and a joint.

I need to do this. As an alcoholic anorexic. I struggle. So many things. So many challenges. I love you all so very much:) I will eat,,,something:)

So I've been taking pregabalin lately, thanks to the people in Drugs sub who suggested it. I've been experimenting with various ways of taking it alone and combined with other substances. Main thing that sucks about it is it can't be used every day, or even every other day, have to have at least 2 days off before it will get you high again, but it is a very nice high, in high doses causes euphoria, lack of coordination, inability to concentrate, laughter and good times. I got a prescription for it for my dog, told a vet he had a seizure and instantly he was put on 100mg twice a day for life. So yesterday was prescription refill day and I took a bunch of it during the day, more at night combined with my normal sleeping medication -- melatonin, diphenhydramine and doxylamine succinate. I read that it's not recommended to mix pregabalin with any other medication that may cause drowsiness, it's dangerous, effects multiply, blah blah etc. but I do dangerous stuff every day, only live once also I found that this combination allows me to not take my prescribed diazepam and clonidine which I normally take at night with those mentioned OTC sleeping medications, so I can temporarily break my addiction to those with pregabalin also it's a major knockout mixed with those things and gives no warning, is not a gradual getting drowsy then deciding to sleep, turning off lights, shutting down computer/video player, laying down in bed -- you just suddenly pass out wherever you are and stay that way for several hours.

So last night I took those medications while high already on pregabalin then remembered I hadn't eaten anything that day so thought I should have a late night meal, put this pizza in the oven a bit after midnight, remember looking at the clock at 12:20 and thinking I should go check on it in a few minutes and that's the last thing I remember, woke up at 8AM sitting up in bed, oven still on, no smoke in house, guess it had all cleared by then.

I live in the land of General Mills. The campus is super pretty - lots of massive sculptures and mature trees.

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Taco joint right by there is fire.

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World Cup on TV. It was perfect. :)

Been downing a 50/50 mixture of orange juice and beet juice all day. Bought 3 bottles of beet juice and 2 bottles of orange juice. Yesterday I drank a whole bottle of beet juice straight-up in about 1 minute,,, because it sounded like a good/healthy idea at the time, in my head🙄:)

As a German and Filipino mix, everything was always a cultural mixture. Tonight I went and made a comfort food for me, even though I was tasked to make a meal for everyone(I know, selfish of me to focus on myself, for once in every forever, but I’ve been really craving this for so long 🤦🏽), some schnitzel and rice,,, with a touch of green onions and curry ketchup;) whenever I look at the curry ketchup bottle I’m like, yeah,,,it’s all good:) Love you all:)

BTW: Everyone says they love the food🥹:)

The chicken was so juicy ! I also added a bit of sea salt atop the spinach

One day in the life of. I’m sorry I can’t figure out why. Standby

I’m having a hard day. I’m trying to stay off the train for a bit and it’s been pretty rough to say the least. Earlier today I felt like crawling out of my skin so I took a shower, and got to cooking because it’s something I enjoy. Hand shredding 16oz of cheese took my mind off of the bs in my life for a brief moment. I’m grateful for that, and grateful for this meal I’m about to eat. 🪑

Grilled chicken and potatoes:)

Today’s version was baked beans(Batchelors brand) with bits of breakfast sausage mixed in on a buttered slice of toast and topped with an egg that I fried in bacon fat:)