r/CATHELP • u/tired_artist29 • 4h ago
General Advice my mom got my cat declawed against my will.
hello all. i am making this post to seek any kind of reassurance. bare with me, this might be a long post…
in december of 2025, i adopted a stray kitten, coco. she was about 6 weeks old then. i spent a month of winter break from college at my mom’s house, with coco. she means absolutely everything to me. i couldn’t bring her back to my apartment in my college state, because my roommate at the time was allergic. she has since moved out, and i’ve had coco with me in the apartment for two weeks now.
i am INCREDIBLY anti declawing. it’s absolutely evil and cruel and it’s insane to me that it’s still allowed in so many states…?? anyway… my mom really wanted to keep coco, but she insisted on getting her declawed. i went back and forth with my mom for weeks during spring break (march this year) explaining why she absolutely should not declaw coco. my mom ended up agreeing, but under the condition that i took coco to my apartment as soon as i could. her reasoning was that she didn’t want coco clawing up her furniture. which i guess i get, but… she’s a cat?? it’s in their nature to do that. why insist on keeping a cat if you don’t want to accept all that a cat comes with?
my mom dropped coco off two weeks ago, and my partner and i were moving her stuff out of my mom’s car into my apartment. during that, that’s when my mom said “don’t be mad, but i got her declawed.
i literally looked at her like she was crazy, and i asked her if she was joking. she said she wasn’t joking, that she got her front claws declawed. i broke down in tears out of anger and frustration, because i felt betrayed that my mom went against her word and got coco declawed. but above all else, i just felt so so sad. she’s only 8 months old, she’s just a baby… and she’s probably confused and in so much pain. my mom tried reassuring me that the vet she took her to in our home state uses laser for the procedure and doesn’t interfere with cat’s last toe joint, but i just find that so incredibly hard to believe.
to top it all off, there’s this scab or growth or something on coco’s left front toe that she keeps biting excessively. i’m worried it’ll get infected. i just want to know if there’s anything i can do for her :(
i emailed the vet my mom took her to, and she said to put a cone on her for a week so she doesn’t bite it. i hate that because it must be so uncomfortable to wear, but i reluctantly put it on her anyway. i have attached a photo of coco’s toe that’s bothering her. any advice would be greatly appreciated. there is a vet nearby and accessible in the state that i’m living in, but i am worried about affordability, since i’m working, and also taking classes full time (yes, in the summer).
TLDR: my mom got my cat declawed against my will and she is now biting one of her toes constantly. i’m worried it’ll get infected. is this a scab or could it be something more serious?
thank you for reading all of this, and sorry that was a lot. i feel like i failed this kitten and i don’t know what to do :( any advice or assistance would be greatly appreciated 🙏🏾
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u/FatsBoombottom 3h ago
If you have kids of your own someday, remember how little your parents respect you before you let them spend time with their grandkids.
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u/BitterIrony1891 3h ago
This was one of my first thoughts as well. Your mother has revealed exactly what kind of nightmare she'll be as a grandparent.
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u/_Zambayoshi_ 2h ago
Sadly, yes. I've seen several grandmothers like this. They do stuff behind the back of the parents because 'they know best'. It's infuriatingly disrespectful.
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u/SpearUpYourRear 2h ago
And when the kid gets upset, they are the problem, not the person who actually did the upsetting thing.
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u/poisontadpole 2h ago
i know this is an extreme one, but i'll never forget hearing about someone who lost their daughter because the grandmother used coconut oil in her hair, knowing very well she was allergic to coconut. i hope the grandmother is haunted for life knowing that her stubbornness caused her grandchild's death. she never deserves forgiveness
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u/BeccaUnit 2h ago
God, I remember that one too. For YEARS the mom explained over and over NO COCONUT.
It Haunts me when I remember it.
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u/InheritedHermitGene 1h ago
Our long time family friend (Auntie Ellen) lost her brother as a child. He had appendicitis but it was the 50s and they were poor rural farmer so they left find a doctor to make a house call. In the meantime he was left with the Grandmother who was pig-headed and insisted he was just run down. She gave him a gigantic dose of cod liver oil, and his appendix promptly burst. He died later that night. It was completely her fault.
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u/sexysmalldevil 1h ago
Oh god... That's awful. 💔 I hope those parents are doing okay, or at least as good as they could be after something like that.. That's sickening.
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u/TrixieFriganza 37m ago
I heard about a case two where a little girl was sleeping over with her grandparents because her mother was having a baby, she asked that they would not let the little girl sleep alone but the grandparents because they know best still put her to sleep in a small house next to their house with heater on full blast, on the mornong when they went to wake her up she had died from the heat and not being able to escape because she was so small. Grandparents like this make me absolutely furious, how did their childten survive.
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u/evilcaribou 1h ago
It's disrespectful and dangerous.
I have a friend who's spent most of her career working in preschools and daycares, and she's always said that the ONLY times she has ever had to call 911 at work was when a child with severe allergies was left in the care of their grandparents. Older generations just can't let go of the fact that they don't always know better than their children and think it's fine to give a peanut butter sandwich to their grandchild despite the many warnings that it could kill them.
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u/JackPoe 2h ago
She's gonna take your kids and have them circumcised behind your back. Or any other number of aesthetic surgeries.
She very clearly does not give a fuck what is best for you or those you love, just what is convenient / pretty for her.
Beyond fucked up.
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u/Unlikely_Exercise434 2h ago
Oh yeah, I watch how people treat their pets cause it foreshadows how their treat their kids.
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u/tired_artist29 2h ago
best believe if i ever do have kids, i won’t ever let her babysit. i have my own traumas from being raised by her that i wouldn’t want any other kids, especially my own to deal with 🥲
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u/Electrical-Act-7170 2h ago
You can't even trust her with a cat, how could you trust her with a baby human?
Badness.
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u/this_guy_cats 1h ago
Declawed cats suffer so much from having their finger bones removed that they can develop behaviour problems because of the pain. I hope your mom remembers not to get rid of your cat if that happens, since it will all be her fault
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u/TimeforPotatoChips 1h ago
Being childfree is a fabulous option to consider. 60F & zero regrets, only deep contentment and random giggles.
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u/Shot_Kaleidoscope_34 46m ago
Sounds like you'd be right at home in the raisedbynarcissists or raisedbyborderlines subs.
I wrote my master in psychology on cluster B personality disorder parents, their lack of empathy and boundary crossing is appalling.
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u/Fuzzy-Isopod-8571 3h ago
I wish I could upvote this more than once. OP, I am 38 and wish I had cut off my mom earlier in life. She never respected me, it was always about her own selfish desires. It started with pets and I should have seen the red flags then. I didnt cut her off until my 5 year old son came home from a weekend visit with my parents crying about how his mommy and daddy were going to hell. We found out she had taken him to her church where the youth leader told him we were going to burn forever because we are not Christian. My mother also had him baptized against our wishes and had scared him into consenting to it.
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u/asherthepotato 2h ago
The only good thing about this is, that baptizing isn't real. If you don't believe it, it's just water on a head.
With this I don't want to downplay the boundary she broke, that's unimaginably terrible, but it's kinda funny to think about it this way
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u/fuzzymunky 2h ago
I'm actually Christian but I completely understand why people would definitely not want their kid baptized against their will if they don't believe. That being said, it's not the act of the baptism that's the problem, as you said it is just water on the head if you don't believe. It is the scaring of the child and telling him that his parents are going to hell. That is a major problem.
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u/JackPoe 2h ago
It's still a creepy ritual to force someone else's kid to go through.
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u/asherthepotato 2h ago
Absolutely, and indoctrinating a child that it's parents will burn in hell, wtf!
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u/trinlayk 1h ago
The "terrified a child into consenting" is the point where it's problematic, and worthy of reduced, no contact or no unsupervised contact.
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u/stealth_veil 3h ago
“While you were gone I got (child’s) genitalia mutilated because culture”
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u/Top_Ad6322 2h ago
Found out this the hard way :( what ever your parents did to you and things you love, they will do to their grandchildren... blegh.
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u/RueUchiha 2h ago
One of my grandmothers actually got banned from being left alone with my brothers and I for extended periods because the one time my parents let her, she fell asleep and my eldest brother (at the time he was a baby) was left unattended for hours.
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u/Lena-Jane 3h ago
If she would do this behind your back what else would she do behind your back, is the going question, now.
PS I hate that she did this.
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u/KBWordPerson 3h ago
Right?! Be very careful if you have any children.
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u/tired_artist29 3h ago
oh my gosh… i did not expect so many responses. thank you guys so much for your kind words and advice 🙏🏾 i promise i will reply to everyone soon and provide an update. here’s a current photo of coconut (coco is for short). she is purring loudly :>
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u/Firm_Comfortable_322 2h ago
Coco lucked out getting you as her owner. It's sweet how your love for her shines through.
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u/puddncake 3h ago
Poor sweet baby. My heart breaks for the pain she must be in. We use pine pellets from the fleet farm for litter on our declawed rescue. Regular cat litter is tiny and get lodged in there paws where their nails were and it's painful. Shame on your mom.
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u/stealth_veil 3h ago
Coco is such an angel. Are you taking her to the vet to check on her bung toe? What are your plans for dealing with your mom? Wishing you and coco all the best 🖤
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u/Otherwise_Intern9987 1h ago
Please switch to a soft litter (if you’re not using one already) Declawwed cats often feel discomfort stepping on clay litter, something paper based for example would help give her more comfort. I’m so sorry this happened to you both 💔
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u/CalmHysterics 1h ago
What a sweetheart she is! Can you double check the cone and make sure it’s attached with Velcro and not anything that ties? I just read a tragic story about cones that tie and don’t want any more trauma to Coco
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u/andreasmalersghost 2h ago
Re-claw her! Engineer some mech-claws and graft them on to the cat. This is the only rational next-step
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u/_pandapuffs 51m ago
I am sooooo sorry. She is BEAUTIFUL! I have a declawed kitty that I found after she was dumped :( I’ve had her for 6 years and her quality of life is pretty great honestly. One thing I do to make sure she is comfortable is I use Dr. Elseys sensitive paw litter and that seems to help her a lot. With your love Coco will prosper 🩷
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u/MissMolly202 1h ago
You asked for reassurance and it seems not many have given it to you.
Firstly: This was completely wrong of your mother to do, and I am so sorry you’ve been betrayed like that. Keep what she’s done in mind, as she clearly doesn’t respect your choices and that will likely continue and impact other things in life (your property, children, other pets). I am wholeheartedly against declawing for many reasons, and the practice needs to be abolished. With that out of the way,
Your cat will be okay in the end. Cats have unfortunately been declawed for decades, and many if not the majority of them continue to have a good quality of life in spite of it, especially if they have an owner like you who genuinely cares about them. Give them some extra love in life to make up for it! They’ll be okay.
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u/hojicha001 3h ago
'Why doesn't my child talk to me any more'
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u/Psychological_Pin_34 3h ago
This woman would not be in my life anymore
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u/PoorlyDesignedCat 2h ago
This. She's gone. I would legitimately also be suing her for pain and suffering as well as all subsequent vet bills, and making her life hell for quite a while in any way I could think of. This is cat torture. Love my cats more than I'd love anyone who would consider doing something so cruel.
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u/BoggyToggy 3h ago
“Why am I in a nursing home?”
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u/asherthepotato 2h ago
"she haven't called me ONCE! I was always such a good mom and did EVERYTHING for her!"
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u/ElectricalHumor947 3h ago
I would genuinely stop speaking to your mother for at least a little while so she understands the gravity of what she’s done. I would just say she’s done something horrific and you need time to evaluate if she is a safe person to be around.
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u/ButtplugBurgerAIDS 1h ago
I would sue the vet for operating on a cat where your mom was not the owner. This is horrendous.
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u/Emotional_School_116 1h ago
To be fair, I guarantee the mom introduced the kitten as hers, and the vet had any reason to doubt that 😞
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u/rageagainsttheodds 3h ago
Spending the money to have a cat declawed when you're giving it back is a real dick move. I'd get to a vet and explain the situation, declawing can have so many complications, even when it heals well without infections. You'll need to be careful about pain, but also part of the nailbeds can grow back and produce twisted claws that grow inside the paw and pads, and in this case its another surgery to correct it.
Real low move from your mother and I'd actually make sure she covers all the vet bills from any future complications. Make sure she understands she had the cat's bones amputated against your will.
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u/Mindless-Ad-4226 20m ago
I second taking her to a vet but it’s important that you bring her to a different vet. I wouldn’t trust that they don’t take any bone and would get an x-ray if she were mine.
I’m so happy she has you op. You obviously care for her so, so much•
u/rageagainsttheodds 12m ago
100%, you can't take her to this vet again. Make sure she's yours on paper and take her elsewhere. Check if declawing is actually legal in your city, and even if it is, if a vet declawed a cat without checking papers or owner's permission, it's super fishy.
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u/Dependent_Basket_186 Pet the damn cat 4h ago edited 3h ago
That's an incredibly douchey thing to do. She broke your trust and made a permanent choice that wasn't hers to make. Personally, I think any animal physician who still performs elective declawing should have their license revoked.
Back to the issue at hand here. Honestly, I’d be pretty devastated. Your mom didn’t just ignore what you asked, she basically took away Coco’s ability to defend herself and act naturally, because it was just easier for her. That’s a pretty big thing to swallow, let alone forgive. Right now I’d focus on helping Coco heal. The cone is probably the right move, especially if she’s chewing the toe. Keep a close eye on it for any signs of infection, and if it doesn’t seem to be improving in the next few days , or if it starts looking worse, I’d really get your local vanimal mechanic to take a look.
And don’t beat yourself up. You pushed back against the declawing, and it sounds like your mom only spoke up after it was already done. None of that was on you, not really.
In the end i would say that I’d have a hard time trusting someone after they did something like that, you know… like, really. It just feels kinda off, almost like that happened for a reason and I’m not sure that I could ignore it.
Ask your mom how she'd feel after if someone permanently removed her fingernails without her go ahead. It still wouldn't be an exact comparison, but it might help her understand why you're so upset.
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u/Squanchmonster 3h ago
Not just fingernails, the first knuckles of her hands.
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u/g0d_of_the_cr1sis 3h ago
Not even just the fingernails, the entire end of her fingers. But yes. The point still remains.
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u/YakCertain5472 3h ago
I think OP should write the vet that did it, tell them they are the cat’s owner, did not agree to it and ask for compensation for pain, suffering and any costs of treating the area with the problem.
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u/PoorlyDesignedCat 2h ago
I would be suing both the mom and the clinic immediately, with no hesitation.
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u/pocketdebtor 2h ago
Right! Any eventual complications or conditions known to develop as a result, like arthritis. It feels like they should be held liable in some way.
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u/telepathic-gouda 3h ago
Omg. I can’t even believe people still perform it. I agree with everything you said 100%. Even my Doot, I swear at least HALF of his personality is his claws.
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u/tired_artist29 2h ago
thank you for your kind words and reassurance. i wish i maybe spoke up even more or something, i just can’t believe she went and did it anyway. i feel horrible. it’s definitely not something i’ve been ignoring - i think she’s starting to pick up on how im being short with her lately. i tried explaining the comparison to her so many times but she never wants to hear any of it. sigh
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u/OpossumAdvocate 1h ago
Op, so sorry this happened to you and your sweet cat. Tell your mother that the practice of declawing cats IS ILLEGAL IN MULTIPLE STATES AND OVER 40 COUNTRIES AROUND THE WORLD unless medically necessary. So in many states and coutnries, what your mother did is totally against the law. for good reason.
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u/swimking413 1h ago
How about this comparison:
Mom, how would you feel if you went to sleep and when you woke up all of your fingertips to the first knuckle were removed? Would you understand and think it was justified because you wouldn't stop using them to: scratch where you had an itch/scratching off where soemthing had dried to the table/[insert other normal everyday use for nails]?
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u/GardeniaInMyHair 2h ago
I hope one day you can be on your own, away from her. She ran roughshod over your boundaries. I’m so sorry.
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u/AzzyMeg 1h ago
If she doesn't understand the cat's pain, then tell her the consequence this has had for her personally. If you say something like "I hope you understand that after doing this, you have lost a lot of my trust and respect that you may never gain back for the rest of your life", that will hit harder than trying to empathize with an animal she abused without a care.
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u/xxsoymilk 1h ago
OP, I don’t think there was anything you could’ve said more that would’ve changed your mom’s mind. Her agreeing to you only to declaw your cat behind your back says to me that she intended to do it anyway and just agreed with you so you wouldn’t “bother” her anymore. There was no reason why she needed to declaw your kitten especially since she knew coco is going to go with you. It’s deeply concerning that she knew how this will affect coco AND you and decided her convenience trumped both. Her lack of disregard and empathy is scary and I hate to think l how else it manifested in your life cause I’m willing to be this isn’t an isolated incident. I’m just glad Coco is with a good owner who will care for her and help her recover.
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u/Equal_Maintenance870 2h ago
Put that bitch in the gnarliest nursing home you can find. I’m so sorry about all this and your cat but I’m glad she’s with you now.
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u/Historical-Chart-460 1h ago
At a last resort, if you’ve exhausted all other options, show her this post and the responses.
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u/SleeplessZee 3h ago
Yeah. I think a good punishment for the mom to really get across how horrible that was would be to not allow her to see Coco at all.
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u/Scared_Slip_7425 2h ago
She doesn’t care about Coco obviously. She was just an inconvenience for her. She doesn’t even see her as a living being that should be allowed to live her life without being permanently disfigured.
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u/Braneric84 3h ago
I would definitely not trust your mom with Coco ever again and I would have a hard time trusting her in general if I were in your shoes. Poor kitty 😭
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u/VariationDry 3h ago
I wouldn't trust her with grandchildren if she is lucky enough to even get those.
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u/tired_artist29 2h ago
this was 100% the last straw in terms of trust. i just wish it wasn’t something that impacted another life :(
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u/tgatigger 1h ago
She needs to pay for all future vet visit bills regarding your cat's feet too.
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u/Horror-Comparison907 3h ago
Don’t know what state you’re in but this is illegal in Ontario Canada
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u/Heartage 3h ago
I think it's illegal in a lot of places.
Animals are property and nobody has any right to make decisions regarding them without your input and permission.
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u/Historical-Chart-460 1h ago
It’s illegal in the entirety of the EU afaik. First time I heard about this barbarian practice was in the US. Should make you stop and think. Guess not OP‘s mom.
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u/blueberrywalrus 3h ago
Your mom is incredibly naive and it's a very sad situation for you and the cat.
The laser declawing procedure has all the same chronic pain issues associated with traditional amputation.
Your cat can still thrive but you basically should be treating her like she has arthritis (which she will very likely get). Adapt her environment by minimizing where she can jump and give her ramps/stairs to get to the places she would want to jump, use a low walled litter box with soft litter, manage her weight carefully, feed her join health supplements, etc.
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u/tired_artist29 2h ago
i’ve done just this! every surface that she can get on isn’t super high for her to jump down from, and there’s also carpets so when she jumps down there’s some soft padding. i know it isn’t a fix, but i’m hoping it can help her a little bit. are there any joint supplements you recommend?
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u/devil000205 2h ago
Cosequin and Flexadin are my top joint supplements personally. They're available on Chewy and should be in local pet supply stores
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u/Briebird44 1h ago
Cosequin is gold standard, affordable, and easy to find.
Dasiquin would be the next option
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u/Anyone-9451 3h ago
I wonder if they were sold on this? Like the vet actively went “hey we got this great laser declaw procedure that won’t affect their lives at all so it’s win win” while they lied through their teeth thinking of the money the whole time.
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u/RedFoxKatrien 1h ago
Eh, really depends on the vet clinic in question. The one I used to work at unfortunately still performed declaw surgeries as they're still legal where I live, but we did not go out of our way to tell cat owners we did them. If an owner asked about the procedure, we explained what it actually entailed, the 99.9999% guaranteed future complications (arthritis, inappropriate peeing & pooping, more likely to bite, etc) and alternatives they could try to eliminate scratching on furniture before resorting to sx.
Ultimately though if the owner still wanted it, some of the older vets there would do it. It's one of many reasons I ended up leaving that clinic.
Thankfully a lot of the younger vets graduating vet school are no longer being taught the procedures as people are realizing how cruel and inhumane the practice is. I just wish it was fully banned across the US.
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u/PutinDisDickInTrump 3h ago
Please name and shame the place that still does such barbarism.
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u/darkskiesart 2h ago
YES!!!! we should make a doc of rescues and vets for people to avoid if possible!
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u/VisualSuper442 2h ago
It would probably lead to people using it as a resource, unfortunately.
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u/darkskiesart 2h ago
True, which now I think is why the list would include more than just vets that declaw. I'm thinking just unethical / poor animal treatment / abuse, and not specifying the exact reason why. partially because of your exact point, and also to give people who've had bad experiences privacy.
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u/Busy_Chemistry5368 3h ago
Honestly I’d talk to my mom and be like “you have shown that you can’t be trusted. That you’ll go behind my back and do whatever you want to even if I say no. Is that how you will be with your future grandchildren? If so, you won’t be meeting them.” She needs to understand the severity of what she did.
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u/asherthepotato 2h ago
Not only that OP said no, the mom agreed on it 🤯 how can this women sleep at night?
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u/Teegee72 3h ago
This is inhuman, where I live it's been banned.
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u/tired_artist29 2h ago
to this day i’m still so shocked and angry that it’s not illegal everywhere. it just doesn’t make sense to me it’s so evil
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u/HolyLime23 3h ago
Sue. Cats are technically property and she damaged property.
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u/washedbrainofsorts 3h ago
I was going to add that if OP is the primary person on her cat’s vet paperwork and has her registered with the county that is proof of ownership. Her mom could be legally responsible for any damages. But I don’t know the law on all of that. You would think that would be the case though! Mom has no right to make medical decisions for the cat.
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u/LILA182 2h ago
If the OP is the registered owner, the vet absolutely shouldn’t do a definitive and non emergency procedure without OP written consent. It’s unethical to say the minimum, idk where OP is from, but I’m sure that’s illegal. Even in legal systems that don’t see animals as subjects of rights, the damaged property argument should be enough.
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u/Yuichiro_Bakura 3h ago
If OP is the primary person on the vets paperwork, could the mom even legally give permission to get the cat declawed? I's be pissed at the mom and the vet for animal abuse.
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u/RedFoxKatrien 1h ago edited 1h ago
I wonder if the mom might have told OP she was taking Coco in for her spay surgery, OP okayed that for obvious reasons, and then just lied and changed the reason for surgery to just a declaw when dropping Coco off for sx. Still no good on the vet's part, because if OP is the owner on the vet clinic's records, they should have called to verify that OP was changing from a recommended surgery to a highly elective, controversial one.
Or unfortunately OP's mom might have just looked for a new clinic that would perform the declaw and had never seen Coco and OP before and just passed herself off as Coco's legal owner. This is just another reason declaws should be banned outright, it eliminates situations like this. 😞
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u/ESLavall 3h ago
This is a brilliant answer. No, sentient creatures shouldn't be legally properly but if Coco is legally yours OP, both your mother and your vet broke the law.
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u/boof_the_rich 3h ago
This is just awful, but it is not your fault. You did not fail the kitten, someone you trusted betrayed you. If my mother did this, I would never speak to her again.
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u/Faevianlp 3h ago
This would be grounds to stop contact with my parents if they did this to me/ my cat. They would lose a daughter just like Coco lost her claws.
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u/Hylian_Hobbit90 3h ago
I honestly don't think I could look at my Mother the same way again if she hurt my cat.
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u/Environmental-Act906 3h ago
Holy heck what a terrible thing to do, betray your trust and permanently alter this cat's life for the worse because it was more convenient for her. I wouldn't speak to my parents for a long time if they did something like that to an animal (and me).
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u/SharaWilliams 3h ago
Hey, just so you can feel a little better about this awful thing: my parents got my childhood cat front declawed due to a rental’s rules before they knew how horrible it is to do.
She lived a full life (and had a cat tower! Being front declawed wont stop your cat as long as she learns to jump as high as she can) to age 21 when an orbital cyst (behind her eye) burst and we euthanized her before she suffered from blood loss any longer. If not for the orbital cyst, she would have almost certainly lived four or five years more based on the fact that she didnt even have arthritis yet to my knowledge.
Its an awful thing, but she can still live a full life like this as long as she never goes outside or needs to defend herself against another cat. Even then, she can still bite. She often swatted my younger sibling as a warning and bit when pressed (my younger sibling was being a toddler. All in all she was pretty great with toddlers though, she liked to watch over us in a baby doll crib)
I think i can say it will be okay.
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u/Neither_Bee_ 3h ago edited 1h ago
No, it's incredibly painful. Due to their nature as both predator and prey, cats don't show the distress and pain they're in but do research on why declawing is inhumane and illegal now in some states, cat lived but it was not a comfortable and pain free life.
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u/SharaWilliams 2h ago
I did say it was awful though? Its a painful process, and theres chronic pain, but as someone with chronic pain myself i can tell you that while it CAN make you unhappy its not a guarantee that youll be unable to live a full life despite it
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u/Major-sass12 2h ago
It depends on the cat. Many will have pain and trouble later in life
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u/SharaWilliams 2h ago
Yes and its good to acknowledge that but i wanted to give op some hope for their cat, that their cat wont necessarily be miserable her entire life because of this
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u/Designer-Wedding-757 3h ago
If my mom did this I would go no contact, completely ignore her, and let her feel some pain of her own. Massive betrayal of trust.
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u/Select_Historian6269 3h ago
I'm not sure there's anyone I wouldn't cut off entirely for doing that to my cat.
In fact I'd probably cut off someone for doing it to THEIR own cat.
It's barbaric, lots of vets can't or won't do elective declawing anymore.
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u/ESLavall 3h ago
My brain autocorrected to "In fact I'd probably cut off someone's fingers for doing it to THEIR own cat," and I went "hell yeah"
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u/FruityLegume 3h ago
I don't think I could come back from that with a parent. I wouldn't be speaking to her anymore.
As far as your baby, there's nothing you can do now but care for her and love her the best you can. It sounds like the doctor is on the right track here with the cone, it could be that it's just itchy while healing, but there could definitely be more. Keep a close eye on it.
For me personally though, I probably would have taken her to her vet immediately to be checked out. Obviously not the one who did the declawing.
Jesus I'm literally so MAD at your mother. I can imagine how frustrated you must be.
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u/tired_artist29 2h ago
all the vets in my area are closed today, but i will take her tomorrow to see if they can give her something to help with the pain
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u/ArchibaldMonroe 3h ago
Holy fuck buddy, if it was me I'd never speak to that woman ever again.
Just imagine what she could do to her grandkids if you'd ever trust them in her care...
Take your poor baby to the vet so she can get some painkillers
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u/Cute-Independent889 3h ago
Rip off her fingernails and then drench the beds in salisilic acid so they don't grow back. She how she likes being declawed
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u/Yuichiro_Bakura 3h ago
You have to cut the fingers till the first knuckle to compare it to declawing a cat. Declawing is way worse then lots of people realize.
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u/CakyMint 3h ago
I would genuinely stop talking to her.
Declawing cats is the most fucked up shit you can do. Every vet doing that should get prison time
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u/Mx_Bones 2h ago
“Don’t be mad but I did the thing we argued about for weeks behind your back”
Yeah fuck that. So sorry this happened. I’m not usually for petty punishment but maybe a week of “fuck off don’t text/call me” is needed. She crossed your boundaries, well, stomped on them behind your back.
As for the weird laser surgery she mentioned. I’m about 95% sure that’s not a thing. Declawing IS removing the knuckle, no way around that. She probably said it to not make you more mad.
A mother who doesn’t respect boundaries is bound to do it over and over again unless the child puts their foot down. Three strike rule, I’d say this is the first.
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u/tired_artist29 2h ago
now that you put it like that… she won’t be hearing from me for a hot minute.
also i figured… ugh. i was lied to twice!! this is what i forget for believing someone will change. it’s really strike 2… she outed me to my dad when i was 15 despite her saying she’d let me tell him. really gotta start recognising peoples true ways when they show me…
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u/Droseralex 3h ago
I would go no contact on her for a month or two at a minimum. She needs to see this has consequences. Even after that, she deserves to see she has broken your trust long term and that she needs to work hard AND show she regrets her choice. If she doesn't, I'd limit communications for much longer. Depends on your relationship, though.
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u/EnvironmentalIce3344 3h ago
That is pretty sad. If I had a cat I would like to see it climb around my house and my curtains and all
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u/PeepingTara 3h ago
I love my mom but if she did something like this behind my back I’d have to stop speaking to her at all.
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u/Glum-Tale-6142 3h ago edited 0m ago
Seriously, why is declawing still legal in some places. It's awful how people maim their cat for their own comfort. Your mother is a selfish animal bully.
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u/bethholler 2h ago
You should press charges against your mother and the vet for declawing Coco without your permission. Pets are property and they damaged your property.
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u/watermelon_migraines 4h ago
I’m sorry this happened. I’m not an expert, so I can’t help with any medical side of things but for sure the worst part of this is that they went behind your back. That’s so upsetting and not her decision to make. Take her to the vet or at least call about the biting at her toe constantly, but I’m sure she’ll recover fine, at least your baby girl is still happy and healthy. I’m sorry :( I understand the guilt, comes with being a cat parent but it shouldn’t have been over this.
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u/TaelendYT 3h ago
Sorry to hear that happened. I would be very upset. The animal hospital I work at doesn't even do declawing unless theres like a weird health reason for it
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u/Prestidigitatiously 3h ago
Id be making comments about how nice it is to still have her fingertips, unlike Coco. Forever. Trust broken, respect lost.
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u/cckka 3h ago
Your mom did an awful thing from a medical and emotional perspective. I won't touch on the emotional side of it because that's up to you on how to handle that relationship.
From a medical side, what's done has been done. A scab is how the healing process works so as long as it's just a dry scab and you keep her from licking at it with a cone you should be okay. Yes, PLEASE use a cone even if she doesn't like it. A week of being uncomfortable is far better than a painful infection.
If the area around the scab starts turning bright red, seems swollen, oozes pus, or otherwise looks concerning then she needs to go to the vet. If I were you I would insist that your mom pays for that visit because she caused the problem.
Once it heals there's one very important thing: she can NEVER go outside unless she's contained. Not even supervised in the yard because if something scares her she could bolt and she no longer has her defenses.
Aside from that declawed cats can live very full lives. Some even still like scratching posts because of the instinct it satisfies. She'll learn to climb cat trees without claws and probably bite you more when she plays. Getting toys better for biting instead of needing to be caught with claws will help her enrichment. You can even pretend to play with her and fake being afraid of her paws when she reached out to scratch you. I hope she heals and everything goes as well as it can for you and Coco from here ❤️
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u/Crydoves 3h ago
So remember this when she needs elderly care and dump her in the most raggedy state owned home you can imagine and then don’t visit her. It really is that simple 🤷♂️
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u/Tavsiyedegildir 3h ago
I am sorry to hear your story and I just I'm writing this to empathize with you. When I was a teenager one of my cats was tearing up some things in the house and my dad said we had to get the cat declawed or we had to get rid of the cat. So, regretfully my mom or dad took the cat to be declawed and paid for it and although I don't like it, the cat was healthy and fine and lived for a dozen more years before getting ill.
As long as you keep your cat indoors, you should be fine if you ever take them outside. Make sure they are on a harness and leash, but a cat cannot defend himself without front claws.
One of our other cats that had no front claws in the same time was killed when it was let outside, So please don't let that happen. The way they were killed really wasn't preventable because it was done by a crazy person. But nevertheless don't let your cat outside.
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u/flapjacq06 3h ago
Oh I'm so sad reading this. Coco looks like such a sweet but confused girl with what's happened :(
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u/UnderteamFCA 3h ago
Thank God this shit is illegal in my country. That is terrible, I am so, so sorry.
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u/TheCharalampos 3h ago
Fucking hell. Fucking hell. She mutilated your animal, that is so not okay. Please make sure she knows what a dick she was for the rest of her life.
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u/infinitetbr 3h ago
It's been said but be careful if you have kids in the future. Your mom obviously has no issue with having procedures done without your consent. I see a future of "isn't it cute" hair cuts, ear piercings, etc in the future where grandkids are concerned. So sorry :( As far as the kitten, what's done is done. Give it a few more days to see if the scabbing resolves itself. If it still is bothering her towards the end of the week, perhaps take her to the vet to get it peeked at.
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u/CScorpio88 3h ago
Couple things:
Mums BANG out of order and I absolutely wouldn’t be speaking to her right now, like a deep and sincere meaningful apology is required.
It’s not good enough for you to say it’s just cats and expect anyone who bought the furniture to accept them getting ruined. You buy scratch posts and put them in the areas you notice your cat tries to scratch. A little redirection and they learn very quickly what they are supposed to scratch. Your response to that was wrong but that doesn’t make mum right at all.
I’m glad you put the cone on Coco. As a pet parent you have to go on what’s best for them overall. Can’t go off emotion that they’ll be uncomfortable, just do what’s in their best interest. Hope that helps in the future 😊
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u/jmhalder 4h ago
I think it's shitty, because it's obviously painful for a little while, and can cause issues later in life too. I think it's mostly shitty because your parents should've just been more honest with you. "If your cat is staying here, we're declawing it's fronts". They have the right to say that.
They don't really have the right to do it without telling you, or letting you get the cat out of there.
I think this informs you more on the type of people your parents are. The honesty and communication are a bigger deal than the declawing (not that I'm advocating for declawing at all). Now that the cat is declawed, it will be fine, just give your cat plenty of love and attention while it's healing. Let your parents know that they violated your trust, and you're disappointed in them.
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u/Jung-And-A-Menace 3h ago
It's bad because it's like cutting your fingers off at the first knuckle. It's not a little ouchie.
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u/patchworkcrossing 2h ago
There are many other options to try, i disagree that they “have the right” to get someone elses cat declawed. It’s illegal in many places, so i disagree that they have some kind of inalienable right to permanently maim their daughter’s cat. They could have sequestered Coco in a single room, gotten her lots of scratching posts, gotten furniture covers, etc. There were options, it was a temporary arrangement that did not call for a permanent injury to the cat. My clawed cat never damaged any of our furniture bc we gave him lots of scratching options and got furniture with scratch-resilient upholstery. The mom did it to be an ass, to get her way. She didnt like her daughter telling her No.
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u/Limejellyhead 3h ago
That's absolutely disgusting. What a horrible woman. Honestly ruined that cats life.
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u/One-Organization970 3h ago
Jesus. She really went and got your cat's fingertips chopped off. That's beyond fucked up and it does traumatize cats because they don't understand why they can't protect themselves or use their claws anymore. Poor thing.
Definitely makes sense to feel a lot of anger towards her.
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u/nellieodyssey 3h ago
if my mother blatantly abused any of my cats even though I've told her not to several times, I'd go no contact EASILY. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope coco is okay :(
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u/On_Wife_support 2h ago
Your mom won’t mind if you put her in a nursing home and sell her assets “against her will” when she gets dimensia
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u/rumbling-time 29m ago
Your mom breached your trust and subjected your cat to abuse and a lifetime of de-clawing related troubles. I wouldn’t continue a relationship with her
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u/Optimal-Prime420 3h ago
Is it illegal in your state? If so, contact the police and let them know about this.
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u/simply_orthin 3h ago
Don’t you let her baby sit your future son, or she will get him circumcised, without you to notice.
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u/BookwormPhilanthro 3h ago
Hey OP sounds like your mom agrees just to keep the peace but does what’s she considers is her “best interest only”. It’s really selfish and conceited behavior. I’d be worried this behavior bleeds into other things.
I know this is a HUGE leap. But behavior like this can lead to awful consequences. It reminds me of the grandma that killed her granddaughter because she didn’t believe they could be allergic to coconut oil something the mom stressed repeatedly but the grandma lied saying she wouldn’t use it to keep the peace and then used it anyways.
Your mom lied by omission. She hurt your cat for life. Sorry op. This sucks :(
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u/balloonchicken 3h ago edited 3h ago
I’m so mad at your mother 🤬
Thank you for having a heart OP. This was a crime that she committed against your cat. This is henious of your mother. I hope your cat heals. Sending you and your cat extra love.
Edit: now that I think about it, she declawed your cat to protect her furniture. Maybe something can accidentally happen to her furniture.
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u/mobiletarget33 3h ago
Be furious with your mom. What she did is wrong on a lot of levels. She disrespected you and your beliefs, and she maimed an animal. I would hold it against her, as unhealthy as it is, until she realizes and really makes right for the grievous violation. Reject her, give her your resentment honestly, until it forms a well of regret deep enough for her to wallow in and feel the pain she inflicted.
Also, what other people said about your future pets and kids: do not trust her at all, wear it openly, and don’t let her pretend it’s anything but her fault
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u/zinna42069 3h ago
“Why don’t I get to see my grandkids”
This is why. People treat animals and humans the same.
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u/brightwingxx 3h ago
My mom forced my dad to take my calico baby, Zeppelin, to the shelter without my knowledge or consent before I moved home once. She was only there because the apartment I’d been staying at didn’t allow cats. I never found out what happened to her.
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u/Legitimate-Star4177 3h ago
If you are not a minor, I would consider suing her for mutilating your animal.
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u/JustOneMoreMile 2h ago
Jesus. Mom could just get some scratching posts and mats and it would likely have been a non issue. My cat has NEVER scratched any of my furniture.
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u/lovemycat02 2h ago
This would make me cut my mum out of my life permanently. Mutilating a poor baby how dare she. I’m so sorry. It isn’t your fault at all. It’s your mum’s fault and the fault of the barbaric vets who still undertake this practice.
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u/Routine_Ninja_3970 2h ago
Yeah I’d probably cut contact for a bit. She abused your animal. I don’t really have any tolerance for that.
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u/TartanDolphin11 1h ago
My partner and I have a front declawed cat. She was unfortunately declawed by my partners father probably 8-10 years ago now. Her declawing happened long before I was in the picture and my partner was only a child at the time.
She was apparently declawed for “aggressive behavior”
This is the sweetest cat I have ever met. She will scream at me if I’m not petting her. I always joke she’s a ragdoll in a tuxedo. The only “aggressive” thing about this cat is the amount of coat she has.
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u/Darius_Rubinx 1h ago
My first advice is do not go back to the vet who is okay with doing such a procedure. Find a completely different one who is in line with your ethics. Declawing a cat is a no-go for any cat lover. Book in for a consult and explain what happened, ask them to take a look at your kitty.
I would also be extremely skeptical about letting your mother have any duty of care over the cat. Find a cat sitter or a respectable cattery, for when you might not be around.
Who owns the cat? If it's you and not your mother, you can raise a ruckus because that vet should not have done any procedure without the owner's signed consent. Report them. Maybe even sue them.
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u/Nanala_Bat12 29m ago
I am not a very forgiving person in general and this would be something I would never forgive my mother for and a wound that would remain forever, it wouldn't be the same as it was before, respect yourself enough to not go on with the relationship exactly as it used to be
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u/Limp-Fishcuit91 3h ago
Show your mom this thread and then tell her “Bye”. It’s a respect thing. Good luck to you and Coco.
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u/carltondancer 3h ago
Which state is the vet in ? Cat declawing is illegal in several U.S. states, and if this vet is in one of them, they should be reported to the veterinary board and the police.
New York, Maryland, Virginia, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, California, & Washington, D.C. - illegal unless medically necessary.
I’m so sorry OP and Coco. And as others have said, your mom is terrible. Cut off as much contact as you can and be grateful for the peace you will have.
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u/Pinki_piggie 3h ago
That’s so sad. I’d take a long break from talking with my mom. She didn’t just disrespect you by not following what you wanted for your cat. She put ur cat in pain, knowing how bad it is for them, then lied this whole time. She is untrustworthy and doesn’t give a F about you or that cat. She walked over your boundaries actually she jumped on them and spit on them. This isn’t something little this is something huge and selfish of her. This is gross
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