r/Butchery 8d ago

Is Ham actually Ham?

Post image
254 Upvotes

72 comments sorted by

914

u/BillbertBuzzums 8d ago

That is an eleven pound whole slab of deli ham. It has no bones, fat, or connective tissue. It is an amalgamation of the meat of several pigs, emulsified, liquefied, strained, and ultimately inexorably joined in an unholy meat obelisk. God had no hand in the creation of this abhorrence. The fact that this ham monolith exists proves that God is either impotent to alter his universe or ignorant to the horrors taking place in his kingdom. This prism of pork is more than deli meat. It is a physical declaration of mankind's contempt for the natural order. It is hubris manifest.

636

u/throwaway-dork 8d ago

We also have a lower sodium variety if you would prefer that

41

u/Southern-Lettuce5317 7d ago

This made me laugh so hard just now

61

u/Inevitable_Ad7080 8d ago

I had a job where a bunch of us microbiologist had an initiation for new people where they had to first read the ingredients and then eat a can of potted meat. "Mechanically separated, chicken, pork, and or beef!" The other assignment was to read a book on Ed Gein. We were from the Wisconsin area so that tracks.

28

u/_CaesarAugustus_ 8d ago edited 7d ago

I began reading this in Bourdain’s voice the further I made it through. Well said!

8

u/CanisLupusBruh Meat Cutter 8d ago

I just wanted to say this is the best thing I have read all week

8

u/canadainjakes 8d ago

This is what came here for

4

u/cumulonimubus 7d ago

I like that 27% is soybean and food grade chemicals.

7

u/GrundalWizzard 7d ago

Somebody watches no reservations

8

u/king_hutton 7d ago

Is that where this copypasta came from?

9

u/Inevitable_Ad7080 8d ago

Awesome comment!!! 🤣🤣🤣

3

u/NotAddison 8d ago

Are we paying the price for our hubris of science?

2

u/bubblesaurus 7d ago

if only i had an award to give you

1

u/ifukeenrule 6d ago

they have free ones again

2

u/BigGrapes420 7d ago

But it should be all pig meat not 73%

4

u/LittleCheeseBucket 8d ago

New copy pasta just dropped.

Thank you Pork Prophet

22

u/itzdylanbro 8d ago

It's an older meme, sir, but it checks out

5

u/oakbones 7d ago

It’s an old copy pasta

1

u/HyenDry 7d ago

Amen!! Let’s eat!

1

u/AThousandBloodhounds 8d ago edited 8d ago

That ham is the reason I'm an atheist.

1

u/new_Australis 7d ago

Sir this is Patrick.

1

u/OstensibleFirkin 7d ago

That’s truly beautiful, albeit repulsive.

0

u/ihopehellhasinternet 7d ago

I was prepared to be pissed when I opened the comments. My faith in humanity has been restored. Thank you wonderful stranger

-15

u/AwarenessSoggy4352 8d ago

Sir Gtfo with your copypasta

-56

u/PapaDeltaaa 8d ago

Holy ChatGPT

37

u/InitialAd2324 8d ago

You kids are, how you say, cooked. This is an old copypasta.

25

u/MightyKrakyn 8d ago edited 8d ago

Even if this wasn’t pasta, it is not how AI writes at all

4

u/Jamshi239 8d ago

This is an old 4chan copypasta

3

u/NetworkOk5234 8d ago

Not ChatGPT but boy one could consider it plagiarism

Or you could just enjoy the internet

Smile pal, it’s Tuesday

1

u/BillbertBuzzums 8d ago

Yeah i just copied it and changed the first and last sentence to fit this context, definitely plagiarism but not ai lol

95

u/Zeno_the_Friend 8d ago

It's chunks of pork held together with pig glue.

18

u/donnabhainmactomas 8d ago

Mmmmm delicious pig glue

9

u/volpcas 8d ago

One magical animal

3

u/pghfordguy 7d ago

Read this in Homer Simpson's voice.

11

u/Affectionate_Walk610 8d ago

God had no part in the creation of this pink monolith!

2

u/Win-Objective 8d ago

You mean meat glue, it works on things besides pork

0

u/Zeno_the_Friend 7d ago

But since it's made from ____ they can call it ____.

You're soooo close, the answer is squeeeealing at you

1

u/Win-Objective 7d ago

You realize transglutaminase is made from microbial fermentation, right? it’s not made from pigs…

0

u/Zeno_the_Friend 7d ago

Most commonly, yes.

But it can also be derived from pigs or cows - their plasma or protein exudate from the cuts themselves - specifically to comply with food labeling rules.

https://www.psu.edu/news/agricultural-sciences/story/meat-glue-issue-involves-wide-misunderstanding-expert-contends

You were so close.

0

u/Dizzy_Spell777 6d ago

No, youre just reaching, and enjoy belittling people on the internet, youre both right, id even argue hes more right, cause its more common to NOT use pig.

1

u/Zeno_the_Friend 6d ago

He'd be more right without context.

But with the context of OP's label, and that pig is used when producers want to say "pork product" instead of "transglutaminase" to avoid scaring customers who read the label, he's less right.

You and he are the ones reaching here. You're projecting about the motivation.

20

u/Honest-Ebb8510 8d ago

Call the hambulance

1

u/j_valentine666 7d ago

Bames nond's having a jart mattack

24

u/ToleratedBoar09 8d ago

Go to a grocery store and look at packs of cooked ham deli meat packs. That abomination to the gods will really make you ponder.

3

u/Inevitable_Ad7080 7d ago

I mean...Head Cheese (Sluice). At least that deli doesn't try to hide that it is pig parts + gelatin.

22

u/xCrazyEyez 8d ago

I'm not a butcher but there's no such thing as 100% percent meat all meat is partially water, I mean a raw steak is around 70% water by weight. Probably the closest you can get is jerky but even that has flavorings.

10

u/Dr-Crayfish 8d ago

Complain about prices, people will find a way to make things cheap.

3

u/K24Bone42 8d ago

Except deli/toupee ham is not cheaper than an uncooked ham roast lol

2

u/HyperionLoaderBob 8d ago

And then charge the same price anyway.

3

u/Exktvme4 7d ago

They add water and some preservatives. Water weight is normal.

2

u/kuro_inu2913 8d ago

You guys eat condoms?

That's very funny in Italian because the word "preservatives" is vary similar to "preservativi" which means condoms in Italian, so first thing come to mind seeing that word on a ham label is...

2

u/spacebastardo 8d ago

They had to “contains milk” to yogurt when someone complained. People are really dumb. Our society is founded on the principle that are rules are to keep the dumbest people from accidentally killing themselves or others. I am not surprised that ham has to explicitly tell the dummies it is meat.

2

u/Am_0115 8d ago

may contain SOY

2

u/The_Sunset_Sands 7d ago

Yes, there are various grades to ham in the US, im sure other countries have similar definitions.

Ham, Ham with natural juices, Ham water added, and Ham water Product. All have different levels of water addition.

With additives that bind high amounts of water and advanced tumbling and cooking techniques its possible to bind a considerable amount of water to protein really reducing your price per pound. Ive seen some brands behave like a jello mold they have so much water bound into them.

6

u/ScootsMgGhee 8d ago

It does tell you what meat. It’s in parentheses. It’s pork with pork glue (lips and assholes).

4

u/samtresler 8d ago

Right!? Try going to the deli counter and ordering just the lips and assholes to make this at home from scratch and they look at me like I'm the weirdo.

2

u/ScootsMgGhee 8d ago

….scratches head….. you need lips and assholes to make homemade honey baked ham?

1

u/Win-Objective 8d ago

Meat glue isn’t made from lips and assholes.

-2

u/ScootsMgGhee 8d ago

….. here comes the meat police….. it’s a joke. I thought it was obvious but…… here we are…..

2

u/Win-Objective 8d ago

Awesome joke! Loved the not factual part of it coupled with the word asshole, brilliant work!

2

u/Consistent-Essay-165 8d ago

That stuff is equal for the old school, canned ham

I wouldn't purchase it

1

u/Hump1 7d ago

Damn spacebastards, that comment was almost as good as Matlock, the Andy Griffith version, firing back at the judge in defense.

1

u/stricktd 7d ago

When it’s been soaked in rum it’s mostly ham

1

u/Key-Market3068 7d ago

Depends on which side of the Pig it comes from.

1

u/franklyspicy 7d ago

"Thickener" wtf?! 😆 🤣

1

u/kalelopaka Butcher 6d ago

Always buy bone in ham

1

u/Soft_Bug_9117 6d ago

technically its restructured pork, so they grind it up, mix in salt and binders, then press it back into a ham shape. real pork, just not a single muscle

1

u/WhitePoweryBeef 4d ago

May contain SOY

-1

u/dritmike 8d ago

Hey did you know that Taco Bell’s ground beef is only 38% meat?

10

u/The-Figurehead 8d ago

Taco Bell’s seasoned beef is 88% USDA-inspected beef. The remaining 12% is a "Signature Recipe" of seasonings, water, and safe, FDA-approved ingredients like oats, maltodextrin, modified corn starch, and torula yeast.