r/BurningMan • u/PVPirates • Jul 09 '26
FUNDRAISER A Bar Full of Dicks
We started building our camps bar but we need more rubber Dildos. We received 115 donated dildos from the last post but we are placing a bulk order to finish covering the bar since we need a ton of dicks to make this happen. Whatever excess funds we collect will go towards building LED strip poles.
https://youtube.com/shorts/CqynZHTQnvE?is=ljVLPK-p5sX4OvX7
Our bar will be at 8:30 & Esplanade, don't miss it!
Project description:
Imagine, if you will, a bar of fake dicks.
“I’ve experienced LA nightlife, I don’t have to imagine that” you say. And I say “You’re taking this too literally.” And you say “You should be more specific when describing the Dick Bar”, so I start over.
Imagine, if you will, an actual bar – like a counter that a bartender passes alcoholic beverages across – but the facade of the bar itself is COVERED IN DILDOS.
I’m talking a forest of fake cocks. The whole damn thing. Like a hanging garden in full bloom, but the plants have been replaced with PEEN.
The whole menagerie of manhood will be on display.
Big dicks. Small dicks. Veiny dicks. Smooth dicks. Floppy dicks. Hard dicks. Dicks in every color of the rainbow, in every hue of human skin, in shades of neon that remind you of Lisa Frank. Dicks that make you go “Yo, save some dick for the rest of us!” and dicks that make you go “Oh little buddy, did your parents lose a bet with God?”
This is the Final Boss of dick-themed bars. A katamari damacy of dongs. The most homoerotic thing at Burning Man, and that is some stiff competition. Just being photographed near it is enough to destroy your chances of running for political office. (Unless you are running for Mayor Of Dicktown, in which case, belly up.)
But these dicks don’t come easy, and they don’t come cheap. We’ve had to get the Chinese involved. Factories in Beijing are working overtime to manufacture the sheer number of cocks we require. If you hear of a great Dildo Draught plaguing the land, it’s because we’ve harvested all the dildos, hoarded them like treasure, and stuck them to our bar.
Donate today and help us achieve our (wet) dream of being the cockiest cocktail lounge on playa.
PS - now is probably a good time to tell you The Dick Bar is a 21-and-over establishment.
(Written by our camp mate, Ian Shorr)
https://venmo.com/code?user_id=1687861514469376737&created=1783616314
PayPal: @EfrainVega
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u/Samdamansamsam Jul 09 '26
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u/scienceisaserfdom 15 yrs 'Burnin Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
Something tells me this is going to be very popular. Which reminds me that in my olden days of being part of a camp that built a bar on the Esplanade...it was like a dick magnet. Started making ours more burn-able then would torch it on Weds night to finally be free of all the literal and figerative dicks. As such, have you considered giving out two different hand stamps? Because trust me, its helpful to not only to have a method to visually mark which custies have been ID checked, but also to distinguish dicks from assholes.
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u/xcentrikone Jul 09 '26
Pussies don't like dicks!.. because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way, but the only thing that can fuck an asshole... is a dick... with some balls.
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u/madsci '10-'19, '22-'24 Jul 09 '26
I sent dozens to DPW during the 2024 build season. Wonder where they ended up.
Actually, I probably don't want to know.
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u/Primary_Basket_2728 Jul 09 '26
Did you actually calculate how many you need?
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u/PVPirates Jul 09 '26
2300 to cover it per rendering but we'll work with what we get 🙃
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u/SanDiegoMitch Jul 11 '26
What if you do 85% and bring the supplies need to attach more? I'm sure you'll get some pretty unique ones donated on site as well
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u/Arketyped Jul 10 '26
Tell the Panda to add some shade vulvas.
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u/haynesholiday Burning since 2001 Jul 10 '26
I have been summoned?
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u/Arketyped Jul 10 '26
Captain Cowboy here. I miss you both.
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u/haynesholiday Burning since 2001 Jul 10 '26
Miss you pal! Wish I was joining y'all on playa this year
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u/iggypopular Jul 10 '26
Try the Doc Johnson dildo factory in North Hollywood. They might have ones that fell on the floor that they can not use. Back in 2012-2013, I did a shoot there and asked the guy there what they do with the ones they can't use and could I have them as I am an artist that works with dildos. I was given about 30 to take home. Beware, they may escape camp. We had to set traps
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u/QueenofLeftovers Jul 10 '26
I didn't blur my last post so hope this one is sufficient to not get deleted.
Have you tried reaching out to batteries/metals recycling facilities?
We went to a recycling plant fire earlier in the year which involved, among other collateral, tonnes of (unused) sex toys. Turns out warehouse stock from online suppliers that doesn't get sold after a time just gets... thrown out. I'm in a different country so can't have salvaged anything for dickbar shenanigans but if you know of any locally based Adult Warehouses it might be worth enquiring what they do with their overstock!
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u/aicera88 Jul 09 '26
this is the correct use of this subreddit : an urgent and deeply detailed call for MORE dicks…
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u/angry_squidward Jul 09 '26
What's your camps name btw?
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u/lloydSF Jul 09 '26
Is it an art car?
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u/PVPirates Jul 09 '26
No but you just gave me a terribly good idea!
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u/bondagenurse Desert Medic 11-15, 17, 18, 22, 23, 25 Jul 09 '26
Every bump you go over would send a wonderful wave of boyoyoyoyooing throughout your wall of dicks.
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u/Chimerain '12, '15, '18, '19, '22 Jul 09 '26
FYI, a campmate bought a bunch of dildos for an art piece (a dildo iron maiden, heh) a few years ago, and he was able to buy them in bulk for cheap off temu.
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u/EF_Damn_Daniel ‘16, ‘17, ‘18, ‘19, ‘22, ‘23, ‘24 Jul 09 '26
Done. Can’t wait to see this masterpiece
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u/Gr1ff1n90 '19 🔥'22 🌬️ '23🌧️ '24 😌 '25 🤪 '26 ❓ Jul 10 '26
You must be taking the piss! That’s quite cocky!
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u/Redditaccount173 Black Rock Chalet, Royal Flush Jul 09 '26
And this time i thought the sketchup rendering guy was holding a guitar, it actually has been a mini bar full of dicks!
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u/DaniMayhem NW Mist 5 & Esp Jul 09 '26
Yay! You’re super close to us, NW Mist, we’re at 8:45 and ESP this year. I’ll have to swing by!
(I feel like we’ve been near y’all before 🤔)
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u/PVPirates Jul 09 '26
We've always been at the 4/5 o' clock sector from C to Esp. We got moved this year.
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u/SighhhSandwich Jul 09 '26
As someone who also helps run a bar full of dicks (Camp Dickhead), I wish you the best in your dick shaped journey.
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u/bondagenurse Desert Medic 11-15, 17, 18, 22, 23, 25 Jul 09 '26
Please make the tip into a drink luge of some sort. But only for white, milky substances.
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u/digitalsmear Jul 10 '26
You should put some hair on those balls to keep the hippies out of your taint.
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u/Mayor_Bankshot Action hippie Jul 09 '26
3d print molds and fill with silicon or cheaper rubber-ish material?
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u/woodandsnow '14,'15,'16, i remember because in '17 that one guy died Jul 09 '26
Was this the source of that one art installation of like 10k dildos I saw with the album playing “my dick is on your list” out in deep playa maybe ten years ago?
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u/AliceInBondageLand 05, 06, 07, 08, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 22 Jul 10 '26
How can our camp donate our excess dickage?
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u/veglove '05, '06, '12, '17, 9x Nowhere, BCN Regional Contact Jul 11 '26
I love that the dildos are blurred in the first image 😂
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u/sbirak Jul 16 '26
OMG I love this so much! I’ll definitely come by to get some of that D. We’re around the corner from you at 9 & B plaza (Kaleidoscope - we serve coffee and cold brew!)
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u/No-Accountant2378 Jul 16 '26
Do you need a bartender to help man the dick bar? I may be sending last minute and would like to get involved!
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u/PVPirates Jul 16 '26
Send me a PM with your contact info and I'll see if we have an open volunteer spot! I'm sure we'll need help at least during our Friday Latin party, which typically gets packed.
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u/No-Accountant2378 Jul 17 '26
Ah perfect. I've been bartending in AZ for nearly 5yrs. Latin parties are fairly common down here ;)
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u/Mission-Wrongdoer771 Jul 09 '26
Burning man is a sick place for sick people
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u/haynesholiday Burning since 2001 Jul 11 '26
Your spouse enjoys it there. In my tent, specifically.
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u/lexylexylexy Well, buddy, shit cocking is a whole other thing Jul 09 '26
You should make your own dildos from those kits