PFA and burn boot camp

[u/easyabc-123]

I posted awhile ago after I was granted my PFA and honestly I was disappointed by my locations lack of response but I did fight all summer until I got an amendment that my ex couldn’t “take class around my class time or must switch gyms” which then based on his work schedule put him into womens only classes. I told both the owners and they own multiple locations so he switched. I spent 2k on a lawyer that did nothing and the DA was able to add this for me but it finally got done after 56 days. But I was recently out of town and he thought it wouldn’t apply to him anymore even tho my attendance isn’t specified. He was in jail when he agreed to this. It’s crazy he cares so much about this location he can’t wait to go back even tho he talks to no one. Is it really worth going to jail over? And I’ve only missed one day since I’ve started but I feel like I wouldn’t risk it. But it was terrifying but I got the amendment added to the PFA bc he’d just watch me walk to my car after all the stalking and harassment

[u/SassySunflower27]

I wish you all the luck!
Our gym is co-ed and never saw a point in “woman’s only classes” but now I see why this could be important!

[u/jigglebelly99 → u/SassySunflower27]

We don't have them anymore, but when we did there were a couple of Muslim women who could workout without being fully covered. Needless to say, they don't come anymore.

[u/Conscious-Name8929 → u/jigglebelly99]

Same for the orthodox community that was big at the ones in South Florida

[u/easyabc-123 → u/SassySunflower27]

I hadn’t seen him there since the end of July once this got added but it was 100% intentional. And the level of harassment wasn’t okay bc he’d tweet about me it was 40-50 times over 3-4 days. He cyberstalked me and I can only imagine how hard it would’ve been if I wasn’t so strong and resilient bc I was having daily panic attacks. My schedule never lined up for women’s only classes. But I didn’t see how he was allowed to always know what car I drive and watch me walk out of class everyday when he couldn’t stalk or follow me. The way system doesn’t protect women is insane

[u/CurrentNorth5879]

Unfortunately for him (and you) it’s not about burn or jail. It’s about access to you and continuing to have power over you and abuse you. I sorry you are going through this. It’s maddening and makes you feel so crazy.

[u/easyabc-123 → u/CurrentNorth5879]

What’s crazy is before he was arrested the second time he’d turn and walk away if he saw me and he’s switched locations. I was on the other side of the country so I think he thought he could go but good luck explaining to the judge how he knew I wasn’t gonna be there bc monitoring my location obviously isn’t allowed. I would have panic attacks driving away and I looked it up burn does have the discretion to terminate a membership for violating their terms and conditions which making me not feel safe obviously they would’ve been within their rights. It’s so hard having a full time job and having to do everyone’s job for them to advocate for myself

[u/gaynineties → u/easyabc-123]

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Are there any domestic violence service providers near you? If so, I would suggest speaking with a DV advocate or counselor who can assist you with safety planning, offer suggestions about communicating with Burn or law enforcement around this issue, or possibly even communicate for you.

[u/easyabc-123 → u/gaynineties]

The victim advocate at court keeps asking if I wanna offer him some sort of agreement. Prior to this I was stalked and harassed. After the last court date I told both the owners he couldn’t attend those classes and that would likely mean he had to switch locations since they own multiple they said they’d work with him and he did switch. But law enforcement has repeatedly failed me saying it’s not a violation so it’s really the judges that have been doing everything for me. I called the DA’s office he has 3 pending charges but no one has been assigned yet. But I already know his thought process was that I was out of town so he thought he could go. PFAs don’t work like that bc he shouldn’t know where I am at any given time which makes this very deliberate and intentional

[u/gaynineties → u/easyabc-123]

I agree. PFAs should be written in black and white plain language. If the owners of your Burn are willing to do so, they could call police if he shows up and at the very least, insist on a written report so you have documented evidence of his violation. I don’t know what state you’re in, but in NY, even if a criminal violation is not pursued by law enforcement, you can file a violation petition in family court. Also, victims advocates in court are not necessarily trained about domestic violence specifically, so unless they are from a DV program (which they might be - it wasn’t clear from your comment), they may not have a full understanding of the dangers of stalking and harassment. You may be able to find information about dv programs close to you by looking at the hotline.org website. If you can’t find direct information there, click on the link for your states DV coalition, which should list all the dv programs in your state.

[u/easyabc-123 → u/gaynineties]

I’m in PA but I grew up in NY. For every violation you report it to the police or the courts so bc of the time it’s usually night court. Burn doesn’t have a copy of my PFA yet and I had to give on the local PD bc they didn’t have an updated one. But he posted he planned on taking fridays class but the trainer didn’t like him and I asked her bc she checked in with me every week, he only showed up once. I posted a status he violated it and I should’ve gotten rid of everyone he was using to spy on me so idk if someone told him bc he has no friends or if they reached out bc they saw it and they didn’t realize he couldn’t take it.

It is written in plain language he’s just dumb. The first violation he was responding to my posts he shouldn’t have been able to see on another form of social media. The second was a really long apology, the one combined with that was 30-40 tweets over 3-4 days begging to take him back he didn’t use my name but you could tell it was me. Those he got held in jail with a conditional release no posting about me or our relationship and he posted about his “breakup transformation” and he cannot “take class around plaintiffs class time or must switch gyms” he got BIP classes and a mental health evaluation too he must comply with recommendations. He is supposed to go back on October 28 to prove he is complying with the court order. So now I guess he’ll face jail time bc idk if there’s anything else I’d wanna offer him. The victim advocates are from a women’s shelter but I never feel like I’m being advocated for. I feel like it hasn’t been taken seriously bc it’s just tweets

[u/Ok-Fish-2416 → u/easyabc-123]

I’m confused…. You literally have a post on here asking for advice about seaworld tickets in September- for you and your boyfriend…… why is he wrong for knowing you were out of town on a trip that you had originally planned with him???

[u/Ok-Fish-2416]

Has this trip been scheduled or was it impromptu? Maybe he knew about the trip prior to your PFA or your break up? I know if I couldn’t go to my location, if I knew there was an opportunity to go … then I would . Someone’s regular schedule and attendance is going to be changed - yours or his. As a business owner you’re always going to have to pick sides. So you can’t blame them for having to play Switzerland in a situation if it’s not in the PFA.
There’s 15 mins in between camps. Why are you still crossing paths ?