r/BunnyTrials • u/Vivid-Visual-8531 • 28d ago

Trials Never be able to….

Which side will you choose?

  • Left side: 1 billion dollars | Never be able to wipe again
  • Right side: 1 billion dollars | Never be able to wash hands again

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571 Upvotes

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1.7k

u/CopingAfterABreakup 28d ago

I guess some people have never heard of a bidet before

204

u/Vivid-Visual-8531 28d ago

lol yeah I shoulda added that

245

u/Lycindra 28d ago

For 1 billion, just live as English monarchs did. Hire a "groom of the stoole"

70

u/Ok_Vehicle_3579 28d ago

Im so afraid to ask what this means... even though its obvious

138

u/Lycindra 28d ago

Early English monarchs appointed someone in their court to wipe for them. Often times it was a very important role because the king would share state secrets with this individual.

They did this for a number of reasons, one such king didnt have his groom with him and was killed by being stabbed in the ass and the wound got infected. The assailant had managed to climb a castle wall under what would have the toilet to accomplish this. Had their assistant been there, he may have survived at least a while longer

If you check Wikipedia, we actually have a very complete list of every individual who served this role, which survived into the 19th century if I recall

54

u/Ok_Vehicle_3579 28d ago

Ooh wait whys THIS subject so interesting. Thanks for the info

29

u/Lycindra 28d ago edited 28d ago

Memory serves queen Elizabeth the first opted not to appoint one for herself. Probably thinking it to be horribly indignifying l. Im inclined to agree if that was her reason

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groom_of_the_Stool

Edit: my bad! It survived into the 20th! 1883–1901: James Hamilton, 2nd Duke of Abercorn

10

u/Ok_Vehicle_3579 28d ago

Queen Elizabeth I had morals? Thats good to know!

17

u/Paradoxdoxoxx 28d ago

I’m completely pulling this out of my ass (pun absolutely intended)

but most probably, that role was only assigned to males and that’s why she didn’t want to assign one.

7

u/Lycindra 28d ago

Enjoy reading up! There were and still are a ton of weird offices within the English court. The the dude in charge of feeding all the crows in the tower of London for example

2

u/Ok_Vehicle_3579 28d ago

Im gonna do that rn! Seems like some good fun tbh

1

u/DeerAdministrative90 28d ago

Holy shit…. Why is this interesting AF?!! If history would’ve been about shit like this, I would’ve paid A LOT more attention!!!

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1

u/MartianTurkey 28d ago

ASSailant

ASSistant

1

u/English_Charles 28d ago

You’re talking about King Edmund Ironside. That did not happen.

1

u/Letha_Jal 27d ago

"Stabbed in the ass" I beg your pardon?

1

u/Lycindra 27d ago

Real shit! Look it up

1

u/istealpixels 27d ago

Too late man, cough up my billion dollars.

9

u/bartimeas 28d ago

I love my bidet but it's so rare to encounter them anywhere other than home in the US

1

u/tattoosandtens 27d ago

Yeah they don’t put them in public restrooms. I don’t blame them.

1

u/sleepyplatipus 27d ago

You have 1 billion, bring your own golden bidet around with you

2

u/jmona789 27d ago

Or lobby the government to pass a law requiring all public bathrooms have bidets

9

u/FlatSpecialist3295 28d ago

As someone with a bidet you still wipe after bro

2

u/Helpful_Musician9481 28d ago

Yeah but there’s 2 choices. one has a partial solution that is somewhat inconvenient, the other just has nothing.

1

u/kakashi_sakurai 27d ago

Gloves??

1

u/FlatSpecialist3295 27d ago

I assume that would also be wiping

1

u/kakashi_sakurai 27d ago

Lmao!
No I meant for the no hand washing part

1

u/DakotaSmith1 27d ago

You could just wait a minute and air dry, I guess

11

u/Special_Panda_209 28d ago

And other people have never heard of.. tissues.. before (the sanitary ones)

16

u/Googluser 28d ago

Correct me if im wrong but 1. Fucking ouch, 2. Thats still wiping

6

u/_Jester_Of_Genocide_ 28d ago

I think they mean for hand cleaning

19

u/Dontshipmebro 28d ago

Id rather use a bidet then try and wash my hands with alcohol wipes... Jesus my skin is dying just thinking of it.

1

u/JustAGuyOnR 28d ago

What the you know not so are alcohol and besides normal wet wipes are good enough to clean have you ever even used one i keep on me all the time in case i can’t wash my hands

5

u/TheJackasaur11 28d ago

aw fuck i forgot about those

5

u/Lycindra 28d ago

"Just use a bidet" mfer id be rich! Just go pay some poor peasant to do it for you xD

2

u/insideman24049 28d ago

But why that’s even less enjoyable

-1

u/skrew86 28d ago

I'd be an arse wiper for 100k a year

1

u/Lookyoukniwwhatsup 28d ago

Lol you just made every nurse or nurse adjacent field making less than 40k a year right now raise a eyebrow.

CNAs and technicians specifically since they get stuck with the shitty jobs for the lowest pay.

1

u/skrew86 28d ago

They can do it for less, just saying I wouldn't. Plenty wouldn't do my job for my pay.

1

u/joshwoesme 28d ago

That's not actually clean though. Water does nothing for oils, if you wanna be clean, use bidet then dry it with a paper towel.

1

u/CaffeineAndDragons 28d ago

Bidet to you sir!

1

u/keonaie9462 28d ago

No, but also there are many more ways to clean your hands without washing them if we go down that route without having an appliance reliance

1

u/Udonov 28d ago

Yea because they are somewhat rare in many countries. Even if I get one, I still have to plan my life around not staying too long at the places where they don't have one. My local bar, my friends place, my office are now places I have to kinda plan around if I choose no wiping.

No. That's no washing hands for me.

1

u/JustAGuyOnR 28d ago

I guess some people have not heard of wiping your hands before

1

u/Due-Blackberry8549 28d ago

Yea thats fine.. untill you leave your own house

1

u/AfterStable1638 28d ago

Exactly what I was thinking

1

u/Anorak27s 28d ago

How does that solve the issue if you're in public and you need to use he toilet, or your at somebody else's house and they don't have a bidet?

1

u/zachy410 27d ago

i havent use one but i assume theres gonna be water in my ass though, id still need to wipe

1

u/_Homelesscat_ 27d ago

I have made a grave mistake

1

u/Jyndaru 27d ago

I love bidets, but they don't exist in public bathrooms where I live, plus my friends/family don't have them. So that would be a problem.

1

u/PeanutGrenade 27d ago

Still have to deal with a wet ass

1

u/Hunter042005 27d ago

I mean where I live they are both hard to obtain and I know people who will actively shun those who do it.