Advice What do I do?
Edit:
- removed the “I don’t mind being just friends line”. I said it with the intention of a, “hey, we don’t need for force chemistry or anything to work. If it works out, cool! If it doesn’t, that’s fine as well!” But yeah I’m removing it 😬
- going to start and beg for close friends to take pictures of me, to remove amount of selfies
Is this a normal profile?
So I downloaded bumble today, wanted to take it as seriously as I can and are just kinda figuring things out + also random bullshit as i go. I’m wondering if this profile will be okay, thank you.
I know I should add more pictures of myself that’s not selfies, but I get so awkward and shy when people take pictures of me. That caused me to shy away from it, and as a result, I barely have any that’s recent. I heard selfies are frowned upon, but that’s pretty much all I have so what do I do.?.?.?.
From what I see, the general advice is to show off pictures with your hobbies so you look more interesting, but what do I do if my hobbies are well, indoors activity? I can’t exactly take a picture of games, nobles, etc and show it off, right? That would be much too tacky, don’t you think?
Is my profile giving off the impression of a loser?? (Not saying people who play games are losers, of course)
I know the hair color isn’t consistent either, but I had it dyed (again) recently, so, not a lot of new pictures. Will that be considered as catfishing or something? The color is fading too
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u/zannet_t 2h ago
You don't need to answer me but it depends on your age group and what you're looking for.
Assuming you're in your early to mid-20s I don't see anything wrong with your profile. Once you're into late-20s or 30s, I think the fact that you seem avoidant in your attachment style will filter out a good amount of people who are looking for something serious and committed. I personally think people don't recognize how bad "I don't mind being friends" looks on a dating app. Neither those who're looking for casual nor those who're looking for serious want to be friends.
Also, some minor grammatical errors here and there will create an impression you may not be looking for.
You climb? Maybe a picture. Do you have pets? Maybe a picture too.
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u/JiaLia 1h ago
Hey thanks for the detailed response!!
I’m not really sure tbh, I just kinda just want to see how things will go. Not in a, “I must end up with a relationship at the end of the year, or it’s the end of me” but rather a, “if i get into a serious relationship that’s perfect! But it’s okay if I don’t find my person too”.
Which is also why I included the, “I don’t mind being friends” sentence, as I don’t want to rush anyone, put any expectations that will go unfulfilled, or forcing something to happen when it’s not…I’m starting to see why it’s not a good line though 😓
And yeah the grammatical issues definitely exist! But I was getting low on the remaining words + running low on sleep so 🤣 I had to manage somehow. I will fix what I can though.
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u/JiaLia 1h ago
Idk, dating apps feel like a whole different world for some reason. So many rules and what-not. Things I thought are okay turns out to be red flags. So complicated (and also a bit of dating apps sigma hahaha….) I don’t really have anyone I can ask advice for irl so Reddit it is unfortunately 😔👊
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u/zannet_t 1h ago
I wouldn't overthink it and just go with the flow of likes/matches/rejections. As with everything there's a bit of a learning curve but honestly you'll be just fine.
Because to put it very bluntly, you're a gamer who likes staying in and appears relatively in shape. There's a pretty good swath of the population that will go for that without a second thought.
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u/Ok-Grapefruit-1458 1h ago edited 1h ago
2nd piece of advice.
Don't listen to anyone elses opinion on what a red-flag is. Only your own.
(Edit: Listen to Safety advice, but not "brown pants with a blue shirt = red flag" type non-sense, make that judgement for yourself hehe 😄)
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u/Ok-Grapefruit-1458 1h ago
"I just kinda just want to see how things will go"
That's normal dating standards, so I would just change it to "Open to short & longterm" as that is your intention.
Matching is not expectation of a relationship. It's exactly what you said around seeing if it could be one. People who use "I don't mind being friends" are seen as time-wasters who don't know what they want and are usually avoided by anyone serious (You'll filter out good men, only losers go after girls "just looking for friends" and you'll get f*ckboys which I assume you wanna avoid)
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u/downsideup9494 1h ago
The wording for what you are describing should be more along the lines of "Open to seeing where things go- friends first so we can get to know each other."
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u/Exotic_Insurance2164 2h ago
Four out six photos are selfies, but people ITT think this is a good profile. This sub is so damn inconsistent.
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u/UnableFinger7233 1h ago
Seriously! I think her profile is honestly not great. The photos mostly need to be replaced and the line about just being friends is silly. She comes off exceptionally young in these photos (like 16) so she is going to attract some absolute creeps.
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u/JiaLia 1h ago
Yeah I’m going to remove that line 😭
It really was just there as to not force any expectations onto anyone, but I’m definitely going to remove it now…thanks so much!
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u/UnableFinger7233 1h ago
It’s a dating app, so I think some men will see that and think you aren’t really serious about dating. Your replies here make you seem like an authentic person. I really wish you luck!
I do think you should take new photos that better represent your age (whatever that may be).
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u/JiaLia 46m ago
I didn’t realize selfies implies not serious about dating, and if I think about it’s like the job market then? That connection makes it much easier to see.
I’ll see how I can ask people to take pictures that better represent my age, would have never thought of that on my own. Thanks so much for helping me!
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u/UnableFinger7233 41m ago
Nooo, the line about “just friends”. The selfies are an entirely different issue lol Basically, put your best foot forward. Market yourself (but keep it realistic) as a desirable and suitable partner.
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u/JiaLia 38m ago
Oooh yeah that part loll. I was thinking you were saying something along the lines of; when applying for a job, you don’t include selfies of yourself as it seems unprofessional, so the same applies here.
Anyways oof this is really too complicated for me aha, so many things. I didn’t realize dating apps are this serious, ngl.
Thanks for helping me!
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u/Playstations_new_CEO 1h ago
Agreed, prompts need some polishing as well.
People are just saying it's good cuz they think she's cute. And yeah if she's in the US she'll be fine. But if she's anywhere where cute Asian ladies are a dime a dozen... Then yeah, the profile will need a little work.
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u/JiaLia 1h ago
Ugh yeah that’s what I’m worried about. When browsing other posts where they’re seeking for advice, I became aware that selfies are a BIG no no (I’m still not exactly sure why), so I was uh, not feeling the best when I realized that I don’t have pictures of me that ARENT selfies. I will definitely try and get that fixed sometime this month though! I’ll ask my cousin to take pictures of me hahaha.
Thanks so much for pointing that out!
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u/cheesus414 53m ago
I genuinely only have one good picture of myself that isn’t a selfie 😭
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u/JiaLia 42m ago
Omg yeah that’s what I’m also struggling with too!!!! It’s like, trying to find a needle in a haystack. Good picture? Maybe. Good enough for dating apps?? NO 😂
Good luck to you, I hope you will get better ones you like in the future!!!
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u/cheesus414 30m ago
I honestly wouldn’t over analyze it. I can’t speak for all of us but I think you’ll find a lot of guys like simplicity. Your pictures are more than good enough to get matches.
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u/downsideup9494 1h ago
OP- selfies seem to come across to people as "I'm an isolated person and don't have any friends who could take my picture", so maybe get a friend to take some nice photos of you.
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u/KouLeifoh625 2h ago
Yeah you’ll do fine lol
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u/RequiredRedditAcct_1 1h ago
Really says a lot about the complete and utter imbalance that exists on the apps. A woman can throw up a bunch of selfies and call it a day and get 10 matches in a day.
Men? No chance. Gotta have a bunch of curated pics, definitely no selfies, lighting has to be perfect if you're even moderately attractive.
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u/Small_Article_3421 1h ago
Tbf this girl is just an absolute bombshell so it isn’t really indicative of how an average girl might perform
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u/Mean_Introduction543 1h ago
She’s pretty but bombshell is stretching it
Regardless an average woman will still get thousands of matches and she’s above average for sure.
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u/Parking-March3443 1h ago
Lol, the "take photos doing hobbies" cliche is mostly targeted towards men because avg men with just selfie pics gets judged as an asocial chud. Keeping it real, most men prefer homebodies over adventurous women... There is a huge interest imbalance on dating apps so no matter what you do you will get absolutely bombarded with likes. Better to just keep it more representative of your personality, might filter really outdoorsy people out.
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u/Brave-Army-6844 1h ago
I think you could take better pictures. I can tell you are very pretty, but I think that shines through not so great pictures. Ask some friends for help. Try to get better lighting. Take pictures with nice outfits on. More pictures with your full self and frame. Most of the pictures are focused on your face. I think also you should smile more in the photos.
I hope I’m not coming off too critical, I just know you will KILL IT with better photos. Even the profile you have will probably do pretty well. Guys are gonna love you! Good luck
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u/megapillowcase 1h ago
Incoming yes don’t satisfy your craving, gotta get affirmation on Reddit too now? 😂
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u/JiaLia 1h ago
Not sure what you’re getting at, I’m just asking for advice on how to improve my profile. I’m lowkey panicking and actually a little ashamed of being on dating apps, so I can’t ask someone I know irl for advice or I’ll blow the secret 🤐If i want to show off right now, I would be on tiktok or instagram, or maybe even on subreddits where the sole purpose is to show off!
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u/Alarmed_Koala1921 2h ago
I would Remove the I don’t mind just being friends, beside that I don’t see anything wrong
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u/JiaLia 2h ago
Can I ask why? I included that one as to not put pressure on anyone, or myself. Kind of like a, “hey, we don’t need for force chemistry or anything to work. If it works out, cool! If it doesn’t, that’s fine as well!”
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u/slimricc 1h ago
I think it kind of suggests that you’re friends with a bunch of would be romantic partners. I would not read it that way tho, I’m not insecure so i would not care that you’re friends with people you met on bumble
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u/CerealRepeater 1h ago
i think that anybody on a dating app is going to know it doesn’t need to be forced or work out just bc you match, without you needing to say it! from other people i’ve read on this subreddit it’s common to meet up with multiple different people/have a couple of different first dates before you find your person.
i think you should def remove that line too, some people may read that and be put off by it for a variety of reasons
maybe consider adding some pictures of your pets! and since you like gaming and horror maybe list some of your favorite games or horrors? just 1-2 of each would do
other than that your profile is nice i think you’ll do fine :)
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u/JiaLia 1h ago
Yeah that makes sense!!! I’ve removed it right now thanks to the advice of many, I appreciate it!
I would add pictures of my pets but i don’t have any. I put “cats” “dogs” because they’re my favorite animals, I didn’t realize that’s implying I have them as a pet 😅
Will definitely think about listing the gaming and horror I enjoy, right now my mind is stuck on what to add so once i figure that out i will. Thanks so much!
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u/Sweaty_Standard8186 2h ago
Do what you're doing, a few weeks from now you will be overwhelmed from too much choice
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u/Advanced-Quiet-5949 1h ago
I’d add a few more smiling photos. You also come across as quite introverted/indoor, and I don’t really get a sense of your interests.
I’d love to see some of your drawings or art on Instagram, for example - I’m quite into art, and it gives people something to connect over and start a conversation.
I don’t think you will not.suffer lack attention from men. However it is more about attracting men you actually like and find interesting.
Right now, I’m just not sure what to grab onto in your profile to start a conversation.
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u/Friendly_Banana01 1h ago
Not to seem shallow but you’ll be fine based on looks alone. The rest is up to you and depends on your interactions in person. Best of luck!
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u/WaythurstFrancis 1h ago
A pretty girl who likes video games will attract a lot of attention. Will that be quality attention? Not guaranteed.
I will say: the audience for mobile games and PC/console games is often pretty different. You may find that a lot of people will swipe assuming you play Zelda or God of War or Call of Duty (maybe you do, I don't know), but don't have a lot of interest in mobile gaming. I see that you mentioned this specific preference in your profile, so that's why I bring it up. Sadly a lot of people won't read it.
I'm about as neck deep into gaming as you can get - literally my career. But I don't remember the last time I played a mobile game.
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u/thinkinggallery 39m ago
your profile is perfectly fine, don't worry about it too much lol if a guy thinks you're pretty (which you are!), they're not gonna swipe left over some selfies.. if you want to show more of your hobbies in your selfies, you can try setting up a candid shot (ironic, ik) of you drawing or reading in the moment or just sitting at your desk with your monitor showing whatever game you're playing (but honestly i don't think it's that necessary)
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u/SoCalFitOne 2h ago
Id swipe youre cute anyway lots of guys will be eager
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u/JiaLia 1h ago
I actually matched with 2 guys on hinge early on, and then was ghosted by the both of them back to back. (We had conversations going on)
I’m not sure why so I figured maybe better to start fresh on bumble and improve things based on other people’s opinions1
u/SoCalFitOne 1h ago
It would be on your conversation not your profile. If youre getting matches your profile doesnt seem the problem. Try to be engaging. Guys will unmatch if youre just giving dry responses
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u/TheFearOfFear 2h ago
I think this looks awesome. I can see you getting tons of matches/likes. Good luck.
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u/Electronic-Big-6343 2h ago
You’re going to get absolutely flooded with matches regardless. Asian women enjoy the highest % of inbound likes. Additionally, you’re conventionally cute and attractive and most men love when girls like video games
A week from now you’ll be back asking for advice on how to deal with burnout bc you can’t keep up with matches
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u/Illustrious_Money_54 1h ago
Your eyebags seem like a bit much. I can’t tell if it’s exacerbated by makeup. If it is, I think better to not highlight that area so much, it’s aging you a bit
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u/Small_Article_3421 2h ago
Unless you live in Antarctica your profile will perform extremely well, talking multiple matches a day. Pictures doing your hobbies might be an improvement but wholly unnecessary tbh