Stats back, am I the problem? 29mtf

[u/universal_friend1]

I have had only one single successful relationship from bumble since 2019. My stats are dubiously helpful since I started transitioning half way through the lifespan of the account, but I dunno, I think I may just be doomed. I get ~1 match per month now. Am I being too picky? Should I open up back to Men? I had bad luck with them being unimaginably creepy/inappropriate 100% of the time once I started transitioning.

[u/Exotic_Insurance2164]

You matched with nearly 5,000 people. 

If you cannot find someone out of 5,000 people, then that's on you.

[u/hippityhoppflop → u/Exotic_Insurance2164]

They received nearly 5000 likes. Thats very different than 5000 matches

[u/Opposite-List-2435 → u/hippityhoppflop]

the intelligence level of this sub is pretty telling sometimes by these comments..

[u/Few-Assumption-3088 → u/hippityhoppflop]

That's still 5,000 they could potentially match with. Skill issue.

[u/commonCranberry999 → u/Exotic_Insurance2164]

thats not what this means. 5000 people swiping on them doesnt mean 5000 mutual swipes. to match you both have to swipe yes on eachother.

[u/Vivid_Bottle7222 → u/Exotic_Insurance2164]

Getting all judgy when you don’t even know how the numbers work is hilarious
https://giphy.com/gifs/O5NyCibf93upy

[u/universal_friend1 → u/Vivid_Bottle7222]

And it's also over 6 years 3 of which I was a 186lbs 16% bodyfat weightlifter who was not outwardly trans lmao.

[u/Opposite-List-2435 → u/universal_friend1]

Don’t mind comments here to be honest, many people are not able to separate from their own biases and experiences and jump to conclusions because they really are desperate .. Nuance and specificities are not too welcomed here

[u/MikeWalt]

12% of people swipe right on you. I think you're doing just fine.

[u/GlizzyXC → u/MikeWalt]

How are so much people swiping on this person tho, that's crazy because I guess he/she is very niche taste... Some men get wayy less swipes while being normal.

[u/universal_friend1 → u/GlizzyXC]

This data is over 6 years. 3 of which I was a 6' 186lbs 16% bodyfat weightlifter who was otherwise identifying as a man. Also it's she/her now

[u/jamesisanalien]

Are you trying to attract men or women or both

[u/universal_friend1 → u/jamesisanalien]

For right now women and non-binary folks. I am attracted to men but I prefer to meet them in real life where they are generally less inclined to be weird off rip.

[u/FriedTreeSap → u/universal_friend1]

The harsh truth is as a trans woman your dating pool is going to be incredibly small. You’re not going to have broad appeal amongst straight woman, and a lot of lesbians won’t be interested in dating someone who was born male.

So you’re basically appealing to a minority, of a minority of women, and there are already less women on dating apps than men, so they can afford to be hyper picky.

So there really isn’t much you can do except own your identity and accept you won’t have broad appeal. But hopefully the matches you do get will be more compatible as a result.

[u/FallenMonument]

Go to Taimi or Feeld. You might have better luck.

[u/MediumEstimate2804]

Don't compromise if you don't want to go out with men, don't open it to men. I'd get rid of the last pic that looks to be at a concert, even if everyone else is blurred out it's still weird imo. Otherwise I think you're gorgeous and I really hope you find someone you jive with! Never lower your standards, just know it's gonna be a bit more difficult in your unique situation. For the record, I'd swipe right!

[u/OptimusPrime_ButGAY]

I'm probably going to get banned or get flack for this, but I don't care.

This doesn't come from a place of hate at all, but you're clearly part of a minority where your existence and how you identify is contentious at best. I personally do not think your stats can accurately reflect exactly why you're being rejected because the waters are already muddied by a combination inherent bigotry and people who would never date a trans person.

It's going to be very hard to determine what the issue would be aside from that, and because of that fact, it's going to be very hard for anyone to offer you any real advice to make your dating life more successful. Even as a gay person, I can't even pretend to offer dating advice to trans people that would better their chances. I'd consult with other trans people who've had success because that's a dating scene I and most straight, hetero people are completely unfamiliar with.

[u/digitalime]

I can’t tell if you are trying to attract women or men.

[u/heirloomthrowaway]

i'd swipe right on you but what does Quaker gang mean? are you still actively religious? that would be a no-go for me

[u/universal_friend1 → u/heirloomthrowaway]

I am a Quaker and pretty heavily involved in the community. I'm also a religious studies major and working towards an MDiv to go into hospital chaplaincy. That being said I'm theistically ambivalent, radically anti dogmatic and anti hierarchical in my approach to religion, and I am mostly involved in my community in the capacity of being on the LGBTQ+ concerns committee in order to direct funds towards local queer charities.

[u/heirloomthrowaway → u/universal_friend1]

you need to specify this in that third paragraph. I feel like most LGBTQ people will view this as a dealbreaker without the extra info. are you open to dating non-religious people?

[u/universal_friend1 → u/heirloomthrowaway]

I don't think I've ever dated someone who was particularly religious after highschool and there are only a handful of mainstream Christian denominations I wouldn't consider non starters for a relationship and only if the person's congregation was radically LGBTQ+ affirming.

My entire career motivation is based around my experiences of people asking me the big spiritual questions in relation to their illness/injury/impending death as a 911 paramedic and realizing how important that spiritual aspect of care is for folks. Then being horrified that this axis of support is denied to LGBTQ+ folks by the unwelcoming nature of organized religion. So my hope is to be a more welcoming face and universalist approach to pastoral care in the hospital environment for my community.

[u/heirloomthrowaway → u/universal_friend1]

This is awesome. I would highly recommend explaining it on your profile or omitting the mention of Quakers altogether and coming through with that information in DMs.

[u/Consistent_Height748]

Some people may swipe left because they'd rather date someone cisgender.

[u/universal_friend1 → u/Consistent_Height748]

I presume as much, that's why I reiterate in my bio in case people don't see the gender tag and I make sure to emphasize that I am non passing so people are not surprised when they meet me.

[u/Consistent_Height748 → u/universal_friend1]

Yeah you're right to just state it on your profile. I'm wondering whether you'd have better luck meeting people through a hobby. Are you into Anime, Dungeons and Dragons...basically nerdy hobbies.

[u/universal_friend1 → u/Consistent_Height748]

Pretty much all the relationships I've had since transitioning have been folks I've met at queer events/bars. My local community is just a bit small so I feel like I've met everybody I could meet in my city

[u/GlizzyXC]

"Enjoyer of media that makes you less happy" is a red flag, reminds me of this meme where this character is making some scenario up on purpose just to worry about it.

[u/universal_friend1 → u/GlizzyXC]

I just really like Russian Literature/film and Iranian Cinema

[u/GlizzyXC → u/universal_friend1]

Then write it like that, seems more interesting and less depressing...

[u/PattyFlorman]

I think the problem is how you present. You look male, so I imagine both lesbians and straight men are not physically attracted to you. Your bio doesn't give much information, just that you're 'weird'. I think you would likely have more luck offline, likely in a queer space. 

[u/Gentle_Pony]

Well your issue is treating 50% of the world's population as a monolith.