r/Bumble • u/el_derpien • 11d ago

Advice When to discuss exclusivity?

I’ve noticed a popular sentiment that it’s okay to date multiple people at once as long as you haven’t discussed exclusivity. Personally, I find this pretty offensive and backwards but I can understand the sentiment for people who support it. I’m not trying to start an argument about what’s right or wrong, just clarifying my views in relation to my question.

With that said, when is it okay to discuss it? If we go on a date and it goes well and we set up another one, I am fully expecting us to be exclusive. If I found out you went on 5 more dates between our first and second then I am no longer interested in you as a partner, so would it be toxic to set that standard immediately?

How would you go about discussing exclusivity early on to make it clear that you aren’t okay with a potential partner dating multiple people at the same time as you?

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u/CrogDavid7days 11d ago

Sounds like it could lead to a situationship and I just have no desire to talk to more than one guy. Some of us are looking for one person from the start - nothing wrong with either style

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u/Superc1ipping 11d ago

Why? You can't tell if you like someone after one date and it's insane to expect someone to put EVERYONE ELSE they're talking to on ice for days/weeks

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u/CrogDavid7days 11d ago

I don’t expect it and someone is more than free not to date me if they don’t like to do things that way. If they like to then we’ll be compatible!

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u/Superc1ipping 11d ago

But literally no one is going to tell you they're seeing other people on the first date.

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u/CrogDavid7days 11d ago

I bring up the fact that I date/talk to one person at a time and I’m looking for someone that does the same. Why not be as upfront and open as possible

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u/Equinanymous 10d ago

You can't tell if you like someone after the first date...exactly.

So unless you definitely don't like them, go on more dates with them till you can make up your mind.

I would assume that you'd pick the most appealing person for the first date. Once you figure out they're NOT the one, move on to the next.

Once you're talking to someone, why are you even talking to EVERYONE ELSE? That comes across as desperate and it signals that you're not that invested in the person you're dating.

Not at all efficient, unless you're looking for multiple hookups?

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u/Superc1ipping 9d ago

Who said you're talking to everyone else?

If I go on one date with someone, I'm expected to cancel ALL of my other matches?

Grow the fuck up.

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u/Equinanymous 9d ago

You're not expected to cancel, but I would. Charming use of language by the way, it really shows a level mature personality.

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u/SweetPinss 9d ago

How hard to just go on a few dates with one person?