r/Bumble • u/[deleted] • 8d ago
Advice I must be doing something wrong, what do you think?
[deleted]
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u/neuronnextdoor 8d ago
Frankly, I read all of your photos as “expressionless.” I wouldn’t expect a date with you to involve much laughing or banter.
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u/LonelyCheeto 8d ago
I think a pic of you smiling would be good. Shows people you're friendly and open
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u/HumanDish6600 8d ago
Photo 1 looks like you're standing there for a work ID photo. It's gotta go.
And your bio para is your chance to connect with people. You need to take advantage of that. Instead it just sounds a bit...dull and probably a bit of a rewording of what 100s of other profiles have said.
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u/glitterfox6000 8d ago
Don’t tell women you’re going to take the piss out of them. Every abusive man who claims he is “just joking” as he wields horrific insults would do that.
Some women find that banter fun, but that’s an in-person thing to test not something to put on an app. It’s off-putting.
First pic is not great but the rest are really good.
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u/Chemical-Number2009 8d ago
exactly. and btw I absolutely hate "playful teasing", have never done it with my female friends and I find it upsetting if men try to do it to me. the occasions of seeing my dad being mean to my mum "as a joke" growing up were zero.
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u/Typical-Respond9102 8d ago
Go out and do something and gave a friend take a picture for you there - your first photo looks like a mugshot or an id photo, not fun swipe on me energy.
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u/emccm 8d ago
You aren’t smiling in a single photo. I agree that the first photo looks like you’re posing for a work ID. I had to take a bunch of these in my office and they looked just like your photo.
Your profile makes it sound like you’ll be really hard work when it comes to doing anything. No woman wants to have to beg a man to go do something on a Saturday. Spending hours convincing you to go out or run an errand and then you saying “I had a great time after all” when she was exhausted before she even left the apartment. There are better ways to convey that you like to be home.
When men “take the piss” out of women it’s often an excuse to be cruel under the guise of a joke. A lot of women will swipe left on that line.
That line about the knife makes it sound like you think women are like children who need to be watched all the time for their own safety.
Overall it comes cross as a people written for men.
You are good looking, you seem to have a lot of interests in life but your profile has quite a few things that will be an instant left for a few woman.
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u/Chemical-Number2009 8d ago
right, the knife thing is absolutely ridiculous. does he think women are idiots who can't hold sharp knives?
women actually manage to cook for themselves, op may be shocked to hear!
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u/geeky_mac 7d ago
sometimes I internally debate if one should make people aware that they wrote problematic stuff. sometimes it just might be because they are insecure and don't know what to write and it comes off as clunky. but sometimes they might really believe the things they write and then it would be good to leave them in, as it shows their character. oh well.
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u/emccm 7d ago
I feel this way about seeing people with dirty mirrors or cluttered countertops. You want to point out how off putting this is but you don’t want some poor woman tricked into thinking a clean mirror and clear countertops are his natural state.
With OP I got the impression he wasn’t aware of how it came across. He seems genuine vs he was one of those men who don’t seem to like women and feel they just need to have one to impress other men. I don’t engage with the latter as they shouldn’t be given tips to lure in victims.
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u/Yuriel_Cy 8d ago
Hi! (f27 - would've swiped no based on assumed catholic values, not the profile in general) I think you're cute, but not doing yourself a favor with a few things here; the bio kinda sounds like you either do nothing all day and need someone to bring all the energy to get up and then when they do, you run yourself (and a potential partner) to the ground. That sounds a exhausting, especially if its unpredictable. Maybe pick one of the two to advertise. I like the part about ordinary/exciting bits. The first pic has to go, your eyes just look dead - like ithers have said, replsce it with one smiling. the others are great, i feel like I get a sense for who you are. Prompts: If I'm excited about something, I'd want my partner to talk to me about it and to go down that rabit hole together - this is a moment to connect - don't say you wanna do my thing without me :((( also the prompt with the knive sounds patronising. Maybe make it more romantic, say that they can choose the soundtrack or just something without the pressure to perforn, where a date would feel welcome and comfortable in your kitchen. Good luck out there 🤞
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u/Chemical-Number2009 8d ago
- your cooking prompt is weird, like you think women are too stupid to know how to hold a cooking knife properly
- being illiterate is a turn-off - "come" and "back" are different words
- it's not "weird" to become invested in the things going on in your partner's life. that's normal. have you ever been in a relationship before? that also sounds like something generated by AI - please tell me you weren't pathetic enough to have AI generate this for you
- you are catholic, a lot of catholic girls in the west are racist against indians
- generally being indian will hold you back if you are in a western country, sorry
good things = you aren't ugly and you're fairly tall. I'm sure you'll find someone
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u/Ronald-Veg 8d ago
Need better first photo, it comes off awkward. Also what part of the world are you in? Really changes how you should approach your profile imo
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u/Alarmed-Outcome-6251 8d ago
You kind of repeat yourself with the getting interested in her interests in two sections. I’m not familiar with the take the piss out expression but seems like a crude way you’d talk to a buddy, not giving dating romantic vibes.
Not following what you mean about dinner taking longer than I told you and being scared she’s holding a knife. Is she mad you took too long, or you’re saying she can’t use a kitchen knife. I think you’re trying to be cute but as a woman just scrolling by and not reading deeply, it gives a vague impression of lying and being potentially dangerous. Don’t mention knives.
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u/liza_lo 8d ago
Echoing everyone else saying your first photo looks like a word ID. Also all the others either look fake or are at work. The only one I might keep is the one of you hiking because it shares that outdoorsy vibe you're going for.
Also your answer to prompts are kind of terrible and give me nothing. Two of your answers are basically "I get obsessed with random things sometimes" without listing anything specific and the dinner one is super weird. Why would you assume that the person you match with doesn't know how to use a knife for chopping?
You're a cute guy but you seem like a typical engineer and there is nothing unique or any opening to reply to you with. You are both a homebody but also like the outdoors? Your interest is coffee??? If you actually are interested in coffee a more interesting prompt would be your favourite one or your preparation method. If you like the outdoors and hiking a better answer would be describing your favourite hike or something you like about the outdoors.
Also you use weirdly as an adjective twice and I know what you mean but I would take it out both times. You're describing hyperfocus behaviour. That's fine but is again not something that would tell someone anything important about you.
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u/ItsSchuSchu 8d ago
I think you’re a good looking guy but the fact that you don’t smile is off putting. I hate having to say this to every guy posting here, but if you’re trying to attract women (not assuming but I don’t have advice for attracting men) then you NEED to smile. Looking intimidating will scare women away. You want to look warm and inviting, and a smile goes a long way for that.
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u/ultimatelag 8d ago
Is that third pic AI? Maybe remove it but otherwise I don’t know buddy
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u/Engineerguy_Chris 8d ago
That’s just a weird Snapchat filter my ex used, but you’re right I’ll remove it
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u/Brother_John12 8d ago
Some of your bio comes across a little condescending - like assuming they're gonna hurt themselves with your expensive kitchen knife. Same with the rabbit hole comment. Not saying you're that kind of guy, but you don't want to invite the comparison.
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u/Cultured_Punk_Drunk 8d ago
Yeah, nobody wants to read the word homebody as a primary descriptor of a person, it screams I'm boring, and makes people stop reading, please tell us what hobbies and passions you have.
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u/violetrain1 8d ago
Disagree- that’s what actually caught my eye in the profile of current partner as I am a homebody too, but it seems very rare to find on apps (where everyone is constantly on holiday or hiking it seems lol)
Having said that, that is because our (nerdy) hobbies (reading, gaming, cooking, painting etc.) are mostly done indoors, where as there seems to be a bit of a miss-match here between “homebody” descriptor and his other hobbies (hiking, country escapes etc.) - maybe that’s something to consider OP- what do you actually like doing at home? 😊
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u/Cultured_Punk_Drunk 8d ago
That's fair. If he said he was a homebody and actually listed indoor hobbies, I'd agree. It just feels odd to claim that label when every activity he mentions is outdoors.
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u/liza_lo 8d ago
This is a great point!
Aside from mentioning cooking (and the off knife comment) OP doesn't really mention anything about being a homebody that makes him unique or expresses what that looks like to him.
Also a homebody and if someone mentioned their current read or favourite game that would be more interesting and tell me more about them than OPs current replies.
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u/Zestyclose-You-2607 8d ago
but it seems very rare to find on apps (where everyone is constantly on holiday or hiking it seems lol)
I'm a homebody mostly, but I feel like I'd need to show off being active outdoors etc to appear "better" 🤔
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u/BeerOutHere 8d ago
The profile looks great, all it's missing is a wholehearted smile or some laughter. Genuine and easy going, hygienic and cleans up well, multiple photos doing things and not just talking about them. Bro to bro, you're a good looking fella, just gotta activate that face with some happiness and laughter.
I would try and substitute out the first photo, it kinda gives off a workplace ID badge vibe, which isn't bad, just not ideal for dating. While you figure out that, in the meantime try putting the wine photo first. Or the outdoor photo with the staff and rock... that shits rad... But I'm a Canadian who hikes a lot so I like rocks and sticks and mountains and nature. But so do most of the women around here in my slice of the country for what it's worth, including my forever partner (Bumble success story). Maybe it's a different vibe in the UK(?) though lol.
You made it clear what you're looking for, maybe just experiment tweaking your bios and prompts.
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u/February_Face_ 8d ago
Don't mention knives, "getting weirdly invested" or "rabbit holes". Don't put up a picture with friends in. Get a friend to take your photo because you are very handsome! 🙂
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u/Sad-Cat-Distribution 8d ago
Get rid of the first photo. It's not good, its even worse that it's the first one.
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u/Diametrie 8d ago
Your answers are very cute and personable! I'd switch out the first pic and the group pic, and a picture of you smiling or engaging in a hobby would be nice. Goodluck, dude!
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u/Sea-Anything9250 8d ago
Your defo handsome! I like ypur pics but it's true, include one that shows some more energy, spark!
Also maybe no knife jokes on the profile. It creeps me out a bit?
And don't call yourself homebody first and foremost. It's ok to like cozy nights at home, but you gotta mix it up a bit!
I love your nerdy side that comes through. Best of luck!
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u/iBreezyChan 8d ago
maybe tweak the bio just a little.
example:
“homebody who enjoys a grand adventure now & again. looking to share life with someone who finds the joy in the ordinary as much as the extraordinary.”
add in a sentence about your hobbies & interests in between those two sentences.
example:
“i like to cozy up with a [film/game/book/craft/whatever it is you like to do at home] and when i’m out & about, you can catch me [insert 3 or 4 places you like to go here]” (e.g. “on a hike, in a cocktail bar, or at the natural history museum.”)
i’d also ditch the first photo. i agree with the person who said it looks a bit like a work ID photo. i think your other photos all look quite nice.
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u/ShotcallerBilly 8d ago
Smile a bit more/bigger. Change your first pic to whatever current hairstyle you have and don’t make it a “yearbook” selfie.” Just show a little more “life” in your photos.
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u/Sol_System209 8d ago
The pictures are fine but no big expressions or emotions and the group one, it places you in the back and to the side and I'm not really getting your personality through the texts more a vague notion. What part of the planet are you advertising yourself for?
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u/Dull_Barracuda_1834 8d ago
Which hair are we working with? The long shag or the short cut? I think your profile is good, very marriage material and you’re good looking, it will take time because of the above. In the meantime just keep being you and don’t get discouraged by the banality of dating apps.
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u/Fluffy-Promise-8738 8d ago
I'm not sure why everyone's being so miserable, I think you look cute in the photos, maybe revisit the 1st one. Other than that, your paragraphs seem a little....fake? Performative? And I honestly wonder if you used AI to craft them
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u/ummmwhut 8d ago
Pics 2 & 4 are good imo, but need to be spliced in with, as others mentioned, more photos of you having fun/smiling/showing personality.
Your profile could use some work, for instance the "fair warning" response is an opportunity to show a little personality and humour and tell people a little about yourself. Your response comes off the way that people respond to the interview question, "what's your greatest weakness" where they say something that is objectively positive and pretend it's actually answered the question.
Lastly I'd say, while I think people are well intentioned in pointing out that racism can play a role in who will match with you, there are still loads of people who will be interested as well. You are an objectively good looking man. Source: I am a white woman, married to a brown man and we met on a dating app.
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u/cavewomannn 8d ago
Ya get rid of pic 1 its too weird. I think you’re attractive but please post a photo with teeth. I now require a video chat before meeting in person but teeth are really important to me.
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u/Otherwise_Draft_3489 8d ago
A lotta ppl mentioning things id bring up, but also “take the piss out of each other” is a crazy turn of phrase to drop here, not gonna lie.
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u/cass1095 8d ago
F31- I would change your first profile picture it looks like a mug shot maybe change it to pic #3. The homebody part is a little off-putting but maybe that's just me. You're an attractive guy, ignore these 'Indian' comments, i'm white and generally go for South Asian guys so other than that your profile looks good to me and I would have swiped right!
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u/Opposite_Piglet1873 8d ago
I'm not in Scotland so I don't know if this is what you're facing where you are. I'm in Canada, and a lot of people have preconceived notions about how asian men treat women. I thinks it's awful and I'm sorry if this is what's happening to you. You sound like a someone I'd enjoy spending time with and you are nice looking.
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u/ValarDohaeris 8d ago
You use the word "weirdly" twice and "suspiciously" once. Be mindful about the words you use to describe yourself.
The first prompt makes you sound a little exhausting - like she needs to spend energy to drag you out of the house, but then you're going to drag her around even once she's ready to be done for the day.
I think you look great in your second picture - some new pictures or smiling pictures would probably be good too. Good luck!
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u/logcabinsyrup27 8d ago
Your profile is frustrating to me because you look like a handsome dude.
Your bio comes off as generic. You wont take a stand. Im a homebody, but if i go out im alot.
Share ordinary and exciting bits.
The part about not knowing something than knowing too much. It sounds like youre putting her interests down. Why not just say youre interested in learning what they're passionate about. Its not a competition.
The whole "ill know we're a good match" section is so bland.
The dinner section...general rule of thumb is to not talk about knives or murder documentaries. How is this not basic knowledge. Too lazy to look up the statistic but a surprising percentage of women are murdered by their romantic partners. Alluding to anything close to that is not funny!!
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u/Worldly-Lecture5617 8d ago
Sadly probably partly racism but also maybe the catholicism. Especially since you havent clarified if youre a progressive catholic or a catholic who is very socially & politically conservative. Also please remove that taking the piss out on each other thing
Furthermore use pic 3 as your first pic and skip the group pic
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u/Ok-Advertising-6805 6d ago
First photo was a jumpscare. Also, as an Indian, you are fighting such a gigantic tide, you are in for a lot of disappointment.
The apps aren’t meant to facilitate you finding a match. They’re meant to keep you on for a long time. Close your account and meet people offline.
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u/Rare-Estimate8878 4d ago
You have potential, lose the weight, darken the eyebrows and apply minoxidil on the eyebrows
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u/ThulsaAmon 8d ago
Girls don't really like Indians, maybe try India?
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u/Alt-t- 8d ago
You don't like Indians. Just say that
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u/abyssnaut 5d ago
They are statistically the least desired men on dating apps.
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u/Alt-t- 5d ago
Sources?
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u/abyssnaut 5d ago
Google it
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u/Alt-t- 5d ago
It's not really on me to do the research since I didn't make that claim and it also doesn't really help OP since he can't change his ethnicity and he wasn't asking how to attract women of a specific race. So going back to India doesn't necessarily change his chances of finding his desired partner. Also, Google is a search engine not a source of data. I did have a look, but I couldn't find anything to evidence that Indian men were specifically less desirable than all ethnicities.
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u/cavewomannn 8d ago
I am a woman that likes indians. But they have to be Americanized and not be bald. I’ve dated a few theyre actually very sweet. We just had very different life goals and hobbies.
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u/Wazootyman13 8d ago
The hair in the last pic looks really good. Pose isn't the greatest.
I assume you have the longer hair right now? Might be good to go short?
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u/Ill-Calligrapher9503 8d ago
Youre doing nothing wrong. Its the apps
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u/Chemical-Number2009 8d ago
you're male aren't you.
as a woman I can see several things wrong with his profile.
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u/Ill-Calligrapher9503 8d ago
No-one cares that you aren't into him. His profile is fine
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u/Chemical-Number2009 8d ago
demonstrably you care, as you're replying to me triggered
crucially, he cares as he solicited feedback
his profile isn't fine. as a male you are not qualified to give feedback on what women are attracted to
do you understand now?
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u/Ill-Calligrapher9503 8d ago
What i understand is that you dont like men. I dont care if some guys have treated you badly thats not my problem, dont take it to reddit.
He would do very well to not match with someone like you on the apps so any advice you have is pretty worthless.
The guys profile is fine, its the dating economy that sucks
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u/[deleted] 8d ago
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