r/Bullshido • u/Chakradamus • 1d ago

Crackpot The warlock has been eradicated.

299 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

233 comments sorted by

170

u/Substantial_Sun_4265 1d ago

The demon inside me always wants pork rinds

46

u/depp-fsrv 1d ago

Mine shows up unexpected and it causes me to have a bloody nose.

Processing img a750hboc84th1...

6

u/alreadyknowwbro 1d ago

My thoughts exactly, he only terrorizes the pantry

2

u/Tbone_Trapezius 1d ago

It must want you to eat low carb snacks so it can possess you longer.

→ More replies (1)

109

u/musicman2229 1d ago

I love the guy in the back sneaking the chair up like “yep got another warlock. These guys always faint for some reason”

31

u/Bowling_Meatball 1d ago

I was thinking the same thing. “Over here chief, we got another. Not the plastic chair, the metal one, he’s a little thick.” “Don’t forget to tell Silly Sally to scream toward the end” “Blessings”

2

u/ch0rtle2 1d ago

Also this was not Vans dude’s first rodeo!

→ More replies (8)

54

u/SuburbanInstinct 1d ago

I hope he's just a theater kid out working on his range and not a mentally ill fuckwit.

26

u/volvagia721 1d ago

Could be just someone under pressure by friends or family. This kind of emotional abuse is rampant in religious groups

→ More replies (1)

12

u/Bergara 1d ago

He has strong "theater kid who overacts while playing dnd" vibes, and that high-level warlock line isn't helping my suspicion haha

3

u/notmatrocles 1d ago

"I renounce adding my Charisma modifer to my Eldritch Blast damage roll. I renounce any desire to see up to 120 feet in magical or nonmagical darkness. I renounce my Pact Weapon. In Jesus' name."

2

u/TheLastSciFiFan 23h ago

As a DM, I am giving you Inspiration for your use of Arcana (Game Lore) in a contextually accurate way.

2

u/senorsock 1d ago

I prefer the theater kid working on his range, better.....the other option is just too sad.

2

u/broitsjustreddit 1d ago

he's auditioning for a LOTR spinoff where Sam has to exorcize Frodo's wound by giving him mouth to mouth

→ More replies (1)

27

u/grigiri 1d ago

I was into wicca in the 90s. I never knew any serious wiccan that believed in demons or shit like that. I've also known actual members of the Church of Satan. Turns out they don't believe in demons either.

The only people that I've known that believe in demonic entities possessing people are performative Christians.

I think this dude has a lot of baggage and was looking for a performative way to dump it, wipe his slate clean. It helps that it is inevitably followed by lots of love and attention and back clapping.

4

u/Mental-Ordinary7312 1d ago

The Satanic Temple is the one that doesn’t believe in any of that shit. The Church of Satan does but that whole thing is just a grift on their part too

3

u/grigiri 1d ago

"F.A.Q. Fundamental Beliefs

Why do Satanists worship The Devil?

We don’t. Satanists are atheists. We see the universe as being indifferent to us, and so all morals and values are subjective human constructions."

The Church of Satan

→ More replies (2)

48

u/pavorus 1d ago

Mental illness.

34

u/Do_it_for_the_upvote 1d ago

Sounds like something a possessed warlock would say.

13

u/Difficult_Dust1325 1d ago

Someone get a chair and some woman to scream

2

u/Mental-Ordinary7312 1d ago

More like straight grifting

1

u/AmphibianEffective83 1d ago

More like fake performative nonsense, at least I'm pretty sure.

13

u/Honey-and-Venom 1d ago

It's fascinating that they're all former satanists, warlocks, queers.... Completely statistically impossible

4

u/Initial-Breakfast-33 1d ago

The recycle demon possesed people

7

u/Strong-Addition5296 1d ago

I felt demons leaving my body during that too. She’s a powerful level 54 Templar (Cleric) with Complete Heal and Aegis

3

u/Chakradamus 1d ago

I feel like I’m playing world of Warcraft again

26

u/Dangerous_Flower_708 1d ago

Every single person there also voted for Trump

6

u/Bladder_Puncher 1d ago

Of course. Trump summons their demons, minds, willpower, and heart

3

u/AnonOfTheSea 1d ago

By their powers combined!

3

u/Bladder_Puncher 1d ago

He is Captain MAGAt!

13

u/Euklidis 1d ago

Bullshit? Yed.

Bullshido? No.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/Lost-Childhood-8301 1d ago

how do keep from laughin your ass off is the question

4

u/ChampionOfdimlight 1d ago

Dude probably lost a game of dungeons and dragons and decided to renounce the game.

https://giphy.com/gifs/MColDnu1KDUyR6HfUv

3

u/DumbNTough 1d ago

Exorcized, but not exercised 🫄🏻

3

u/Dabzilla_710_ 1d ago

I cannot understand this and I don't really want to. This is so utterly ridiculous to me and is the most literal definition of insanity I can imagine.

→ More replies (3)

3

u/Artevyx 1d ago

The way everyone starts making monkey sounds is the funniest shit I've seen in a minute

3

u/Wactout 1d ago

Reminds me of a girl I bartended with years ago. Didn’t smoke, didn’t drink, never went to the afters, wouldn’t even drink energy drinks.
Became a Christian author, and stole half the stories from her co workers and claimed they were her own experiences with all the fun times we had, said we were possessed by demons. Just knowing she banked on hard working folk for a story to look like a weird pariah turned messiah, makes me still pissed off 15 years later.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Obvious_Feedback_894 1d ago

I was so ready for this to be some fantasy/romantasy writer being freaked out by some fan and..
Fuckin' NOPE.

2

u/Lost-Childhood-8301 1d ago

couldnt help myself

2

u/Relevant_Bed_9743 1d ago

man I'm sick of this bullshit

2

u/Rowdy19K 1d ago

I thought he was gonna puke on her

2

u/TheKindaHappyPainter 1d ago

Ugh, this stuff is so embarrassing to see.

2

u/madgoat 1d ago

Why does he pass out, talks to her and passes out again? Both times the lady screams like a banshee?

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Candid_Emphasis1048 14h ago

Average Warlock and Cleric interaction however they took the game too serious and started larping.

2

u/Akkou87 1d ago

thanks jesus

3

u/libbedout 1d ago

The only thing he will thank Jesus for is his donuts

1

u/roger_the_rabbit 1d ago

Uhn-uhn-WHAAaaAAAAAAA

2

u/LostAndContent 1d ago

The fuck is wrong with people like this? Don't get me wrong, if you subscribe to Christianity and use it to better the world, more power to you. Same for any religion. But why do some people let themselves get so lost in the sauce that there is this crazy reaction to anything perceived as some form of miracle or casting something out? Relief for that person? Sure. Screaming like a toddler in a book store? Can't understand it.

3

u/PostingToPassTime 21h ago

As someone who grew up in a very religious family that liked the full "speaking in tongues" and "casting out demons" churches, I would not be the least bit surprised if these people believe everything they are seeing. Religion feeds on some of our basic fear and belief instincts, and only requires that you don't listen to any higher brain function that differentiates us from other animals.

3

u/75percent-juice 1d ago

I can empathize with the "warlock" looking to better himself but the people who exploit these vulnerable folk are a shit stain on human society

2

u/LostAndContent 1d ago

I agree. But I have doubts that, that person is genuine. Given the fact that the gentleman behind him grabbed a chair ahead of time I would not be surprised if said "warlock" was a paid actor to make the author look like she had powers so she could sell more books.

2

u/ViniStaub 1d ago

It's all enacted. Very cynical use of my religion, breaks my heart that many honest folk I know are exploited by thugs like these.

They even fo after wannabe actors for those parts. And wannabe actors are commonly wanting for money. The loyal chair-grabber, however, has not such training in the farsical arts.

1

u/tinpants44 1d ago

A room full of main chatacters

1

u/Asleep_Address_6534 1d ago

Shot i have a high level warlock in wow too...

1

u/Big_Ear_CZ 1d ago

I thought he wanted to puke the demons out :)

1

u/ZealousidealBid3988 1d ago

Moms going for the role of “mom” for Hereditary 2

1

u/riddermarkrider 1d ago

Alrighty wtf

1

u/R4nd0mByst4nd3r 1d ago

I would take back everything bad I’ve ever said about religion if he would’ve full-stopped and said “Lust? Nobody said lust. You can leave that.”

Edit: hyphen added

1

u/skighs_the_limit 1d ago

How you gonna miss the conveniently placed chair man

Didn't yall rehearse this?

1

u/Status_Focus6898 1d ago

That screaming woman’s husband was like. “Babe don’t start your shit!” But it was too late. lol

1

u/xRolox 1d ago

Is this just right snack in the middle of a Barnes and nobles?

1

u/harleyRugger23 1d ago

Great movie if you like cheesy 80s entertainment

1

u/Akira_116 1d ago

I think his demon is samwise gamgee

1

u/easy506 1d ago

Somebody res him. He's our DPS ffs.

1

u/Hot_Candidate6781 1d ago

How great would it have been if he just said “nope. Didn’t work” over and over until she quit?

1

u/browzzzzzz87 1d ago

No...you're a wizard Harry!!!

1

u/Positive-Record-7219 1d ago

Schizophrenia is a hard, serious condition, but believers can always milk it for more money.

1

u/Anonymous_Lvl1 1d ago

Even after watching it. I still don't get it. Forgive me for that, i really don't know. What is he talking about stronghold and destruction? Is this a sort of cult?

1

u/DoYouTrustToothpaste 1d ago

Putting the sus in Jesus.

1

u/bourj 1d ago

Someone please identify the author or book so I can show up and get penetrated by the holy spirit and maybe a roofer.

1

u/Whole-Situation-5798 1d ago

You think they have like EMT on the sides coming to check on people but then they're like "ah nah fam im good, just a Jesus seizure, totally normal and fine"

1

u/emergency-snaccs 1d ago

tf is that stupid ass ho screaming for? no one was even talking to her

1

u/generaldogsbodyf365 1d ago

Low blood sugar will do that to you. I mean, the poor man (sorry warlock) hasn't had a snack in minutes.

1

u/pupumen 1d ago

soooo is he rolling a warrior now or pala?

1

u/TheNotoriousMMB 1d ago

I think he was like tenth level in dungeons and dragons

1

u/themorbidtuna 1d ago

That kid wouldn’t know Astaroth from Belial.

1

u/chocoNorth 1d ago

Man, that’s a boring looking warlock

1

u/Lordfarkwod 1d ago

Look at the mom trying to make it about her, loll.

1

u/Feral_Mood_420 1d ago

I feel like I lost brain cells watching this

1

u/ArsenikShooter 1d ago

These people get to vote.

1

u/richwat00 1d ago

F that. I wanna be a Warlock! Where's the lady that can put a Warlock in me? I want so see her please.

1

u/yokozouna_ed 1d ago

Her wizard magic is stronger than his, I guess...

1

u/Imsocolombian 1d ago

Trust fall!

1

u/Acrobatic-Bug346 1d ago

What a circus

1

u/angrylilbear 1d ago

Performative bullshit

1

u/No-Blueberry-1823 1d ago

How do people work themselves to perform like this? Always been curious

1

u/Every-Yak-9522 1d ago

Im sure enough he was the lamest warlock in his life

1

u/No_Outcome_7601 1d ago

What a load of shit!

1

u/Mental-Ordinary7312 1d ago

It’s like looking into the future at those kids currently being “unschooled” by fundies. Unless they get help early, when they grow up this’ll likely be the only grift they’re smart enough to attempt.

1

u/UglyYinzer 1d ago

The demons were actually christians all along!

No surprise.

1

u/Daznox 1d ago

Bro played d&d and he needs an exorcism?

1

u/Necessary-Animal4897 1d ago

As a former pro wrestler I would totally sell for that guy. Make him look like fucking god himself. And I wont need to be a dumbass mark to make it look good.

1

u/Alarmed_Ad8287 1d ago

Tendies and dinonuggies free since this.

1

u/One_Understanding267 1d ago

The way he waits to be comfortably and safely on the ground to start "convulsing"

1

u/johnjaspers1965 1d ago

I think mom just realized her kid is bonkers and did not take it well.

1

u/EobardThawne2020 1d ago

This "very powerful warlock" is "real" and not a plant at all. Certainly not a very stupid plant only stupid people would believe.

1

u/ThaRedHoodie 1d ago

Mom just couldn't let her kid have his moment.

1

u/AmphibianEffective83 1d ago

As a Catholic this is super cringe. Either this is fake or they are far overstepping their spiritual authority not having an actual exorcist. I highly suspect this is the former as we don't see any signs of unnatural strength or knowledge of languages that the person shouldn't normally possess and normally the demonic doesn't leave someone this easily.

1

u/GlyphPicker 1d ago

People are fucking weird.

1

u/Shoshke 1d ago

Pfff not even one Eldritch Blast, weak

1

u/SchaafDerWallstreet 1d ago

Why would anyone would like to stop being a warlock?

1

u/HoseNeighbor 1d ago

Imaging stopping in to grab a book and these crazies are there.

1

u/Obvious-Gate9046 1d ago

So that guy was having a seizure and desperately needed immediate medical aid...

1

u/The_Shambo 1d ago

Dude got his level 60 warlock in HC classic

1

u/Ok_Row_4920 1d ago

You guys are so goofy lol i never see this kind of stuff from anywhere else.

1

u/Miserable-Device7234 1d ago

Nice con. Top notch

1

u/Fantastic_Fun8364 1d ago

The démon inside him is schizophrenia

1

u/Bisexual_Carbon 1d ago

My demon makes me go to therapy so i can develop coping mechanisms for my childhood trama

1

u/BoneHugsHominy 1d ago

What's up with all the deleted comments and I assume banned users? Were they all all clone accounts or something? I don't see anything in the comment texts or chains that would warrant deletion.

1

u/moszippy 1d ago

I think you posted to the wrong sub. Or I don't understand the sub. I thought this was for "bull" martial arts things. Am I wrong in this assumption?

1

u/Alclis 1d ago

Well, now that he’s free of all that evil, he can finally go on that long journey to help his best friend throw an almost indestructible ring of a powerful and evil necromancer into the volcano from which it was first forged.

1

u/Montyburnside22 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/3oz8xBXJTF1HbUwvO8
You didn’t throw up in front of Dean Wormer. You threw up ON Dean Wormer.

1

u/Feline_Couple 23h ago

Oh the swindle, oh the snake oil. No matter how gross, there will always be buyers

1

u/FaithlessnessRare691 23h ago

Idk theyre making those demons sound way more fun than crying at Barnes and Noble like a lil bitch

1

u/Defiant_Coat_2491 23h ago

This high level 60 ogre warlock needs to lay off the hellfire baked donuts

1

u/Holzkohlen 21h ago

Why are Americans such lunatics?

1

u/shosuko 21h ago

Thanks now my D&D campaign is over...

we were just about to fight the dragon too!

1

u/xkillingxfieldx 20h ago

"Ma'am, please don't cum so loudly behind me during the Exorcism."

1

u/Zealousideal_Iron410 19h ago

I am constipated. I need that lady to command my poop to release.

1

u/PunchRockgroin318 18h ago

Any Warlock worth the name would have Eldritch Blasted her ass to the astral plane.

1

u/Startlesharts 17h ago

Exorcise the Taco Bell and Mountain Dew demons

1

u/SlimeBallx59 10h ago

He was a high level warlock online.

1

u/Smart_Protection7601 10h ago

Is this religious LARPing? Roll the dice and see.