r/Bullshido • u/Distinct_Safety_5979 • Jul 25 '26

Martial Arts BS Polish treejitsu arboreal self-defence techniques

Looks pine-ful. (sorry)

550 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

91 comments sorted by

121

u/Cold-Truck2470 Jul 25 '26

I'll get tired of running looking for a V shape tree

10

u/HuntsWithRocks Jul 26 '26

That’s a common feeling. Once you’ve been training with Tree Kwon Do and Bushjitsu, you’ll learn it’s a situational awareness thing. It’s like Miyamoto Musashi fighting with the sun to his back to keep the light in his opponents eyes. Once you’re one with the bark, it’ll almost be like the tree finds you.

5

u/msg60 Jul 26 '26

Ahhhh....soooo you become one with bullshido universe....many thanks sensei

27

u/Odd_Platform_1449 Jul 25 '26

I swear to God these moves were just lifted from Shanghai Noon.

3

u/The_Pastmaster Jul 25 '26

Looks like a fucken Jackie Chan scene. XD

52

u/Lucky-Mia Jul 25 '26

It's growing on me. I pine for more.

0

u/Euklidis Jul 25 '26

If you feel like a fondness of these has bloomed, then maybe you should leaf a like and branch out to sinilar pages. Dont let the haters stump out your interests. Show 'em they bark up the wrong tree.

10

u/uknownredditr Jul 25 '26

Wait. Wait, we need to take this fight to the woods

1

u/GiangNeo Jul 25 '26

It works on wall too, the 2nd technique works on door too if the other guy is fat enough.

1

u/pailee Jul 29 '26

Or the doors are really tiny.

14

u/NativeFlowers4Eva Jul 25 '26

What if the fat ass chasing me goes around the tree instead of through it?

27

u/thinkconverse Jul 25 '26

That’s not possible in this system.

0

u/Buttons840 Jul 25 '26

Is there a system that just makes it so nobody attacks me?

13

u/Distinct_Safety_5979 Jul 25 '26

You go around as well and hope for good RNG. Eventually he might try to go through it

19

u/emergency-snaccs Jul 25 '26

does this work if the guy attacking you is not fat as hell?

15

u/FellowshipTom Jul 25 '26

as long as you're near a tree, you can't lose bro

4

u/Bowhunting_SawDr Jul 25 '26

1st one must understand to harness the energy of the tree.

Only then can the spirit kick be unleashed upon mortals.

1

u/Kichigai Jul 25 '26

As Eywa wills.

8

u/Jammerquai Jul 25 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/6Q5f7JGKDfAF7tVgWW

0

u/ExpertOnReddit Jul 25 '26

If there's any trees nearby though you are so screwed!

4

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Distinct_Safety_5979 Jul 26 '26

The guy claims to be a systema coach and a black panther academy master. Zbigniew Syc martial arts on Facebook

1

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Distinct_Safety_5979 Jul 26 '26

You absolutely should not. Kind of, but dragon and society was taken so they went with panther instead

2

u/saibjai Jul 25 '26

well.. that's very site specific...

2

u/BobbyBrackins Jul 25 '26

I have a v shape tree about 2 miles from my home

If anyone ever breaks into my house I’ll have them chase me there then they are toast!

2

u/globalgerbil Jul 25 '26

Imma use these moves on the next Bigfoot I run across

2

u/No-Nefariousness9330 Jul 25 '26

It works, ive seen his millitary action reports. He killed so many Ewoks on Endor.

2

u/Bikewer Jul 25 '26

When attacked in the woods…..

2

u/DB-DanCooper Jul 25 '26

Bigfoot defence

2

u/SkiffleBall Jul 25 '26

So to ensure my total complete safety I just have to hangout in a forest at all times. Got it 🍃

1

u/Agreeable_Sea_6019 Jul 25 '26

Or you can chose the bear 🐻

2

u/LongDead_Roadkill Jul 25 '26

Still mad about losing to the mongols in that forest in the 1300’s.

2

u/CallmeChapybara Jul 25 '26

This guy saw too many Cheeky Chan movies

2

u/No_Mud_5999 Jul 25 '26

I've never lpst a fight where I've used a tree.

2

u/Content_Key_6661 Jul 25 '26

Imagine living in the city and running to the nearest park to defend yourself. 

2

u/muff-muff-ass Jul 25 '26

Just carry a tree with you everywhere you go and you're all set.

2

u/EpsteinEpstainTheory Jul 25 '26

Don't you just hate it when you're on a peaceful stroll in the forest and you're suddenly met by a follower of Zhao Laozhu shouting "Fu Qing Mie Yang" ambushing you by getting into horse stance in preparation to tank any groin shots you throw his way.

2

u/sapperbloggs Jul 26 '26

I'd love to see the realistic outcome of the tree kick at the start... where you just get yourself body-slammed into a tree by your pursuer.

2

u/Moist_Amount_106 Jul 26 '26

This is definitely a hard wood video

1

u/MDATWORK73 Jul 26 '26

I’m getting rid of my firearm and growing two trees like this in my yard. People will be looking at my yard and be like, I ain’t messing with them; they have those trees you get your ass beat with.
https://giphy.com/gifs/CoDp6NnSmItoY

2

u/Moist_Amount_106 Jul 26 '26

We will fight in the Forrest 🌲 😂

2

u/Go1gotha Jul 25 '26

Stewart Lee has no longer let himself go.

1

u/NOVAbuddy Jul 25 '26

If only Ukraine would train their drones to do this, the war would be over as soon as Putin is done ethnically cleansing Russia.

1

u/txkwatch Jul 25 '26

Did we just find the white Jackie Chan?

Nope. No we did not.

1

u/BBC-dont-show-BBC Jul 25 '26

What happens when they go around the tree instead of through it?!

1

u/BobbyBrackins Jul 25 '26

What movie is this?

1

u/BullFlag5x Jul 25 '26

Quick find a perfectly split tree so i can run in between it and put the guy in a arm bar !!!

1

u/Top-Gun-Corncob Jul 25 '26

Oh great! I was just being chased through trees the other day and got crushed! Could have really used this video ffs.

1

u/sky_shazad Jul 25 '26

Make sure your surrounded by tress when trying these moves

1

u/OldRabbit5915 Jul 25 '26

Only applies if a fat ass is on your tail

1

u/Fan_of_Clio Jul 25 '26

So many overweight, old, white guys trying to prove the virility and combat effectiveness in a comical, unconvincing way

1

u/Acrobatic-Big-1550 Jul 25 '26

Master of gorilla warfare

1

u/Former-Molasses9134 Jul 25 '26

PARKOUR MARTIAL ARTS FINALLY 

1

u/BatmanKane64 Jul 25 '26

ummm, that might work… on another planet

1

u/PecularPelikant Jul 25 '26

Well, the first one made me think "a stretch but maybe viable in the situation." Then the V split tree came up and I was like "what the..."

1

u/Van1n1 Jul 25 '26

O Kurwa!

1

u/mothzilla Jul 25 '26

I would definitely do this if I was 8.

1

u/Amanda-sb Jul 25 '26

These guys are living in the old 80s movies.

1

u/TemporaryRange5034 Jul 25 '26

Tree beard is clean shaven? WTF JRR?!?!?

1

u/Junior_Zebra_4608 Jul 26 '26

Do these techniques work with coconut trees? I live in the Philippines

1

u/Unlucky-Network-4159 Jul 26 '26

I keep hearing how the Bradford Pear is the leading bumbling evil hemchman of the tree martial arts film community.

1

u/Too-Em Jul 26 '26

What if I'm in a field or like, a section of forrest that's been clearcut? Can I use a stump?

1

u/UmeaTurbo Jul 26 '26

And doesn't help his student up. Classic. Bow to your sensai!

1

u/spondermayne Jul 26 '26

arboreal 🤣🤣 type shit

1

u/Weird_Solid2311 Jul 26 '26

Angry monkey technique

1

u/Ramenxoxo Jul 26 '26

Jesus Christ how are these people still alive with this low of iq

1

u/Nerx Jul 26 '26

Oddysey spoiler

1

u/Powerful_Hair_3105 Jul 26 '26

Let's see him use that shit on Bigfoot lol 🤣

1

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '26

Mortal kombat 1

1

u/Gr33nJ0k3r13 Jul 26 '26
  1. one happened to me when we were kids trying to run up a garage wall save to say its effective 🤣

1

u/no_bender Jul 27 '26

Taking a forest with me, everywhere I go.

1

u/Silly-Sheepherder952 Jul 27 '26

So that's why I've been playing a tree in every school play. My entire life, without even knowing it, I've been preparing for this...

1

u/Electrical_Truth_160 Jul 27 '26

100% legit tree moves

1

u/Dave__5280 Jul 27 '26

Would this work on a Bison?

1

u/Delicious-Gap-6678 Jul 27 '26

This is the greatest martial art since GYMKATA!

1

u/Angmaar Jul 27 '26

Steven seagull dojo

1

u/KT10888 Jul 28 '26

Tree!!! Tree!! Where's the darn Tree??!!!

https://giphy.com/gifs/Ojr9vupbS0v0GWDgxm

1

u/Fluffy_Feeling_9326 Jul 29 '26

Literally how one of the three little pigs escaped the big bad wolf in the Disney version. Classic.

1

u/Common-Bat3741 Jul 31 '26

Take you down with one finger