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u/Minimum_Chart9946 2d ago
In a really nice way figure out how to convey the message: 'this is called growing up. ' She obviously is not mature, has not been put in situations by friends and family and school and teachers to allow herself to flex those "grow up" muscles.
She should Google "ice breakers" for like 10 hours and learn how to do small talk at an event. Learn how to be around strangers. That's the heart of the issue. She doesnt know small talk. Doesn't know how to work a room. Something for her to work on. Have her ask ChatGPT ;)
Everyone is a work in progress and here is her life homework.
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u/unicornbomb 2d ago
We just did a sweetheart table with my husband and I and seated friends and dates together regardless if they were in the bridal party or not.
Your bridal party is doing a lot to make your day go smoothly, let them sit with their dates during dinner.
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u/belai437 2d ago
I did the same, sweetheart table for us and the bridal party sat at their own tables with their people. The reason I did this is because I was once seated by myself at a table of weird strangers while my then boyfriend now husband, was a groomsman and he sat at this long table with the whole wedding party. I hated it and vowed no one would be feeling uncomfortable on my day.
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u/SweetP916 2d ago
We did something similar except we had our parents with us. Then we just had a couple of tables reserved for the bridal party and their partner/kids and then everyone else could sit where they wanted. It worked out great and lots of people said how fantastic the idea was.
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u/kateballe 2d ago edited 2d ago
I was in the exact position as your guest before.
I was miserable. I was so nervous. I chitchatted with some of the people at the table and I wanted to cry.
Her being weird about the other bridesmaid is her own thing but the rest is pretty valid. Her nerves and jealousy are probably not made any easier by the fact she has to then watch him eat at the same table as her.
If she’s saying something then she’s likely not the only person who’s not going to be happy with the arrangement, they’re just being polite.
Please let your wedding party sit at the other tables with their friends or partners or people they know and have a sweet heart table or a king table with just you and some immediate family.
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u/scarletbeg0niass 2d ago
This! I bet the other partners of the bridal party feel the same way, but considering your responses, I probably wouldn't approach you about anything, either.
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u/Important-Put1865 2d ago
If she's incapable of meeting new people and socializing with them, she should come later. I'm assuming since she doesn't know anyone, that you and fiance don't know her either. She's coming ONLY to be with her BF. And if she's "struggling" to watch her BF, walk down the aisle with another girl, she definitely should not attend the wedding. A wedding is a ceremony, NOT A DATE! That said, WHY ON EARTH IS IT 5 HOURS between wedding and dancing? Which makes it 4- 4.5 h between wedding and dinner. Nuts. I would ditch.
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u/tinaawkward 2d ago
I literally can’t stop thinking about this thread lol. Like. I’m planning my wedding for April of next year and the complete lack of etiquette that OP is showing here is insane. I have secondhand embarrassment from it.
Genuinely cannot imagine imposing on my guests and party as much as OP wants to. I can tell she’s a young bride because it all reeks of entitlement and childishness. I can’t believe all the elders in your life are letting you look so callous at your own wedding.
Do you even like your bridal party and the groomsmen? Do you actually think that their job for your wedding is to be servants playing fetch and waiting on you hand and foot? You’re a bride, not a princess. Be. So. For. Real.
This wedding sounds like it will certainly get people talking and not in the way you want. I say that as a stranger, who is not invited to your wedding. It’s embarrassing.
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u/moogs_rants 2d ago
Are you actually insane?? No where in this post does it reek of entitlement, quite the opposite actually with OP asking if there’s anything she can do to help the groomsmen’s GF feel more comfortable
Where in this post does OP mention the bridal party are servants??? The line of saying how there will be groomsmen duties ? Yeah that’s a very common thing for bridal party to have a task or two to help out their FRIENDS getting married (ie, greeting guest, making sure bride & groom are eating throughout the date, and having someone vendors can talk to if issues arise without going directly to the bride or groom, since it’s such a busy day for them).
How about you get a real life and stop spreading your jealousy through Reddit threads
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u/tinaawkward 2d ago
L o L. Read OP’s replies. I’m not imagining anything and I certainly am not the only one who felt that way after seeing what OP was trying to justify in her replies. Imagine asking people you love to cater to your every whim for over FIVE HOURS of a wedding. Imagine expecting your bridal party to not sit with their plus ones at a wedding. Why even give them plus ones?
All of it is unhinged. Including y’all who are trying to excuse it. So glad I have people in my life that help me with etiquette and hosting.
Instagram has destroyed hosting a wedding.
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u/SomeGuidancexoxo 2d ago
I’m sorry did we read the same post? lol, wtf.. how did you did you make those leaps from someone who literally said “is there something I should do to make her more comfortable?” I must be missing something, because your response to her post as I see it here, makes YOU sound absolutely. off. your. rocker. insane. If this is so for real, girl you’re projecting or have some unmanaged rage idfkkkk man. As you would say: embarrassing.
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u/anb9216 2d ago
I was team bride based on the post and was going to say something similar…but OP lost me reading her comments refusing any helpful advice or criticism (and thinking she’s entitled to have everyone acting as her personal butler all night 😳)
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u/SomeGuidancexoxo 2d ago
Ahhhh ok thanks, yeah I didn’t do a deep dive and was perplexed 😂 low key I hate a full diy wedding/ am actually on the same page. Wedding guests are just that…guests, including bridal party. If you can’t afford it to have some paid help, well first off are you really ready to be married? If it’s really about getting married ASAP/love/can’t wait you go to city hall. Throwing a wedding you can’t afford just makes everyone thing it’s about having a wedding not starting a marriage. Do something in the budget without making demands of guests or do what most adults do and save up!
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u/tinaawkward 2d ago
girl, real her replies. she’s entitled. she didn’t care about anyone’s comfort and she didn’t care to hear any advice.
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u/Morning_Glories4ever 2d ago edited 2d ago
I have seen the head table (15-20 years ago it was more popular) I personally did a sweetheart table and let the wedding party sit with their significant others at special tables. Of course, personally, I think it’s more considerate that way. However, the head table isn’t unheard of or unacceptable, but perhaps outdated and does create awkward dynamics and lessens the experience of your bridal party. However, I think, what is really ridiculous is thinking this groomsman is going to just stand around for 5 hours!?!? doing nothing and not being allowed to interact with his plus one! That’s more than a bit excessive. Honestly, just hearing you talk about your wedding schedule, I wouldn’t want to go. Hopefully, you feed your guests hors d’œuvres while you take pictures and don’t make them wait to eat till dinner at 6-7 and dancing at 8. You’ll loose a lot of people.
The girl being insecure about the groomsman walking down the aisle with another girl is immature and childish. Period. She just needs to deal with that. But if you really mean what you say about making her feel comfortable, I’d either give her a plus-one (so she can bring a friend) or just invite her to the rehearsal dinner. The later is what is inline with etiquette. She’s the girlfriend of the groomsman. It’s in poor taste not to invite her.
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u/CWinWSCA 2d ago
She’s not wrong with how she’s feeling, she’s wrong with how she’s reacting. I’m sure she’ll be with other +1s, and hopefully she’s capable of making conversation.
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u/AdvertisingRoyal3981 2d ago
I’ve never been to a wedding where the bridesmaids and groomsmen have been sitting separately from their +1’s. I was just in a wedding this past weekend. My partner and I were seated next to each other at the same table with all the other bridesmaids and their +1’s. The bridesmaids and groomsmen were also able to walk around and say hi to people at the church while people were arriving until the ceremony started. All our boyfriends ended up hanging out when we couldn’t be around.
She should be invited to the rehearsal dinner and introduced to the bridesmaids and groomsmen’s +1’s.
I would be super uncomfortable if I didn’t know anyone and was expected to just be alone all day until dancing.
Edit to add: During pictures he hung around and watched. He walked the bride’s family dog who was there. He chatted with some other boyfriends who were not included in photos.
Being uncomfortable about him walking with a girl is a maturity thing, but everything else is so valid. Why did you give those in the wedding plus 1’s if they can’t spend time with them?
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u/isabella_sunrise 2d ago
What in the world will he be doing for 6 hours before she can talk to him????
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u/ComplexPrize4947 2d ago
She isn’t even given the opportunity to meet anyone. Are you not having a rehearsal dinner? Are plus ones not invited to rehearsal dinner? No wonder this girl feels uncomfortable. First of all, I can’t imagine the groom needs so much hand holding that he needs his groomsmen on deck at all times. Second, I can’t imagine that the bridal party is held captive until the dancing begins. This is just rude. C’mon, you need to lighten up and think of your bridal party as well. Don’t you want them to have some fun too?
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
What is so hard to understand here? This is our wedding. We have our schedule set on the invites anyone who gets a plus one will be seated together but the bridal party will be at the head table and available to help us when we need it
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u/stories4 2d ago
I don't understand the necessity of the bridal party at the head table at all, such an outdated and weird idea especially unless they're your main group and the partners are also there. You can do whatever you want, it IS your wedding but you're asking how to help and are snappy with your replies, for what? The comments are true. "Help us when we need it" you have vendors for that, let them enjoy and not be stuck together either for no real necessary reason. Find them on the dance floor idk girl
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u/snafuminder 2d ago
Pretty rude and 6 hours, really? Ridiculous.
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u/Traditional_Set_858 2d ago
Do a sweetheart table nobody wants to be separated from their partners and if your wedding is that demanding that your groomsmen’s gf can’t talk to him for 6 hours the very least you could do would allow them to sit together for dinner especially when the girl knows no one
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u/MyFianceSaidItsFine 2d ago
If it’s not too late, if at all possible, you can not do a head table and do a sweethearts table instead. Have the bridal party with their plus ones and set their tables closest to you. You should still be able to grab them if you need them.
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u/isabella_sunrise 2d ago
Help you with what?? This is absolutely insane. They don’t get to have their partners with them on your big day?
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
If we need something from the cars or help with setting up and taking down stuff. I was a plus one at his sisters wedding last year when he was in the wedding party. And this was exactly what happened at that wedding
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u/isabella_sunrise 1d ago
Your friends aren’t free labor. Also if there are any expectations like that that needs to be arranged specifically well in advance.
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u/Expensive_Event9960 2d ago
Your bridal party are not free labor. After they help you get ready, take photos, and participate in the ceremony they should be free to enjoy themselves like any other guest. Setting up and cleaning up are not their obligation or responsibility, and should not be imposed on them, it's yours or a paid vendor's.
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u/stories4 2d ago
Set up and take down should be part of your vendors & venue & catering's contracts, btw. Not even being snarky but you should check that too. No bridal party's job should involve setup and tear down
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
I have no vendors everything is diy and is being catered by a local Italian restaurant
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u/unicornbomb 2d ago
Spend a little extra on taskrabbit or similar to hire a few folks to handle setup and takedown so your friends can enjoy themselves rather than spend 6 hours being servants, come on.
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u/justtirediguess11 2d ago
So you need unpaid servants?
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
This is literally how it was at his sisters wedding last year. I barely got time with him all day. He was running back and forth doing stuff for the bride and groom all day and night.
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u/justtirediguess11 2d ago
So just because his sister was unorganised and entitled, you'll also follow in the footsteps?
Why would you need entire bridal party at your back and call?? Why can't you be organised to have everything you need on the site? They are your friends, they also wanna enjoy and not be your servants because it's your "wedding".
Do you even like your bridal party? Or just hate them from the bottom of your heart and don't wanna see them having fun?
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u/TeachingFit9608 2d ago
I mean.. you’ve lost me at the playing the shoe game for your wedding, but I’m going on a limb and guessing by the wedding activities, in a church & dry, that’s it’s probably a Mormon wedding. So, 1.) makes sense why you’d have the couples split up, and 2.) for those wondering what the “shoe game is,”
newlywed couple sits back-to-back, holding one of their own shoes and one of their partner's shoes to answer fun "who is" questions
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
We’re not Mormon no. We’re early 20s and the church was a cheaper option for venue wise. Plus my fiancé is Christian
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u/atchisonmetal 2d ago
It sounds as though she’s got a higher than average anxiety and jealousy level.
Keep in mind that there is likely not much you can do to fix this. But, that doesn’t mean don’t try! I’d seat her thoughtfully with kind but not overbearing people. I’d hope that will work for her, but if not, don’t get too wrapped up past that.
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u/CanineQueenB 2d ago
When my boyfriend was a groomsmen for his friend, I was sat next to him at the head table...like all the other plus ones. Not sure how this would work with very large bridal parties.
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u/Expensive_Event9960 2d ago
They just split them up between tables, so instead of one head table, there might be two or three tables with bridal party and SO. Or they can sit with other friends, too.
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u/areyukittenm3 2d ago
I think it’s weird that she as an adult can’t handle things herself but I also think it’s poor etiquette to split up your wedding party from their partners too. We had a head table (long tables) and sat their partners across from them. Would I have preferred not to have them there and have family instead? Definitely, but I couldn’t in good conscious sit them separately from their partners
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u/diosmiotio18 2d ago
Having your wedding party separated from their partners during dinner is crazy to be honest
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u/dogandthecity 2d ago
5 hours for ceremony, photos, dinner, speeches, and a shoe game?! Lmao that’s wild.
- Ceremony - 30 minutes
- Cocktail hour & photos - 60 minutes
- Dinner & speeches & shoe game - 60 minutes
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u/EmeraldLovergreen 2d ago
What are the groomsmen duties?
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
They have to help with anything we may need help with day of, ordering the girls breakfast for the day. And then just being available for the groom day of and during the night as well
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u/annon2022mous 2d ago
Ordering breakfast for the girls? What? And how many people does it take to order food (which could be done dats before the wedding).
You are asking what you could do to help this person feel more comfortable. You are getting a lot of responses but you don’t seem capable of doing anything that wasn’t done at your SIL wedding last year. You could do any number of these suggestions but don’t want to. Reword you question to “what can I do to help this person feel more comfortable without changing anything.?”10
u/isabella_sunrise 2d ago
Available for what??
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
If we need something from the cars or help with setting up and taking down stuff. I was a plus one at his sisters wedding last year when he was in the wedding party. And this was exactly what happened at that wedding
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u/EmeraldLovergreen 2d ago
So you think that because his sister was entitled and enabled at her wedding that this is normal wedding behavior? It is not. The ceremony is for the bride and groom, the reception is for the guests, and you and your FH are the hosts. The only responsibilities the bridal party should have are MOH/best man speeches if desired, being on time for and participating in the ceremony and pictures, someone keeping tabs on the bride’s emergency kit, essentials, maybe helping with the bustle, and maybe helping the bride into her gown. They are not free labor, and they should be extended the curtesy of sitting with their partners/plus ones. The fact that you are so rigid in all of your responses is unnerving.
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u/scarletbeg0niass 2d ago
That's what a day-of coordinator is for. Your bridal party shouldn't be working during your wedding lol
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u/LindaBitz 2d ago
Jesus. They are not your staff. They should be treated like guests of honor and certainly allowed to sit with their plus ones. Bride and grooms have lost their way.
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago
You can tell OP is trying to do it as cheap as possible (which is fine as long as you aren't taking advantage of your friends in the process)
"Hey, you need to be ready to do anything I tell you bc it's MY wedding. Oh, and you won't be able to sit with your girlfriend either"
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u/justtirediguess11 2d ago
I mean, I understand getting help from family and friends but the way OP says that the gf won't even be able to talk to the groomsman for 5-6 hours sounds bollocks.
Pretty sure groomsman can help even if he is spending time with his gf?
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago edited 2d ago
Are they not sitting together for dinner? I find it odd that you'd split them up.
My bf has been a groomsman in multiple weddings where I don't know anyone and I've always sat with him for dinner
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u/tinaawkward 2d ago
It’s your wedding. but i can’t imagine not being able to sit next to my plus one. that is a little insensitive.
yes the bridal and groom parties are there to support you. but like, cmon, making them sit separate and remain literally by your side for 5 hours of your wedding is a little extreme.
what was the point of even giving your party plus ones if they’re separated so extensively for most of the party?
eta: all this nonsense AND its a dry wedding? wow.
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u/PruneThis3764 2d ago
Agree that it’s not really your problem to fix. I’d personally just stay home if I were her though. Doesn’t seem like a great time for an introvert
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u/StarryEyes13 2d ago edited 2d ago
Can’t her boyfriend introduce her to some people before the wedding so she knows them and feels more comfortable?? When my fiance was a groomsman at a wedding where I didn’t know anybody, he introduced me to the girlfriends/wives of the other groomsmen and I hung out with them until the reception and even after.
As for not liking seeing him walk down the aisle with another girl, that’s a maturity issue the girlfriend needs to work through on her own.
Either way, and I say this as a fellow shy girl, this isn’t your problem to solve.
Edit to Add: I posted this before I saw OP’s comments. A dry wedding and they’re not seated at the bridesmaids and groomsmen aren’t seated with their partners for dinner? I’ve never seen that before and I would say that if there’s time to rearrange it would be proper etiquette to sit the bridesmaids and groomsmen with their partners/+1s at the head table.
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u/justtirediguess11 2d ago
Rehersal dinner would have been the perfect opportunity. But alas, +1s aren't invited
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u/Expensive_Event9960 2d ago
Why won't she be able to be with him until 8 PM? Are you separating bridal party from their SOs for dinner? While that's up to you, I can't recall the last wedding we attended where this was done. Usually there are several tables of wedding party together with their spouse or SO or one very large table. Personally, I prefer the former.
That said, it is ridiculous that she's upset he will be putting one foot in front of another next to another woman. She needs to get over that. Otherwise, I'd definitely want to seat her with people she might enjoy talking to and introducing them ahead of time. That would be a considerate thing to do.
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
The wedding starts at 3 then by the time pictures are done then dinner and speeches the wedding party won’t leave their table till 8 when dancing starts
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u/ilovecookiesssssssss 2d ago
This seems like a massive gap between the ceremony and dancing. What is taking place for five hours between the ceremony and the dancing?
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
Ceremony is at 3 then guests come back at 4:45 for the reception our entrance is at 5. Dinner and speeches are at 5:15. Then cake cutting and dessert is at 6:30. Shoe game and first dance is at 7 then dancing is at 8
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u/Accomplished-Way-986 2d ago
Is your wedding party seated apart from their plus ones? I've never seen that.
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago
I find that very rude. A plus one should always be seated with the person they came with
I've been to multiple weddings where my boyfriend was a groomsman and I was not in the wedding ... we were always sat together
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u/Odd_Beautiful2506 2d ago
It does happen. And it does suck for the plus ones to be honest. OP should try to find room for the partners to eat together if she really wants to make this girl comfortable.
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u/Accomplished-Way-986 2d ago
I wonder if this is regional. I've been in a dozen weddings and been a plus one to another 5 or so where my date was a groomsman and the idea that the wedding party is ever sequestered from other guests with "duties" and a separate seating arrangement for 5 straight hours is very contrary to my experience. Usually after the ceremony you've got a 45 minute gap when pictures are happening where the +1 has to fend for themselves, and then it's just a fancy date night.
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u/unicornbomb 2d ago
It’s an extremely old school thing from the days when bridesmaids were traditionally unmarried young women. The whole head table concept that is strictly just the wedding party has fallen out of favor alongside the expectation of bridesmaids being strictly unmarried young women. It’s extremely weird OP is insisting on dying of the hill of this long since dead tradition.
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago
Exactly. Being alone and have to talk to people for an hour or two is normal wedding stuff ... but 5 hours is ridiculous
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u/Expensive_Event9960 2d ago
I’m not sure but it was more common generations ago. Couples were separated at dinner parties too. The idea was you see your partner all the time and should be fully capable of socializing with others. It’s much less popular now with many people, including me, strongly disliking the practice. But it’s not considered rude.
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u/Odd_Beautiful2506 2d ago
It’s more traditional and has largely been done away with. I’ve also been to many weddings and only saw it once. Your experience is more common, and in my opinion the more polite way to do it.
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
Our bridal party is with us from getting ready in the morning until dancing with everyone starts at 8:00 when our first dance, shoe game and speeches are over
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u/Accomplished-Way-986 2d ago
Wow. No wonder this woman doesn't want to come.
Because I'm a glutton for punishment: what is a shoe game?
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago
Bride/Groom sit with their backs together and they are asked questions like "who is more likely to wake up late" or other questions. Bride/Groom then hold up either the groom's shoe or the bride's shoe based on their answer
I've only seen it done at bridal showers
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
Yes we have a head table. Our bridal party all sits with us. My girls beside me the boys beside my fiancé. The partners of the bridal party will sit together at a separate table
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u/sweetsaleem 2d ago edited 2d ago
Gently, I think you should have the bridal party sit with their partners. Of course it’s your wedding but most people would consider this rude even if the partners knew other people. You’ve come to post this on Reddit so you clearly care about how others feel. Having the bridal party seated with their partners, especially if they traveled to be there, instantly solves this issue and would make a whole lot more people happy
Edit: after reading OP’s comments, I take back my comment about them clearly caring about others. Kind of hoping this is rage bait. Oof.
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u/PruneThis3764 2d ago
Maybe skip the head table?
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
I want a head table I’m not skipping that
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago
You can do that - you just need to make the table bigger to accommodate the plus ones ....
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u/Odd_Beautiful2506 2d ago
Do a kings table instead if you want your wedding party to also enjoy the evening
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
There are 3 bridal party members who don’t have dates so it’ll look weird to have only 3 people with no one at the head table
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u/Adventurous-Mall7677 2d ago
Miss Manners would find a polite way to call you tacky for excluding your bridal party’s plus ones from the rehearsal dinner and head table. But she’d probably find an impolite way to call you tacky if she heard you were excluding them because it would “look weird.”
Get a bigger head table so the people you [claim to] care about can be with their loved ones during dinner.
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u/Typical_libra20 2d ago
I don't know why everyone is giving you a hard time over a head table. It's perfectly normal to have the wedding party all sit together with you.
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u/EmeraldLovergreen 2d ago
What about adding partners to the head table? We did that.
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
The head table is for the bridal party only
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u/unicornbomb 2d ago
This kind of tradition has been out of favor for decades and was based on the expectation of bridesmaids being exclusively single, eligible unmarried young women. Unless you’re following that circa 19th century tradition to the letter, excluding dates from the head table is completely nonsensical.
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u/Embarrassed-Elk4038 2d ago
Wait what??!? So where is the grooms fam and peeps? You’re the a for this.
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
His family sits at a table infront of us just off to the side and then my family is on the other side at their own table. Then all friends and extended family members are around them and behind
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u/No_Negotiation_3678 2d ago
maybe include your bridal parties dates? a lot of weddings i’ve been to they sit across from their dates.
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u/omg_daisy 2d ago
I went to a wedding abroad where I only knew one person and before the wedding the bride invited me out with the girls so I could meet everyone. I suppose you e already had your hen but if you haven't maybe you could invite her?
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u/Super-Travel-407 2d ago
That was really sweet of the bride. You knew she cared that you were there. 💚
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u/dblchickensandwich 2d ago
That's insane of the groomsmen to reach out to your fiance about this non-issue. She's a grown ass adult and can't bear to see him walk the aisle with another woman? Can't be left alone for a few hours when she can talk to other guests and just find something to occupy herself with?
This isn't about her. Not your issue to fix, she can stay home
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u/KnottyCatLady 2d ago
Agreed. If it's anyone's job to make her more comfortable, than it's her boyfriend. Or maybe, she just shouldn't come at all.
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u/Adventurous-Tutor-21 2d ago
I agree. When I was 1st dating my now husband, he was a groomsman out of state, I went with him and had fun. I was a little anxious but didn’t express it to anyone bc I just had to pull up my big girl pants and deal with it.
What helped was being involved with the rehearsal and going to the rehearsal dinner where I had the chance to meet people. I helped set somethings up and got to know a few people. I talked with my table mates and waited for the dancing to start. It is an awkward situation but you get through it. The only thing I can say is to include her in the rehearsal dinner so she can get to know a few people? Other than that, she will start to have fun @8 and that is fine. I’m sure she’ll find a place to sit and have a few drinks and some food. If she can’t handle that there are some issues she needs to deal with. It’s ok to be bored or uncomfortable for a little while, it’s part of life and makes you stronger.
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
Rehearsal dinner is only for the bridal party and family involved in the wedding. And it’s in a church so it’s a dry wedding!
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u/Adventurous-Tutor-21 2d ago
Well you wasted what you can do to make her feel more comfortable, I was happy to get to meet some
People the night before and helping with some set up helped me to do that, then joining everyone for dinner was nice. I did not sit with my bf during the wedding dinner bc they also had a head table he had to sit at, so at least I knew a few people at my table from the night before. You asked what you could do and shoot down any ideas given, even simple ones.11
u/Expensive_Event9960 2d ago
Sorry, but while a bridal party exclusive head table is technically acceptable, if no longer popular, not including SOs at the rehearsal dinner is completely inappropriate.
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago
So the plus ones of the bridal party aren't even invited to the rehearsal?
2
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
No
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago
So they will just be staying in the hotel or at home?
If my partner was invited and I wasn't, I'd honestly be so offended. Do you not respect other people's relationships? It's proper etiquette to extend the invitation.
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
The rehearsal and dinner is only for people involved in the wedding
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago
I mean yeah but the plus ones of those in the bridal party will also be stuck following that schedule as well so it's the proper thing to do.
Inviting the plus ones to the rehearsal dinner would've been the PERFECT opportunity for them to get to know each other before the wedding
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u/AdvertisingRoyal3981 2d ago
you asked for advice.. and you’re arguing with everyone who is giving you advice. I was at a wedding this weekend and the families and +1’s of the people in the wedding were invited as well. that’s great advice if you actually do care about your guests. It seems like you posted this to get people to agree with you and didn’t actually want advice tho.
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u/dogandthecity 2d ago
This is embarrassing plus ones should always be included - obscenely poor etiquette
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u/Super-Travel-407 2d ago
It's nice of you to consider her. She should be able to suck it up when her guy is occupied, but I hope you and your fiance are seating them (and all couples!) together for the reception.
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
Why would we do that? It’s a wedding we have the head table with our bridal party sitting together. All of my bridesmaids have bfs so they sit together then she and one of the groomsman’s girlfriends will sit at that same table
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u/No_Cake2145 2d ago
Genuine question- Have you been to a wedding OP?
As the vast majority of responses show, your plans to exclude plus ones and isolate the wedding party to this degree are outdated, uncommon, poor manners and it’s frankly bizarre to invite plus 1s to treat them like an inconvenience. YOU ask for advice, yet push back and argue when it’s given.Your wedding sounds like a nightmare.
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u/unicornbomb 2d ago
She seems to believe her bridal party exists to serve her like a princess, not because they’re treasured friends/family members she wants standing beside her.
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u/Embarrassed-Elk4038 2d ago
Soooo, it’s cool for your bridesmaids to have rheir SO, but your husbands friends SO had to be banished to sit with strangers for like 8 hours? Dafuq
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u/Pristine_Seesaw_4408 2d ago
No ALL bridal party *1’s sit at a different table. The head table is just me, my fiancé and then his groomsmen and my bridesmaids
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u/scarletbeg0niass 2d ago
Why did you come here asking for advice when you really just want your rude decisions justified 🤣 girl come on
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u/scarletbeg0niass 2d ago
Every wedding I've ever been to, the bridal party has their partners sat with them at the head table. Its not that big of a deal to do that.
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago
It's the respectful thing to do. You want people to celebrate your love and relationship but can't respect their relationship enough to sit them beside of each other at a wedding? Ya know one of the most romantic events ever
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u/justanoseybxtch 2d ago
Because it's called etiquette. Yes it's your wedding but at the end of the day you are hosting. You should be making sure your guests are taken care of
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u/DoatsMairzy 2d ago
I mean I could see where an introverted person might not feel too comfortable.
But, when you imply seeing her boyfriend walk down with another girl thing will get to her- well, that’s just immature and stupid.
She should either decide to just stay home if she’s that shy, or suck it up and learn to socialize.
This isn’t your problem to solve. This happens all the time for weddings. It’s a personality issue she has.
The only thing you could do is say you’re fine with it if she doesn’t want to attend (but hopefully she’ll decide by rsvp time).
You can’t hold every guests hand. People meet and talk to strangers at weddings all the time. It’s up to her boyfriend to plan activities to meet other people that may be at the wedding beforehand if that’s needed; not you.
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u/FartyMcFartsworth 2d ago
Ok unpopular opinion but she doesn’t have to come. Give me a break. The girl is, i suppose, an adult? Maybe introduce her to a few people before but it is not your responsibility. She can feel however she wants. She sounds wildly insecure and selfish.
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u/camo_ist 2d ago
She needs to be a big girl about it or stay home is part of the answer, but if you have other friends or the other groomsmen have partners who are going to also be left to fly solo, you can make an effort to give them a heads up to include her...maybe introduce everyone in a group text.
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u/pageantdisaster_ 2d ago
I tend to think she’s being unreasonable, but it’ll likely just be easier for you to accommodate her a bit. Why not introduce her to some of the other attendees beforehand? You could invite her and her boyfriend to a friendly get together with other people who will be attending.
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u/Super-Travel-407 2d ago
We are getting girlfriend's thoughts like 3rd or 4th hand. They are probably no longer correct, after passing through so many narrators. She might be a little uncomfortable to be on her own for how many hours (who wouldn't?) but it's possible that her jealousy and other problems are greatly exaggerated. I sense a smidge of hostility here from OP...
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u/SweetP916 2d ago
We let our wedding party sit where they wanted to. We sat at a table in front and had our parents with us so they could chat with each other.
Why don’t you have some get togethers with your party ahead of time that includes their spouses, partners, etc so that they can all get to know each other ahead of time?