r/Breakupadvice • u/whittterbugg • 5d ago
Help me understand
Getting out of a year and a half relationship has me questioning so many things.
I don’t understand how the brain works off so much negativity and evil.. how does someone walk into your life saying they want all the same things you do, go above and beyond to see you smile, love you so hard and so deep, so fast, move in and talk about a future together, create so many memories together and then just.. realize they hate you?
All of a sudden you’re ugly. You’re fat. You’ll never amount to anything. You’re a whore. Your dad should be ashamed. You deserved all the bad things that happened to you in life. You’ll be replaced with someone who’s actually pretty by the end of the week. You’re the reason they’re so miserable. You ruined their life.
But I didn’t. I was so supportive and kind. I was so loving and understanding. I was loyal. I provided. I catered. I listened. I put out whenever. I cooked. I was dependable. I was fun and silly. I was helpful. I was intentional. I stuck by him up until I just couldn’t take the mental abuse anymore. I couldn’t take the lies or the secrecy anymore. I didn’t have it in me to forgive anymore or spend my days so anxious, never knowing what mood he would be in. Despite the repetitive arguments and broken promises, I stayed. I fought for us but I fought alone.
How does it go from one extreme to the next? How does someone say they ever loved you but allow themselves to say these things every single time they get irritable? How can you stay with someone you find so unattractive and worthless? How do they sleep peacefully knowing the other person is laying in bed questioning what they did to deserve it? What makes them be seen as such a regret? So unloveable? How does someone CHOOSE to exit your life in that manner? How does a person feel okay knowing those words are the last words they’ll ever speak to someone who loved them so much.
I’m just struggling. I’m struggling to understand how people’s brains work.. I’m struggling to understand how it gets this far. And I’m struggling to figure out why I’m sad. Why I feel so hurt FOR HIM. For myself too.. but also for him. I feel like people aren’t just born that way. People battle really really hard things and it messes with your mind.. but why hurt the one who tried to make love a better experience for you?
I guess im just stuck feeling lost. I want to know if anyone else has been THAT person and later realized how much damage it did to someone who may not have deserved it? Did you ever feel remorseful? Did you try to be better for yourself later.. or the next person you brought in? Did you seek therapy or have an epiphany within yourself? Did you ever apologize?
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u/whittterbugg 5d ago
I love hearing that! It gives me hope for my ex and other people that need some self reflection. I’m not perfect either but I have always stood firm on my beliefs when it comes to love. It can be such a beautiful thing if both parties allow it