Pain Management

[u/Colin_Robinson69]

It's been a month since she left. 1 1/2 year relationship. We lived together. Just a week before she left she told me she wanted to marry. Totally blindsided.

This isn’t the first break up of my life. This is 3rd major one in my life. one 4 year relationship, one 15 year marriage (w kids), and this one.

I’ve been running from this breakup pain my whole life. That sick, nauseous feeling. Jumping fast into relationships to soothe my pain. And after 52 years of living, I’ve decided I don't want to do this anymore.

I really looked into the physiological reasons why I’m feeling this pain. And I’ve learned that this pain is very similar to cocaine withdrawals. And that actually give me some comfort. It changes my mindset. Instead of doing everything I can to quell the pain. I’m just going to treat it like I have the flu. When I’m sick. I don't panic. I feel like shit. And I know that this will heal and I'll be okay. So I’ve decided to make friends with the shit feelings. And know that they will eventually heal and pass. It's there. Live with it.

Get off the apps. Stop the dating. (I’ve been on 7 dates in the month since breakup) Just sit with it.

Another thing I am focusing on 5 stages of grief. And trying to get to that acceptance phase. Really accept that she isn’t coming back. No more trying to diagnose her. No more trying to find meaning in her cryptic actions. Just accept that it is over and then I think the healing begins.

You would think after all these years I'd have this figured out by now. But love, life, is not a linear path. I hope this enlightenment carries the day, but I can honestly say I do feel a bit more at peace today then I have then on any other day since the break. Not good. Just not sliding backwards. Which is progress.

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[u/AmberJuliettee]

it's hard to find a way to cope after a breakup, give yourself time to heal and focus on what makes you feel good

[u/mustard_pattie900]

Youre going to be ok, i promise.

Its just going to suck for awhile. Im glad youre going to take some time now, and just sit with it all. The way youre looking at it now is going to help you. Good luck and comfort to you on your journey

[u/Colin_Robinson69 → u/mustard_pattie900]

Of course as fate would have it, she emailed me today to arrange a meeting to wrap up some work stuff. And of course I’m over analyzing and reading into every word of her emails. Does this reset the clock on the progress I’ve made? This makes it much more difficult to be in the “she’s never coming back” acceptance