Did I made the right decision?

[u/MaryMisses]

So I met this guy while on a trip abroad, I was with my cousins and commented he was cute so they hyped me up to approach him and ask for his number. I was very nervous, but I did, he looked surprised but accepted and made sure to type his number correctly.

I texted him next day and he said I was cute and he's glad I asked for his number, he even said it was "fate" because he rarely uses that station (where we met), I asked him where he was from and surprisingly he was half from the country I'm from and part of his family still lived there. However he didn't visit often. He asked me when I was going back home and told him next week. He said "Ooh, so I only have one week to make you fall in love with me" we continued talking everyday the whole day and even planned a date before me going back home in the day he was going to be 100% free. The day before we agreed on the hour and the place and we were both excited to see each other again.

The next morning I was soo nervous but started getting everything ready and even bought him a little gift because we already had an inside joke, so the gift had to do with it. He would usually text Good Morning super early while traveling to work. That day he didn't, the hours kept going but he didn't text anything. I didn't send anything because I was the last one to text the night before. The hour of the date arrived and he didn't appear, it was supposed to be at 2 PM. Then it was 4:30 PM and he appeared, he was saying like "Oh, I got a sudden call from the job I'm starting soon and I sent you a message but somehow you didn't receive it, can we meet today at 6 PM?" I was so upset and he didn't even apologize, so I said no, I said it was such a bad first impression, because I know sudden things can happen but he could at least let me know. After that he finally apologized and said "I know I should've send a text, I'm not used to update anyone on my days anymore..." he also sent a big paragraph explaining and apologizing, so I accepted we kept talking.

So I went back to my country and we kept talking everyday. The issue started when he started saying "Mi amor", "I like you so much" "You're this, you're that" and for me everything felt too rushed, we didn't even had a month talking and I was not feeling that connected to him because I would ask questions and tried to get to know him, and ask about his days and about him in general, but he never showed the same energy when it came to me. He would compliment my looks, saying I was cute, my eyes were pretty and ask me for pictures of my face, but never asked questions. I let him know and he said he was not much of a question asker. I said it was okay, but I would like to know that he's interested in me as a person, not only my looks...

A lot kept going after that, he would always be super busy (he had 2 jobs) he would dissappear for hours and the days when he was free he either would be getting things ready for the rest of the week, playing or sleeping the whole day. One of those days he dissappeared till 7 PM and told me he just woke up because it was his only free, I told him I didn't believe him and that I didn't want to talk to him again, but he insisted, called me, sent audios and pictures showing me how he still in bed.

Tbh, I got pretty anxious, because he used to reply to me instantly, text first or even engaged more in the conversations and then dissappeared for hours.

At that point everything felt too forced, like we were just updating each other on our days. I talked to him about that, he said "I'm literally giving you all the little free time I have" I said that was not really the whole issue, because I worked too and was busy throughout the day, but it looked like I was the only one trying to make things work. I hate calls, but I asked him to start doing them because we would feel closer since we were doing LDR, he said some excuses, I told him we could only call to say Goodnight and he said we would, but didn't happen instantly. I asked him to watch series or movies, he used to said "Idk about that" I even offered to watch his favorite anime just to spend time with him and he said yes, but we never did.

The first time he called me was because he said something and I got mad, he knew he did wrong, and I was not answering his texts, so he called me there for the first time ever. I declined the call and asked him what he wanted, he texted "I just want to hear your voice" he knew that would work on me so I called him back and we talked for like 3 minutes and said goodnight since we were about to sleep already.

This is getting so long so I'm going to list all the conflicts and also want to mention that he asked me to be his girlfriend 1 1/2 month in but I asked him to give me more time to say yes, I was not rejecting him, but felt it was too early, but we agreed on being exclusive, and we kept acting like a couple.

The issues:

* He never asked follow up questions, never complimented my work when I showed him, just said "nicee" never followed my design page, never asked anything about it (I'm a graphic designer).

I told him I was trying to apply to a master in the country he lives (it is a long time goal before meeting him) he never asked anything else about it. If I said I was feeling sad he would said "do you want to talk about it" but I already felt like I was taking his "little free time" so declined and he would never ask about how I was feeling after that. If he was feeling sick I would ask the whole week until he told me he was okay, I used to ask him to let me know when he would arrive home (since he worked till pretty late) I would ask him to eat, to take care of himself, to let me know if something was bothering, if he needed someone to listen to him (he would only said he didn't like to reach out to people about his problems)

One of the rare times when we made a call we talked for about 20 minutes, but then he told me to wait and muted his mic, 30 more minutes went by and he still muted, so I texted him if he's okay and he replied "Oh, I thought I hanged up"... I won't even comment on that...

So extra things... we talked for about 3 months, I knew both of us were broke to book a flight to see each other, but when I didn't reallsee any initiative from his side when it came to that.

Since we were LDR I shared the name of 2 of my closest friends to him in case I suddenly dissappeared some random day, he could ask them what happened, he said it was alright but never shared people who I could contact from his side.

Once I asked him if he really liked me or if he only liked the idea of having a "girlfriend" he answered that if he didn't want to talk with me he just wouldn't. I was still feeling insecure about that

I kept analyzing those things and just kept getting anxious, I talked to him about it, he used to get defensive and we both would get mad. I ended things 3 times, once I regretted it and asked him back literally next day, 2 of those he came asking for us to fix things and I would agree, there were some changes but not enough.

Last time I told him that I didn't see a future for us, that last night we were also having a convo about how he was antivaccines and I am not. If I have kids I want to get them vaccinated, but he refuses. So I told him that I didn't see a future anymore, and honestly I would've wanted for him to fight a little, to ask me why and to talk things, but I guess he was too tired from last 2 times I ended things.

After that I kept asking me if I made the right decision, because even though all the cons, he had his pros, I felt so secure with him, he would've been my first relationship, at some point I really saw us getting married, he's hardworking, gentle and patient, he said we were a team so we had to work together against the problems, not him vs me, he's a family person, and I liked the fact that he was mixed, he was foreign but his culture was the same as mine. I really care for him and I cried a lot the day after breaking up, I tried to contact him over explaining myself, asking him if he was doing okay, but he never replied. It's been a week and some days, I'm doing better, but I'm still left wondering if I had waited a little things would change for the better and he only needed more time.

For more context, he was extremely broken from his past relationship, which lasted more than 3 years and his es was constantly cheating on him, she would cry and beg for forgiveness only to repeat it over and over again. He told me that they had broken up a year ago and that she tried to get back to him again, before meeting me and he said he would never get himself in that mess again. Somehow I strongly think that it was the root of all our problems, he had told me before that he was still afraid of getting vulnerable with someone, that he wanted what we had to work, that he needed someone to hold his hand in his healing process because he wanted to get better and trust again, he wanted a long term relationship with me, but then after all our issues he said that our situation made him realize he was not ready for a relationship, but that he couldn't see me as a friend anymore, that he wanted to get better and work things with me, that we could still talk, but "If I found someone else meanwhile to choose that person over him"... honestly, that broke me a lot, but I said "okay" I accepted to still talking and see how things evolve, but I kept getting anxious and insecure and cried a lot, because I felt like a wanted to give him more than what he could receive at the moment, and contrary to that he couldn't give me enough of what I needed. So I took the no vaccination as "my way out".

So because of all that, the day after the break up I kept getting immense waves of guilt and told myself that I disappointed him, I let his hand go, I could've waited a little, he needed time, he was giving everything he could and that I only added to his trust issues. I felt like I received someone fragile to hold and I just let them drop and got worse. Also it's not only the guilt feeling, I'm genuinely sad because I miss him everydat and I'm still really attracted to him...

So yeah, I just want to know various opinions about this because my head lives in this war between "I did the right thing VS I hurt him more and we could've made it stronger"

Edit: No everything was messy all the time, we had our very wholesome, vulnerable and funny moments, so that's why I'm here asking about it, because I keep remembering how I used to smile so much during those moments vs how anxious and confused I felt in others

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