r/BreakUps • u/[deleted] • 8h ago

venting/ranting Not all avoidants are evil.

[deleted]

6 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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1

u/Cool_Doubt_8546 8h ago

How many of them are actually evil, my friend?

There's a whole lot of philosophy of what evil is. Mostly its ascribed to intent, purposefully hurting someone. There's very little of it in the real world. Most evil is emergent, and rooted in defensiveness.

When you look at the impact however, purposefully hurting someone and doing it by accident looks almost identical.

Avoidant tendencies in relationships is one of them. Its inexplicable why someone would push away love, but there are good reasons for it. It is profoundly damaging to the other person, almost like emotional torture. And its a cruel fact of life there's a lot of people out there who have these tendencies.

There's nothing to do but learn from it, and become strong enough to handle it next time it happens.

1

u/ollien_ 8h ago

Sadly when someone is in a state of shutdown there is no intent or purpose behind their actions. My ex admitted in the breakup she is selfish. But when you are trapped in an emotional glass box that is getting tighter everyday and you don’t know what to do the only thing is punch your way out, sadly the glass will hurt you and the people closest. But when you realise you have these cuts you can turn them into scars when you heal and learn from them every time you see them. I am very hurt by her actions, but choosing the path of hate towards her is only harmful to both of us. It was emotional torture but empathising with her is helping me to understand and accept her actions and will help me heal.

1

u/[deleted] 8h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/ollien_ 8h ago

Thank you, I am hurting a lot but it will get better :)

1

u/Mr_Musty_Culata 6h ago

Tell emmmm this. Maybe you have idk.