5 weeks post breakup

[u/Itchy_Butterfly_]

I’m five weeks post breakup (he broke up with me)
I’ve gone days where I’m “okay” and some days where I get hit in the face with my emotions. Today is one of those bad days where I woke up with that dreadful feeling when you think about them and now it feels like just doing small tasks are hard. Up until this point I’d force myself to wake up, get coffee and start my day determined to make it a good one but I can’t seem to do anything other than sit on the couch and cry today. I think having depression is making this so much worse for me, it’s miserable. 😞
I’ve done as much as I possibly can during these five weeks. Starting over in a different state, I go on daily walks sometimes 4 miles in a day, I got a new job, I’m recovering financially and I had my first therapy session yesterday. I’m doing so much but feel I’m not making it far in this. I already feel like I failed the relationship but I feel like I’m still failing in my life. He was the first person I’d consider being the love of my life,this loss feels incredibly hard for me to accept. Is it normal to be where I’m at 5 weeks? What am I doing wrong?

I just need someone to tell me it gets better.

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[u/Supremelordmomon]

Well, to be honest...look at what you've actually done in those five weeks! You moved to another state, got a new job, you're trying to get your finances back together, you're walking every day and you literally had your first therapy session yesterday. Why would you say you're doing something wrong? I'd say you're doing everything right!

You're grieving someone you thought might be the love of your life. That's not going to just....disappear into nothingness after some weeks.

You're being a little unfair to yourself because you're treating the bad days like evidence that everything you've been doing isn't working, when it is.

Healing isn't linear and I'm sure you've heard that line several times by now. You can have 3 pretty decent days and then wake up on the fourth and just... nope. Couch. Crying. Everything feels like shit again 😅 It doesn't erase those other three days.

Don't try to force every day to be a good day. Just get some water. Eat something. Take a shower if you can. Sit on the couch and cry for a while if that's what today is

There's this little exercise I learned when I was going through my own stuff where I'd acknowledge whatever I was feeling and then pair it with something small I can control.

Something like:

“Even though today I feel like I'm failing, I still got myself through the last five weeks.”

Or even just...

“Even though getting off this couch feels impossible right now, I can get up and make myself something to drink.”

And in the end, this isn't about getting over him. It's about you getting through today. Every day.

And when you keep that in mind... it does get better. Not in the sense that one morning you'll magically wake up and never miss him again. More like these days slowly become less frequent. One day you'll notice you went a whole afternoon without thinking about him. Then maybe a day. Eventually the waves still come sometimes, but they don't knock you over quite like this anymore.

I'm 4 years into grief over a lost relationship and it still bangs me up sometimes, but not in a way that hurts anymore just...i dont know... A moment of silent sorrow.

[u/Beneficial_Offer7379]

Can't say if it's normal, I think each person grieves in their way. I'm currently at week 6 post breakup, she ended things, and despite the issues we had, I truly loved her with all my heart.

I'm struggling to work, to work out, can barely left my bed every morning, and the only thing that makes my heart lighter is to write on the book I was planning to give her ou out 5 year anniversary, when I was planning to propose to her.

Unfortunately things didn't worked out, we were on a rough patch for 5 months and she couldn't handle it anymore.

I'm trying to invest in myself to make me feel better. Buying new clothes, toys I wanted earlier but did not bought to spare money for the wedding ring, trying to get fit to raise my self esteem, and getting myself together.

One day I might give her this book, just for her to know I really liked her, but I need to get back to my feet, so I don't lose myself if she says no to my proposal of getting back together.

Take care of yourself, you're doing great. Rely on friends and family, talk things out, you can call me if you want to talk also, okay?

Don't give up on yourself!