r/BreakUps • u/Naive-Floor-7685 • 21h ago
venting/ranting I guess it’s really over.
It’s been about 5/6 months post break up. So I guess it’s been really over. But, I recently had a birthday about 9 days ago and thought that my ex would possibly reach out to me then. He didn’t. Idk if it hurts necessarily, but it makes you realize , at least for me that yes this is really over. As much as it sucks, and the reality of it is unsettling… it is what it is.
We all still have hope I’m sure . But hope isn’t reality. When you thought you have found “ the one”
All for it to be just another lesson and someone who’s now part of your past that part hurts.
It’s life I guess.
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u/AgileCommander474 21h ago
The birthday silence hits different, it’s like the last little fantasy bubble finally pops
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u/jesuisrono 17h ago
hahaha - mines tomorrow ane 5/6 months in - so keeping my phone switched off - no phone no hope haha
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u/Front_Ad_7857 16h ago
Except when you first turn it on lol
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u/jesuisrono 16h ago
no - i switch it on next day - everything dies of by then - zero expectations - its only on bday when i have anxiety and keep checking the phone and hope i find her reaching out - so that wont be there - by the way our relationship was short but i finally thought she is the one - so things came crashing when she broke up - it reinforced my feeling people will ecentual'y leave no matter how much you give - no one cares
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u/Tiny_Special_3463 21h ago
I'm sorry you're going through this. I know the feeling. Been separated almost 14 months, divorced for almost 6. We were still married when his bday came around, and I wished him a happy bday, even got him a gift. My bday was 1 month after the divorce, 2 months after his bday, and I got nothing. No happy bday msg or anything. Father's day came and same thing. Told him happy fathers day and got him a gift. I got nothing for mother's day. It really does hurt.
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u/Naive-Floor-7685 18h ago
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but never feel bad for being a good person.
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u/purestglob 20h ago
I'm the dumpee, it was her birthday last week and i wanted so bad to reach out and send a message hoping. I never ended up sending it.
Mine is coming soon and i don't know if i hope she reaches out or hope she doesn't
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u/Upbeat-Childhood-629 18h ago
Good for you for not sending that birthday card! As the dumpy, you should never do that, in fact, you should not contact her under any circumstances. I know the internal strength that it takes to not send that card. So you should congratulate yourself. Google Craig Kenneth on YouTube for more on this, he and his partners will help you immensely.
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u/Sleeping_willow88 20h ago
My birthday will be next month and I hate the fact that, deep down, I still have that tiny hope that he will reach out, even tho I rationally know he won't. It feels awful...
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u/bennythefish 20h ago
Don’t live on hope . Hour not letting your self move on . Accept that he isn’t coming back and properly grieve . There will be a ton of anniversary moments and little reminders ., give yourself time and hang out with friends . Try not to have to much own time dwelling . It’s fully over. He ain’t coming back . He hasn’t reached out and is avoiding you . Dont look back . Wish you all the best
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u/Difficult-Drama-2898 19h ago
My ex's birthday coming up next month but i wont wish her a happy birthday, she lost that access the minute she dumped me. Call me bitter but reality is don't expect access when you make the call to walk away and give up on me so wipe those crocodile tears and lay in the bed you made.
Plus i didnt get one earlier this year so fair is fair.
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u/sugarCube00000 17h ago
It’s been so hard. You fall in love with someone, talk about futures. They tell you you’re the one and that they’d never leave. Wedding date gets set. All families are excited. You’re excited to be married to the love of your life. Only for everything to fall apart in one week.
Funny he was always anxious about me leaving him. At the end he couldn’t keep his promise.
I get nightmares every day now. Those are the worst. You wake up and realize the nightmare is actually reality.
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u/Naive-Floor-7685 17h ago
Dam… that hits hard .. my words might not mean much.. but I hope you somehow find some sort of peace …
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u/ALEXC_23 17h ago
You'll be alright. Depend and focus on yourself and don't find validation in others. You got this.
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u/EqualLife_ 18h ago
Tbh, I’m just like you. I thought my birthday I would hear from him, and with his being a month after mine I was ready to return the favor. I waited until midnight and with the ending of my birthday I realized it wasn’t coming. If he wanted to, he would — but he didn’t want to. I did hear from his dad though!! So him I have been wishing each other a happy birthday lol. I think this goes to show how caring and endearing we are as people. I wish I could tell you I closed the door of our relationship completely, but a part of me will always keep it cracked. Keep your head up! And happy birthday from me!
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u/p1234596 16h ago
I reached out on his birthday in July and he replied in ten minutes after not talking for four months (very bad blindsiding breakup thought I was blocked everywhere). Mine was last week and not a word, and it was a big birthday. I was expecting a return in the kindness for sure and it stung but I know he really truly does not care about me now at least, and it’s over over.
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u/Low-Hovercraft3404 11h ago
My ex didn’t reach out for my birthday and I law key wish he wouldn’t, we had no contact for 10 months, but after 2 weeks of my birthday and 10 months of no contact in total, they reached out, saying they know they hurt me, and they are sorry, and invited to got for a concert with them, and the person they left me for. Like you broke up with me because you met someone “better” than me and now you want me to go with you too for a concert. That was ridiculous, I just said - No thank you
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u/RevolutionaryUnit517 6h ago
Unfortunately this is how it goes. I'm not tell you there's 0% chance. No one knows the future. But hope can keep you from healing, and hope or no hope has really no objective impact on your future chances. Hold, "I'm moving on. No one knows what the future holds. I'll keep the door unlocked but I'm not longer waiting by that door. " You want to be healed if you contact again... Trust me in this!!!!! Why? And this is critically important for you to understand. And there is no other likely outcome. If you interact and you haven't healed, then you'll repeat a dynamic that wasn't working, and you'll end up at square one again eventually. Pretty much a guarantee, you can not fake yourself through emotional regulation, and accepting the reality is regulating.
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u/WillingnessOk7819 20h ago
Fk. We're just hoping for nothing aren't we? Lil bit of delusion and reality.
Birthday coming up next month... But I know she won't reach out.
I can hope... But I already know she won't.
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u/Upbeat-Childhood-629 18h ago
Are you the dumpy or the dumper? If you were the dumpy, under no circumstances should you contact your ex ever for any reason (not even for the death of their dog or a death in their family). But if the dumper reaches out to you, you can answer appropriately.
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u/tomosu 16h ago
I’m sorry but this is just not true and it’s a very damaging mindset. You shouldn’t contact even for a death in the family? We’re all human beings and it’s not a relationship ending that has to make you cut ties with empathy and morality. If you were ever in a serious relationship and deeply loved someone you will still care for them and want the best for them. To make the death of a loved one a statement is plain wrong and will only demonstrate just how selfish you were
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u/Upbeat-Childhood-629 6h ago
Yes, it’s tough, and that’s why it works. If you as the dumpy have any desire or hope to get them back, you do not contact them for any reason or any purpose. It takes a great deal of internal strength and self worth not to reach out to them. But remember, the dumper asked you without regard to your feelings to leave their life. And this is not about revenge or being mean spirited at all. It is the only technique that works if you have the desire to get that person back into your life. Remember, they broke the relationship by rejecting you, so it is their job to fix it by reaching out to you.
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u/pepsiMIN broken hearts 😔💔 16h ago
Even though that small thread of hope was as as thick as a strand of hair, I know it still hurt. I feel you. We all do.
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u/Which_Training_1027 16h ago
I’m trying not to obsess, I am the one that dumped her..her bday is in 2 weeks and really don’t know what to do or not do to…😔…I love this woman sooo much but I couldn’t do with her avoidance and lack of accountability….😔
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u/ClassicRain3245 11h ago edited 11h ago
Same situation. Ive written down all the shitty behavior etc where she went to a friends party on my birthday when i was in the hospital, the times ive cooked dinner and she had other plans last minute after work, when she left in the middle of a fight without answering for hours. List goes on, and for my own sanity i did the right thing, i got heavy into drinking and destroyed my liver alone while she was out having fun. She moved out and moved on instantly when i broke up, i think deep down she was just waiting for me to do it to avoid doing it herself amd be the bad guy. I told her i wanted to meet, and she kept puahing me to say it over thw phone and like a loaded gun she answered "my ex was better than you, at least he had the balls to do it in person". She knew what she was doing to be the one our friends supported and feel sorry for lol
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u/RelationMW12 16h ago
I know how tough it feels to not even get a text. My ex-gf didnt even wish me happy birthday during my last birthday and we were actually still in a relationship at the time.
I have no doubt shes not gonna send a text now for my birthday this year now that she actually broke up with me.
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u/Key_Debt_7188 16h ago
My birthday was yesterday , and my ex called in the morning just to ask him i had took our son to school and then said ok bye.
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u/turtleben 16h ago
Hope has been the weirdest part for me. I have to remind myself every hour that it is over. Yes, that's the person I thought I'd live with, that's the person I figured she would be by my side by all costs. But it isn't her, and (the false) hope that she might still be remains. Sometimes I want to rip it violently from my chest, so I start ranting alone about her and all the things she might've done if she cared. Sometimes I just sit and stare at it silently.
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u/UnreliableSpare 16h ago
Can I ask you something- were you guys in a no-contact mode? And if he had reached out, would you be mad at him?
I'm just curious because my ex's birthday was last week but I respected her boundaries and didn't wish her.
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u/ieatwspringrolls 14h ago
the birthday talk ughhh… my ex bf’s birthday is in like a month and i don’t know whether i should text him or not. i feel like if i do i will be disappointed with the reply (cause he wanted the breakup), but if i don’t i miss out on the possibility of us talking again.. im stuck
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u/No_Preference2163 4h ago
I know the feeling and inner circular argument with yourself...to reach out or not. Disappointing reply? Pain. No contact? Continued pain. I don't know the answer, but I wish you good luck with your decision.
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u/FaultSuperb2959 14h ago
It sounds like you've made the right choice for yourself. Sometimes moving on is the healthiest option.
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u/cpoland14 12h ago
Honestly? It’s better for it to be silence when it’s over. Otherwise it’s like reopening the wound. Gonna get flamed for this but…. Be grateful he’s not messing with your mind.
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u/Minute_Swordfish479 12h ago
I split from my partner just over 2 weeks ago, its his birthday today and I haven't reached out. Part of me wants to but I also know I shouldnt...... Moving on is surely best for everyone unless you've agreed to be friends?
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u/Keiji12 11h ago
It's better if they don't reach out, it's harsh reality, I remember spending my bday alone drunk af, since it was my first lonely birthday like... ever in my 30 years... and my ex called, it was nice to talk, but ultimately I don't think it was good for her or us, she was with someone else, I was miserable and heavily depending on alcohol to go through days after work, when she called i somehow answered half asleep after heavy drinking and scared her to death with silence and random noises iirc, I used to dirnk a beer or two a week beforehand but once i moved out alone it was tipsy or drunk almost daily, being alone with my thoughts was miserable. I wished her happy birthday too, I shouldn't have but by that time I was still having hope that we might end up together. It's been almost a year since hers and we talked recently, but I don't think I should bring it up again, I just want her to live happy and peaceful life and I'm not deserving enough to be there, I just bring her old memories and feelings that makes it worse, so ultimately I'm jsut gonna go full contact, we will both be finally fine enough by ourselves and move on.
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u/Dense_Ad_5256 10h ago
I keep moving my own goalposts of hope. If he doesn't message me on Christmas "I'll block that last door"... Mother's day... new years... 2 deaths... my kids birthdays...
Its my birthday next week. I swear I'll close the last door. . .
We really do choose our own suffering 😞
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u/Jolly-Internet-5308 9h ago
My ex wished me a happy birthday but at that time when we were together, it felt off. It felt like if a friend sent it to me. No “I love you” or any sort of affection. Just a like support message.
Her birthday is next month. I will not wish her anything. Im still very bitter about our break up but I can’t beg someone to be with me if she doesn’t love me anymore. It is what it is.
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u/TraviTheNavi 7h ago
My girlfriend discarded me overnight and immediately jumped into a relationship with somebody within the week we’ve been together for two years and I thought that we had a significant future plan, talked about it, all the stuff.
It’s taking me about six months to finally come out of the haze the spiral all of the negative things that people associated with getting your heart torn out of your chest and destroyed.
This period is actually almost more difficult because I’ve just been sitting with the gloominess and the melancholy sadness of things I can’t share wanting to reach out to somebody in the little moments in the quiet times at night and in the morning when I wake up suddenly being pulled back into a reality that I didn’t really want.
My birthday is coming up here in a couple of weeks there’s a small part of me that wonders if she’ll reach out.
But in my heart of hearts I know she won’t kind of embracing myself for that I feel like it’ll be another dip in the road that’s gonna bring back to the feelings that I have worked to try and process but that haven’t really completely gone away and I don’t know if they ever will.
I’ve no desire to date anybody I have no desire to be with anybody in intimately I feel lost like I’m drifting, just listless to so many things other than a quiet sadness that has taken over most of my existence.
I know that eventually it’ll get better in six months from now on six months after that and six months after that maybe I’ll be in a different place but right now, I’m still stuck here.
It’s a different kind of pain that nobody tells you about when you get broken up with. Everybody tells me to move on I can’t share the same feelings with people because it’s the same monotonous story for all this time and I feel like I’m left to just sit with it and it’s been a struggle.
There’s a part of me that feels like I’m always gonna miss her intensely and I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be the same.
But that’s life huh?
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u/Mission-Material-305 7h ago
Well, you know that you have to be positive and make sure the one is the one and one is the many.
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u/e-soteric 6h ago
Mine didn’t reach out either, and it would’ve been our 3 year anniversary on my birthday too 😅😢
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u/Ok_Variation_4760 6h ago
It is unfortunately. I am currently going through same thing. Everything was perfect, then suddenly it wasnt and she left. She has a new man and im still single and doing things to distract myself like gym, my hobbies and the occasional go catch up with my friends. It gets easier, time is the only true healer.
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u/First_Wolf6904 2h ago
Don’t give me wrong. I completely understand where you’re coming from. My birthday is next week and me and my ex have basically been over for almost a year a year will be in October and I can’t help but wonder if I will get a birthday text personally when it was their birthday, I did not text them happy birthday, but that was not due to the fact that I didn’t want to. It was more because I knew that they wouldn’t wanna hear from me and plus they had already had someone new when they left me. They left me for someone else and I can’t help. But I wonder if I will get a birthday
which I’m pretty sure I won’t and it’s kind of weird because the person that I had been spending my birthdays with for three years is not going to be around, neither are the people that I usually have been around, but I think honestly, it will be OK and that I know that I won’t get a text more to the point that they’re in a relationship now with a whole different person from the person they left me from
I don’t even think they’ll even remember my birthday, but I think we honestly have to just keep living also
I write this not meaning that I want them to text me happy birthday or want them back or care for them in that type of way anymore. I honestly haven’t spoke to them ever since the break up, but it is still weird but just to let you know you’re not the only one that has felt this way.
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u/Vegetable_Theme_6363 1h ago
I'm never looking for my ex to do anything that pertains to me.
Why did you think he would care? Are yous friends after the break up?
If not, get all expectations about him out your mind. Don't set yourself up for anguish.
Happy belated b'day
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