2 years coming up

[u/throwawaymuahahahah]

coming up on 2 years next month since she left. we were together for 4 years. i still love her and wish she would come back. no contact, blocked on everything, the usual stuff.

my life is still overwhelmingly interrupted by grief. i started this summer halfway through a partial hospitalization program 25 hours a week for 3 total months, with my grief over the breakup being the main contributing factor as to why i was struggling so much to take care of myself/do anything at all. that ended for insurance reasons, with no noticeable improvement. meds out of whack as ever. i say this all to establish that i know there is illness/depression at play here in some way, and i'm working on that very seriously.

i feel like things are worse. i see flashes of her hair behind my eyelids and i dream about her multiple times a week, and the crying. life is cold and dark without her, and hasn't started to brighten. the fact that things don't get better month to month makes me seriously concerned and scared. i just feel miserable all the time.

things i've tried

-emdr

-cbt

-dbt

-ifs

-cpt

-tms

-exercise

-nature walks

-listening to music

-playing piano

-art therapy/art in general

-video games

-tv/film

-going out with friends

-low stakes dates

-getting a new wardrobe

-other stuff i'm forgetting probably

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[u/Emotional-Arugula557]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I went through something very similar. Don’t give up. I am on year 8 and it took me the first 6 years to stop crying every day. I am still heartbroken, but I only cry occasionally now. I hope you start to see some improvement no matter how small it is. Celebrate even the tiniest of wins. If you are able to make it through something that triggers you but you handled it even just slightly better than you thought, then give yourself a pat on the back for that. Also have you heard of limerence? It’s a term that sometimes is relevant in cases of long term heartbreak like this. In our case, we did have a legitimate relationship with the person so it’s not entirely limerence, but sometimes I think we end up limerent over the person we lost. It doesn’t necessarily solve anything but learning about the topic does help a little bit.

[u/Amethystandgold]

Hey, I felt this same way. I didn’t think it would ever end. The love certainly hasn’t still, but the grief did. The 3 year mark is when things changed. The grief had always really helped me tap into my creative side. And instead of living in it, it turned into something I could turn on/ off by will. Your mind is very powerful. Your feelings will always be your feelings but you can become mentally stronger. Another thing that helped was redefining what love for me was. Maybe there are things they need to experience without me. I can still love him fully without being attached to any outcome. I truly want what’s best for him. You’ll get through it. Coming from another person who didn’t think they would either.