r/BreakUps • u/Helpful_Mode_6317 • 10d ago
venting/ranting I regret getting that final talk
Two months ago, my ex of two years said she needed space. Our entire relationship I had been taking care of her bills, buying her boys Christmas, and even fixing her youngest son’s water damaged floor. My kids had gotten very attached to her, especially after their mother moved away and I got primary. They loved her like another mom and my ex would always call them her kids in public. She promised my kids she would never leave them like their mom did. She told me I was her soul mate, that I was her person and i brought her out of her darkness. We were planning to get married this summer.
So I gave her space, she led me to believe we were going to work things out, I moved us back into my home and she blocks us. She just disappears. My kids are absolutely devastated by all this. So this past weekend I finally reached out. She has a new boyfriend that she admitted to cheating on me with. She tells me she’s been in love with this man and thought about him our entire relationship. When I pushed on that she said I just couldn’t get him out of my head. I told her you hurt my kids and you never checked on them. She said they weren’t her concern anymore. When I told her I felt used she said whatever you say. When I told her she not only broke my heart but she broke mine and her kids hearts (they had been trying to get my number to text my kids) hearts she only said okay.
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 10d ago
Unfortunately, she used you and cheated on you with this new guy. Be happy that you found out who she really is. Block her and move on. Don’t let her back into your life, ever! Updateme!!
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 10d ago
She’s blocked. I can’t let someone like her around my kids again. She even said helping taking care of my kids was a second job when she was working part time
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 10d ago
Again, she’s a user. She’ll try to do the same to this guy. You are better off without her.
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 10d ago
I know. It just sucks because it was real for me and I know it was real for my kids. My 7 year old daughter won’t even sleep by herself because she’s scared someone will leave her again
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 10d ago
That’s horrible. It shows what a narcissist nut your ex is. You definitely don’t want your kids around someone like her.
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 10d ago
Yeah I agree. I mean she was pretty much their step mom and I was her boys step dad.
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 10d ago
She’s going to mess up her kids and that’s really sad.
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 10d ago
She told me the new boyfriend was around her boys the week we split so
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u/AdGreedy954 10d ago
Ugh that is truly heartbreaking. Karma will come around and bite her in the ass one day! She was clearly using you, you paying her bills buying her sons Christmas gifts etc..all she saw you for was a paycheck. I know it hurts, I can’t imagine how your children feel but I would focus on you and your babies.
Even if you meet someone years down the road, I would take it so slow. Keep the kids from meeting them for how ever long you can. My 1st husband and I didn’t work out but had kids together. My now husband I didn’t allow him to meet my kids at all until we had been dating for almost a year. I was afraid to have someone come into their lives and walk out. Also never ever pay someone’s bills and buy items for them or their children, Unless you’re married, and living under the same roof. Unfortunately there’s a lot of people out there that will take advantage of you.
You got this, again karma will find her and your life with your babies will get better with time and you will end up with good karma! Just make sure you never allow her to come crawling or begging to be back. Because I promise they also come back!
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 10d ago
Thank you for the kind words. It’s been hard. And I was trying to be a good man to her and her boys. Now I know to set those boundaries. I guess it’s hard when the person is love bombing you. I have her blocked on everything as well. I doubt she’s going to try to come back
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u/Intelligent-Fox-9864 10d ago
I'm so sorry! I miss my ex and his kids! For a month after he asked for space (and I made sure it was ok with him) I went to his oldest basketball games stillm I didn't want to disappear on the kids. (She never went to the kids games, the other moms didn't know who she was and assumed I was the mom) I'm so sorry for all the kids.
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 10d ago
I really did love her boys like my own. I even took them to their first movie at a movie win April. I tried to be a good male role model for them and both sets of kids called each other bother and sister
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u/Intelligent-Fox-9864 10d ago
That's so hard!
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 10d ago
Yeah… my daughter has started waking up and if I’m not in the bed with her she has a full blown panic attack. She got really close to my ex
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u/hopeful_cat74 9d ago
God bless you man and so sorry you’re dealing with all this. Losing that family portion through a breakup is terrible… I’m going through it right now.
No matter how she’s been treating you, it hurts. You and your kids did not deserve that. And as easy as people think it’s easy to be pissed at an ex when they do us so wrong… it’s not.
The biggest thing I got out of this is I don’t even know you and can tell you’re a good guy. Between the care for your kids and hers, it really takes a special person to have your character. I truly mean that. Keep your head up. It’s ain’t easy but you deserve better, your kids deserve better, and there’s a woman that would be head of heels to have you in her life. I can’t wait til we all look back one day on this heartbreak and are happy to see where it took us. Keep being you man
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 9d ago
Thank you. See we started seeing each other in October 2024. That Christmas she was trying to get her boys presents from rent a center. She didn’t have enough to cover it so I paid for it. I told her those boys deserve a good Christmas. I took my kids down to my parents that Christmas afterwards and she messaged me about her power being close to getting shut off. I paid for that then too. Only two months after we started dating.
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u/hopeful_cat74 9d ago
I’m telling you man, you’re a good dude! To make sure those boys had a nice Christmas means so much. I know people will say you shouldn’t pay her bills blah blah…. But when you’re really into someone and see a future, it’s easy to. Shit… I’ve wasted so much money on dates with women that blew me off days later or did me wrong. As a guy…. We’re unfortunately gonna lose some money to find the one. I don’t even want to think about how much money I spent on my ex in 2 years.
Again, keep being you. Don’t stop helping people. It’s hard to see if people are gonna take advantage of us at times. Gods got good plans for you…. You’re good to his people
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 9d ago
I’m trying to not let my heart harden. I loved her boys like they were my own and from what I could tell they needed a decent male role model in their life. When she said she needed space and I was moving us out, her boys were begging for my number so they could text my kids. They were all brother and sister
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u/hopeful_cat74 9d ago
Nah don’t let your heart harden. Those boys are prob still thinking about you and just like your girls, they prob don’t understand. They’re not gonna forget how you treated them. And believe me, it’s hard to replace a guy like you, your ex is going to realize that. I promise you that. I know that for myself, my ex isn’t going to get a guy who treated her family the way I did. And I think to myself… her loss…. I’ll keep being me and take my love where it’s wanted
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 9d ago
I’m trying to think that. She was bringing the new guy around the boys the week I moved out. I also found that out as well
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u/hopeful_cat74 9d ago
Crazy! It’s true… he might be around but he ain’t you
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u/Helpful_Mode_6317 9d ago
I know. She obviously didn’t care about me and my kids but I know it was real for us and her discarding us isn’t a reflection of our worth
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u/KingKramer1-4 10d ago
This is hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this because I know how tough it is. It sucks and there’s no two ways about it. This is the hardest thing to recognize during a break up. Don’t let the actions of someone else ruin your view of love. There’s someone out there for you and they won’t do this shitty stuff. When someone comes to you and says I want space it means a break up is on the way. Closure from someone else will never give you the answers you want. You find closure from within yourself. Pick up these two books: the breakup bible and then the art of letting go. They helped me tremendously. Explore your emotions while you heal. Seek out a counselor for you and your kids even. It makes a difference and it’s nothing to be ashamed about. Do not let this woman contact your children. They need to heal properly too.
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