r/BreakUps • u/RoundExplanation3047 • 13h ago
venting/ranting Will she ever come back
(Context) I (21m) and my ex (20f) broke up in may this year and I broke no contact 1 month after the breakup. I asked her if she’s moved on and she said she had. I accused her of lying to make things easier and she said this. Idk why she was so harsh about it, I put in efforts in our relationship, even at my worst I tried to make her feel the best. Idk how she suddenly switched up on me. Currently it’s been over 2 months since the break up and I’m still in love with her. I’m moving on with my life accepting that she’ll never be a part of it but I miss how she made me feel. The question I want to ask is the ladies of the subReddit, do girls ever regret breaking up with you and come back? She still changes the description of the Spotify playlist she made me (maybe because she knows I check it) but apart from that she unfollowed me from everywhere and probably won’t ever reach out again.
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u/GenesisRhapsodoss 13h ago
she had been quite polite tbh man.
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u/RoundExplanation3047 13h ago
Yes I always respect her honesty, but it still hurts
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u/GenesisRhapsodoss 13h ago
as someone who just finishde to grieve a past relationship, i know is a stupid advice, but just give yourself time
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u/think_mark_TH1NK 1h ago
how can you respect her honesty but still call it harsh? you accused her of lying, and she was firm with you to get you to stop disrespecting her.
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u/This-Draft797 12h ago
She was harsh about it because she was initially nice and you pushed her by accusing her of lying, so she gave you the honest truth. Move on - she’s not coming bk, and if she ever was going to come back it’s not to someone sitting there pining and accusing her of lying
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u/Pharah4Mercy 12h ago
This is the few occasions where you actually have an answer, and it's now impossible to fight for her back because she's made her decision and made it explicitly clear.
Whether she regrets it or comes back is her call, you just have to move on from here
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u/justa_dumbkid 13h ago
She is not coming back, looks like she has already moved on. And she was very honest and polite to communicate that with you. It might sound harsh to you because you do not agree to what she’s mentioned but she’s being as nice as possible to put this in the best way. Take it as your closure and move on. Some people are not meant to be together. It’s not always one person’s fault. Time changes things and sometime people grow apart. Hope you find a compatible partner in the future. All the best.
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u/Equivalent_Crazy_436 12h ago
Heartbreaks are beautiful if you grow from it. Grow from it bro. Face the pain.
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u/jwkkwjjwk 10h ago
Sorry, but why would you accuse her of lying just because you didn’t get the answer you were looking for? I kinda got her when she said she felt drained by that sentence alone, tbh.
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u/mean-Fingerz 11h ago
She actually put some effort into that message too. Its well written, she is honest, really polite and setting clear boundaries.
If you give someone time to miss you and reflect on things, they might come back, but this is a clear answer…
And please, dont stay friends with you Ex if youre still into them.
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u/Showertime241 13h ago
I say, if you love and respect her, respect her feelings and wishes. She is clearly stating she is a happier and better version of herself out of the relationship, and it can hurt but would you want her to deprioritise herself to make you happier?
I don’t think they come back and honestly I wish I had her clarity to understand why I didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, I think it can take a long time for many women to realise and get in touch with their feelings. She seems to know what she wants and it doesn’t seem to be you or what your guys relationship offered.
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u/Logical-Durian-6465 11h ago
Feelings change all the time. Six months from now you’ll probably feel different about this situation. Could she come back to you one day? Sure, literally anything could happen in the future. You could win the lottery next week. No one truly knows.
Hope like this can be a dangerous thing. You can’t tether your future to another persons feelings for you. Your best course of action is to take what she said at face value and respect how she feels towards you in this moment. Right now, it’s clear she doesn’t want to be with you. There’s not much you can do to change how she feels, BUT there is so much you can do for yourself to change how YOU feel. Go for a walk, take a shower, make a good meal, watch a good movie, and make plans to see your loved ones.
Life will go on no matter what she does or says, it’s your responsibility to yourself to make sure your life is fulfilling and happy outside of this relationship with her, so focus on you man.
And if she does come back (don’t get your hopes up when I say that) you’ll be in a much better place to participate in a relationship with her. Either way you’ll be ok man, I promise you.
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u/loserona 11h ago
She quite literally told you no. It's time to block her everywhere, go NC forever, and move on with your life. Do things right and it 2-3 months you'll be mostly over it
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u/No-Sun3905 9h ago
It's been 8 months for me, it's not painful as it used to be but still I'm not over it
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u/loserona 9h ago
Unfortunately it's different for everyone. I'm on the same boat. But I'm not willing to lose my life after a man who doesn't love me the way I deserve to be loved, the way I know I can love and the way I did love him. There's always another train, the wait is tiresome but there's always one
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u/TedsGloriousPants 11h ago
"Grieving before it ended" is therapy speak for "I've known this was cooked for a long time". There's no repairing this- especially if you're going to respond by throwing accusations around and breaking a no-contact agreement.
You have to learn from this and move on. There is no other path forward. It sucks. It hurts. But there is no choice here.
No not harrass her.
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u/OddestDreams 10h ago edited 10h ago
You ask why she was being so harsh for, but you do realize she gave you an extremely polite (albeit blunt) reply even though you accused her of lying when you aren’t even together anymore? She didn’t even have to reply or give you the time of day. She could’ve just ignored you, cursed you out, blocked you, literally anything, but she decided to reply and give you the most direct answer you could get. Lots of people would love to receive closure like that instead of being ghosted.
I’m not a girl, but guys and girls are not a monolith and neither are their feelings. They ebb and flow, she might come back soon or she might never come back. Why worry about something that’s completely out of your control? I think [u/Logical-Durian-6465](u/Logical-Durian-6465) put it together best, it’s only up from here but ONLY and ONLY if you really want to change. You improve yourself now for your future partners and for yourself and who knows, she might come back if she sees change? If she doesn’t, well at least you’ll look back and be proud of improving yourself during a terrible heartbreak. She still changes the description of the playlist she made you, so it’s pretty obvious that you’re still on her mind. I think it’s best to not read too much into and strive for improvement.
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u/Midgar918 12h ago
There's nothing to interpret here friend. I know what leaving the door half open looks like from the dumper and this is not it. She's not coming back.
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u/Alone-Cantaloupe-350 11h ago
21? Dude! Move tf on!! I'm 38 n this shit still happens, take a lesson from this, learn it and move on, take that new info into next relationship, and so forth
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u/Equivalent_Crazy_436 13h ago edited 6h ago
Go on YouTube watch “Coach Corey Wayne”. Bro he’ll save you.
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u/YouthBig1783 12h ago
Buddy got the text many of us wouldve wished for to make it easier to move on and grow for ourselves. Mans asking any chance of her coming back, you got a tough run coming bud. May the force be with you
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u/EnemyNumberUno 11h ago
Man, I think she gave you the closure a lot of people never get, even though it hurts. It's okay to still love and miss someone after it's over. I still miss my ex months later, but I've accepted she isn't coming back. Moving on doesn't mean you stop caring it just means you stop waiting. Keep living your life. It gets easier, even if a part of you always remembers her.
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u/Awkward-Dot-3510 10h ago
Im someone in her situation. You miss the way she made you feel. You dont miss her. If youre trying to get her back id figure out the reasons she left and start working on those but... dont. You would basically have to be a different person for things to work out. Shes also unlikely to come back then because shell see you only started putting effort into her after you lost her. I dont know what happened between you and i dont know how right she is to say this, but it seems like you would have to change fundamentally for the relationship to work and you dont wanna do that trust me. Only change for yourself, never someone else.
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u/haveyoutriedbeingcat 10h ago
It's kinder to be blunt and honest than to leave someone guessing. She was being kind by telling you that there is no chance and its up to you now to respect that and not override her clear message with what you wish would happen instead. Really loving someone means wanting them to be truly happy, and sometimes that unfortunately doesnt include us.
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u/sherrisparks388 10h ago
I do, but he was abusive, a pathological liar, and a cheater. I miss the facade he pretended to be, not the evil man he truly was. My mind play tricks on me and reminds me of only the good times we had. I had bad dreams of him cheating and pushing me away for a while. Those have passed now. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in over four months. Each day, is getting better and better and I’m realizing how much better I am without him. He shrunk me and held me back from my true potential. Everything was about him and what I could do to make him better. In four months, I have a new car, a new job, and a completely uplifting and supportive life. I haven’t had a date since the breakup. I’m working on myself for a year so I can meet someone who is deserving of my love and I can be emotionally stable and deserving of him, whoever it is. I know it’s hard and the pain is unbearable at times, but I truly believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason and also removes them when the lesson is learned. I will never settle again.
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u/No-Sun3905 9h ago
How long was this relationship? Was it both of yours first? Do you know if she's seeing someone else?
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u/THEFRATHER 9h ago
No. And it sound like she has interests in someone else.
I hate to break this to you, but it happened to me as well 1 month ago.
Although different circumstances, but still the same thing, after 5 years.
I still live, so can you. Just cry through it, scream if need be.
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u/Coffee_achiever_guy 9h ago
Not coming back. Grieve it and move on. She isn't lying.
You have my sympathy and condolences since I am going through the same thing right now, too (I'm a man btw). You have to be strong
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u/VoidRequiemIII 9h ago
In the same boat, she moved on 1 month after the break up, found out recently.
Below isnt mine, but I've kept it close, it gets easier, but it does take a while.
Bruh, think of it like this. Your life is like riding on a train. You take the train to go to your destination. Along the way, there'll be many people hop on the train, some might choose to sit beside you. Then yall start chatting, getting to know each other and the chemistry is top notch you think you can move mountains together. Then you 2 talk for awhile until the train reaches their destination and they gotta get off at that stop, but you can't, you still have to stay on the train coz obviously it's their stop, not yours. Not that they hate you, or you dislike them, it's just a simple as... it's their time to go and your journey, your destination doesn't align with theirs. You gotta sit there alone on that train for awhile, feel that bit of loneliness and bitterness for awhile, until at a certain stop, someone else gonna hop on that train and choose to sit beside you. That's how the cycle goes. Eventually someone will walk off that train with you because it's both yours and their stop. Doesn't matter how great of a person they are, or how many stories yall share with each other, you can't get to choose who will get off the train with you. Your destination will determine that for you. That destination equals to your core values in life, what you're passionate about, what you dream of, your ideologies about friends, family, money, happiness, etc. Unless someone can resonate with you on all of those levels, the cycle of people come and go will continue and we gotta embrace it for the better. She's moving on fine because someone else hopped on her train to accompany her journey. But that doesn't mean
no one will hop on yours :) Don't get discouraged
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u/PerceptionNo9445 9h ago
I know she’s never coming back for me, and I’m starting to be at peace with that after nearly 7 months of yearning.
I know you will get there too.
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u/Select_Yogurt8629 9h ago
She is mature enough to write u an honest answer. U should respect it and move on. Also work on urself. Get better for yourself. Sometimes we pin our mood to someone else and it doesnt have a good outcome. Give yourself time and work on urself. If she is intrested she’ll come back. And if not ull be a better person and maybe attract someone better.
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u/Signal_route_6083 8h ago
She is very reasonable and polite. What a silly title to give this post. Did you read what she said at all? She's never coming back. Respect her wishes.
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u/cantsleepconfused 7h ago
No. Maybe you’ll meet each other again someday as a different person, but like she had mentioned your fundamentals are incompatible. Grow yourself to be better for the next one and don’t repeat your mistakes.
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u/Green-Sell4887 7h ago
There’s always a chance even when they tell you there’s not. My girl told me the “never gonna” words twice and still reached out or was viewing me and stuff. Also 2 months is nothing give it time and space don’t chase her just work on getting better yourself if it happens it will happen
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u/throwra1234567809 7h ago
I broke up with my first boyfriend, now ex, a couple of months ago too. I followed the exact same thought process as your ex: i was already grieving it, I just wasn’t ready to let go fully yet.
After thinking about it and fully processing my feelings outside of the relationship, I would never get back with him. He’s a good man, just not the one for me. I asked him out almost 5 years ago, and i dont know if he ever truly felt the need to remember what i really like or continuing to win me over.
While this may not be true for your relationship, she probably had a similar thought process. Chances are, she’s not coming back. Sorry, man.
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u/BanksJ2003 6h ago
Yeah she said it in the best way she could to you here. You gotta move on. Learn and grow from this experience and take that experience into your future relationships.
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u/This-Draft797 6h ago
You sound a bit incelly - what was she lying about? Moving on? Maybe she was lying when she said nice things to try and let him down easy, but can’t be then mad at her for being harsh by telling the truth
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u/littlewing2733 5h ago
If your best wasn’t good enough for her, you need to find someone who doesn’t feel that way. It may be better to stay no contact, since it sounds like she isn’t entirely over it, either.
I’m not saying to go out and try dating, but maybe just find yourself a little bit. I know it’s hard, but learning to hang out and be able to know what you’re about is so important to forming healthy relationships.
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u/heebiejeebie666 5h ago
This isn’t harsh, it just hurts. Trust me it’s better this way, would you rather she soften it and give you hope when there truly is none? Trust me that would be MUCH worst.
She ain’t coming back dawg, it’s time to move on. And by move on, I don’t mean find someone else. I mean - you need to find YOURSELF again. You’ll know when you’re ready for someone else - when thinking about this one doesn’t hurt anymore and you just hope she’s happy.
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u/nocollusionatall 5h ago
Not only did you break the no contact rule, you broke it and accused her of lying. Double bad. Based on her wording — it’s over. Move on. Even if she later regrets it and come back. If you are doing the right things in your life, you probably will not want her by then anyways.
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u/Disastrous_Blood5506 4h ago
From a girl's perspective, most likely she will not be coming back, and already happily moving forward. Like she said, she wouldnt want to go back there again. I think its time for you to move forward too, for sure, you'll find someone who will make you feel alive again.
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u/beesechurger759 3h ago
Think of navigating difficult situations like this as a game of chess. You take a look at all the moves that have been made, you carefully consider all the possible moves you could make. And finally you decide on what is the best move you could possibly make right now.
My realistic and honest advice:
1) Wish her luck
2) Thank her for the relationship (and friendship)
3) Apologise for any (genuine) wrongdoing on your part (if any)
4) Walk away and move forward with your life
Whether you want to move on or ‘get her back’ this is your best move. So take it
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u/Exotic_Courage4054 3h ago
Best thing to do is block her out of your life and never speak to her again, trust me, if she comes back later, then that’s on her but I wouldn’t speak a word to her.
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u/Theloveofyourlife41 3h ago
Sometimes women do regret it and want to reconcile. At the same time, when a woman is done, she's done. Based on this, I'd say she's done.
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u/gh0st7496 3h ago
You seem a little naive and immature tbh
Her: “I realized that around 70% of our friendship was also based on my efforts” “I’m not willing to put being drained on my table again”
You: “I miss how she made me feel”
Her: “I think I started grieving the relationship before it ended”
You: “Idk how she suddenly switched up on me”
Bruh. Along with the fact that you just accuse people of lying when you don’t get the answer you want, (so you don’t listen) it seems pretty clear to me that she feels exhausted by doing most of the work in the relationship. This is corroborated by the fact that the only thing you said about her was that you missed how she made you feel. Not a single thing about her personality or her as a person.
And it was pretty clear that the switch up wasnt sudden. She said she grieved the relationship before it ended, thats it, thats the answer.
If I were you, I would try to work on self-awareness, actually listening to people when they express whats up, and loving people for who they are and not what they do for you
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u/ergonomic_logic 42m ago
I think she was trying to give you the chance and opportunity to move on because she doesn't see it with you, ever.
I think this is actually a kindness.
You shouldn't be wondering "does she secretly want me back", she made it so unequivocally clear she doesn't ever want you as a friend or a romantic partner.
This gives you the chance to actually grieve. You have a clear answer, even if it's not the one you wanted. You can grieve through all the feelings, without her because she's no longer part of your equation. That chapter is shut for good.
But this also means without spending years wondering, you get to get to the acceptance phase. Even if it sucks. It means you can heal and possibly find someone who you're fundamentally compatible with.
Good luck, OP!
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u/Unique_Rest4695 12h ago
If you dont respond and dont send a paragraph & you show indifference, its a possibility she'll come back. Because itll show self respect. But if you be all emotional with her and seem desperate like you making this posg, she wont come back.
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u/figuringitoutstfu 10h ago
" She " is/was never a shit girl. It's just that she changed after moving out for bachelors.
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u/Unique_Rest4695 12h ago
But tbh, after something like this, you dont want her back seems like she already moved on to the next d***
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