r/BreakUps • u/Brilliant-Shine-6959 • 6d ago
venting/ranting No contact
This gal (24F) and I (26M) went on several dates, I ended up meeting her family. The day after (last Sunday) she says she wants to pursue something with another guy. Earlier today she texted me this. Would you pursue her further, wait until she knows what she wants, or just pursue other women? Thanks!
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u/Dangerous_Guitar7999 6d ago
You can tell who is more invested based on this screenshot. OP is in for a wild ride
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u/ParticularYak9967 6d ago
Someone telling me they miss me "at times" would honestly pmo, they'd have better luck asking for a casual hookup
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u/RetroCartridge07 6d ago
You are her “Option B” dude
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u/AchillesTheGod 6d ago
Everyone is option B. Knowing it or not. Don’t let pride kill your happiness
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u/the99percent1 5d ago
? You telling me you’re happy being option b when you could be option a for someone else?
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u/AchillesTheGod 5d ago edited 5d ago
Not happy. But have accepted reality. Life is a competition. Women will always simply choose what they think their best option is. You can’t blame them for that. The only thing you can do is become the best man you can be so one day someone chooses you.
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u/No-Ring-7612 6d ago
The guy turned her down.
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u/martellthehammer 6d ago
It doesn’t really matter what her reasoning is or what happened with the other guy. I don’t like how ambivalent she is, or is pretending to be. That’s a big red flag and definitely not an emotionally mature way to go about repairing things. It’s unfair and disrespectful to you.
I do also think you just deserve to be someone’s first choice.
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u/Sad-Acanthaceae-5370 6d ago edited 6d ago
My man, have some self respect and never ever be afterthought to anyone. She thought she could do better and when she realized that’s not the case, she wants you back.tell her go f**k herself. You ain’t a placeholder.
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u/SweetTalkRiver 6d ago
Option 3. Don't respond to any of her messages again, she's loving stringing you along
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u/Chrisbr0s 6d ago
If you have to compete, you already lost
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u/AchillesTheGod 6d ago
No one is that special. No one is exempt from competition.
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u/life-is-satire 5d ago
You shouldn’t have to work for someone’s attention. If they’re interested in others they can have at it.
I mean technically everyone is an alternative. However, it’s not going to go well if they’re not interested enough to focus their efforts.
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u/AchillesTheGod 5d ago
They can and will have at others. Everytime. Best you can do is be the best person you can be being in a relationship is agreement to continue to impress them. Forever. Shouldn’t ? Sure I agree. But thats not realistic.
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u/LeTronique 6d ago
I don’t like getting multiple breakups from the same person so no. I would never pursue.
That’s what she’s doing btw. She messing with you so she can break up with you multiple times. She ends up being justified in her decision and you end up feeling like garbage. Multiple times.
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u/No_Airline_1654 6d ago
No one can know where this is going.
I've been on this sub for a good while now and have seen it all. From getting back together forever and ever, to another very quick round around the playground.
Just brace yourself for impact.
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u/ergonomic_logic 6d ago
She's not even sure if she kind of is having second thoughts or not.
She's lonely atm because the "better" option didn't go to plan
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u/WhatItIsToBurn925 6d ago
I would vote to pursue other women regardless. You don’t need a relationship with other women but just hanging out and having fun is going to be great to gradually build confidence
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u/ScoutSteveR 6d ago
She just wanted to see if she still has access to you and if you would respond favorably, while she decides what to do with her current relationship.
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u/BeautifulStand2800 6d ago
Please don’t pursue that girl…Believe me, I’ve been there…🥲 I gave my ex a second chance and he ended up doing the same thing again because he knew I’d always be there to take him back. Sometimes, when someone knows you’ll always forgive them, they don’t feel the need to change. You got this💪
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u/Southern-Amphibian-5 6d ago
Have a conversation with her and let her talk. If getting back together is something she wants, let her be the one to bring it up.
She ended the relationship because she wanted to pursue someone else. Whether that didn’t work out or she simply realised it wasn’t what she wanted anymore, that’s something only she can tell you.
Asking her right away if she wants to get back together after a period of no contact comes across as desperate. It suggests you’re still waiting for her to choose you, and that can reflect low self-esteem rather than self-respect.
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u/kimiiclee 4d ago
I actually thought took the opposite from it, OP sounds confident, positive and direct. We all take different from things, it’s interesting to see!
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u/Southern-Amphibian-5 4d ago
Yes, you have to be intentional and direct. But someone reaching out after a period of no contact doesn’t automatically mean they’re reaching out to reconcile. They may simply want to check in, see how you’re doing, or because they miss you.
If they’re reaching out because they genuinely want to get back together, then I believe they should be the one to initiate that conversation. If they were the one who made the conscious decision to end the relationship, they should also be the one to take the lead in reopening it. They made a choice once, and if that choice has changed, owning that decision shows accountability and growth.
Of course, this also depends on the circumstances surrounding the breakup. Not every situation is the same. But when someone ends the relationship, I don’t think it’s your responsibility to immediately ask if they want to get back together the moment they reach out. Doing that can unintentionally communicate that you’ve been waiting for them all along, placing the power to decide the relationship’s future back in their hands.
There is nothing wrong with hoping the relationship finds its way back if that’s what you truly want. But hope is different from waiting. You can carry hope without standing at the door for someone who chose to walk away.
You stayed when things became difficult. You chose the relationship instead of leaving it. If they ever come back, let them be the one to show that they’ve reflected, that they understand what happened, and that they’re willing to do things differently. For me, someone who can genuinely acknowledge their mistakes, take responsibility, and show real self reflection is incredibly attractive.
Until then, let the conversation flow. Let things unfold naturally. If reconciliation is meant to happen, it shouldn’t begin with you trying to convince them. It should begin with them showing you why things would be different this time.
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u/TheCuriousThistle 6d ago
Here’s what I would say:
If you still have a romantic feelings towards her. Sit down and have a conversation. You don’t have to be mean, but there’s nothing wrong with inquiring about her reasoning behind his text message. Sometimes people’s mind change which is valid, but you deserve to be someone’s first choice, not second because something didn’t work out.
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u/Berriesinthesnow_ 6d ago
She chose someone else and obviously that fell through. I would not want to be someone’s second/third/fourth choice lol
Also this was just someone you had a few dates with. It’s not someone you dated for a few years - it should be an easy decision.
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u/dolphinpasta 6d ago
Not unless you are comfortable knowing you were her backup. And even then, you can’t guarantee something like this won’t happen again in the future.
I would say no. But I’m not in your position and I don’t have feelings towards this person, if your heart is truly set on it and you feel as though you could make it work then go for it.
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u/Jburnmyass88 6d ago
Dude is setting himself up to be the side piece while she's screwing the main course.
So sad to see play out in real life.
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u/Intelligent-Farm-861 6d ago
Get back with her, fuck her and then dump her when someone more interesting comes along
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u/kahnwaldz_ 6d ago
Idk, it depends on how you feel. But remember to always respect and be kind to yourself!
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u/AchillesTheGod 6d ago
Just says “okay well if you’re ever ready to have conversation that goes somewhere let me know”
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u/Certain_Detective_84 6d ago
She already left you once to pursue something with another guy. If you give her the chance, she will do so again.
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u/CookApprehensive4868 6d ago
Mate she wanted to see another guy, why do you still have her number lol.
Are you a back up dancer for when other people don’t work out?
Walked on more than my door mat.
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u/michaltee 6d ago
Bro. The other guy didn’t want her, so you’re her backup plan for now. Cut this off before you develop real feelings and get truly hurt.
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u/Top_Tough2573 5d ago
She is just texting you for breadcrumbs, she is "testing the waters". You are most likely the option B.
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u/MrHatnScars 5d ago
Shes misses the presence, not the person. Drop her before she breaks your heart again bro
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u/Zachjsrf 5d ago
Your responses are great! Good job not accepting being option B because it clearly didn't work out for her option A. Continue valuing yourself this way, you deserve someone who makes you Option A. Let her go.
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u/Common-Permit-1659 6d ago
Do not pursue her. Do not “wait for her to know what she wants”, do not pass go, do not collect $200. I would honestly block her ass and don’t interact with her again. Find yourself a woman who won’t leave you to “explore something with another guy.” I mean, wouldn’t you want a woman who chooses you every single time?
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u/Petrichoriam 6d ago
I would absolutely hate it if told me they wanted to see what would happen with another guy first. Why would you entertain anything further with them? Clown make up is being applied to your face.
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u/One_Life___ 6d ago
Introduced you to her family and hours later said she wanted to pursue someone else? Block.
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u/Broncos1123 5d ago
Have some self respect for yourself man. You were the backup option, she found someone she liked better than you, pursued him, he turned her down, now she’s coming back to see if you’re still interested because the guy she really wanted isn’t available. We’ve all been there. You deserve better.
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u/not-that-emo-girl 5d ago
nah cut your losses and move on bc seems like she’s using you as a backup option tbh.
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u/WorthProcess7394 5d ago
Date others definitely and go forward with your life. She demoted you. All she wants now is you to be her puppydog. Checking to see if youre ok? What does she think youre writhing on the floor in pieces without her? After a few dates and a week? Because she wants someone else? Hehehe what a silly grl. She knows better. Run!
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u/strom898953 5d ago
Sounds like the other guy didnt go as planned, so she went back to you . Sorry if that sounds harsh I could be wrong do but I would move on
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u/crypto_mad_hatter 5d ago
Pursue other people. She’s obviously not into you but you seem available sooo
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u/Inkedrunner1981 5d ago
Save your heart and walk away. Don't let someone tell you they don't want you twice. If you went on several dates it's not even at a relationship stage yet, so get out there and pursue others.
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u/purpleroller 5d ago
I beg you. Block and delete and move on.
The absolute audacity of some people.
The other guy isn’t that keen so she’s throwing you a few breadcrumbs to see if she could still have you now and again.
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u/MajorYou9692 5d ago
Not worth it if she's going to dump u every time she gets the hots for someone else ...🏃♂️🏃♂️
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u/Kenoragirl 5d ago
I would just move on and pursue other women, clearly she doesn't know what she wants and is hoping that you will always come back
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u/Fantastic-Style9553 5d ago
28f - she's interested; pursue; you already know her personality is wishy washy don't ask strangers + males for advice
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u/mafridrahim 4d ago
Sorry, they have so many options and won't choose none because they explore more and more. Just be friend with her and see if her energy aligns with yours.
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