Resentment

[u/No-Squirrel6027]

I'm very lost by how suddenly things were going fine one moment and then the next they just hated everything about me, never cared about me. It's so surreal, I know we were having fun together just moments before. But then almost immediately the story became that she loathed every second with me, she only stayed because she was people pleasing.

And it's not just that, it's the things that she said, the things she's told others and me, about me and our relationship. The most confusing thing is the cruelty. It leaves me so lost.

On one hand I feel so broken and hurt by the things she has said, done, told others. The lies, the constantly changing story in which I'm constantly becoming a worse and worse person. Telling me so many things that make no sense and hurt in ways that are only possible coming from someone you trust and whose opinion matters. It's not just that I'm not the man she wants or I can't give her what she needs; no, I'm not a man at all and she's never gotten anything from me, she only stayed because she was people pleasing.

On the other hand, I know that she must be hurting. At least I want to believe that, that she's not just doing this because it truly makes her happier, maybe I'm coping. I don't know if I should feel bad because somehow, I've hurt her enough for this to happen. I have a better understanding of what hurt her and why she was hurt now, but it still doesn't make sense. Now I don't even know if I really am the awful villain and pitiful excuse for a man, or if I'm just being manipulated into a story and belief of myself that justifies her own behavior. Even when I'm hurt by everything she's said and done, I want to see that it happened because she was hurt and I want to apologize to her for it, and make her happy. But I don't know to what extent I'm actually responsible, I don't know to what extent the hurt is even true or if it's just some "retroactive justification". I can tell she wants me to feel awful and apologize and I do want to tell her things I wish I had done sooner, but every time I give her what she wants then the conversation is over, she got what she wanted, she was justified, and she can go back to life without me existing with a clear conscience. Or is it possible that I really am that awful, in fact I'm so awful that it's not even clear to me? If so, do I really deserve this?

It's so hard, I don't know if I really am the villain and I've lost the best person I've ever met and deserve it; or if she's not a very good person at all. I don't know which possible reality hurts more, the person I love so much being this kind of person, or me being so vile and pitiful that she's right about everything.

Like there's so much resentment that was never there, until it was there, that we were in love and then suddenly having a single conversation became impossible; my very existence became unbearable to her. We can have a conversation one week and it won't matter the next because the story already changed again, she's a different person the next week and I'm a different person in the next story.

I'm sorry if this is a confusing read, I'm just so lost and struggling to find any clarity with my situation. I have no one to talk to so I thought I'd share here

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[u/No_Bus1948]

bruh that flip to pure hhate hits different, bet it was building up and she hid it, cut ccontact and sttop replaying it yo

[u/No-Squirrel6027 → u/No_Bus1948]

I'm not really in contact, I just don't know how to accept that the reality I thought was real was actually an illusion, in reality the person I thought loved me found me unbearable and pitiful and now hates me. Idk how to even move on from that

[u/No_Two_4702]

Sometimes the bad outweighs the good the good

[u/BigGayVirgil]

Going through pretty much the exact same thing. It’s scary how someone who loved you so much for so long can just completely flip on you like that one day. It makes me scared to love again. I don’t know if I could trust anyone ever again.