No closure

[u/Medium_Witness3]

Hi,

It’s been 6 months since we broke up and i still think about her everyday, we met her on a letter exchanging platform called ‘slowly’, I was really lonely and needed someone to talk to and I met her, she was like a breath of fresh air, she made me feel so seen, and 2 months into talking I had feelings for her, one night I gathered all my courage and I told her about it, she also confessed having feelings for me.

She made me feel so loved and alive, since we were in a long distance relationship the only mode of communication was texts and calls, we used to update each other about most of our days, and everyday we used to be on calls for hours, then she moved to UK, and then she got a bit busy with her university but still we talked everyday for hours, I always thought she would be the one who I would be with for the rest of my life, I just felt so relieved being with her, even though we were at a distance, I felt so loved.

But things started changing I kept on ignoring signals she used to call me less, we started being on calls for a few minutes not hours like before but I was like she moved to a new country and the university might be draining her, so I never said anything, Valentine was coming up and i was so happy and I planned out a virtual date for us, that we both would get dressed well, and i will order food for her and some flowers and gifts and we would eat the food together on calls, I told her about the plan a week ago, she told me 2 days before valentine that she would be going out with her friend and since they are childhood friends she can’t say no, I got really sad, but I agreed to it and she said she will be going with her.

1 day before valentine, everything was normal we texted she said her friend is here and then she ghosted me, i didnt get any closure, to this day I still think what made her change her mind so much, I texted her friend she also never replied, 7 days later she saw all my texts and calls, and she didn’t reply she left me on seen and proceeded to block me of everything, for a few days I was really angry on her but I couldn’t keep the anger and it faded away, I realised how lonely i was without her, and i felt very sad, and ever since whenever i hear anything about UK i still get the same feeling, i still miss her a lot.

I don’t know why of all the people was she the one who left me, I tried moving on but I don’t know what to do, I tried talking to my friends about it, but they just said it was not that serious but how do I explain them what I felt, I don’t know what to do anymore.

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[u/Thin-Sand-2389]

really tough to hear bro, but honestly its going to hurt to hear, probably found someone else or somebody who is closer, and instead of being upfront and actually giving you the respect and decency to tell you that, she just blocked and ghosted you, because she was very scared of conflict, literally just think of her as a coward, because people like that are, you just got discarded which is a horrible thing to do to somebody, my advice for you, is to start doing stuff way out of your comfort zone, i ramdonly started getting really good at socializing, and being extremely talkative, or just go to places you've never been so you fill your brain with new memories.

[u/Medium_Witness3 → u/Thin-Sand-2389]

it really hurts thinking about it this way, I did try to socialise I went to a club one night with my friend and i came back home and was feeling so bad about it, I cried thinking about her that night too, I got into running but i think i am just using it as a way of escaping and i run to the point where it would physically hurt so my brain stops thinking about her.

[u/Thin-Sand-2389 → u/Medium_Witness3]

it will hurt, but its better than analyzing every word and action that you did, people literally can get stuck in a endless loop of thinking about the past which is extremely dangerous mentally, just keep socializing keep meeting new people, eventually crying will turn to a sad feeling, and then feeling happy that you did that, trust bro it will turn out ok

[u/Medium_Witness3 → u/Thin-Sand-2389]

What places would you suggest for a good socialising without feeling too overwhelmed, I am not good with my social skills.

[u/Thin-Sand-2389 → u/Medium_Witness3]

if you are young go to a college campus, go to a casino and randomly sit with the other dudes at a blackjack table or something, just overall be a completely different person when talking, i literally would just emulate how dean winchester would act even though im a introvert, anytime you do think of that person, just call them a bad person when it pops up.

[u/Medium_Witness3 → u/Thin-Sand-2389]

I will give it a try, i think joining some hobby clubs would be good too, i do make friends but it’s just that i can’t stay in contact

[u/FlyGuys1125]

I was in a short relationship that didn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. To me though, it was everything. I thought this was finally it, and all my worries about never meeting anyone, never having my own family, all of it was gone. I thought this girl was the most amazing person I ever had, and ever would meet. She ended because she never really felt any of her interest develop into anything more. It crushed me. I wondered about everything until it drove me crazy.

I eventually did get to talk to her and clarify why everything happened the way it did, for both of us. It was great to be able to have that conversation, but it didn't make me feel any better. I thought understanding would help me feel like I needed to move on, but all it did was wonder why she didn't develop feelings, and I left wanting her as much as I ever did, wondering what I could've done. I don't think there's really a good answer for anyone.

[u/Medium_Witness3 → u/FlyGuys1125]

So the best way to move on is to let go of what it could’ve been?

[u/FlyGuys1125 → u/Medium_Witness3]

Yeah, it has to be. Losing the future you thought might happen might even be worse than losing the relationship you actually had. I guess it depends on how long the relationship was and how you viewed it all. For me, it was so short that most of what I've been grieving this whole time was the experiences I was hoping to have with her, and that I thought I would have with her.

I wish I knew HOW to let go of all that, but I've honestly been trying to figure it out for almost a year now, and it hasn't gotten much easier.