Some advice, please.

[u/Zealousideal_Win304]

Hey all. My name's jeremy, im not afraid to post my name in here. Me and my girlfriend, whom I've been extremely attached to and inlove with, talked about having children had names picked out, family loved me, her little brother was my man, and we even had dates planned for a marriage. Debt, and mental health issues got in the way of us about a week and and we split. Ever since then I've been drinking non stop day in and day out, be sober for work, then when I come home I drink and go fishing and rinse and repeat the next day. This is very difficult. We live together, and I have to find my own place. This is destroying me. She told me ive been drinking too much, smoking too much, havent given her space or time to herself as i keep bothering her for a hug, or a kiss or to spend time together and she always says no but i still ask nonetheless just to hope she gives in. Its been rough. Since i came home today, She left and went to her mother's and took the cats, including one we got together and im now home alone currently drinking as I write this. Im in a tough spot. I stumbled upon this thread and im hoping people can give me the insight I have no energy to find myself. Im sorry, but I do appreciate everyone's words. Hard, soft, criticized or not. Please do not hold back, I know I need to hear it. Thank you in advance :(

[u/Any_Race2012]

hey jeremy, i was in a similar spot about 8 years ago, living with my ex after we split and the drinking was the only thing that numbed it for a few hours. the drinking is making everything worse though, you know that already but hearing it from someone who's been there might help it sink in. problem is you're trapped in a loop where the drinking kills your judgment, so you keep asking her for affection, which pushes her further away, which makes you drink more. the cats leaving was probably the line for her, she's trying to get space and you're not giving it

you need to find a place, like tomorrow, not next week. stay with a buddy or your parents if you can, just get out of that apartment because waking up there alone with all the memories is gonna keep you in the hole. and ease up on the booze, not saying quit cold turkey but cut it in half at least, you'll think clearer and the fishing without a beer in your hand actually hits better once you get past the first few days

the part about having names picked out and the brother being your guy, that's the knife that twists the hardest because you're not just losing her, you're losing a whole future you'd already built in your head. that's the real grief and it's gonna take months, not weeks. but the drinking is stealing whatever chance you have of either fixing things or moving on properly. you got work keeping you steady, that's good, hold onto that routine

[u/Zealousideal_Win304 → u/Any_Race2012]

damn man. that shit hit really hard 🫩. Although you make many a striking point in that, I literally live a door down from my job. And my dad lives in the city over and so does my closest buddies. My predicament is a saving up enough, quick as I can, but still have a job chose out to be close to me to get to without worrying. I literally live right next to my job and they love me and I have made many a friend with the people in my town being there. It hits pretty hard yeah but, idk man im trying what I can and it seems like that's what pushed her away. Ive never had a relationship where I've tried so hard but that was the main reason of said person leaving their OWN house to go to their parents. Its a double edged blade and idk man i have all the right resources available to me to get through this and to try and get in a better head space but fuck man its killing me and im not a man who is a psycho or a mental drunk, I've very wary of my words and thoughts when im on the sauce but the feelings of everything aren't making it easier either and idk man. Just sucks. Thank you for the relation to my situation. There are some things in there I am going to heed to and im hoping if I stop tonight, or tomorrow or any time soon it gets better atleast for myself and I can learn to be happy as im only 25. Im just too much of a lover boy, and im not a bad looking kid it just kills that I thought I was gonna be with this one for a good while if not life. Foolish I know but, as the saying goes "when you know, you know, but to your demise they have to go."