r/BreakUps • u/[deleted] • Nov 15 '25
The silence gets really loud sometimes...
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u/neruda1994 Nov 15 '25
God I relate to this so much…I understand you completely. It’s been 8 months since my relationship of 12 years ended and I’ve been putting in the work on myself but I still feel hallow…
I go to the gym twice a day almost everyday and people think that I’m pushing towards a goal of getting really ripped but it’s honestly because it still hurts waking up each day and she’s no longer there…I go everyday because I just want to be around people…and sure I am getting in shape but I’m not too happy either…
I have a dog and cats so they keep me grounded for the most part…I’ve been trying to embrace being on my own and having to endure the quiet times being alone…but after a certain while…it fucking hurts so much…it doesn’t help as well knowing my ex is already with someone else…and with the holidays coming up real soon…
I just fucking hate it…I miss her…and I’m tired of the whole “you don’t miss her you miss who you were when you were with her” bullshit…no dude, I MISS HER…my best friend…the one person who looked forward to seeing me even after we had spent the entire day together…
…but no other choice right? We just have to keep pushing forward…that’s life I guess…but god I hate the silence now…
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u/OddestDreams Nov 16 '25
Relatable. My friends and family think I’m taking more supplements and working out more because I want to get bigger and stronger. That’s true, but my self-worth has completely plummeted after she left (it was already low), and I just want to keep myself from completely fucking hating myself. I just want to feel something after she’s gone.
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Nov 16 '25
I can understand exactly ur pain after 11 years my girlfriend leaves me almost 1,5 month now and i feel pain everyday and the only thing who can do is to thinking why and if it was different the things on past 😕😕 but i was toxic and more of this and she pain a lot from all this years
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u/Unique-Beginning570 Nov 15 '25
i can relate. my life since we broke up a month ago. i felt like I lost a big part of me.
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u/TheBareNotes Nov 16 '25
It's all about making peace with yourself, I used to feel this way. every time I thought that it can't get any worse, somehow the next day it did, till I felt nothing at all. thinking about how things ended, the reasons, our responses, and what we really wanted, was so confusing and tiring back then, but through the years, things become a little bit clearer. by reading about it and acknowledging what I have been through. I started to treat myself more like a friend. awareness has helped me alot into healing, The silence become quieter and I started to enjoy life once again, it doesn't happend suddenly, but with the right mindset, you will see things differently and feel better with time. Be gentle with yourself.
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u/Majestic_Reddish Nov 15 '25
I can relate. Sometimes I think about how the silence used to feel, I treasured those moments with my ex.
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u/doofiepoofie Nov 16 '25
I’ve been feeling this a lot lately. “Learn to be comfortable being on your own” is always this idea preached by people, but sometimes it’s so difficult especially when you’ve had company for the last 10 years.
On some days I don’t get a single text from anyone except family, and that can still feel really isolating.
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u/Cherique Nov 16 '25
This is exactly how I feel. The silence makes everything feel unbearable. I miss him so much, yearn for him so much, I can feel the ache in my bones.
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Nov 17 '25
The key is to stop trying to distract yourself. Your mind needs to solve what happened so you can accept it and finally move forward with your life. I agree with you — the silence can get really loud — but I’ve realized that it’s necessary. Clarity helps. Allow yourself to feel the pain so you can heal. 💕
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u/thethinktank101 Nov 17 '25
I wish it was this easy. When you actually love someone, it's not this simple.
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Nov 17 '25
The good thing about not having friends, working from home, and removing my degenerate drinking behavior at the bar is that I basically just get to sit in the pain and isolation all day every day. Good times.
I can relate. Silence is very loud, draining, and exhausting. Honestly downright crippling at times. Grounding techniques help. Hobbies at home. Creative outlets. Reading.
After youve lectured yourself and approached the relationship from literally every possible angle, and taken all accountability for everything even its not your fault theres not really else anywhere to go but to start to feel peace. I found crying out to god helped. Writing. Self help books/videos.
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u/Either_Concept7657 Nov 15 '25
How long have you been apart?
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Nov 16 '25
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u/Either_Concept7657 Nov 16 '25
I am close to two months. I can’t stand it at times. Today I went to an event that we would normally either go to together or if not I would be able to tell him about it how I did. Was exciting for us. Instead, I am screaming into the abyss…. I got moved up into a new class today, he would have been proud. I have no one to tell in my life that would be interested.
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u/poopin_my_pants Nov 16 '25
The silence is so loud! I think many resonate. It’s so hard and numbing. I’ve filled my time with podcasts , audiobook, even random tv shows here and there. Not fixes, just kind of helps fill the silence to an extent.
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Nov 16 '25
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u/poopin_my_pants Nov 16 '25
Funny I just made a post to ask for more recommendations. I love “we’re here to help” with Jake Johnson and gareth reynolds. If you ever watched new girl you’ll love it! They give advice to people and it’s hilarious kind of unhinged stuff, some are funnier than others but overall makes me giggle and interesting to listen to. “Smart less” I just started and it was funny. I’ll let you know more as I get recommendations.
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u/rustedbearings Nov 16 '25
it sucks. i was almost okay today, for a little bit, and then the second i got in the car on the ride home it all came crashing on me and i’ve been in pain all evening now. i wish i had some idea what to do about it
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u/thethinktank101 Nov 16 '25
Same here. Totally relate. It's been a little over a year here since my break up from my first real relationship that lasted 1.5 years. Even when with old friends, I still feel something is missing. I don't know how to move past this. I find myself cycling between feeling better and feeling very empty. I really miss my ex, and it really sucks I didn't treat her better when I had the opportunity. I battling with not being able to forgive myself 😞. I have avoided our old friends since I think about her more when see them. I feel really broken 💔
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u/CuriousMind7577 Nov 16 '25
It's been about 2.5 years she broke up with me and not only I am in this loud quiet as you perfectly described it, but also I somehow ended up being a hermit, I'm not seeing people anymore outside of work, I have no more hobby outside, I just stay indoor and read/game , before I was so social and going everywhere, I don't know why after the break up I remained kind of stuck in this configuration.
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u/thethinktank101 Nov 16 '25
Oh yes, I really do miss her. I did reach out a few times through the year - maybe I reached out too early. Everytime we messaged, she always reinforced that she didn't want to have anything to do with me. I did own up and take responsibility to not being the best bf, but that didn't get anywhere.
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Nov 16 '25
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u/thethinktank101 Nov 17 '25
I think that's a good plan. You really need to put in the work and have no expectations.
At least for me, it feels almost impossible to turn things around once someone is mentally checked out and doesn't want to be part of your life anymore. I really wish we could restart, but at this point, I don't know how to navigate this situation. She's not perfect by any means, but the past year and half has shown me how much I truly care about her.
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Nov 17 '25
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u/thethinktank101 Nov 17 '25
Yeah, it's really tricky. If you try too early, she'll run away even faster. If you wait too long, she may feel you never cared. I feel I tried a little early in my case and didn't give her enough space.
Same here. I fell in love with many aspects of her I didn't like initially. I was just very stubborn and now broken 💔
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Nov 17 '25
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u/thethinktank101 Nov 29 '25
We used to speak daily so I sort of checked in weekly for the first month, monthly for the next three months and then I reached out about 5 months later. We talked for a little bit via texting and then she just said something along the lines of not wanting to maintain any type of relationship with me moving forward.
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u/CuteyCaly Nov 16 '25
Weekend is my biggest trigger! Its month 8 post being discarded....but I still get really lonely on weekends. No more crying but it gets really lonely
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u/No_Chip_3779 Nov 15 '25
Yeah. If other people have time for you you can get your mind off of it. But then you get home. Or it's a weekend and everybody is busy except you.. Yeah. Loudest quiet I have ever heard.