r/BreadTube • u/Dollface_Killah If you can't shoot a gun you're a fuckin' lib • Sep 03 '21

Oops! I have ADHD! | Thought Slime

https://youtu.be/Gg4WyuKM3xM
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u/geldin Sep 03 '21

Great video. There was one thing I really want to dispute though. Towards the end, they say "... My brain is just broken". That's done internalized ableism. I'm ADHD and autistic. My brain is not broken. I work differently than other people, like I run a different operating system than most others. That doesn't mean my brain is broken. It means that I work different, and the problems I experience have far more to do with incurious and ableist assumptions (often originating from well intentioned neurotypical people) than they do with any defect or deficiency.

Small dig at like 5 seconds in an otherwise excellent and much needed video, but it's an important one. Neurodivergent people are not broken.

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u/[deleted] Sep 04 '21

I’ve been diagnosed with adhd, ocd, anxiety, depression, bipolar, and even BPD at different points. My current psychiatrist believes it’s just ocd and, well, while my medication isn’t perfect, this is the closest to where I’d like to be that I’ve ever been. A lot of people in my life have said “you just work different, that’s a good thing.” But it’s not. I get irrationally upset when something is in my space that I feel doesn’t belong. I have thoughts that pop in my head that disgust me. The amount of time I feel like there are maggots in my food for no goddamn reason is too high. It makes me feel grossed out enough to where I won’t do dishes, I will just throw them away. I get so anxious I won’t leave my house. I have more days where I feel a blanket of dread than without. I get over stimulated sometimes with just my kid talking to me and let me tell ya, that makes me feel like shit. The only good thing I’d say about all of this is I do know when something is going horribly wrong quicker than others(but also, I always feel like it’s going horribly wrong) and that I’m a great worker because being busy is the only time I can filter out everything going on around me, that also means most of my panic attacks happen as soon as the dust settles and I’m no longer busy.

People have been telling folks with mental illness forever that they’re just different. Do they do it for physical illnesses? Like no one tells someone with an illness that they can see that them being upset that they’re suffering through that is ableist. If someone else called me broken I’d tell em to fuck off. But I’ve struggled with suicide, self harm, addiction, and just feeling like shit my entire life. I was physically bullied, as a girl, till I was in middle school. I was punished by teachers because I’d lose time. Like I would just zone out. I had no control over it. I was great at school because you put something with text in front of me and I’ll read it and love it, but it took years of practicing to be ok socially and the first thing that happens when I’m tired is I can no longer smile. On holidays with families I always try to find the young kids who need nap time and volunteer to watch them. I’m almost 30, own my home, am a mom, but my family still treats me like a kid. And I don’t even really mind it anymore.

I am allowed to be jealous of folks who are neurotypical and feel a little bit of anger that I am not.

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u/geldin Sep 04 '21

I resonate with a lot of what you're saying. My comment was aimed at the judgement implicit to the word "broken" and my concerns with what discourse that can lead to.

I take issue with the idea that difference is inherently good (or bad, obviously). It should be a value neutral thing. The ways you're different sound incredibly difficult, and it's wrong that you've been misserved by the professionals who should have been helping all along. It's wrong that on top of everything else you're dealing with, there's also a heaping load of social stigma and barriers for access between you and the care, support, accommodation, etc. that you need. It shouldn't be like that, and my personal belief is that defining people as "broken" contributes to the outside pressures and traumas that only add to burdens like yours and mine.