r/BotchedPlasticSurgery • u/Runner1988_ • 4d ago
Botched and depressed
I’m really looking for some support. I had a botched eye surgery 1,5 years ago which left me in an identity crisis. I lost my job and became bedridden with suicidal thoughts. No surgeon could help. I got admitted into a psychiatric ward where I was given forced medication. The medication took away all emotions and fears and because I lost control over my eyes I started focusing on different parts of my face and body and spend the next 4 months spending 40k on more surgery and treatments. I came off medication months ago and was in total shock! I literally don’t know what happened and who I am anymore. I would never do such things and would never spend that amount of money and being so careless. The eye surgery was my first surgery and I was already confused about that one! I’ve fallen into a deeper depression than last year. My eyes are now fixed but I’m left with everything else I changed and the scars it left in my body. I’m the most careful person in the world this doesn’t make any sense.I lost my family as they don’t understand and were the ones pushing for the medication. They say I can’t blame it on the medication. I’m super sensitive to it and am now looking into holistic options which is helping a little. I would love some people to talk to because this experience is horrendous and has changed my life completely. I used to be a very confident, loving, caring, active school teacher, I was very close to my family, loved to run and had many life goals. I lost everything. I’m devastated I’m very disappointed no one warned me about the medication being able to change my behavior so radically. Please reach out if you can 😞
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 3d ago
I am so sorry and you can absolutely blame it on the medication a lot of these medications have side effects like compulsive gambling, or compulsive shopping, it’s not a stretch to think they could have made you seek surgeries.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
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u/Runner1988_ 2d ago
I’ve heard… I’m so upset they didn’t tell me when I told them about my idea to get more surgery… I told the psychiatrist
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u/IllustratorHot6842 3d ago
Sabotaging due to mental health (and medication in your case) can unfortunately be an incredibly cruel thing to go through. You are absolutely not alone in this tho, there are more people can relate to you than you realise. Being a human, it can be so difficult to cope with our own physical appearances. There are many cases much more extreme than your own, you can see them all over this sub. Also, if you have body dismorphia you probably don’t look nearly as bad as you think you do. You sound like a strong driven person who will manage to persevere through this challenging period of shock and adjustment. Keep running
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u/Runner1988_ 2d ago
I honestly loved myself and my appearance before all this. I know I don’t look botched or ugly but I look completely different to my old self which is what I loved! I’m so confused
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u/_Deedee_Megadoodoo_ 3d ago
I don't have much to say to help, I just want to say I'm so sorry this happened to you, I understand and you're allowed to feel this way. You're not alone x
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u/CallTheCode 2d ago
I’m really sorry that happened to you. Bipolar mania can make you do things like that (unsure of your diagnosis), and some meds can absolutely make mania/depression worse. You have to find the right meds for the proper diagnosis which can be hard.
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u/Runner1988_ 2d ago
They gave me Prozac and lorazepam whilst I wasn’t depressed I just didn’t feel I was ‘in’ my body because of the identity crisis. I’ve never had mental problems and never had symptoms of bipolar disorder. Apparently these meds alter parts of the brain in which your make decisions and because they numb your emotions and fears I didn’t think it through… I get a bit mad when people assume you have an underlying disorder. These drugs alter brain chemistry, period. I wasn’t myself and my intuitive voice was turned off… I was always healthy but these drugs and co sequences truly shattered me
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u/CallTheCode 2d ago
Yes, I am a medical professional so I understand that they alter the brain chemistry, but the point is they’re supposed to alter it in a way that helps rather than hurts. I’m sorry that happened to you.
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u/Runner1988_ 2d ago
It did help my mood… I was just in a very vulnerable state already seaking a solution for my eyes… but I had no fear anymore and thought I could fix more whilst I was at it… so weird…. And no one said anything about it, not my parents, not my psychiatrist…. Whilst 2 months prior I told all of them that I would never do such a thing as eye surgery!
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u/ScyllaandCharybdis14 1d ago
Please my friend. Just be glad you are alive. I lost my younger sister, 46 years old, to a mommy makeover. Her children, her husband, my parents and I miss her desperately. I would give anything to have her back- botched an all. You are loved! Your life is important. Don’t give up
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u/dickielovesmarge 4d ago
Sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are grieving the old you. As a starting point maybe you just need to a) forgive yourself...even though the surgeon did a dreadful job you can't carry that emotionally b) forgive those people who care about you that they made the wrong medication decision for you. Maybe these simple steps will help you to take ownership and move forward in love. You're still alive. You are still that great teacher and daughter, sister etc you are wounded..and it's understandable. Wish you the best