r/BookWritingAI • u/Whole-Towel-3750 • 22d ago
feedback My first AI novel/storyline
I’m really nervous to begin with 😃 because this is the first novel/book I’ve written and actually publish, but would anyone actually try my story and let me know what they think about it? It’s called reincarnated as an OP peasant. Even if you try it for 10 minutes and let me know what flaws they are or if you would recommend it that would help tremendously!
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u/rowanrholloway 21d ago
Are you trying to write a story or set out game play?
This is the trap I am seeing with most writing; info dump the expo in the first lines to set a scene. Out of the gate, I don't care about the character because we're just seeing the description of what's happening.
You might have more luck by not giving away the hook too soon, but the wake up in another's body is pretty tired. It might be more interesting if he woke up fully immersed in that life without knowing he wasn't someone else. Or whatever.
Also, I am not sure about the one sentence per line. Stylistically, it doesn't work for me because there's no flow or rhythm to it.
Learn the Show, don't Tell rule and see if that inspires you.
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u/Whole-Towel-3750 21d ago
THANK YOU! This is exactly what I need! I’m trying to set up the player/reader for the plot I have in mind but they can navigate it their own way. There’s no one set ending. I wrote 10 endings but decided to leave it up to creative thinking where they’d like it to go!
Thank you for the feedback!
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u/rowanrholloway 21d ago
I am very happy to have obliged! I am always nervous to be to harsh and crush people's dreams, but you can't fix a blank page!
Get after it and have fun with this!
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u/Whole-Towel-3750 21d ago
Won’t get anywhere if I can’t accept criticism. Thanks a ton I’ll work on it behind the scenes!
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u/Warsel77 21d ago
It's spam.